I’m growing weary of the hunt

For the past couple of months my heart just hasn’t been in the game. I’m not sure if it’s a mixture of health concerns and working long hours at work, but I’m really just not motivated to put in the effort required to get better with women at the moment. When I do go out many of my sets seem flat, the same is true of my day2s. I’m just not enthusiastic enough in the way I communicate my personality to the girls, and also I don’t push deep enough to get a good emotional connection going. I’ve also been forgetting my goals, which has resulted in me feeling like I’m aimlessly drifting through life.

Back at the start of this blog just over three years ago, I had slept with just 7 women, and maybe kissed a dozen more. I’ve now slept with 31 women and kissed maybe 50 more. Not amazing stats compared to some puas, but my point is I’m no longer the guy who’s completely terrible with women. Much of my motivation in the early days came from not wanting to be that guy who doesn’t get laid. That motivations now gone, mission accomplished in that respect.

At the end of the post I’ll think out loud about what I’m going to do next, but first I’ll give you a run down of some of the things I’ve been up to this month in terms of sets.

First off, I’ve had six day2s and no lays. Here they go:

1. Big assed Brazilian from cold approach. HB6. Was really ill on this date, but it still included some escalation and her sticking her tongue in my ear. She really spoke very little English so it was hard to get a good vibe and have a good conversation, which put me off. Also, on the night I met her she was squeezed into a tiny dress and looked thick and curvy in a good way. I thought she was a high 7. On the date she just looked like a chubby 6. I didn’t contact her again.
2. South American girl from cold approach. HB6. Was even more ill on this date (was the night after the previous one), but went anyway. Conversation was pleasant but I was too ill to put any spark in it. She wasn’t as attractive as I’d remembered her to be. I ended the date after just one drink. I didn’t bother contacting her again after the day2.
3. Canadian girl from cold approach. HB8. I met her at the end of the week I was ill, and so my heart wasn’t really in the sarging. This lead to me not opening her despite her smiling at me across the bar. She eventually sent one of her guy friends to open me and make the introduction. If anyone wants to know how to get attractive girls to open them, the formula goes like this: Good hair cut + good diet an exercise regime + great outfit including Armarni blazer + being comfortable in a club + making strong eye contact with girls = attractive girls making the first move. Anyway, we only got a brief chat in the club because her and her friends were leaving. No kiss. She turned up almost 15 minutes late for the day2. I didn’t bust her balls enough for it. The date was hampered by everywhere being really busy. I did well on the overall vibe and teasing. Bad points were I didn’t make her invest enough, didn’t go deep enough with the emotional connection, and I wanted her to like me too much. The last part showed in my words and body language. Due to poor seating at the second venue, I couldn’t go in for the kiss till we’re at the tube station. She told me she doesn’t kiss in public but I just eye fucked her till she blushed a little then went for it anyway. I wanted to see her again but she never returned my texts.
4. English girl from POF. HB7. I haven’t used POF in ages, and this girl messaged me out of the blue, seeming quite keen. Although she was attractive and pleasant to talk to her personality seemed quite serious. Would have liked to have banged her though. She told me towards the end of the date my personality wasn’t her type. She said that she went for rougher guys with a lower IQ than me. That was the end of that.
5. Asian / English girl from POF. HB6. After I went online to talk to the previous girl I got a few messages from other girls including this one. We worked close to one another so went on a lunch date. Her personality seemed overly serious, and she acted in a slightly odd way. Can’t quite put my finger on what it was though. Also her face didn’t look nearly as nice as in her photos (8 in her photos, 6 in the flesh). I won’t be contacting her again.
6. Older English girl from POF. HB5.5. Decent personality, had some fun with her but not overly attractive. She seems very keen (she apologised that she couldn’t take me back to hers because she had work early the next morning). I might see her again and close her, because she is pleasant company and I don’t have any new girls in the pipeline (haven’t been sarging in two weeks).

In addition to this there were a couple of girls I number closed from cold approach where there were logistical issues getting them on day2s, and due to lack of motivation I gave up.

It looks like things are coming to an end with the girl I’ve been banging recently, so lack of sex may well provide me with the motivation I need to kick it up a gear. Looking back over this post, one thing that stands out is that it seems to be a quality issue. It looks like I just can’t motivate myself to put in much effort with girls who are less than HB7s. At the same time I seem to be really struggling to get the 7s consistently and the 8s at all.

