Why Is Game So Hard

Posted: September 16, 2014 in Uncategorized

In my last post I talked about what type of success rates PUAs are actually achieving. There’s more I wanted to say on the topics of success rates, but I didn’t think it really fit into the previous article. I will now put down in words my remaining thoughts on this topic.

When most guys hear the (truthful) success rates of ‘professional’ PUAs who cold approach girls more attractive than them, they are often shocked at how low they seem. They imagined all these guys were, at the very least, getting success rates of 10 : 1 (10 approaches to get 1 lay). I honestly believe that this is very far off the mark. This belief stems from spending 5 years approaching girls, watching pickup videos by ‘pro’ PUAs and meeting / sarging with PUAs of all abilities ranging from socially retarded noobs, through average guys with a bit of game, up to guys who make a living teaching game. There are guys out there who get laid, alot. The big but that follows this is that they have to approach a hell of a lot of girls to achieve this.

I’ve heard many guys online saying they have a 20% success rate, or they know a guy who’s amazing at game that gets virtually every girl. I’ve never seen any evidence of this. I’m not saying it’s true, but I think it’s highly unlikely if the guy is fucking hotter girls and is approaching cold.

Take the video below for example.

It looks amazing, right? Tyler from RSD kcloses a load of girls, acts all cocky with them, picks them up off the ground, makes really bold approaches and is seen leaving venues with them, apparently for sex. Surely, this is proof positive that guys can have a high success rate when picking up girls who are hotter than them? No. What you have to bear in mind is that this is basically a highlight reel taken from over a year’s worth of filming. It’s probably some of the best parts of 100 nights out sarging. When coupled with the fact that he probably didn’t fuck all of the girls shown on the video, you can see that he’s probably opening a lot of sets to get the results he’s getting. I will just add a sidenote here that I do like Tyler’s stuff, and I’m not implying he lies to or misleads guys. He always states himself he has to approach a lot of girls to get enough momentum to do what he does. I plan to attend an RSD hotseat next year.

My point is that these super high mPUA success rates don’t really exist outside of the marketing material in which they are touted. Sorry to shatter your illusions, but if you’re an average guy you’re really going to have to approach quite a high number of hot women to lay any.

So why is it the case that even great PUAs have such ‘low’ success rates? It’s because getting girls who barely know you and who are better looking than you to want to have casual sex with you is hard. Really fucking hard. Why is this the case?

It’s simple economics. I’m not going to deleve into the biological / evolutionary driving forces here, but rather just take a look at the end result and what it means in terms of how hard it is to fuck girls more attractive than you. Imagine that casual sex is a commodity like any other (and before you get whinny about this, bare in mind it is possible to buy casual sex for cash, so there you go). This would make the dating scene a sexual market place. In a given market place, what factor has the biggest influence on price? Supply and demand. Low supply and high demand = high prices. High supply and low demand = low prices.

Lets look at the demand for casual sex partners from the point of view of each of the sexes. To make things clearer we’ll use a busy nightclub on a Saturday night as a microcosm of the world at large.

Supply of male partners for casual sex: Very high as a percentage of all the men in the club. Lets face it. Most men in a club would like to fuck a new girl that night.

Supply of female sexual partners: Very low. Despite what some optimistic people may think, a very small percentage of women in the club want to fuck a new man that night, or even on another night after a date with him. A girl’s physical urges for casual sex are less frequent than a man’s. People may say, “But women like sex as much, if not more than men!”. I agree. But whereas man are much more inclined to have sex with lots of different women, women want sex lots of times but with the same man each time. I’m not saying women are all innocent little virgins and never do dirty stuff. I know they do. They often do it with me. Girls have their R-Selected moments, but they’re rare. The point is that their inclination towards casual sex is lower than a man’s. Far lower. Anyone who denies this denies plainly observable reality.

This all means that when you as a PUA go looking for sex, offering your own sex in return, you’re essentially offering to trade something that is in high supply for something which is in low supply. The market’s going to resist that, and that’s what makes game hard. When half the world is selling TVs, cornering a disproportionately large share of the TV market is no easy task. That’s what a successful PUA has to do.

How do you measure success? Fighters have their wins – losses – draws. Powerlifters have their totals. Sprinters have their best time for a given distance. What about PUAs? PUAs have their open : fclose ratio.

I’m first going to talk about what type of success ratio guys actually seem to obtain, from ‘professional’ PUAs down to normal guys who just go out at the weekends. I’ll then go on to show you why comparing success rates is basically bullshit.

There is one piece of bullshit I have to address before proceeding. If memory serves me rightly Mystery (or maybe Neil Strauss) once said of success rates that an mPUA could open 5 girls and get 5 girlfriends as a result. I’ve seen people quote this on forums as what is possible if you get “really good at game”. This is bullshit. I’m not going to do a detailed breakdown of why I think this. That would be a waste of time; that figure is so obviously impossible.

Lets look at me. I don’t record stats apart from number of lays, so this is one huge stab in the dark. I’d estimate that from cold approach game in bars and clubs my open : fclose ration is somewhere around 30:1 to 40:1. Quite a range, I know, It’s really hard to say without keeping stats. I’ve gone through periods where I seem to be getting laid every other weekend while opening maybe 10 girls I week, but on the flip side I’ve has times where I’ve opened 40 – 50 girls in a few weeks and not got laid. Hard to see through the variance without recording how many girls I actually open. Accuracy aside, I think it’s a figure that shows it’s not really easy for me to get laid. There’s a high luck factor their. At the same time I’m not hopeless. I can get laid fairly regularly if  I put the effort in. Also bare in mind I’m only talking full vaginal or anal sex her. If I included hand jobs and blow jobs the stats would be pretty good, but still not amazing.

