Your walking through the club, scanning for a girl that might catch your eye. You see one, and make eye contact. She holds it for at least a few seconds and you both smile at each other. This is the best approach invitation you can ever get. Approaching girls in this situation seems to have a very high success rate. Thing is, as soon as the girl locks eyes on you, that’s your window of opportunity. It’s very brief. There’s only a few seconds when there’s that spark between the two of you, and then it’s gone.

Of course, you can approach after the moment has gone, but it doesn’t have the same impact. Either the girl can feel rejected because you didn’t initially approach and go cold, or she can lose attraction because you seem to lack confidence.

A few nights ago I had approach invitations like this. It was early in the night so I wasn’t warmed up. A girl was smiling at me on the dance floor and it was obvious she was interested. Thing is, she wasn’t particularly hot. So much so in fact I was debating in my mind as to whether or not she met my minimum standard. I didn’t approach her. Later in the night I saw her kissing and leaving with another man. I realised then that although she wasn’t that hot, I’d rather have been in the position of deciding whether or not I wanted to go home with her, than having the decision taken out of my hands. I’ve decided that it’s best to approach borderline women who give you strong approach invitations instantly. You can decided after that whether or not you actually want to go home with them.

Fifteen minutes later the exact same thing happened with another girl who was slightly more attractive. It seems I usually get most approach invitations early in the night, before I’m warmed up. The only way around that is to turn approaching into a knee jerk reaction. A bit like the 3 second rule. I have to get myself into the habit of just going for a woman who is giving me approach invitations / who I find attractive without even giving it concious thought. Like it’s a thoughtless, unconscious reaction to a stimuli reaction to a stimuli, rather than a concious decision. If I can get used to doing this, approach anxiety and the missed opportunities it creates will be a thing of the past. This is something you should consider doing too, if you find yourself talking yourself out of too many sets. At the end of the day doing this is just a habit you need to get used to. When it becomes a habit you will do it without thinking.

Looking at all this information, I think that this year I will see rapidly diminishing returns on improving my seduction skills, as like I pointed out, I already have the most basic skills required. This isn’t to say I’ll stop trying to get better, I’m simply facing the fact that in order to get the dozen new notches I want this year I will have to make a certain number of approaches, and there is simply not short cut. The maths is simple. I need to do 360 – 600 approaches this year if I’m to get the number of girls I want.

I plan to average 6 nights out sarging a month, so to bang a new girl on average once a month to get my dozen I need to open 30 – 50 sets a month. I plan on going out sarging around 5 nights a month, so I need to approach 6 – 10 groups of girls on average in a night. The important thing here is ‘on average’. Some nights I may go home with the first girl I open, on other nights it might be dead so I can only open a few sets. Realistically I need to be approaching 8 – 12 girls a night on the nights I don’t meet a girl who I end up fclosing. This is the only way to get my average high enough.

From reading the title of this post you may well have guessed what the problem is with this. Approach Anxiety.

This problem has plagued me ever since my first sarging session, and has by far been my biggest roadblock in the past two years. I don’t feel sheer terror at the thought of approaching girls like I once used to, now I just feel mildly uneasy about it. It’s often more a case of I talk myself out of it (“she’s not giving you IOIs so she won’t be interested”) then get put off by the fear. This means I’m only approaching 2 – 3 girls per night on average. Last Saturday when I went out I only approached one girl. To me now, not approaching girls feels like a bad habit I can’t break more than an exercise in over coming my fear. At the moment I just feel like it’s never going to change. I just nearly always end up only making 1 or 2 approaches a night, except on rare nights once a month when I make up to 8.

I’m going to have to structure my nights better and be disciplined. 8 – 12 sets a night doesn’t sound like much, but it’s actually quite a demanding schedule.  Given that you have at best 3 good hours within which to approach (10pm to 1am), this leaves you with 3/4 approaches to make in an hour. That’s an approach on average every 15 to 20 minutes. On top of that take into account time spent buying drinks at the bar (can take up to 15 minutes in a really busy club) and then pissing out the alcohol in the toilets, and the time in sets which don’t go anywhere and it soon becomes obvious that the pace is quite tough. This is especially true  when statistically speaking you’ll be completely rejected (not even a number or a kiss) the vast majority of times you approach.

Thinking of it like this it becomes obvious that part of the reason I don’t get a good number of approaches in is because I don’t realize just how fast I need to be moving. There’s only a little time for chatting with wings, drinking and dancing. I have to get stuck in.