I think the way forward is to exclusively go after girls who are HB7+. I’ll have to forgo the ego boast of girls easily being all over me like  girls less attractive than that would be. Martial artists have a phrase “putting on a white belt again” which refers to an experienced martial artist humbling himself by going back to basics because that’s what he needs to do to reach the next level. I think that’s what I need to do. I need to go back and read over some of the more basic game stuff out there. They’ll still be basic things I’m getting wrong. I need to de-prioritize my career (been working too long hours recently) and focus more on building a friendship circle and the accompanying lifestyle. Most of all I need to be prepared to be a chode with the hotter women until I get more experienced with them. Sometimes the only way forward is to take a step backwards.

Field Report – A Tale of Two Friends

I’m in one of London’s most popular pickup joints. It’s 11pm and just starting to get really busy. In the previous two hours I’ve been pushing myself to open more sets than usual in order to build social momentum. At this point I’ve opened 4 sets. None of them went anywhere, but I didn’t crash and burn in them either. At last line could have been pushed further, but that’s another story.

At this stage I’m fairly happy with what I’ve been doing, but still I’m yet to run into any strong prospects. It’s about this point that I spot HBAustria across the room, eyeing me up. It’s pretty easy to notice this amongst the crowd since she stands around 6ft tall in her high heeled boots. Tall for a girl. She’s attractive and young. A very solid 7 and looks early 20s.

She’s in a group with about 3 other girls, and she’s alternating between whispering to them as they look over at me and giggling as she looks at me. Once upon I time I would gave assumed this meant she was making fun of me. As I’ve learned to read situations with women better I have come to know that the opposite is true. This means she wants to fuck me.

At this point I really should approach. Two things hold me back. Firstly, I’m still not that at ease with approaching large groups (groups with more than 3 people in). Secondly, I’m sure I recognise her from somewhere, but I can’t remember from where. This bugs me.

I chat to a wing for a while and he opens a set that goes nowhere. I then notice that HBAustria’s set has moved across the room and they’re now stood right next to us. For any noobs reading, a group of girls suddenly moving across the room to stand next to you is a huge IOI. This coupled with them looking at you beforehand is basically a lay that’s yours to fuck up. Thing is I’ve always been more than capable of fucking things up.

So I I open the tall girl, and find out she’s Austrain. Jokes about being a farm girl and yodeling ensue. We both agree we look familiar to one another, but neither of us are sure why. She seems to back off a bit, but on the other hand one of her friends, HBGerman, is really flirty. She’s not as attractive as the Austrian, but still bangable. At this point I decide to take what I’m being offered and so focus my interest on HBGerman.

Despite being physically flirty (e.g. pushing her tits against me, holding my hand), what she’s saying seems quite shit testy. She’s acting very suspicious, asking me to prove everything I say. I don’t jump through the hoops easily. I make her either jump through a hoop herself first (by getting her to prove something to me first, for example), or I side step it by saying something like, “Yeah you’re right. I’m lying. I’m a bad man”.

I decide that I need to isolate her to take things forward. I tell her I want to take her downstairs, where it’s not as loud, to talk to her. She agrees so I lead her downstairs. I get us drinks, and we sit and talk. Pretty standard getting to know you stuff, but she’s still really suspicious and a bit abrasive:

“You liked my friend but then tried with me because you thought I was easy, is that right”?

“You’re not that old, show me your ID”

“Do you even have time for a girlfriend? How busy are you usually”?

In isolation these things are fine, expected even. In this case, though, it was like an unrelenting barrage. After 30 minutes of this there didn’t seem to be an end in sight. PUA dogma teaches guys that they need to pass these sorts of tests in order to fuck the girl. This means they see it as some sort of challenge, and so often hang in the set no matter what. As I’m starting to get more relaxed about getting laid, as I know it will happen regularly now, I’m less inclined to put up with things like this.

There’s a line somewhere between a series of shit tests and a girl just being no good. The line is blurry at times, but it is there. I think if you suddenly realise that you aren’t having fun with the girl, then the lines probably been crossed and its time to walk away. I was close to the line with this girl, but I was never quite pushed over it.

After some more chat I up the sexual tension by slowing down my voice and eye fucking her. After a few minutes of this I get the kiss close.

She says she wants to go back to her friends. She quickly heads upstairs. I follow far behind her because I’m not needy enough to follow her quickly like a little puppy dog. When I arrive upstairs she’s chatting up some tall good looking guy. I’m not going to play her games so I leave her too it and find a good spot in the room from which to cast my eye over the female talent. Within a few minutes HBGerman is making out with the tall guy. HBAustria and some of her friends show up looking for HBGerman. I point them in the right direction. HBAustrian goes to speak to her, and then comes back to me. She tells me, “I’m sorry for you, you seem like a really great guy”, referring to the fact HBGerman has found someone new. It struck me as an odd thing to say, and I really couldn’t work out whether she was taking the piss or just trying to be nice.