Let’s look at some of the pros. Both Tom Torero and Nick Krauser have helpfully posted their 2013 stats for the world to see. If you want the details, check out the links. The summary is that they both have a open : lay ratio of around 30-40 : 1. Roughly the same as myself. Does this mean I as good at game as two well known PUAs who have written books and taught bootcamps on the subject? In a word, no. The explanation of this makes a nice segway into the second part of the post. Success rates don’t mean much on their own, and cannot be easily compared.

The difficulty of fucking a given girl off a cold approach is mainly determined by how physically attractive she is in comparison to how physically attractive you are. Yes, there are other factors, but this is the headline. For the “looks don’t matter” brigade, please note I’m not saying that looks are everything. it’s simply that the better looking the girl is compared to you, the more game you need.

I would say there are the following levels when it comes to fucking girls regularly:

Girls more than a point below you: If you can’t fuck these girls regularly, you haven’t just got no game, but you are doing something weird to actively make them run away. I mean like trying to extract for sex by saying, “Come back to my place. I keep my dead mother’s head in a jar, you can see it! It talks to me sometimes. At night”.

Girls a point below you: You’d think you’d need no game, but you do need some. Just basic escalate and don’t fuck up game, but you can’t be a chode. Girls are hypergamous so they feel entitled to guys at lease a point better than them by default. If your value drops due to messing up an obvious shit test she through at you, or if any neediness comes through, you could loose the lay. There are just too many men who are regularly willing to gladly fuck a point below them that you do have to bring some game.

Girls at your level: You may think you need just the merest hint of game to get these girls. The truth is that girls at your own level of looks will regularly get opportunities to fuck guys better looking than you. As such, you need fairly solid, but certainly not perfect game to get these girls.

Girls a point hotter than you: You need solid game (or some other type of value adding edge, like status within a given group). Bare in mind we’re talking about casual sex her. You’re not offering a relationship, just sex with a guy worse looking than she is. An impossible sell without strong charisma.

Girls more than a point hotter than you: I’m sure it’s not impossible, but very very hard though. If you’re regularly smashing these girls your game is amazing. Or you’re famous.

This then is the explanation of my success rate when compared to some very good PUAs. I’m younger than them and yet on average fuck women less attractive than them,

Looks aren’t the only thing that bares consideration when looking at success rates. There are various different ways to go about playing the game. Each has it’s own advantages and disadvantages. The two methods that will lead to the greatest disparity in success rate are approaching only off IOIs vs cold approaching the girls you want.

Approaching off IOIs alone goes like this. The player will wander around a large nightclub. He will pass by or stand near girls he likes and make a blatant attempt to get eye contact with them. If they reciprocate, he will approach. If not he’ll move on. In addition to this he’ll keep one eye open for any girls that meet his minimum attractiveness standard who may be giving him IOIS (proximity, eye contact). If he gets any IOIS he’ll approach. If he can’t get an IOI all night, he’ll either not approach at all, or resort to scanning for girls who are giving off general DTF signals, even if they aren’t aimed specifically at him.

In contrast to this, there is pure cold approach. This method sees our bold player approaching any girls he finds attractive, regardless of whether they’re giving off IOIs or DTF signals or not. He doesn’t wait for the green light, he goes for what he wants. At first this method may seem inferior to waiting for IOIs, but it has many advantages over it. There are many girls out there who don’t IOI you but who will fuck you if you approach them and game them correctly. They’ll just be more challenging than the girls who do provide you with the approach invitations. This means two things. Firstly, the guy who takes the harder path will almost certainly develop much better game in the long run. While the other guy finds himself gaming only easier yes girls, he will find himself gaming the harder to get maybe girls. Since the hottest fire forges the strongest steel, this leads to a greater ability in the long run. Secondly, although the cold approacher will experience a lower success rate as defined by the approach : lay ratio, he’ll probably achieve a far higher absolute success rate, as measured by total lays. Surely this is better? I know I for one care more about how many new women I get to see naked and fuck than the number of approaches it took make to get them. Don’t get me wrong, getting a better ratio is a very good thing, but not if it comes at the expense of quantity. Finally, since the girls at the top of your potential range will virtually always be maybe girls, the cold approach should see higher quality results.

The difference in success rate of the IOI approacher, and guys who approach women less attractive then them can be huge. Have you ever heard a guy saying he’s got a 10 : 1 success rate? This is obviously far better than the Torero / Krauser 40 : 1. Yet if a guy who is an 8/10 and who only does IOI based approaches on 7s and the occasional 8, he’ll easily get 10 : 1 success rate with maybe only moderate game. If however you’re a 6 approaching 7s / 8s cold, then it’s going to go down dramatically. A 6 with very little game cold approaching girls hotter than him will have an absurdly bad ratio.

Next time you hear people discussing success rates online, realise that it’s bollocks, as this magic number tells you very little.


Your Labour Is Rarely Wasted

Posted: August 27, 2014 in Uncategorized

I’ve found my game on a bit of a down swing of late. I have got no new notches in the past 6 weeks, only a couple of hand jobs. The three previous lays before that weren’t proper ‘game’ lays. They were things like four somes set up by my fuck buddy and from going to a sex club. It must have been around 10 weeks since I last legitimately gamed a girl into my bed.

