Confidence is overrated as an attractive quality

When people talk about the qualities that a woman finds attractive in a man, again and again confidence comes out at the top of the list. I disagree. I don’t think confidence is nearly as much of an attractive quality as people believe.

This is a pretty bold statement which flies in the face of what people ‘know’ to be true about attraction, so let me explain.

Firstly, some level of confidence is important in bedding lots of women. Without confidence you won’t be able to approach and escalate (and therefore subsequently fuck) attractive women. In addition to this, a man that lacks confidence with women will often be perceived as creepy by the women they approach. Being nervous around women will turn them off, but this does not mean that being confident around them will turn turn them on. So confidence is just something that is needed to stop a man acting in an unattractive manner that will put women off, but it is not something that in of itself will attract women.

So if confidence is important, aren’t I just nit picking over small details when I differentiate between lacking confidence being unattractive rather than having confidence creating attraction? I don’t think so, because an over reliance on confidence as the be all and end all of attracting women leads many men to reach for the wrong goals and to dismiss other things which will increase their attractiveness to women.

An example of this is the common community response when told that increasing your physical attractiveness is key to bedding more / hotter women. Guys will typically say stuff like, “No, it’s not the looks that do it; that’s a placebo. It’s the confidence that results from looking better. This means increasing physical attractiveness is a crutch”. People read this and decide that taking steps to increase their physical attractiveness is a waste of time, and instead partake on mental masturbation filled inner game ‘journeys’ in order to obtain the magical, cure-all-your-women-problems gift of confidence.

Physical attractiveness is very important in getting women into bed, especially so when it comes to cold approaching in clubs. I’ve seen evidence of this with my own eyes, again and again. I’d rather look like a male model and have moderate confidence, than look average and have amazing confidence. No contest.

Also what I’ve seen again and again is that once you have what it takes to approach with a modicum of confidence, increasing the confidence of your approach to the point where you do heroic, ‘balls of steel’ style approaches makes no difference to your success. This is because the extra level of confidence you show does not cause the girl you approach to feel more attracted to you. An couple of examples:

1. You and your wing spot a 3 set near the bar in a club you go and stand near them, and talk to each other. After a few minutes you turn to one of the girls and say, “Hey, how’s it going?”. This doesn’t require balls of steel.
2. You are in the club and you spot a mixed 5 set seated in a booth. There’s a hot girl in the set. You don’t wait for a situation where it’s easier to approach her (e.g. she goes to the toilet), instead you steam straight in and go direct on her, loud and proud in front of all her friends. You win over all her friends with witty conversation, and AMOG any cock blocking beta male friends. This requires balls of steel.

The second approach is much harder in terms of the confidence needed to pull it off, but this display of extra confidence will not help make the girl attracted to you. Despite this, many guys are determined to get the confidence needed to do this type of approach. Being able to do this becomes more important to them than actually getting laid, and they start dismissing easier sets which are much more likely to result in a lay.

I believe that focusing on getting confident is a false goal in PUA, and is one that lead me astray. Focus on getting laid. Make that your sole goal when out sarging (other self improvement is obviously a great thing, but sarging in the club is neither the time nor the place to be thinking about that) to be getting a girl home and fucking her. Nothing else. You aren’t there to learn. You aren’t there to get confidence. You aren’t there to work on your self esteem. You aren’t there to have fun (although sarging is fun IMO). You’re there for the pussy.

This will get you laid the quickest. By following this goal you will most quickly see what works and what doesn’t when it comes to getting laid, and you’ll end up getting laid quicker than if you focus on other goals (like being confident, being Mr. Popular, being smooth, not being ‘that’ creepy guy). What you’ll then learn is that there is no quicker way to confidence with women than experiencing success with women. So you’ll actually gain this confidence faster than if you made confidence itself the goal.

I’ll leave you with a quote from a post by Alek Novy which talks about how people may be mistaken in thinking that confidence is highly attractive to women.

So, what gamers(and their apologists) are truly observing (but not intelligent enough to infer), is not that women are attracted to ‘confidence’ per se(as an independent variable).

But, rather that the men who tend to be successful with women in the first place(for whatever reason), also have a high confidence(justified expectation) of future(continued) success.