I think it’s crippling for most guys when a girl suddenly switches to another guy on them like this. It’s happened to me a few times now, and I’m starting to realise that it’s just part and parcel of pulling in bars and clubs. It still stings my ego a little, but less and less each time. When things like this happen, it always reminds me of how Tyler Durden from RSD describes himself as an “Ice Pimp” when dealing with girls. The game is certainly hardening me against stuff like this, and I am evolving to the point where I’ll soon have ice blood running through my veins when dealing with women. This actually troubles me a little. It’s great for pulling, but I worry about the effect it will have on me in terms of being able to have a long term relationship. You can’t love if you’re too harden to have your heart broken.

I was a little despondent by this point in the night, but decided I needed to through myself back into the game. It wasn’t even midnight yet, and I decided this was a great opportunity to work on my determination and spirit, so I decided to rejoin the hunt. I assumed at this point that the HBGerman / HBAustrian set was over. I was wrong. Tune in for part two to find out what happens. Some highlights include a lap dance, meeting an impromptu wingman with great game who managed to keep my set going at the last moment, and a trip to a casino…

State and social momentum

Wikipedia defines state (aka Flow) as follows:

Flow is the mental state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity. In essence, flow is characterized by complete absorption in what one does. Proposed by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi, the positive psychology concept has been widely referenced across a variety of fields.

From a PUA perspective state is when you are completely focused on being social, you are feeling at your most confident and conversation / actions just flow.

Much has been said within the community about state. Many RSD acolytes tout state as the be all and end all of game, as if its almost a prerequisite for pulling. In state you’re a charming Casanova who pulls. Out of state you’re a mumbling AFC. I’m going to talk about my views on state, and how it can be useful, especially if like me, you’re an introvert.

As regular readers of my blog will be aware, for the most part I overcame approach anxiety probably about a year ago now. I still get it occasionally (and all the time when it comes to day game), but no longer to the extent it causes me to be celibate. Still, I can’t help but think I’d get laid more often, and with hotter girls, if I opened more sets. More approaches means more opportunities, after all. Since AA isn’t the problem it once was, what’s stopping me opening?

I’m an extreme introvert. In my default mental state, I just don’t want to talk to anyone I don’t already know and like. Often I’ll be in a bar or club and see a girl I’m attracted too. As soon as I think of opening her, my thought is, that means I’ll have to have a conversation, and I don’t like the thought of that. This is the introverts problem. They will avoid talking to people if at all possible when in their default mental non sociable state.

Sometimes in this situation I force myself to approach the girl. Approaching a girl in this state often leads to a short, lifeless conversation. Not really the stuff of seduction. Imagine my conversational ability being like a machine made up of cogs. In this state the cogs are rusty, and so the machine runs sluggishly.

So this is the problem. Failing to open, or often failing to live up to my potential when I do open due to my introvert state. This is where the PUA concept of state comes in. When I’m in state I will have social momentum. This means the cogs which run my conversation machine will be fully oiled and running at full capacity. This will mean I open sets much more regularly, and when I do I’ll be packing more charisma.

How do I get into state? Simple, I just need to get and maintain social momentum. There are 3 keys to this:

- Open early. Starting to build momentum as early as possible in the night is key.

- Open often. Momentum is something that needs to be maintained. If I spend large periods of time in my own little world between sets, I’ll lose momentum.

- Make sure I act inline with my desires. I’ve written before about how not acting on your desires will make you feel like pussy, and so kill your state.

I’m going to try putting the following into practice next time I go out. I’ll let you know how I get on.

Always have your goals in mind

Firstly just a little preface to this. I haven’t blogged in a long time. There’s no particular reason for this, other than that I just haven’t been inspired to write anything. I plan to write 1 – 2 new posts a week for the foreseeable future.

They say time moves faster the older you get. I must be starting to get really fucking old then, because the first two months of the year have flown by. It seems like yesterday that I was writing about my goals for 2013. Now I’m looking at this post again and at all my goals and realise I’ve not been keeping my goals in mind. As a result I’ve just continued doing pretty much the same as I was doing last year. This is exactly what happens when it comes to having big goals. They will often require a change in one or many of your habits in order to accomplish. Since the human psyche fights for homoeostasis, breaking habits in order to achieve goals requires a gargantuan effort. Unless your goals are really small and easily attainable (ie almost fucking pointless), then really be prepared to fight hard with yourself to achieve them. Don’t expect to just write them down. Keep them in mind most of the time to the point of almost obsession.