In addition to this I haven’t been doing much online game or night game. I’ve been focusing almost completely on (failing at) daygame. I decided it was time to get laid again so in the past couple of weeks I’ve been on some Tinder dates and gone out a couple of times in the night. My game truly sucked.

It’s not like I’ve reverted back to my pre game self, but I’m significantly worse at everything than I was last year. My general conversational and social skills are stifled. My teasing is virtually non existent. My body language is less dominant. I move meekly through the club as opposed to being the lion sauntering through the savanna. Girls lead the conversation, and I’m shy to make my intentions known and go after the girl I want, content to just do the social chatting thing to the group. That’s the biggest thing I lack. The r-selected vibe, or the killer instinct as Good Looking Loser puts it. That last one’s a biggie. It’s often all the makes the difference between going home with the girl or going home to wank off to pornhub. The long and short of it is that I’ve let girls I feel I should have fucked slip through my fingers.

This dip made me doubt myself and all of the progress I have made thus far. Is my inner game really so weak that I could have regressed to a chode within a couple of months? I then realized, that although my inner game certainly needs a lot of work, this is an outer game problem. I’m simply out of practise. The knife is blunt.

This got me thinking about everything I had been doing during the times I was doing really well at game. At all the labour and practise that went in to being good. I looked at what I was doing in times leading up to great success that I wasn’t doing now.

For example. This year I’ve massively cut back on my socialising. Last year I was going out a lot to meet new people by going to social networking events. This year I haven’t. I told myself I hadn’t met many long term friends out of it. I was an introvert and so shouldn’t socialise much. I decided my time was wasted at such events, and as such I stopped going. Also recently I have not been approaching much or going on many dates, due to the fact I’ve almost completely cut out the online and night game.

The result of all this is where I am now. It suddenly dawned on my just how important all that time ‘wasted’ at social networking events was. Although I could see no direct positive result from it, the results became conspicuous by their absence when I stopped going. I now lack social skills and charisma that was slowly, but surely being built by attending these events.

I quickly realised that I obviously need to start attending these events again, in order to keep the knife sharp. The revelation went beyond this though. I realised that there have been so many things I have done that have seen like wasted labour to me, but looking back they were all honing my skills and keeping the knife sharp.

Many of the things you’re doing now to improve your game may seem fruitless if you aren’t getting results. Although I don’t object to someone dropping what is useless in the pursuit of something that gets results, I think applied effort in an endeavour is rarely wasted, even when people see little in the way of immediate results. Here are some things that you may do at the moment to improve your game, but at the moment think they amount to wasted time:

Going on day2s that don’t lead to sex or future dates Worst case scenario is that this is a learning experience of how not to do a day2. Your failure can give you clues on how to go wrong. The date is a great time to practise many parts of game: story telling, frame control, teasing, escalation. It’s a bit like a sparing match you didn’t win; you still need to do it for the practise.

Opening sets and getting blown out a lot This is how my daygame was going until quite recently. I could get 5 insta blow outs in a row. It seemed pointless at times, but it taught me how not to open sets during the day and I improved.

Getting flaky numbers Very frustrating, but teaches you an important lesson. Numbers on their own are worthless. You need to learn how to cultivate a girls intent to meet you again. Again a learning experience. It also creates the habit of closing girls you talk to.

Going out socialising when you don’t feel like it This is a big one for introverts like myself. Socialising can leave us drained and feeling like we got nothing out of it. In reality it helps us practise our social skills and state control. If you go out socialising twice per week compared to once per month, over the course of a year the difference in your game will be huge.

Next time doing that extra set or going to that friends party feels useless, remember, your efforts won’t be wasted even if you don’t see an immediate reward.

My Daygame Sticking Points

Posted: August 19, 2014 in Uncategorized

My daygame progress is slow, but I have finally reached a milestone. As you may recall from previous posts my main problem thus far has been approach anxiety. I had only been opening a few sets a session because of it. Recently this has changed, thanks mainly to BodiPua who gave me some advice on how to overcome it. The advice given was much the same as can be found in his post ‘The Poison Pill’. The crux is that for a beginner the first few sets (at least) of any session are hell. They shatter your nerves and generally go badly. This means that if an approach session only consists of a few sets, the newbie will be left with only negative reference experiences of daygame. This means that one should do longer sessions, with at least around 10 sets. This gives enough time to get warmed up, and the volume is sufficient to allow the budding PUA to experience at least some good sets each session. He can then go away from the session with the positive reference experiences which will allow the gradual reduction of approach anxiety.

The approach I actually used was to give myself a time limit within which an approach must be performed. As soon as I’d arrive at Oxford Street a 20 minute countdown would begin. If I did not approach within that 20 minutes I had to turn around and go home. After my first approach the timer would start again, and so on, with a break once every 2 – 3 approaches. I did run out of time on at least a few occasions after doing either one or no approaches. There is a mental hack at work when this happens. You feel as though you haven’t given up and decided to go home, yet rather you were robbed of opportunities to approach by the clock. I find this triggers a fear of loss, which has always motivated me far more than the anticipation of success. If I only have a couple of minutes left on the clock within which to approach, I now feel a fear which drives me to do the approach so I can continue the session.