Stop putting the cart before the horse…

———————————————

Stats since 1st Feb:
1 number closes
3 kiss closes
0 f closes

Tags: attraction, confidence

How to get into state (and stay there)

When PUAs talk about state or “being in state” what they are referring too is being an a positive emotional state, where you are lost in the moment instead of thinking about what will happen next. Words and actions just flow from you, without consciously thinking about what will happen next. I don’t know the science behind this, but I’m going to take a guess. When you’re in state your actions are primarily controlled by the creative, right side of the brain, without being constantly checked over by the logical, left side of the brain to make sure what you’re doing is good, proper and logical. When a PUA says he is “inside his head too much”, the reverse is true. The left side of the brain logically mulls things over, resulting in him seeming stifled and in-congruent.

Despite what a major PUA company may tell you, I don’t think that being in state is the be all and end all of getting laid. While it isn’t a magic cure all solution for a guy’s problems with women, being in state can help tremendously whilst sarging.  When in state you give off an aura of cool fun, and you aren’t constantly second guessing yourself. You’re body language and vocal tonality reflect this, leading to more positive responses from women you approach. Approach anxiety is also greatly reduced, since anxiety is caused by a fear of future events, and when in state you’re more in the present, and therefore thinking ahead a lot less.

So state is a good thing to be in when out picking up women. How do we go about getting into (and staying in) state? Most PUAs get guys to do stupid things, thinking this will unstiffle them and get them into state. This may work, but you also end up looking like the guys in the video below.

If you don’t want to look like a complete fucking numpty by doing the river dance outside the club, I may have the solution for you. I get into state by acting upon my desires.

In the past I may see a girl I wanted to open in the club. Say it was early in the night, and the situation didn’t seem right to me, I wouldn’t open her. I would decide that for various reasons it probably wouldn’t go anywhere at that stage even if she liked me (situation would make it hard to escalate), and so I wouldn’t bother opening. So I had the desire to open her, and didn’t. I have now learned that if I open in situations like this, even if it does as I predicted fizzle out quite quickly, a feel a lot better. It helps to get me into state.

There are also situations too, where doing the ‘wrong’ thing can help you get into state because you are acting on your desires. For example I see a girl wiggling her ass on the dance floor. I know that going and grinding on her from behind is the wrong move (it’s very low percentage), but these days I do it any way, because that is my desire so I act on it.

With this way of thinking, it doesn’t matter if you don’t see a girl you like for quite a time in the club. There’s no need to open when you haven’t seen a girl who doesn’t evoke in you the honest desire to go and meet her. When you will lose state is when you see a girl you want to open and don’t. This happened to me the other night. I got in quite a good state early, but then bottled approaching a couple of girls in a row, because they were both pouty 9s who I envisioned shooting be down painfully. I realised I was starting to loose state and feel like a loser because of this. So, the next time  I saw a girl who I wanted to open I went in straight away. It was a rejection (there were a lot of ‘lesbians’ at the club that night, apparently…), but it put be back into state.

It’s not just with approaching either. Once you’ve opened, if you get the urge to escalate / number close / do an in venue bounce and don’t, you will again lose state. You didn’t act on your desires.

Opening girls who you aren’t drawn to will help your state slightly, but not as much as opening the ones you really like. This is why this concept is slightly different to the idea of warm up sets.

Why does acting on your desires have this effect? I think it’s a self image thing. Acting on your desires makes you feel strong and in control of your own destiny. Failing to do so makes you feel week, and you get the sensation of not being good enough, of being a failure.

Give it a try. Next time you’re out in the club, listen to your inner masculine voice. The one that’s your DNA speaking out to you in order to fulfil it’s purpose of replication. The one that comes as a result of being the latest in a line of men who have successfully reproduced which stretches back over 100,000 years.

Tags: inner game, state

Total beta

Overhead this whilst sarging in a club. It was a man talking to a girl he’d approached. The girl seemed to be into him up to this point…

Come and see me on Valentine’s day. Don’t worry. I’ll pay for everything. I own four companies, it’s fine. Really. Please come and see me. I’ve been alone for the past two Valentine’s days. I thought I was going to marry the girl who I was with before that, but she broke my heart. I get very emotional when I’m alone on Valentine’s day. I even cried the last two Valentine’s days when I was alone. I’m not joking. I can even come and see you on Valentine’s day…

No, I’m not making this up. The girl got increasingly more uncomfortable as he went on. She went from being into him, to looking like she wanted to get out of there, quickly. I has seen this girl earlier in the night and wanted to approach her, but didn’t think the situation was quite right. I’ve decided if this is what the level of male competition is like, I don’t care if the situation isn’t quite right, I’m making my move.