Keeping your goals in mind allows you to constantly check what you are doing in order to see if it will help you achieve your goals. You will have limited resources (time & money & will power) to achieve what you want, so you have to constantly be checking if you’re spending those resources in a way that will help you reach your goals. That’s what I’ve been failing to do this year.

If you read my 2013 goal post again you will see that although I have over a dozen goals, I have decided to make building up my social circle my main focus this year. What have I done to achieve this, my main goal, over the past two months? Let’s see, I’ve:

1. Met up with someone I used to sarge with 2 years ago. One time.
2. Went to a friendly poker tournament

Yeah, that’s it. Hardly the gargantuan effort to sort out my social life once and for all, is it? In fact I haven’t gone out much at all. I’ve spent all my time and money doing things I’m already in the habit of doing: Going on dates with girls I’ve met via online dating and going on expensive dates with girls I’m already dating. This has lead me to having had sex with 3 different girls this year (2 previous lays and a new notch), plus getting a blow job off another girl (who I’ll probably lay soon). This isn’t bad, but this is all sexual activity with girls in the HB5 – HB7 range. This is all stuff I can already do. It’s nice that it keeps my balls empty (although maybe that’s a bad thing in a way?), but I’m not moving forward towards my goals.

Focusing on building a social circle at the expense of fucking girls is a hard decision. My balls do not approve. One way that I’m going to make it easier is by going after hotter women. Going on dates is where game starts to get expensive. If I’m only hitting up the HB7.5+ girls I won’t be getting dates every week. This will save me time and money for building my social circle. This way I get a better  social circle and more experience chasing the hotter girls that I should be getting. Win win. I’m also cutting out the online dating. I had a load of dates from there recently, and what a waste of time. Most of the were so much fatter and uglier than they looked on their profiles that it was beyond a joke. Since many dates come from there, this will decrease the amount of dating I do which is good. Yet more time for being goal focused.

I think one reason many people fail to obtain their goals is that their goals are too big for a single step. In the past breaking things down into clearly objectively measurable sub goals seems to have worked well. So that’s what I’ll do with social circle.

My approach to social circle was two pronged:

1. Meet new guys in the seduction community
2. Go to various metup groups to make friends outside of the community

I’m just going to focus on #1 for now since it will be easier to make new friends this way. I’ve found some great groups other than the poker one I’ve been too, so I’m really looking forward to going to them later in the year. For now I’ll keep that on the back burner, just attending the poker meetup occasionally.  I hope to get a new job before the end of the first half of this year. This will give me more money to attend more social events from meetup. So here are my social goals over the next 3 months:

1. Between clubs and singles nights, go out sarging at least 6 times a month.
2. Meet people from the community at least 4 times a month. This can be 4 new people or one person 4 times, or any combination like that. I’m not going to force a friendship that doesn’t come naturally, but setting a numerical goal like this will help me to focus on doing the sort of things I actually need to do to expand my social circle.
3. Reread ‘How to talk to anyone‘ in March and make a list of my 6 favourite techniques from the book, and use them regularly in social situations. It’s not that I’m not socially competent, it’s just I won’t socialize without a reason. My habit is towards introversion. Using these techniques gives me a reason to interact with others socially, thus changing my habits.

These probably don’t seem like much, but you need to bear in mind I have limited cash, go some big stuff to do at work coming up soon, and will also be serving on a jury in a criminal trial in the not too distant future. These things will all limit how much I can do on the social circle front.

Most of all I really need to just keep my social goals in mind. I know when I’m really locked in on a goal, because I immerse myself in it. I’m often thinking about it, and thinking about / reading up on related topics. At the moment I’m very mentally focused on work and career, and although I want to get a new job this year, my big career push will have to wait till next year (or even the year after if I don’t hurry up on my social goals). I need to be thinking social, social, social.

As for my other goals, here is a complete list with updates showing how I’m getting on.