I have broken double figures in all of the sessions I have done in the past month. Despite this I’m still not regularly getting dates, or even numbers. In order to discover my current sticking points I once again purchased a one on one with Gaydame. The great thing about daygame which is harder to accomplish than in nightgame is that a coach can wire you up and listen in on your sets, and record them for latter review. This leads to very accurate feedback. So I got mic’d up and headed into the field with my tutor. The result is that I now have a list of things I need to work on. To understand this, you need a rough idea of what the street stop portion of the London Daygame Model consists of. Here it is:

  1. Approach and kill momentum.
  2. If she doesn’t hook from just your opening, assumption stack until something hooks her.
  3. Vibe (banter) with her. Be upbeat, with a little teasing thrown in. Make the conversation mostly about her.
  4. As she invests more into the interaction, you tone everything down. Talk less, monotone vocal expression, less facial expressions. She invests even more in an attempt to fill the void.
  5. Commit her to a date, take her number.

With this in mind, my coach identified that I need to work on the following:

  1. Stop talking over the girl. I have a bad habit of getting overly enthusiastic when a set goes well, and as I result I often cut a girl of mid sentence. This stops me attaining point 4 of the model (getting her to invest), and also means I actually end up doing more work than I need to.
  2. Not leaving pauses in conversation. A man with confidence leaves many pauses in conversation. Not pausing also gets in the way of lettin the girl invest.
  3. Talking about myself too much, not enough about her.
  4. When they start asking unsolicited questions about me she is starting to invest in the interaction, and I need to dial down my responses, all the way to the point where I’m giving one word answers. This flips the script, with her doing most of the investment in the interaction instead of me.
  5. Being too fact based with the conversation. The conversation should be a way to communicate emotionally with the girl (from my masculine core, I’m sure Krauser would say), rather than just being an exchange of factual information. As I listened back to one of my sets on an MP3 player, I realised the conversation could have been two girls talking. The conversation was plutonic, devoid of masculine polarity on my part. To solve this I should inflame the girl’s emotions. Create a role for her, put her in it and then play around with it, Imagine the conversation is a canvas, and paint and exciting caricature on it of how I think her life / personality must be. An example of this would be one that Krauser often gives of talking to a Siberian girl , “So you live in a little wooden cabin in the deserted Siberian mountains. Every morning you have to go out to collect firewood so you can stay warm at night, but you have to be careful not to end u breakfast for one of the many hungry bears who live in the area”.

I’ve put these points in order of how hard I believe they are to achieve. The 5th is certainly quite hard. It requires imagination and a lot of thinking on my feet, as well as strong verbal skills which are certainly not my forte. I’ll tackle the points in the order shown, easiest first. I will make it my purpose over the next couple of weeks to tackle points 1 and 2.

Epic Fail

Posted: July 21, 2014 in Uncategorized

A while back a set a goal for the second quarter of 2014. This was part of my drive to achieve all of my 2014 goals. The goal to be completed by the end of June was to fuck a girl from daygame. As you may have gathered from the title of this post, I failed.

So why did I fail? I pretty much stuck to the sarging schedule I laid out, apart from the last month where I ran into some issues and tried some new things. The thing is I just so rarely open when I’m out sarging. I aimed to approach around 180 women, and ended up approaching only 60. From that I got a grand total of one instadate, a phone number, and 0 day2s. It’s almost laughably bad.

It all comes down to anxiety. I’ve always been quite a nervous person, and suffered from extreme AA for my first couple of years in nightgame. I though after conquering nightgame (at least to some extent), I’d face only a few teething troubles when starting daygame, then I’d soon be smashing hot young tourists I met wandering down Oxford Street with gleeful abandon. Turns out those few teething problems where a major road block, and as of yet, no tourists, young nor hot or otherwise, have been smashed.

The biggest blow to me isn’t that I haven’t achieved my goal. It’s that I now feel like game hasn’t given me the deep personality transformation I thought it had. I thought I had gained a lot of self esteem, but now I feel that I’ve just got more confident at approaching girls in clubs and escalating on dates. People talk about confidence like it’s the ultimate attribute a man can posses. In reality confidence is very situational. You feel confident within situations in which you are competent. Self esteem is the real goal. Self esteem is portable. It’s always with you and allows you to very quickly gain confidence in new situations. How to get it? Fuck knows.

At the moment I feel almost as if I’ve regressed to my pre game state of being. In an attempt to crack daygame I’ve started to remove everything I consider and impediment to it, everything that is part of my comfort zone, in order to spur me to action. So I don’t nightgame anymore. I don’t do online game. I’m slowly phasing out girls I’ve been seeing. When coupled with the fact I’m barely doing any daygame sets the result has been bad. I’m not seeing my wings any more. I’m not interacting with girls much. I’m spending more and more time alone. I’m very heavily introverted, so the result of this has been sinking into a state of heavily disinterested misanthropy. Even short conversations feel like a chore to me now. When coupled with my extreme AA, you can imagine how bad my vibe is when I actually do approach girls on the street. It’s no wonder I’ve got nothing out of my 60 sets.

With all of this I’m also very concious of the fact that as of last month I’m also a year older. At 32 I’m hardly past it yet, but unlike being 22 I don’t have the luxury of wasting any time. I need to crack this very soon or I miss my window.

I think cracking daygame is certainly possible for me. I’m just not sure I’m willing to spend 3 years on it. That was how long it took me to get decent in clubs, and right now it feels like I’ll have to do that all over again for daygame. If I don’t, I don’t think I’ll reach my full potential at game. I really feel that daygame will imbue me with some attributes I’m still missing, and push me over the threshold to the point where I’m fucking not just decent girls, but hot girls.

I’ve decided to do just one long day game session a week. I’ll spend up to 7 hours daygaming on either Saturday or Sunday. This gives me enough time to open lots of sets and take the poison pill.

Here’s a run down of progress on all of my other goals this year and how they’re progressing:

Sleep with 20 new girls

16 down, 4 to go. With over 5 months left of the year, this is coming along well.