I think it’s just a case of getting in the habit of regularly approaching by realising my effective sarging time it limited. My only worry is that this has been a recurring issue for me for the last two years, and there doesn’t seem to be any catalyst which will suddenly trigger a change in my behaviour. Each night I go out wanting to get laid or do at least 10 approaches in the course of trying to get laid. It so rarely happens.

The only solution I can see is to sit down before each sarging session, and imagine roughly how I want the night to progress. I’ll imagine the pitfalls and negative thought process which will enter my mind at various stages, and think of ways to over come them.

I will picture myself entering the club at 20:45. There aren’t many people around. I have a pint or two as I chat to my wings. The club slowly starts to fill. By a quarter to nine there’s people on the dance floor, and the place is starting to get lively. Now’s the time to start approaching, but it’s still not full enough for the large crowds to make my approach feel more anonymous.

Most the sets are large groups at this time, not easy 2 sets or lone wolves. I tell myself to just dance for a while, wait for the place to fill up. No. This is what’s holding me back. This is a bad habit I need to shake. Take positive action. The club is my savanah and I will stalk through it like a mother fucking lion until I find a nice easy 2 set to get the ball rolling.

I know if I see one I’ll tell my self not to bother. The set won’t go anywhere, not this early in the night, it’s a wasted effort. plus they’re deep in conversation. Fuck that. This is another bad habit, a limiting belief. I open directly by introducing myself. The girls are pleasant, but after 5 minutes it’s obvious they have no sexual interest in me, so I move on. The set didn’t go anywhere but I feel a bit better now. Just a bit more on socially.

It’s 10pm now, and the dance floor is hotting up so I go to dance. I can’t help but watch the hot girls moving their bodies. Bam. Another bad habit. Eyeing up girls on the dance floor like a chode instead of approaching. No. But they’ll reject me, I think. Dance floor approaches are low percentage. Although this is true, it’s worth a shot. Better than starting. I have to get this rejection out of the way so when I find my girl for the night I can be that much smoother, a bit more fearless in my approach. I approach her to say hi, she waves me away.

I go back to my wing. We chat for a bit. It hits 22:30 and the club’s now in full swing. No more talking, I have to keep momentum. You’re the lion again. Hunt down that next set. Another easy 2 set or maybe grab a lone girl. But she’s too hot… and she’s walked by before I’ve had a chance to react. No. Get her. Find out if she’s the one. I go after her and get hit hard by the bitch shield. No matter.

I can’t rest now. It’s nearly 11pm and only 4 sets down. Only just over 2 more good hours left. Next set. The girl I want is a a 5 set. I hate sets that big. I want to find an easier set. No. They’re just girls for fucks sake. Open you’re girl, and ignore the rest unless they talk to me. I open direct and introduce myself. It seems to be going well, but I can’t quite tell. I manage to get her semi isolated from her group, leaning up against a pillar. Escalate. Fast but smooth. Move closer. She’s ok with that. Go for the hand. She lets me hold it but doesn’t exactly grab mine back. Hmmm, not repulsed but luke warm. I must take the set forward. Time’s ticking away and I want a girl who’s good to go tonight. Go for the kiss close. Rejection. I remain un-phased. Back off a bit. Talking for a bit will help me with my conversation skills. I escalate again. Rejection. She’s still talking to me and is nice enough, but not willing enough to get physical. I could take the number but I really think it’d at best lead to a time wasting LJBF day 2. Life’s too short for that and I’m a busy man. I submit to defeat in this instance and eject.

There’s almost 2 hours of prime time left. I’m for sets in and ready to go.

Just writing that out helped me identify many of the bad habits which are holding me back. I’m slipping into so many c0mfort zones, I see that now. I think this pre sarge visualization might be the way forward for me.

What went well:

• Slept with more girls in a calendar year than I have in any other year throughout my life (6 new lays in total).
• Got my first cold approach lays since starting game
• Got my first SNLs since starting game
• Got my first Day2s from daygame (went on 3 of them)
• Got my first every KClose from daygame
• Quit smoking in August
• Have lost a lot of weight
• I exercise quite regularly
• My style & grooming has massively improved
• My confidence when dealing with girls is massively improved
• My self image and sense of self worth is a lot better

What could have gone better:

• I would liked to have had double figure lays this year
• Still not approaching nearly as much as I’d like
• Yet to get a daygame lay
• Haven’t really built up a solid inner circle of really good friends
• My life is lacking a (non sarging) social scene
• Temporarily relapsed on smoking over festive period (this is ok if it remains temporary)
• Still need to get in better shape
• Style and grooming is OK but very generic. Room for massive improvements
• Money issues often hold me back