1. Become competent at IOS (iPhone/Pad) programming. I’ve actually decided to learn Android instead, for a couple of reasons. Not started on this yet.
2. Get a new job with slightly more responsibility. Have been keeping my eye on the job market and so aware of skills that are wanted. Am about 20% through creating a technical project which will serve as a portfolio piece for job applications. Aiming to complete in mid April, then will spend the next half of that month doing interview preparation. 
3. Expand my seduction community social circle by at least a couple of (decent) people. That’s what this post was about!
4. Go to meet ups regularly. That’s what this post was about!
5. Make 2/3 new friends outside of the community.That’s what this post was about!
6. Travel abroad at least twice. Got the cash set aside for Paris, but between work an jury service timing is awkward. Just have to make sure I don’t spend the cash on something else. I have Moscow earmarked for the second half of the year.
7. Do two interesting things a month. It can be a trip abroad or just going to a restaurant which is a little different. Don’t know if it’s been exactly two things each month, but I’ve been doing some stuff that’s a little different. I have a list of places I want to visit / things I want to do now.
8. Stop smoking. Done! Although I occasionally beg cigarettes of people I haven’t bought a pack in over a month.
9. Stop spending loads of cash on sexual services. Getting better…
10. Continue reading a book a month. I am still reading regularly, but need to be doing at least 50% more reading.
11. Sleep with a dozen women (although I’m more concerned with quality these days). Not too far off track.
12. Start regularly approaching girls in the day time. Haven’t started doing this yet, and won’t till March. I’ve made a concious decision that London’s too cold for this at the moment. Fuck off it’s not an excuse!
13. Get my first day game lay. (As the weather gets warmer next year I’m really going to push for this one. I can do it through sheer volume of approaches if I have to. I don’t think it’s possible for me to do 100 day game approaches and not get laid). As per above. I think it’ll be through the summer May – August where I really hit this hard with mass approaches in an attempt to crack this.
14. Keep my flat tidy. Whoops.
15. Get a 6 pac (I’m so close but need to stop dieting now). I had a 6 pac for like 2 weeks but now I’ve started bulking again and it’s gone. Will diet again in a couple of months, going to stay fairly lean (< 13% bf) until then.

My Personal Constitution

I’ve just started reading ’7 Habits of Highly Effective People’. The second habit the author talks about is “Starting from the end”. This just means before you start any project you take some time to carefully work out exactly what you want the outcome to be. Although this may sound obvious, I think people rarely think this through. As a result they waste time perusing outcomes that aren’t what they really want, or they only have a vague goal in mind which makes them less effective.

A great example of this is game. For the majority of guys the real endgame is a happy sex life. This for most guys will consist of the ability to sleep with around 10 attractive girls a year (plenty enough for variety’s sake), having medium term relationships with some of these girls, and the option to settle into a ltr if they so wish (but then potential to play the field should always be there in case of a break up). Instead of keeping this end goal in mind, guys come up with loads of little goals which in of themselves won’t make them happy, as they are generally missing the point which is a happy sex life. These goals include:

- Sleeping with 100s of women like an mPUA
- Overcoming AA to the point where they can can approach any girl in any situation
- Getting really good at cold approach (not a bad goal at all, but it must be remembered that this is a means not an end, and there are other means that can achieve the ultimate end)
- Getting one particular girl

I’m sure there are many more. When a guy focuses to heavily on any of these he will not be effective at getting what he truly wants out of game.

The biggest project you undertake is your life itself. As such, the author urges the reader to start at the end where his life is concerned. You do this by creating a personal constitution. Just as a country’s constitution is a code by which the country lives in order to best ensure it meets its end goals and abides by its values, the same is true of your personal constitution.

You may have noticed that, towards the end of last year, many of my posts talked about the way I want to be living my life. I decided to write my personal constitution so that I could monitor what I do day to day, by checking my actions against a series of guiding principles and values. Without further ado, here is my ten item personal constitution:

1. I will strive to accomplish each and every task I undertake to a high standard.

2. I may occasionally lie to other people, but I will always be honest with myself.

3. I will always have at least one goal in life which I’m working regularly towards.

4. I will not have any habits that displease me.

5. I will please myself first, and others second.

6. I will regularly take stock of my life and my goals to ensure they are constructed in such a way that they allow me to maximise my happiness.

7. I will be willing to push through periods of pain to get what I want, but only to a certain extent. I will examine whether the end result is worth the pain and be willing to comprise, because I will remember that life is the journey more than it is the destination.

8. I will live in a clean and tidy environment.

9. I will recognise that I can’t have everything I want, and so will be willing to compromise. I will accept these comprises and not begrudge them, as this will only lead to unhappiness.

10. My ability to change the world around me has limits. As such, I will accept that it is not within my power to change other people, therefore every problem I face must either be solved by changing myself, or by accepting that the problem has no solution.

In the 7 Habits book the example constitution that is given is very altruistic, and focuses a lot on treating others well. You may have noticed when reading mine that it’s fairly selfish, but still well away from being psychopathic. This is exactly what I was going for with this. It seems to me that generally, the most successful people in life put themselves first. They may be willing to help others, bit generally only after their own needs have been met. I think this is a very good way for me to live their life. Although I will never see into intentionally harm others for its own sake, in some cases this may be a consequence of my actions and as such acceptable to me.