Tags: beta

More effort, less results

I’m now starting to approach much more regularly in clubs than I have done in the past. I’m starting to average 5 approaches a night, as opposed to 1-3 a night that I was doing last year. I’m sure this will soon climb to around 10 a night, which should I hope be enough to get me double figure lays this year.

So I’m putting in more effort than ever. The thing is, I’m seeing less back in the way of results. All my extra approaching is just leading to me getting blown out more often, not me getting laid.

People like to believe that the more effort they put into something, the more success they will see as a result. Although this is often true, it is not always the case. There are two reasons for this:

1. More effort applied to doing something incorrectly will just lead to you failing more often
2. If there’s a large element of chance involved in obtaining your desired outcome (despite what commercial PUAs tell you, pickup will always be a crapshoot, to at least some extent), you can go a long time without seeing positive results despite putting in a good amount of effort and doing things correctly. Ask any pro poker player who’s been playing for a long time and I’m sure they’ll confirm this.

So which one is it for me? Am I doing it wrong or just getting unlucky? I think it’s a combination of both things.

It’s fucking freezing in London recently, and this has had an impact on how many hot girls are in the clubs, and the male / female ration. Central London clubs seek to strictly control gender ratios. We seek to bypass this by turning up early to clubs, as bouncers often don’t let all male groups into the clubs during peak times. The result is you often get a roughly 1:1 girl:boy ratio. Since not enough people come out clubbing in such cold whether, the clubs will never be at capacity. As a result the bouncers have to let all guy groups in if they want to avoid having an almost completely empty club that night. This leads to a girl:boy ratio of about 1:2. It can be hard to find targets under these conditions as many sets already have guys swarming around them. The girls in the club get approached more often, and so the bitch shields go up. Cue the harsh blow outs. This is the ‘luck’ or external factor hampering my results.

When it comes to doing it right, I’ve noticed my non verbals have really been off lately: not smiling, poor body language, weak rapport seeking vocal tonality. I think this is mainly due to the fact I’ve been hitting on hotter girls and being more direct than in the past. These things make me nervous. When I’m nervous I find it almost impossible to control my non verbals. I know exactly how they’re going wrong, but I can’t fix them. If I’m nervous it comes across, no matter how hard I try and stop it. The self is always coming through. The good thing is that I’m aware of this and so can work on it. The bad thing is that this will go away when my confidence increases, but this is hard to do without getting any success.

The second area I’m having difficulty with is the maybe girls. Let me explain what I mean by a maybe girl:

• No girl: You go direct, she instantly blows you out (83%)
• Yes girl: You go direct, she’s obviously really interested and very responsive (2%)
• Maybe girls: Doesn’t blow you out, but isn’t hugely positive towards you (either verbally or non verbally) (15%)

I’ve put approximate percentages (which are about right for me personally, but not anyone else) to show how many girls fall into each category. I’m at a point where I can get the yes girls when logistics or other external factors don’t prevent it, and I fail with the no and maybe girls.

Everyone fails with the no girls, but that’s OK. Quick maths tells me that if I fuck 1/3rd of all the yes and maybe girls then I’m fucking 1 in 20 girls I approach. Game on.

So I need to get the maybe girls (well some of them, some will be no girls who are being nice about it). At the moment I’m not pushing these sets hard enough. I’m doing the following things wrong:

• Not escalating / not being persistent in my escalation when my first attempt is blocked.
• Not attempting to isolate them / move them around the venue
• Not putting effort into the conversation if escalation fails to happen / be accepted quickly

The result is I’m walking away from maybe girls rather than being blown out. This is bad. It leads to me thinking “What if…”. I need to push these sets harder.

I’m going to my favourite club tonight. Let’s see if I can fuck a maybe girl.

Tags: approach anxiety, non verbals

Breaking hearts

I broke a girl’s heart yesterday.

This is not something I like to do, but has happened at least a couple of times since I started out in the game just over two years ago.

I find that as soon as I end a relationship with a girl I’ve been seeing a while, I feel an immediate sense of loss. Even though it wasn’t working out from my perspective, there must have been things I liked about her if I was seeing her for a while. It is these positive things I know I’ll miss when a relationship ends. It’s often the small things you miss. With this girl it was the way she, instead of holding my hand,  held onto my upper arm when ever we left my flat to go anywhere.