So did my 2011 go as well as I’d hoped? No. It did, however, go a bit better than I’d actually expected it to. 2012 will see a shift in my approach. Up until this point my main efforts have very much been focused on what I do when I approach a woman (what do I say, how to act, how to escalate, attitude). Outer game stuff, I guess. Over the coming year I will be much more focused on working on myself in order to become a more attractive man. A well respected poster and professional PUA coach on The LSS said,

1. Be an attractive man
2. Move the interaction forward

This makes a lot of sense to me. This year I have worked out how to move the interaction forward to sex when I meet a woman who likes me. In the coming year I need to increase the number of women who will like me. Approaching more is one way of doing this (and I will do that too), but the most effective way is simply to become more attractive. All though there are things you can do in set to appear attractive (good body language, voice tonality, don’t act like a pussy with her), most the work is done in your day to day life. It is about what kind of man you are and how you live your life. Are you the type who goes after what he wants and achieves it, or just wanks it to internet porn because it’s too hard?

This is what I’m planning to work on:

Hobbies

Game is my only real hobby at the moment. At a push you could count working out, and blogging (but then my blog is game related). For some reason fencing really jumps out at me. I’ve googled some clubs in London, and most the clubs seem quite social, which is nice. As a bonus, quite a high percentage of member seem to be young, fit women. En garde, bitches. Beginners courses run periodically, so I will keep my eye open and join a club on a beginners course early next year. If this isn’t right for me I will try rock climbing, but it seems more expensive.

Body Shape

I’ve been fat since I was about 20. This peaked 3 years ago when I first moved to London weighing in at 240lbs (5’10″, ~30% BF). I’ve lost a lot since then (would guess I’m 205lbs @ 18%bf). I’m working out regularly and (festive eating aside) eating fairly well. I want to have a single digit body fat percentage by the start of May. Will be tough but far from impossible.

Style

Will continue to play around with hair / facial hair combos until I settle on one, but these are OK. I no longer dress like a complete retard, but I do need to fine tune things.  I need clothes with a better fit, and also a very personalised look which fits in with who I am, and where I go out sarging. Like many guys who enter the community, I just don’t get fashion. Fortunately, fashion for dummies style blog Kinowear has just released a series of articles entitled, ‘Science of Style’. This series breaks down fashion and how to create a personalized stylish look for yourself. The reader is given a series of exercises which I believe will give me the, “I really get this” feeling about dressing stylishly. I can then build a great wardrobe for myself. I don’t want to get too carried away with this until I’m closer to my target body shape.

Reading

I want to read two new books a month. This will help me to become a more well rounded, knowledgeable person. It may also bring new ideas into my life, some of which may become passions. I tried to do something like this this year, but failed. Looking back I know why I failed. Firstly, I tried to push myself to read books I just wasn’t into “because they’re good for me”. The 24 books this year will be whatever the fuck I want them to be. Whether it’s the latest book from some PUA guru or the latest detective thriller, or anything in between. I’m not going to force myself to read sophisticated literature that bores the shit out of me. This just leads me to view reading as something I have to do, not something I want to do. This is why I procrastinate when it comes to reading. I learned that by reading a book on procrastination win. Secondly, I don’t like buying a new book when I’m struggling to finish one. I generally get through books I really like fast, so if this happens it’s a sign I don’t much like the book. In this case I won’t force myself to finish, I’ll just get a second one. Since all my books will be in digital format, it’s not as if I’m killing the rainforest by doing this.

Wealth / Career

I have a 5 step plan:

1. Up skill and put together a better CV and portfolio of work
2. Get a new job which is similar to my current one but pays a fair bit more. Will relieve my financial stress and help with the next step
3. Save up $5k. This will be done via saving some of my salary, and taking little bits of paying work on line in my free time (copy writing, programming). This will be used to bankroll the next step
4. Become an online affiliate marketing superstar
5. Quit my day job and make $100k a year working from home

It sounds easier than I think it will actually be, especially step 4. But that’s roughly what I’m going to try and do. I am currently halfway through step 1. Hope to have just started step 4 by the end of next year.

Club Game

Just because no goal list on this blog would be complete without an item saying I need to approach more. On a night where I don’t pull (or come really close to getting a girl home) I want to open 10 sets.