I also tried to be very pragmatic with my constitution. I didn’t want it to be all, “Shoot for the stars no matter what and don’t let anything stop you”. This is because I think that the payoffs for many goals people chase often aren’t worth the pain of getting there. For example take the executive who devoted his life to his job for 20 years, and yet ends up making only £80k a year while his contemporaries who put only moderate effort on earn £62k. Will this man not look back on a life not lived and not decided the £18k per annum just wasn’t worth it? After tax he’s barely richer than the guys that left their job in the office at 5pm everyday.

The other main pragmatic theme of my constitution can be summed up with the time old saying, “Shit happens”. This is simply because many things that happen in your life are simply outside of your control, and bemoaning / trying to change these things is both futile and a source of much unhappiness.

In coming posts I’ll compare my constitution with the way I’m actually living my life at the moment. Then we’ll see how far off track I am.

Proactive vs Reactive Game

Most game which is commonly espoused by the seduction community is what I’d call proactive. Proactive game is where you aggressively perdue women who have shown no prior interest in you. A good example of this is totally cold approaching women who haven’t given you an approach invitation in order to have sex with them. This is, in fact the main thrust of the seduction community. I refer to it as proactive because you are going out and trying to make things happen, as opposed to waiting form things to happen to you.

I have a confession to make. I don’t really do this. I practise reactive game. To do this I’ve worked hard on my value to women (mainly looks in my case, but I’ve also made amazing progress in terms of self esteem which telegraphs itself via my non verbals, and a little headway in terms of career). This increased value means I now often get signals from them that they’re interested before I’ve even opened them. I then react to this signals by approaching them. Examples of this are that the vast majority of sets I do in night game are either me approaching after getting an obvious approach invitation from the girl, or the girl approaching me. With online game usually OK only message girls who have viewed my profile, or girls who have messaged me first.

There are advantages and disadvantages to each style of game.

Advantages of proactive game

You are the chooser. You can go after any girl you see, without restriction.
It’s a very masculine approach to game because you’re going after exactly what you want.

Disadvantages of proactive game

Time consuming.
Much higher rate of rejection.

Advantages of reactive game

Good effort:reward ratio. Very effiecent.
Forces you to work on your value. It will be very obvious if you have none as you’ll never get approach invitations.
You get very good at picking up on signals from women.

Disadvantages of reactive game

Less choice when it comes to women.
You probably won’t be reaching your full potential, as you’re less likely to get women at the very top of your range this way.
It’s a more feminine style. You’re likely to get lazy and not shoot for the stars.

I think both styles have their merits, and both should be practised. It would be false to consider the two mutually exclusive.

The seduction communities’ obsession with proactive game often sees guys doing dozens of spam style approaches per week, too often punching above their weight in terms of quality of women approached. This usually leads to a lot of effort spent, and no lays, which in turn leads to the wannabe player giving up on the game. They should balance this with working out which women are giving them signs of interest and approaching them. These women may not be the very hot girls they want, but there will be some who are attractive enough to meet the guys standards and will provide him with some much needed experience. If a guy gets no signals of interest from women, this is a big red flag. It means he has some fundamental issues that he needs to address. Without addressing these issues a more proactive approach would be a waste of time.

On the flip side of this, reactive game can lead to apathy, laziness and not banging women who are at the top of a guys range. The laziness and apathy comes from sitting around waiting for things to happen, and relying on the women to take a more proactive role in the mating ritual. The reason you’re unlikely to get women at the top of your range is because for you these women will all be ‘maybe’ women. These are girls who aren’t blown away by you on first sight, but who can still potentially be bedded by a mixture of persistence and showing them more of your value. Such girls probably won’t initially have enough interest in you to give you signals.

In my next post I’ll show theory in practise as I’ll write up a field report of me reactively serving at a singles night. I’ll highlight how easy it was for me to get a number close by doing this, but also how mixing in a bit more proactive gaming might have lead to a better result.

Scores on the doors

I know it’s a little bit schoolboy, but since the main topic of this blog is my attempt to sleep with girls I thought I’d share with you all a numerical tally of my sexual exploits this year.

Girls I’ve slept with before 2012 but also slept with this year are not included in 2012′s results. Only the most intimate sexual act is noted (so a girl who sucked me off and fucked me just counts as a fuck in this list, not fuck and a bj).

Full closes: 12
Blow jobs: 3
Hand jobs: 4

All good in terms of quantity really, although a little higher wouldn’t hurt. I want to see a noticeable increase in quality next year.