Looking forward, the biggest hurdle I would have to face when entering a long term monogamous relationship is my social life. Or lack there of. My current social life is 100% based around either sarging with wings (who I’ve known long enough to consider friends) and spending time hanging out with girls I’m seeing. I need a social life outside of the game. I know of various ways I can achieve this, and I now have the confidence to do this. The only problem is, that now I have gained confidence to the extent that this doesn’t hold me back socially, I have discovered I’m very introverted. I used to think social problems I had were purely lack of confidence. I now realise that it was also partly down to the fact I’m not really a big fan of being social. As my shyness left me, that introversion as remained. This will be the subject of it’s own post sometime in the near future.

For now I’m 100% single. It may be freezing cold in London (it’s snowing as I write this) so not many girls are out in the clubs, but I’m guessing I’m going to be feeling a new hunger for fresh pussy soon. I’m looking forward to see how this effects my sarging.

Can’t be bothered to find the little stats list I usually paste in, but so far this month I’ve KClosed one girl, with no number closes or lays.

Approaching should be a knee jerk reaction

Roissy (now called Heartiste) once said, that when it comes to seduction, specifically approaching them, “He who hesitates masturbates”. This is never more true than when you get a solid approach invitation from a girl.

Your walking through the club, scanning for a girl that might catch your eye. You see one, and make eye contact. She holds it for at least a few seconds and you both smile at each other. This is the best approach invitation you can ever get. Approaching girls in this situation seems to have a very high success rate. Thing is, as soon as the girl locks eyes on you, that’s your window of opportunity. It’s very brief. There’s only a few seconds when there’s that spark between the two of you, and then it’s gone.

Of course, you can approach after the moment has gone, but it doesn’t have the same impact. Either the girl can feel rejected because you didn’t initially approach and go cold, or she can lose attraction because you seem to lack confidence.

A few nights ago I had approach invitations like this. It was early in the night so I wasn’t warmed up. A girl was smiling at me on the dance floor and it was obvious she was interested. Thing is, she wasn’t particularly hot. So much so in fact I was debating in my mind as to whether or not she met my minimum standard. I didn’t approach her. Later in the night I saw her kissing and leaving with another man. I realised then that although she wasn’t that hot, I’d rather have been in the position of deciding whether or not I wanted to go home with her, than having the decision taken out of my hands. I’ve decided that it’s best to approach borderline women who give you strong approach invitations instantly. You can decided after that whether or not you actually want to go home with them.

Fifteen minutes later the exact same thing happened with another girl who was slightly more attractive. It seems I usually get most approach invitations early in the night, before I’m warmed up. The only way around that is to turn approaching into a knee jerk reaction. A bit like the 3 second rule. I have to get myself into the habit of just going for a woman who is giving me approach invitations / who I find attractive without even giving it concious thought. Like it’s a thoughtless, unconscious reaction to a stimuli reaction to a stimuli, rather than a concious decision. If I can get used to doing this, approach anxiety and the missed opportunities it creates will be a thing of the past. This is something you should consider doing too, if you find yourself talking yourself out of too many sets. At the end of the day doing this is just a habit you need to get used to. When it becomes a habit you will do it without thinking.

Tags: approach anxiety

Approach anxiety… again

Over the course of 2011 I believe I have gained all of the skills and attributes required to successfully lay girls from cold approach. I got 5 lays last year (from cold approach), and looking back I estimate that I approached 150 – 200 women (night game, not looking at day game here). This means I get laid once for every 30 – 50 approaches. Not great, but it’ll do for now.

Looking at all this information, I think that this year I will see rapidly diminishing returns on improving my seduction skills, as like I pointed out, I already have the most basic skills required. This isn’t to say I’ll stop trying to get better, I’m simply facing the fact that in order to get the dozen new notches I want this year I will have to make a certain number of approaches, and there is simply not short cut. The maths is simple. I need to do 360 – 600 approaches this year if I’m to get the number of girls I want.

I plan to average 6 nights out sarging a month, so to bang a new girl on average once a month to get my dozen I need to open 30 – 50 sets a month. I plan on going out sarging around 5 nights a month, so I need to approach 6 – 10 groups of girls on average in a night. The important thing here is ‘on average’. Some nights I may go home with the first girl I open, on other nights it might be dead so I can only open a few sets. Realistically I need to be approaching 8 – 12 girls a night on the nights I don’t meet a girl who I end up fclosing. This is the only way to get my average high enough.