Get my first day game lay

Still a long way to go. Having said that I think I had a possible SDL on my hands this week, but it went tits up. Going to force myself to open more sets and target 6s and some 7s to get the lay.
Fuck my first HB8+

I got a hand job in an allyway on a day 2 with an HB8 this week. This is the closet by far I have got to fucking a girl I’d classify as hot. She seemed really keen on a second date, and from her texts she was not far off asking for sex. Then she cancels our second date when I text her the morning of the date to confirm. Got a feeling I won’t see her again. She’s Muslim (Turkish), so maybe the escalation was all too much, too soon.
Save £2,500

Although I’ve only managed around £800 so far, that’s significant given that I’ve never saved money in my life before. In addition to this, I have joined my companies on call scheme. It means I’ll get an extra £500 gross every 6 weeks. After tax this will mean about £1800 by the end of the year. This cash is excess to my requirements and will easily be saved. This alone will allow me to hit this figure.
Visit Japan

Given up on this. It’s too incompatible with the point above. I went to Wales instead. Ha.
Get my front end development skills up to senior level

I’ve decided to focus more on Javascript development than front end in general. I think this goal was to vague, it’s hard to say when I’m done. So far I have done a moderate amount of work towards it, but I think I need to double my efforts on this in order to really count the goal as fulfilled. Ultimately, if my skills / example code is good enough to get the type of job I want early next year, then I’ve nailed this.

The Intermediate’s Trap

Posted: June 4, 2014 in Uncategorized

I’ve met many aspiring players over the years and have noticed a pattern in their development which I think of as the intermediate’s trap. The pattern goes like this:

  1. A guys is full on blue pill. He realises he sucks with women, and spends a lot of time being involuntarily celibate.
  2. The guy discovers game.
  3. Since the guy doesn’t get laid regularly, his physical and self esteem needs drive him to go out into the field and learn game. Progress is slow and littered with painful rejections and mini ego deaths. The desire to get laid and to be able to think of himself as the type of guy who’s good with women pushes him through the pain barrier.
  4. He gets some success. Enough to spur him on but not enough to sait his appetite. He pushes on and keeps improving.
  5. Occasional success becomes fairly regular.
  6. Our wannabe is now an intermediate player. He lays one girl every 1 – 2 months, giving him the same amount of sexual success in a year as some guys have in a lifetime. The girls he fucks range from being 1 point lower than him in looks, up to the same level. He rarely, if ever fucks girls more physically attractive than him. Despite racking up decent numbers, he has to put a lot if time and effort in per lay.
  7. His progress now flatlines. He remains at intermediate level permanently. He will never fuck the really hot girls, or fuck huge numbers in one year, or regularly get lays without putting in hours and hours of sarging. He has fallen into the intermediate’s trap.

After failing completely and giving up, this is the second most common outcome for a guy starting out in game. I’d say 85% guys fail, 13% become intermediates, 2% become truly great at it.

How does this happen? Our man went through what looks to be the hardest stage. This is the fiery crucible of regularly cold approaching girls for the first time. He kept going when for months he could barely even get a girl to have a 5 minute conversation with him. He kept going when virtually every number he took flaked. He kept going when he’d get girls out on dates, only to never here from them again after that. If he could keep going through all of this, then how does he manage to get stuck in such a rut later on?

The answer is two fold: a decline in motivation, and diminishing returns on effort.

When our guy first started out motivation was easy to come by. He’s faced with the option of either being successful at learning game, or being able to count the number of girls he’ll sleep with in the remaining 60 years of his life on the fingers of one hand. The choice between sexless loser and guy that gets the girl is an easy one that provides a lot of motivation. He keeps going at learning game because it’s the only option that provides him with any hope of a happy life. People say women won’t bring a man happiness. While this is true, I’d counter that by saying a man who isn’t regularly getting laid will be incapable of being happy. Pussy is high enough up on a man’s hierarchy of needs that it is a prerequisite of happiness.

Once he’s an intermediate, he then needs to be motivated to go from a good, above average sex life to one so amazing that he could write a book about it. While it’s easy to be motivated to go from terrible to good enough, it’s very hard to be motivated to go from good enough to amazing. This is because good enough is, well, good enough. There’s a huge leap in terms of self esteem and happiness to be gained by going from getting laid once every two years with a fatty to getting laid once every 6 weeks with an average girl. There’s a small gain in happiness and ego to be had by going from getting laid once every 6 weeks with an average girl to getting laid every other week with a hot girl. On paper getting laid that regularly with a hot girl seems like a huge motivational factor. In reality, once you’re regularly getting laid it’s much less of an issue. Your needs are being fulfilled so your drive declines. If you were to pay 100 people £100k a year for the rest of their lives (inflation adjusted…) what percentage of those people would carry on working and use that money to go on to become multi millionaires by building a business or wise investing? My guess would be well under 10%. These people have a good enough income for the rest of their days, and this will their drive to do better.

Then there are the diminishing returns on effort associated with going from intermediate to advanced. Notice earlier how I said when getting started the guy went through what “looks like” the hardest part. Those words were carefully chosen to express my belief that the better you get at game the harder it gets to improve. This is the same with most skills. When you start off at game it’s really obvious what you need to work on. Once you’re an intermediate it becomes much harder to work out what differentiates the advanced guys from you. Progress is slow, and often seems impossible.