Getting Emotional

Many of my posts recently have been focused on what many would call holistic game. That is improving my value to women by improving many different aspects of my life, rather than improving the ways I directly interact with women (outer game). While that’s great, over the past couple of months I have noticed an area of my outer game which is very weak, and I feel that improving this could massively improve my hit rate. Improving in most things in life usually brings diminishing returns over time. The advantage of this is that if you can identify an area in which you are very weak, massive gains can be seen from a fairly small amount of effort when you bring that area up from being weak to being reasonably competent. Therefore I see this weakness as a great opportunity.

The area I’m weakest in at the moment when it comes to outer game is building a strong emotional connection with women. I’ve got very good at being non needy, confident and going sexual fast. This sometimes works to get a girl into bed quickly. I also think on the other hand, I lose out on many girls who need longer with a guy to feel comfortable enough with him to have sex. Being able to build an emotional connection will allow me to both get this girls I wouldn’t usually get, and will also set me up well to have better relationships should I chose to go longer term with a girl.

My main stratagey for improving this is basically to sit a girl down, and tell her my honest views on the world, and life in general, as well as delving deep into her psyche, finding out her opinions on the same and finding out what motivates her. The main aim is there to be a feeling between the two of us that we both ‘get’ each other on and intellectual and emotional level. I’m going to have to do a lot of searching through seduction articles for help here (if anyone knows of any good resources for this, please let me know). One starting place for this will be Krauser’s blog, he seems to do this sort of thing well.

Speaking of things Krauser does well, he’s also very good at creating and maintaining a dominant frame with a girl, and this is something I’m lacking. When I say dominant in this context, I don’t really mean getting the girl to do what ever you want. I mean creating the dynamic where she is looking up to you, you are here clear leader emotionally. Only then can a woman really entrust herself, both body and mind, to you. As long as the dynamic isn’t abused by the guy it’s the best position to be in for a happy relationship. I’m aiming to get much better at this over the next few months.

Doing these things will be difficult at first. Not so much because they’re complicated, it’s all quite easy for a confident guy. It’s more that I’m not used to doing them, so I’ll have to force myself out of that habit. It’s always hard to change your ways and make a concious effort to modify your behaviour, as it requires a lot of self monitoring. There’s also the possibility of coming across as in-congruent when first doing it. I’ll need to come up with some sort of game plan for emotionally progressing with a girl. If I don’t have this in mind beforehand I just won’t do it.

2013 Here I Come

As I mentioned in my last post, as 2012 is drawing to a close it is time for me to outline my plan and goals for next year.

Although I plan to do a in depth review of the whole year sometime late next month, in this post I need to briefly look at where I am now in order to work out what I need to do next.

All in all I would say, despite having more sexual success this year than in any other year in my life, my progress has been mediocre.

My main win has been in the looks department. Through grooming, exercise  diet and fashion I have increased my physical attractiveness to what I would say is above average. I’m still not at 100% of my full potential in this regard, but I’d say I’m 90% of the way there.

I’ve moved my career on a little, but hardly by leaps and bounds. My social situation is still identical to what it was right at the beginning of the year. I’ve broadened my horizons slightly by travelling abroad for the first time in years, and by reading more.

So like I said, mediocre progress, but nothing ground breaking. To put it in perspective, here is my list of things to improve from this time last year. The ones I achieved this year are crossed out:

• I would liked to have had double figure lays this year
• Still not approaching nearly as much as I’d like
• Yet to get a daygame lay
• Haven’t really built up a solid inner circle of really good friends (although it’s a very small circle)
• My life is lacking a (non sarging) social scene
• Temporarily relapsed on smoking over festive period (this is ok if it remains temporary)
• Still need to get in better shape
• Style and grooming is OK but very generic. Room for massive improvements (Always room for improvement, but it’s pretty good at the moment).
• Money issues often hold me back

Most guys when they first get into game think they can carry on living their lives in the same way as they have done previously, but massively increase their success with women by changing a few things about the way they interact with them (ie routines). People that have been in the game for a fairly long time like I have, know that it doesn’t really work like that. If you want to be much more successful with women in a year from now, things in your life really need to change in that 12 months. So when I look back and see that my life is more or less the same as it was a year ago, I know I’m not doing what I need to in order to see the success I want with women.

So what changes do I plan to make in 2013?

The two things I feel need the most work in my life at the moment are building up my social circle, and building my career. Although they can both be done in parallel to some extent, I’ve found that I can only really have one major focus on in my life at a time if I’m to make really great headway. For 2013 I’m going to choose social circle over career. There are two reasons for this:

1. I think a better social circle will have the faster short term pay off out of the two.
2. There are some self esteem / insecurity issues surrounding my career. This area of my life is probably my last bastion of low self esteem. Sorting it out will have a huge pay off but is going to be so so hard. Going to procrastinate on this one another year.