From reading the title of this post you may well have guessed what the problem is with this. Approach Anxiety.

This problem has plagued me ever since my first sarging session, and has by far been my biggest roadblock in the past two years. I don’t feel sheer terror at the thought of approaching girls like I once used to, now I just feel mildly uneasy about it. It’s often more a case of I talk myself out of it (“she’s not giving you IOIs so she won’t be interested”) then get put off by the fear. This means I’m only approaching 2 – 3 girls per night on average. Last Saturday when I went out I only approached one girl. To me now, not approaching girls feels like a bad habit I can’t break more than an exercise in over coming my fear. At the moment I just feel like it’s never going to change. I just nearly always end up only making 1 or 2 approaches a night, except on rare nights once a month when I make up to 8.

I’m going to have to structure my nights better and be disciplined. 8 – 12 sets a night doesn’t sound like much, but it’s actually quite a demanding schedule.  Given that you have at best 3 good hours within which to approach (10pm to 1am), this leaves you with 3/4 approaches to make in an hour. That’s an approach on average every 15 to 20 minutes. On top of that take into account time spent buying drinks at the bar (can take up to 15 minutes in a really busy club) and then pissing out the alcohol in the toilets, and the time in sets which don’t go anywhere and it soon becomes obvious that the pace is quite tough. This is especially true  when statistically speaking you’ll be completely rejected (not even a number or a kiss) the vast majority of times you approach.

Thinking of it like this it becomes obvious that part of the reason I don’t get a good number of approaches in is because I don’t realize just how fast I need to be moving. There’s only a little time for chatting with wings, drinking and dancing. I have to get stuck in.

I think it’s just a case of getting in the habit of regularly approaching by realising my effective sarging time it limited. My only worry is that this has been a recurring issue for me for the last two years, and there doesn’t seem to be any catalyst which will suddenly trigger a change in my behaviour. Each night I go out wanting to get laid or do at least 10 approaches in the course of trying to get laid. It so rarely happens.

The only solution I can see is to sit down before each sarging session, and imagine roughly how I want the night to progress. I’ll imagine the pitfalls and negative thought process which will enter my mind at various stages, and think of ways to over come them.

I will picture myself entering the club at 20:45. There aren’t many people around. I have a pint or two as I chat to my wings. The club slowly starts to fill. By a quarter to nine there’s people on the dance floor, and the place is starting to get lively. Now’s the time to start approaching, but it’s still not full enough for the large crowds to make my approach feel more anonymous.

Most the sets are large groups at this time, not easy 2 sets or lone wolves. I tell myself to just dance for a while, wait for the place to fill up. No. This is what’s holding me back. This is a bad habit I need to shake. Take positive action. The club is my savanah and I will stalk through it like a mother fucking lion until I find a nice easy 2 set to get the ball rolling.

I know if I see one I’ll tell my self not to bother. The set won’t go anywhere, not this early in the night, it’s a wasted effort. plus they’re deep in conversation. Fuck that. This is another bad habit, a limiting belief. I open directly by introducing myself. The girls are pleasant, but after 5 minutes it’s obvious they have no sexual interest in me, so I move on. The set didn’t go anywhere but I feel a bit better now. Just a bit more on socially.

It’s 10pm now, and the dance floor is hotting up so I go to dance. I can’t help but watch the hot girls moving their bodies. Bam. Another bad habit. Eyeing up girls on the dance floor like a chode instead of approaching. No. But they’ll reject me, I think. Dance floor approaches are low percentage. Although this is true, it’s worth a shot. Better than starting. I have to get this rejection out of the way so when I find my girl for the night I can be that much smoother, a bit more fearless in my approach. I approach her to say hi, she waves me away.

I go back to my wing. We chat for a bit. It hits 22:30 and the club’s now in full swing. No more talking, I have to keep momentum. You’re the lion again. Hunt down that next set. Another easy 2 set or maybe grab a lone girl. But she’s too hot… and she’s walked by before I’ve had a chance to react. No. Get her. Find out if she’s the one. I go after her and get hit hard by the bitch shield. No matter.