One thing I’ve gained from PUA is the knowledge I can change myself. I’m also a lot more pragmatic about goal setting. I, like most people, used to set some really tough goals. When I inevitably failed, I’d set goals that were just as tough and say to myself, “I’ll just try harder this time”. Now I prefer moderate goals which I can more easily meet, as I know other things in life have a habit of getting in the way. Also, when I fail I know how to analyse where I want wrong, and try smarter, not harder next time (the reading one is a good example of that). Finally, I know that, at some stage, failure is inevitable. It happens to the best of us. But the best of us know to keep going anyway.

I don’t claim to be either a psychologist, neurologist or expert in whatever the correct field it. I have read a fair bit about what being successful in a given endeavour entails, and have real world experience at trying hard and repeatedly to achieve competence in certain areas. From this experience it seems obvious to me that the human brain works a bit like this when learning a new skill. You perform a series of actions hoping for a desired outcome. If you achieve the desired outcome, the brain thinks, “You’re doing it right” and rewards you with happy chemicals. If you don’t see success, the brain realises something isn’t right and punishes you by making you feel bad.

So lets take the guy who has done 200 approaches and not got a lay. His brain’s going to tell him what he is doing is pointless, making him want to give up. Many people see doing more approaches as the key to success (to some extent they are correct), but the problem with this is that a newbie’s ego can get crushed in the process.

So what’s to be done to counter a lack of success? If you’ve approached 200+ sets and haven’t got laid, there is something fundamentally wrong with what you’re doing and this needs addressing ASAP. More approaches at this stage will not likely transform into a result, just more rejections, and ultimately quitting game. If this describes you, then I think you should look at the following areas:

Improve your appearance: The community sells guys the idea that you can look like shit and still get laid. Although I’m sure great game can overcome shitty looks, if you look awful you’ll probably get rejected so many times that you give up before you get that good. Don’t be fat and dress / groom yourself at least reasonably well. There are plenty of online resources to help you with this.

Be sexual not just social: Shows like ‘The Pickup Artist’ have led guys to believe that the way to get laid is by socially chatting to women  and then number closing. Although you need to be able to start conversations with women, this own it’s own won’t get you laid. You have to practise escalating with women: showing sexual interest, isolating, getting physical, extracting to a suitable lay location and fucking her. This is why I would recommend that newbies do at least some club based game even if there main focus is day game. You will have many more chances to practise escalating on a girl in a club than on the street.

Better target selection: Again, the commuity makes out that any guy can get stunning girls. I’m sure this is true, in time. When most guys first start out they simply don’t have what it takes to pull a stunner. Attractive women sleep with attractive men, it’s that simple. For the average guy, becoming an attractive man takes time and effort. A guy won’t put in the time and effort if he continually gets no results. If you aren’t getting any results and you’re hitting on only HB8+s then you need to lower your standards. In time as you improve you can get more picky.

I’ve done a fair few approaches since my last lay without a lay. The other night a wing tried to push me into a set with an HB8 who was a bit taller than me in her heels. Being taller than a guy is a big issue for many girls, so this would be an approach with a low % chance of success. I’d be fine with this if I had SNL’d a girl the night before, but since it’s been a while I need some easy wins to positively reinforce that approaching women gets me results. For that reason I declined to make the approach. The rejections are starting to add up, so I’m going for the lower hanging fruit.

———————————————

Stats since 1st December:
2 number closes
2 kiss closes
0 f closes

I recently experienced a peak in my progress. This was in September / October where I fclosed 3 girls from club game in those months, and kclosed a few more. I’ve gone through a bit of a dip recently. This always happens after a big boost in success. After a big success you often get complacent, as forget how much effort you actually had to put in to get the success in the first place. This laziness leads to lack of results. I realized this is where I was a couple of weeks ago. I wasn’t approaching targets I had a good chance of closing because I was both lazy and too egotistical (I’ve fucked better than her, so I’m not opening her…). Now I’ve identified this I have started to fix it by approaching more and lowering my standards in women back down to what they used to be (HB5+, compared to a few weeks ago when I was ignoring any girl who was less attractive than an HB8).

Now that I’ve realized I need to work harder in the clubs and drop my ego, I think I will find myself on a plateau. Within this plateau I will get a kclose once every few weeks, and get laid once every couple of months. I think an fclose once every 10 nights out is about where I’m at now. I may get the odd phone number too, but seeing as I don’t generally go for number closes any more, this doesn’t mean much.