I’m currently stuck in the intermediate’s trap. I want to get out, but my motivation for doing so is flagging. I have nowhere near the burning desire I had 5 years ago. But part of me really wants it. I see the hot girls and yearn to fuck them. So I’ll forge ahead.

Since I’m still stuck in the intermediate’s trap I may not be the best person to instruct others on how to get out of it, but here is a list of things I’m going to try:

  1. Actively harbour unhappiness at your current level of achievement. Compare the girls you fuck to the hot ones you see around, and notice how much better the hotter girls look. Let this make you unhappy, feel like you’re missing out. See guys who look no better than you with hot girls and get jealous and angry. Many of the emotions that mainstream society teaches us are negative are actually powerful motivators when harnessed correctly.
  2. Set goals which are just about realistic, but will stretch you. Put plans in place detailing how you intend to reach your goals. You may not stick to these 100%, but with out goals all you have dreams, and dreamers never achieve much.
  3. Become obsessed with getting better at game.
  4. Go back to basics. All the stuff you thought you’d mastered: Body language, conversational skills, push pull, text game, eye contact, vocal pace and tonality, fashion, fitness. There will be plenty of things which you no longer actively work on but could massively improve. I thought I spoke in an attractive way, but then I recently heard a recording of myself in set. I compared it to listening to the audio of a date with Tom Torero. Turns out I don’t sound nearly as much like an attractive man as I thought. Plenty to work on.
  5. Bring in professional help. A professional game coach may be able to help you work on your flaws and progress. Good one’s are hard to find, especially if you’re looking to move from intermediate to advanced. Caveat emptor.
  6. Do a physical, mental and lifestyle audit. Take stock of where you are in terms of life, personality, physical form and success. Measure this against where you want to be (not where society expects a man of your age should be). If you do this right all of your insecurities should start to come out of the woodwork at this point. There’s a huge risk here that your ego will create blind spots to cover up your biggest flaws. This process should help you work out what you need to do next.
  7. Write field reports. This isn’t so much for you to get advice from the internets on where you’re going wrong. It’s more about the fact that you think about things in a different way when you write them down as opposed to just in your head. You may spot some patterns you’ve been missing.
  8. Realise that you don’t know shit. Thinking that you’re already good at game will blind you to obvious weaknesses. It will stop you trying things you’ve dismissed as unnecessary.
  9. Keep pushing your comfort zones. Many noobs go on about pushing their comfort zones. Intermediate guys think that this doesn’t apply to them because they’ve been their and done that. In reality their success is just blinding them to the fact that they’re just in a slightly bigger comfort zone than the noob. They’ll only approach certain girls, in certain environment, and only use a certain set of techniques. Get used to being scared again by trying out new things. For me this means daygame, which still terrifies me.
  10. Start aiming higher. If you want to fuck hotter girls, you need to open lots of hotter girls.

Going from intermediate to advanced won’t be a quick thing. You’re not going to be an intermediate one day, then work at it for a while, then suddenly you hit the next level. It’s a gradual thing. You start getting girls slightly more often. Their quality increases. Not from 7s to 10s overnight, but maybe 7s to 7.5s one year, then to 8s and so on. If you stay the course you’ll just wake up one day realising you’re so much better than you were two years ago. And we are talking years rather than months. That’s the timescale for excellence.

I’ve written before how my aim in the second quarter of the year is to bang a girl from daygame. I still have around 5 weeks left, but given my progress so far it’s very unlikely I’m going to make it.

The main reason for this is I haven’t really thrown myself into it, heart and soul. I go out fairly regularly, but lack the drive to overcome my high levels of approach anxiety. Recently I read a post on Danger & Play about how you should become obsessed over your goal in order to achieve it. This resonated with me, as it brought back memories of every time I’ve achieved something meaningful that I wanted. Each and every time I would get obsessed by whatever it was I wanted until I had achieved my goal.

I wanted to regularly have sex with new girls so… Went out every weekend religiously for years. Wrote so many messages on online dating sites that I’m  a wordsmith when it comes to digital communications with girls. Read half a dozen game books. Improved my appearance and fashion. Read game blogs when I should have been working. Stopped being friends with people who weren’t red pill. Cracking the game was always at the front of my mind. Goal achieved.

I wanted to lose weight so… At 224lbs I was well over 20% body fat. Picked a fasting based diet. Fasted religiously, never eating even a second before the specified time. I eat no sugar (baring fruits) for months. I got used to feeling hungry some of the time and living with it. Got to the point where unhealthy food actually made me feel odd. Often did cardio in the mornings before work. Measured my bf every few days. Fat loss was always at the front of my mind. Lost about 55lbs in just under a year. Ended up at 12% body fat. Goal achieved.

I wanted a new job paying 20% more so… Did programming challenges every night. Studied up on my primary programming language to close down every gap in knowledge. Read practise interview scenarios while at work. Getting a new job was always at the forefront of my mind. Took two weeks of work. Did 7 interviews. Multiple offers. Goal achieved.

You can see the pattern, and then with day game…

I wanted to get my first day game lay… So I hired a coach and had sessions every few weeks. Went out a couple of times a week but did very few approaches. Often too tired from night game, or too busy with Tinder dates to go out. Want to read Krauser’s book and watch day game videos in my pare time, but end up focusing on learning a new work skill. Goal not achieved.