I can’t rest now. It’s nearly 11pm and only 4 sets down. Only just over 2 more good hours left. Next set. The girl I want is a a 5 set. I hate sets that big. I want to find an easier set. No. They’re just girls for fucks sake. Open you’re girl, and ignore the rest unless they talk to me. I open direct and introduce myself. It seems to be going well, but I can’t quite tell. I manage to get her semi isolated from her group, leaning up against a pillar. Escalate. Fast but smooth. Move closer. She’s ok with that. Go for the hand. She lets me hold it but doesn’t exactly grab mine back. Hmmm, not repulsed but luke warm. I must take the set forward. Time’s ticking away and I want a girl who’s good to go tonight. Go for the kiss close. Rejection. I remain un-phased. Back off a bit. Talking for a bit will help me with my conversation skills. I escalate again. Rejection. She’s still talking to me and is nice enough, but not willing enough to get physical. I could take the number but I really think it’d at best lead to a time wasting LJBF day 2. Life’s too short for that and I’m a busy man. I submit to defeat in this instance and eject.

There’s almost 2 hours of prime time left. I’m for sets in and ready to go.

Just writing that out helped me identify many of the bad habits which are holding me back. I’m slipping into so many c0mfort zones, I see that now. I think this pre sarge visualization might be the way forward for me.

End of year review

Since there is only one night of sarging left this year (New Years Eve, will be partying in central London) I thought I’d take the time to look back over my previous year in the game.

What went well:

• Slept with more girls in a calendar year than I have in any other year throughout my life (6 new lays in total).
• Got my first cold approach lays since starting game
• Got my first SNLs since starting game
• Got my first Day2s from daygame (went on 3 of them)
• Got my first every KClose from daygame
• Quit smoking in August
• Have lost a lot of weight
• I exercise quite regularly
• My style & grooming has massively improved
• My confidence when dealing with girls is massively improved
• My self image and sense of self worth is a lot better

What could have gone better:

• I would liked to have had double figure lays this year
• Still not approaching nearly as much as I’d like
• Yet to get a daygame lay
• Haven’t really built up a solid inner circle of really good friends
• My life is lacking a (non sarging) social scene
• Temporarily relapsed on smoking over festive period (this is ok if it remains temporary)
• Still need to get in better shape
• Style and grooming is OK but very generic. Room for massive improvements
• Money issues often hold me back

So did my 2011 go as well as I’d hoped? No. It did, however, go a bit better than I’d actually expected it to. 2012 will see a shift in my approach. Up until this point my main efforts have very much been focused on what I do when I approach a woman (what do I say, how to act, how to escalate, attitude). Outer game stuff, I guess. Over the coming year I will be much more focused on working on myself in order to become a more attractive man. A well respected poster and professional PUA coach on The LSS said,

1. Be an attractive man
2. Move the interaction forward

This makes a lot of sense to me. This year I have worked out how to move the interaction forward to sex when I meet a woman who likes me. In the coming year I need to increase the number of women who will like me. Approaching more is one way of doing this (and I will do that too), but the most effective way is simply to become more attractive. All though there are things you can do in set to appear attractive (good body language, voice tonality, don’t act like a pussy with her), most the work is done in your day to day life. It is about what kind of man you are and how you live your life. Are you the type who goes after what he wants and achieves it, or just wanks it to internet porn because it’s too hard?

This is what I’m planning to work on:

Hobbies

Game is my only real hobby at the moment. At a push you could count working out, and blogging (but then my blog is game related). For some reason fencing really jumps out at me. I’ve googled some clubs in London, and most the clubs seem quite social, which is nice. As a bonus, quite a high percentage of member seem to be young, fit women. En garde, bitches. Beginners courses run periodically, so I will keep my eye open and join a club on a beginners course early next year. If this isn’t right for me I will try rock climbing, but it seems more expensive.

Body Shape

I’ve been fat since I was about 20. This peaked 3 years ago when I first moved to London weighing in at 240lbs (5’10″, ~30% BF). I’ve lost a lot since then (would guess I’m 205lbs @ 18%bf). I’m working out regularly and (festive eating aside) eating fairly well. I want to have a single digit body fat percentage by the start of May. Will be tough but far from impossible.