For building up my social circle, I’m going to take a two pronged approach.

Firstly I’m going to continue to meet people from the seduction community. They are easy to meet, but the problem is many of them are not really friendship material for me if I’m honest. The ones that are already often have good social lives so it’s hard to get them to come out regularly enough for a lasting friendship to develop. Going out more often (to be honest, I’ve probably only averaged 3/4 nights out a month this year) may help to solve this. Plus I need to make more of an effort to spend time with guys I meet when we go out sarging. This may seem easy, but I generally end up spending most of my night with a girl when I’m out sarging. Either that or I haven’t found one yet so I’m hunting.

I also need to make more friends outside of the community. I have two problems with this. Firstly, I’m extremely introverted so don’t enjoy socializing much. Secondly I’m not that keen on hanging round with men who haven’t taken the red pill. They seem the same as me on the surface, but every now and then you see that their outlook on life is so different to mine. They just don’t see the same world I see.

I’m going to do this via meetup.com groups. I’m getting back into poker at the moment, and there’s a meetup group which organizes low stakes tournaments regularly in London. I went to one last Saturday, and everyone seemed friendly. Plus I won the tournament, the £100 prize is paying for my dates this week. I will also try some other meetup groups who do activities I’ve never tried in order to broaden my horizons. I’ll start going out for work drinks slightly more often too.

One area I still feel needs improvement is my various addictions. Mainly sexual services and smoking. I really need to cut these out, but I’m really struggling with the self control required. If I’ve shaken both of these before the end of next year I’ll be very happy, as this would be a big difference and would make me feel like my life is making progress and I’m making changes.

Goals for 2013

1. Become competent at IOS (iPhone/Pad) programming.
2. Get a new job with slightly more responsibility.
3. Expand my seduction community social circle by at least a couple of (decent) people.
4. Go to meet ups regularly.
5. Make 2/3 new friends outside of the community.
6. Travel abroad at least twice.
7. Do two interesting things a month. It can be a trip abroad or just going to a restaurant which is a little different.
8. Stop smoking.
9. Stop spending loads of cash on sexual services.
10. Continue reading a book a month.
11. Sleep with a dozen women (although I’m more concerned with quality these days).
12. Start regularly approaching girls in the day time.
13. Get my first day game lay. (As the weather gets warmer next year I’m really going to push for this one. I can do it through sheer volume of approaches if I have to. I don’t think it’s possible for me to do 100 day game approaches and not get laid).
14. Keep my flat tidy.
15. Get a 6 pac (I’m so close but need to stop dieting now)

Six Weeks

Six weeks. Over the past couple of years I’ve realised that, almost without fail, this is the amount of time it takes me to get bored of a girl I initially like.

It’s happened most recently with the Ukrainian girl I’ve been seeing for… just over six weeks. It got to the point last time I saw her that at one point I was just thinking, “Suppose we should have sex. Meh”. This is in stark contrast to a girl (or should I say lady, she’s older than me) that I’ve been on a couple of dates with (met her from cold approach). I haven’t fucked her yet and on our last date I had a hard on nearly the whole time, despite nothing to sexual going on.

I’ve come to realise I only like sex a little. What I like a lot is sexual variety. I think this is true of many guys, but most guys still settle down because they find it so hard to get a girl, that when they finally do, they want to keep her. I on the other hand am closing in on my 10th lay of the year with this new girl. Not spectacular by PUA standards, but it means that sex does come easily enough that I don’t feel the need to settle down with the first girl that will have me, leaving me free to be driven by my lust for sexual variety.

Given that even mediocre girls seem to have many options, I can see why girls often seem so picky about who they date.

The year’s drawing to a close now. It’s cold outside and the clubs aren’t that busy. I won’t be going out more than a few times between now and the new year, so there’s not that much sarging to be done. The Ukrainian can sense I’m losing interest. Girls with high self esteem seem to walk away when they sense this is happening. They won’t put up with a guy who’s bored with them. That means this one may well be over. I’d say the other girl is 65% certain for the fclose. I don’t have any other targets lined up. I got a bj on a first date from a girl I met on POF at the beginning of the month. Thought that’s worth mentioning here. Not worthy of a whole post, I decided not to see her again.

At the moment I’m looking to the new year. I’m starting to think about my objectives for 2013, and I’ll be posting them up here soon. I think I’ve said it before, but I think late 2014 / early 2015 will be my time, where I really hit my peak with women. A lot of different things should finally come together then. For that to happen though, there’s going to have to be a lot of hard work put in and fears overcome next year.