As you can see I’m no where near as obsessed as I need to be with day game. I realised earlier this month that I needed to turn day game from the vague want it is now into a need. I’ve started to put together a plan to help my brain lock onto and get obsessed with day game:

  • Quit all online dating
  • Rarely go out at night (twice a month to maintain friendships with night game wings)
  • Reduce frequency of masturbation to once a week
  • Spend a lot of time watching day game videos in my spare time
  • If there’s ever a conflict between the two, day game > gym

This will have the following consequences:

  1. Sexual release will be almost entirely dependant on day game success
  2. I won’t be too tired to do day game
  3. Day game will always be on my mind

I’m hoping that before the end of next month I’m completely obsessed.

My two sticking points

Posted: May 9, 2014 in Uncategorized

After much introspection, and much banging my head against a brick wall, I think I have finally found the main sticking points that are standing in my way of banging hot women.

  1. I’m lazy
  2. I’m all push, no pull

Firstly, my laziness. I don’t mean lazy as in I won’t put the groundwork in in terms of cold approaching and Tindering for dates. I do that fine (with the exception of daygame, but that’s out of fear, not laziness). I’m not lazy in terms of generating leads, but more in terms of how I work those leads once I have them. Put bluntly I don’t put much effort into gaming girls who like me at least somewhat and who are sat in front of me.

This mainly applies to dates, but also to the comfort stage of club pick ups as well. On first dates I basically do this:

  1. Meet her, mild teasing.
  2. Talk about dull subjects with here like career, shared interests.
  3. Get progressively more drunk as the date progresses
  4. Escalate and go in for the kiss. I don’t care what signals she gives me. If I fancy her I always go for the kiss. I make the girl either reject me or kiss me, Gunwhitch style. If I’m rebuffed at first I try again later a couple of times.
  5. If the kiss happens, try and take her back to mine. If it doesn’t I mentally give up on the girl / situation.
  6. I rarely bother with second dates, I’m all about the first date lay.

This isn’t good game. This is get drunk and pull the trigger (I don’t need alcohol to escalate, getting drunk just passes the time).

So why do I do this? It comes down to too many easy lays. Last year I had a number of very quick, low effort night club pulls. This year the same thing with Tinder. For example I had 3 easy first date lays in 2 weeks. All of this has conditioned me to go for the quick, instant gratification. Just turn up, drink beer, put little effort into gaming her and expect a lay at the end of the night. The only thing I have going for me is I’m not basing my self esteem on how the date goes (non neediness), I lead, and I escalate. It’s very basic, aggressive don’t be beta game. This may keep working for a while on 6s and the occasional 7, but I’m not going to be fucking hot girls this way.

Secondly, I’m all push, no pull. For those of you that don’t know, a pull is when you act positively to show interest in a girl. For example, you giver her a compliment. A push is when you push her away by showing defiance / disinterest. An example would be a tease, or turning your body away from her. Game is a delicate balancing act between the push and the pull. All pull and you come off as another needy chode. All push and you come off as an asshole. Too much push will get you laid more than too much pull, as given the choice most girls choose the asshole over the chode, but it’s far from optimal.

My problem actually goes deeper than this. I’m all push, no pull. All steel, no velvet. All fire, no ice. I put up a strong gamey front and show no vulnerability to the girl. I completely lack soft dominance (protective, caring), focusing just on hard dominance (leadership, sexual aggression, boundaries). If you still don’t understand what the fuck I’m talking about, read The Badass Buddha post by Tom Torero. In a nutshell I’m good at going sexual, taking the piss out of girls, acting like a cunt and pushing for sex. Although girls find this exciting and many girls wanting a quick fuck drop their knickers quickly as a result, it won’t get me the girls who are more (physically) attractive than me. They will demand a strong man, but also a man that will let down the walls and not be afraid to connect with them, and look after them.

Anyway, I’m a bit drunk and so have no idea how to solve these problems at the moment. I’ll leave that as a topic of another post.

On the plus side I have no shagged graduates of both Oxford and Cambridge universities. I don’t know why, but for some reason this makes me feel proud.

My Goal For 2014 Q2

Posted: March 31, 2014 in Uncategorized

In one of my first posts this year I set out a series of six goals which I wanted to achieve over the course of 2014. I decided to break the year into quarters, and set a sub goal for each quarter. The subgoal would either be to directly achieve on of the six main goals, or to help me on my way to achieving them.

My goal for the first quarter of the year was to fuck 7 new girls. As of last Saturday, that goal has been achieved (edit: I actually fucked an 8th a couple of days after I started writing this). Through a mixture of Tinder, cold approach, and POF I made it happen. It was very frustrating at times, but I had a lot of fun (even though I was worried I had picked up an STD at one point after raw dogging some girls). I would have prefered for all the lays to be cold approach, but the goal wasn’t specific.

Another one of my goals was to save £2.5k. I’ve managed about £500 so far. Although I’m behind with that figure, this is a big thing for me. Saving is something I’ve never been disciplined enough to do in the past, so that fact that I’m getting in the habit of not spending all of the money I make is a great start.

At some point soon I’ll do a retrospective on the last 3 months. I learned some things and identified some weaknesses in my game, so it’ll be worth doing a post on. I should really do that now, but I’m too excited at the prospect of setting my next goal.

Without further ado, my target for 2014 Q2 is (drum roll…):

Get my first daygame lay

Simple to state, but as my previous forays into daygame have proved, not so simple to achieve. As with all goals, the methodology for achievement is:

  1. Make a definite goal
  2. Plan how you intend to achieve that goal
  3. Take action

I’ve stated the goal, so I now need a plan. I think it’s always best to plan backwards from your goal in order to let the goal itself dictate how it can realistically be achieved. So lets work backwards from the end goal of a daygame lay:

How do I get a day game lay? By taking a girl I met during daygame on a date, and fucking her.