Style

Will continue to play around with hair / facial hair combos until I settle on one, but these are OK. I no longer dress like a complete retard, but I do need to fine tune things.  I need clothes with a better fit, and also a very personalised look which fits in with who I am, and where I go out sarging. Like many guys who enter the community, I just don’t get fashion. Fortunately, fashion for dummies style blog Kinowear has just released a series of articles entitled, ‘Science of Style’. This series breaks down fashion and how to create a personalized stylish look for yourself. The reader is given a series of exercises which I believe will give me the, “I really get this” feeling about dressing stylishly. I can then build a great wardrobe for myself. I don’t want to get too carried away with this until I’m closer to my target body shape.

Reading

I want to read two new books a month. This will help me to become a more well rounded, knowledgeable person. It may also bring new ideas into my life, some of which may become passions. I tried to do something like this this year, but failed. Looking back I know why I failed. Firstly, I tried to push myself to read books I just wasn’t into “because they’re good for me”. The 24 books this year will be whatever the fuck I want them to be. Whether it’s the latest book from some PUA guru or the latest detective thriller, or anything in between. I’m not going to force myself to read sophisticated literature that bores the shit out of me. This just leads me to view reading as something I have to do, not something I want to do. This is why I procrastinate when it comes to reading. I learned that by reading a book on procrastination win. Secondly, I don’t like buying a new book when I’m struggling to finish one. I generally get through books I really like fast, so if this happens it’s a sign I don’t much like the book. In this case I won’t force myself to finish, I’ll just get a second one. Since all my books will be in digital format, it’s not as if I’m killing the rainforest by doing this.

Wealth / Career

I have a 5 step plan:

1. Up skill and put together a better CV and portfolio of work
2. Get a new job which is similar to my current one but pays a fair bit more. Will relieve my financial stress and help with the next step
3. Save up $5k. This will be done via saving some of my salary, and taking little bits of paying work on line in my free time (copy writing, programming). This will be used to bankroll the next step
4. Become an online affiliate marketing superstar
5. Quit my day job and make $100k a year working from home

It sounds easier than I think it will actually be, especially step 4. But that’s roughly what I’m going to try and do. I am currently halfway through step 1. Hope to have just started step 4 by the end of next year.

Club Game

Just because no goal list on this blog would be complete without an item saying I need to approach more. On a night where I don’t pull (or come really close to getting a girl home) I want to open 10 sets.

One thing I’ve gained from PUA is the knowledge I can change myself. I’m also a lot more pragmatic about goal setting. I, like most people, used to set some really tough goals. When I inevitably failed, I’d set goals that were just as tough and say to myself, “I’ll just try harder this time”. Now I prefer moderate goals which I can more easily meet, as I know other things in life have a habit of getting in the way. Also, when I fail I know how to analyse where I want wrong, and try smarter, not harder next time (the reading one is a good example of that). Finally, I know that, at some stage, failure is inevitable. It happens to the best of us. But the best of us know to keep going anyway.

Tags: goals

Rejection is more harmful than the seduction community makes out

Many seduction community zealots will say that being rejected by girls doesn’t matter. If you drop your ego it will be fine. I think this is true if someone is getting regular success. If a guy will get a lay every 20 approaches, then he can easily put up with the 19 rejections it took him to get laid. The problem comes when guys get little or no success.

I don’t claim to be either a psychologist, neurologist or expert in whatever the correct field it. I have read a fair bit about what being successful in a given endeavour entails, and have real world experience at trying hard and repeatedly to achieve competence in certain areas. From this experience it seems obvious to me that the human brain works a bit like this when learning a new skill. You perform a series of actions hoping for a desired outcome. If you achieve the desired outcome, the brain thinks, “You’re doing it right” and rewards you with happy chemicals. If you don’t see success, the brain realises something isn’t right and punishes you by making you feel bad.

So lets take the guy who has done 200 approaches and not got a lay. His brain’s going to tell him what he is doing is pointless, making him want to give up. Many people see doing more approaches as the key to success (to some extent they are correct), but the problem with this is that a newbie’s ego can get crushed in the process.

So what’s to be done to counter a lack of success? If you’ve approached 200+ sets and haven’t got laid, there is something fundamentally wrong with what you’re doing and this needs addressing ASAP. More approaches at this stage will not likely transform into a result, just more rejections, and ultimately quitting game. If this describes you, then I think you should look at the following areas:

Improve your appearance: The community sells guys the idea that you can look like shit and still get laid. Although I’m sure great game can overcome shitty looks, if you look awful you’ll probably get rejected so many times that you give up before you get that good. Don’t be fat and dress / groom yourself at least reasonably well. There are plenty of online resources to help you with this.