How may girls will I need to take on dates before one of them will have sex with me? For online / club game, taking 3 girls on dates will pretty much 100% guarantee me I’ll fuck one of them. I don’t think 3 is enough for daygame though. Going on dates from day game doesn’t seem to get me the same results as with night game. I’ve gone on dates with 4 girls from day game and laid none of them. I’m going to say it could take me 6 day twos to get laid from day game.

How many girls will I have to open to get one day two from daygame? I have no idea. All I know is that it’s more than 10 and less than 50. I’m going to say 30.

How many girls do I have to open to get six dates, and therefore a lay, from day game? 30 x 6 = 180

How many sets will I have to open a week to get to 180 in the quarter? 180 / 12 = 15

How many hours a week will I need to sarge to get in 15 sets a week? I think I’ll average 2 sets an hour. Yes, it’s possible to do twice that, but with initially high levels of daytime AA, plus factoring in time for instadates, I think this is realistic. That means I’ll need to sarge 7.5 hours per week.

What will my sarging schedule need to look like in order to get in 7.5 hours a week? The following schedule should do it:


6:00pm Finish Work
6:30pm Arrive at Oxford Street
6:30pm – 8:00pm Sarge


6:00pm Finish Work
6:15pm Eat diner at work
6:45pm Arrive at Oxford Street
6:45pm – 7:45pm Sarge
8:15pm Arrive home
8:45pm Arrive at gym


Kept free for dates or seeing friends, with option to do another 90 minutes of sarging if I’m free.


6:00pm Finish Work
6:15pm Eat diner at work
6:45pm Arrive at Oxford Street
6:45pm – 7:45pm Sarge
8:15pm Arrive home
8:45pm Arrive at gym


Kept free for dates or seeing friends, with option to do another 90 minutes of sarging if I’m free.


10:00am Wake up
10:30am -12:00pm Laundry / cleaning
1:00pm -3:30pm Sarge at Saturday Sarge
4:00pm – Arrive home
5:00pm – 6:00pm Shopping
7:00pm Start predrinking for nightgame


11:00am Wake up
12:30pm-1:00pm Gym
2:30pm-5pm Sarging
5pm – 9pm Dates
10pm Food prep / ironing for the coming week

This schedule will lead to 8.5 hours day gaming a week. Considering I will want to be doing career development work most nights on top if this, it’s actually a very demanding schedule. Even with this it will be hard to get the 7.5 hours in. This coming week for example I have an appointment Tuesday night, date Wednesday night and a girl staying with me all day Sunday so it’s going to be hard to fit those 7.5 hours I need in.

Sarging is like walking the daygame path. It’s the raw effort required to obtain results. That’s only one part of the equation though. You also need a good map to help you navigate the path effectively. My map will come in two forms. Firstly, I’m going to buy Krauser’s Daygame Mastery book. Everything I’ve heard about it leads me to believe that this is the daygame book. Secondly, for the first time ever since starting game I will be paying for tuition. I hate the idea of a boot camp. I don’t think you can learn a complicated skill like game in just one weekend. It’s a bit like learning the piano. People don’t go on a weekend piano bootcamp and expect to be able to play well at the end of it. They get regular lessons with a teacher. The teacher gives them guidance and corrects mistakes. The pupil then goes away and practices, and the cycle starts again with the next lesson, and on until competence is achieved. I’m going to take this approach to learning game. Over the next three months I hope to be getting hour long one on one lessons with the guy from gaydame, probably once every couple of weeks.

My quest for daygame competence starts on Monday.

There’s a lot I want to achieve this year. After holding down a full time job, hitting the gym 3 times a week, sarging and dating it didn’t look like I’d have time to do much else. Recently I’ve had some tasks that I just haven’t got started on for weeks, like giving my flat a deep clean and getting really good at JavaScript.

Despite being very busy, I thought I must surely be able to fit in a up to 5 hours a week to work on these things. So I sat down to work out how much free time I had in a week after work, cooking, shopping, sarging, dating and gyming. Sure enough there was plenty of free time remaining most weeks to get in at least 5 hours of productive work. That’s what the maths said, but in reality I never seemed to have free time. There were lost hours in my life, probably over a dozen per week.

It didn’t take me long to work out how these dozen lost hours were being spent.

Blogs. Twitter. Youtube videos. Porn. I was frittering away my precious time online. As a result, I decided to ban the Internet.

This is actually slightly more extreme than it sounds. I don’t want to completely cut out the Internet. It’s an amazing resource, that amongst other things had provided me with knowledge that gets me laid. The actual rules which I imposed on myself are as follows:

  • No internet on weekends
  • No internet for 1 weeknight a week that isn’t a gym night
  • Whatsapp is excluded from the ban (need to talk to girls)
  • Internet usage is excluded from the ban if it’s used to directly aid a productive pursuit (for example looking up information when working on a new programming project which will help my career, use of WordPress for blogging).
  • Internet usage is excluded from the ban if it’s used to aid me logistically (finding venues to take a girl that weekend, getting directions)

I’ve done this for about a week so far, and although I’ve strayed a little, I’ve already seen great gains in productivity. I just have huge chunks of time where I’m just sat there thinking, “What do I do now”? Since I don’t really watch TV the only answer to that question is to do productive work. So far I’ve tided part of my flat, bought a book on node.js, got a development environment set up, and started learning to code on this platform. A tidy flat is good for bringing girls back, and the technologies I’m learning could lead to contract work that pays $600 – $1000 per day. My time is now well spent, thanks to lack of Internet.