Be sexual not just social: Shows like ‘The Pickup Artist’ have led guys to believe that the way to get laid is by socially chatting to women  and then number closing. Although you need to be able to start conversations with women, this own it’s own won’t get you laid. You have to practise escalating with women: showing sexual interest, isolating, getting physical, extracting to a suitable lay location and fucking her. This is why I would recommend that newbies do at least some club based game even if there main focus is day game. You will have many more chances to practise escalating on a girl in a club than on the street.

Better target selection: Again, the commuity makes out that any guy can get stunning girls. I’m sure this is true, in time. When most guys first start out they simply don’t have what it takes to pull a stunner. Attractive women sleep with attractive men, it’s that simple. For the average guy, becoming an attractive man takes time and effort. A guy won’t put in the time and effort if he continually gets no results. If you aren’t getting any results and you’re hitting on only HB8+s then you need to lower your standards. In time as you improve you can get more picky.

I’ve done a fair few approaches since my last lay without a lay. The other night a wing tried to push me into a set with an HB8 who was a bit taller than me in her heels. Being taller than a guy is a big issue for many girls, so this would be an approach with a low % chance of success. I’d be fine with this if I had SNL’d a girl the night before, but since it’s been a while I need some easy wins to positively reinforce that approaching women gets me results. For that reason I declined to make the approach. The rejections are starting to add up, so I’m going for the lower hanging fruit.

———————————————

Stats since 1st December:
2 number closes
2 kiss closes
0 f closes

Tags: rejections

Finding My Sticking Points

When mastering any skill set, progress is not linear. People have studied the journey we take towards any type of mastery, and it is a cycle of peaks, dips and plateaus with a general upwards trend. At the moment I find myself in a bit of a dip, and I can see a plateau ahead of me.

I recently experienced a peak in my progress. This was in September / October where I fclosed 3 girls from club game in those months, and kclosed a few more. I’ve gone through a bit of a dip recently. This always happens after a big boost in success. After a big success you often get complacent, as forget how much effort you actually had to put in to get the success in the first place. This laziness leads to lack of results. I realized this is where I was a couple of weeks ago. I wasn’t approaching targets I had a good chance of closing because I was both lazy and too egotistical (I’ve fucked better than her, so I’m not opening her…). Now I’ve identified this I have started to fix it by approaching more and lowering my standards in women back down to what they used to be (HB5+, compared to a few weeks ago when I was ignoring any girl who was less attractive than an HB8).

Now that I’ve realized I need to work harder in the clubs and drop my ego, I think I will find myself on a plateau. Within this plateau I will get a kclose once every few weeks, and get laid once every couple of months. I think an fclose once every 10 nights out is about where I’m at now. I may get the odd phone number too, but seeing as I don’t generally go for number closes any more, this doesn’t mean much.

During my time on the plateau I will mainly just be getting the practice in. You get dramatically better at any skill once the actions that make up that skill are all performed by your subconscious mind, as opposed to the conscious. People refer to this as unconscious competence. It’s like the subconscious has a much faster CPU than the conscious mind. I think this is because the subconscious doesn’t get distracted. It lives in the now, acting swiftly to events in real time as opposed to the subconscious which is hung up by future projecting in order to attempt to predict the consequences of our actions. The practice will slowly but surely teach my subconscious to run game to the same level that my conscious mind currently does. Once this learning process is complete I will be a lot smoother and more polished. As a result, I’ll come across as more confident. This will cause my success to increase.

Once my mind is able to game like I do now without having to think about it, that will leave my brain with enough spare bandwidth to try out new things when sarging, and change my current behavior. These changes will no doubt be attempts to get round any sticking points I have. My main sticking point has been only making 1 or 2 approaches a night. Recently I’ve been having more and more nights where I’ve been doing half a dozen or more approaches a night. Soon I’ll probably be doing 10 a night (on nights when I don’t pull). I think this sticking point has pretty much been overcome, time to find the next one. The only way to do this is going to be to put a good number of approaches in, examine why I failed to lay each girl, and look for patterns that occur.

I’m going to sit down and do the analysis at the end of January. By then I’ll have done enough sets to work out where I’m going wrong.

———————————————

Stats since 1st December:
2 number closes
2 kiss closes
0 f closes