During my time on the plateau I will mainly just be getting the practice in. You get dramatically better at any skill once the actions that make up that skill are all performed by your subconscious mind, as opposed to the conscious. People refer to this as unconscious competence. It’s like the subconscious has a much faster CPU than the conscious mind. I think this is because the subconscious doesn’t get distracted. It lives in the now, acting swiftly to events in real time as opposed to the subconscious which is hung up by future projecting in order to attempt to predict the consequences of our actions. The practice will slowly but surely teach my subconscious to run game to the same level that my conscious mind currently does. Once this learning process is complete I will be a lot smoother and more polished. As a result, I’ll come across as more confident. This will cause my success to increase.

Once my mind is able to game like I do now without having to think about it, that will leave my brain with enough spare bandwidth to try out new things when sarging, and change my current behavior. These changes will no doubt be attempts to get round any sticking points I have. My main sticking point has been only making 1 or 2 approaches a night. Recently I’ve been having more and more nights where I’ve been doing half a dozen or more approaches a night. Soon I’ll probably be doing 10 a night (on nights when I don’t pull). I think this sticking point has pretty much been overcome, time to find the next one. The only way to do this is going to be to put a good number of approaches in, examine why I failed to lay each girl, and look for patterns that occur.

I’m going to sit down and do the analysis at the end of January. By then I’ll have done enough sets to work out where I’m going wrong.

———————————————

Stats since 1st December:
2 number closes
2 kiss closes
0 f closes

So what is the hunger?

I first became aware of this concept when I realized I was getting all my lays and most of my kiss closes and day 2s right at the start of the month, then my successes would tail off towards the end of the month. Partly this is because I tend to run out of money towards the end of the month, but that on it’s own doesn’t explain it. I then realized that success was my biggest killer when it came to my motivation, especially if success was an fclose. Once I fclosed in a month I really got lazy for the rest of the month. Either not opening sets, or not pushing them as far as I could when I did open. Just as I was figuring this out I came across an article by Roosh about your level of desire to fuck a new girl being a big factor in determining your success when sarging.

At the moment I’m seeing and attractive girl on a regular basis. This has almost completely killed my hunger. I don’t need to sarge in order to get laid. Regular sex should be seen as a good thing, and you could well ask if I’m getting laid, why bother sarging? The thing is I do have a desire to fuck new girls, it just isn’t quite strong enough to allow me to use it to push myself in the field. There’s also the fact that I am now stagnating, and not building a solid set of skills which will allow  me to get laid at will throughout my life.

Success is a double edged sword.

———————————————

Stats since 1st December:
0 number closes
0 kiss closes
0 f closes

I found your blog via seddit, every one of your posts there are $$. I also read a good portion of your blog, and it’s entertaining and full of useful info. I’ll stop with the ass-kissing, but your writing style is cool as well, engaging I believe it’s called.

Enough beating around the bush,  I can relate to almost all of your blog entries, especially how you describe the way you were feeling. I am wanting to start doing the same thing you did, approaching strangers (girls) but I simply can’t get myself to actually do it. As I sit here, it seems like it will be so simple the next time I want to approach, and I truly don’t feel scared of rejection, but I just can’t get myself to do it. How did you start actually approaching?

Thanks man, I would appreciate any info.

P.s, can’t wait to hear the virgin story.

Approach anxiety is the biggest sticking point in game.

If you could come up with a weekend bootcamp that could cure all the participants 100% of their approach anxiety with lasting effect, you’d soon be making lots of money. There is no such bootcamp, because the truth is there is no set way to ‘cure’ approach anxiety. I’ve been in the game for nearly 2 year now and I have only just recently over come mine to the extent that I can do a decent number of approaches. Don’t let that put you off, many other people have done the same thing within a month or two.

The annoying thing about approach anxiety is that you really can’t properly get started in game until you can approach regularly. This is the reason I’ve been in the game so long and yet only just got results recently. To get good you need to hone your skills over the course of 1,000+ approaches. I estimate I’ve done around 300 – 400 approaches, and that’s spread over more than 20 months. That’s not enough approaches too get good and this is compounded by the fact that they’re spread over a long period of time. I should have done 1,000 – 1,5000 approaches in this time.

You may have gathered from reading the above that there is no way I can just give you a few simple tips which will help you end your approach anxiety. Not wanting to go all faux philosophical on you, but this really is a journey which each man must make alone, and which has no shortcut. Having said that, I do have some pointers which will set you on the right path. These tips involve a two pronged approach to solving the problem. One part inner game, and one part outer game. This is how most game sticking points must be handled.

Inner Game

1. Find out why you’re scared

People say that we are scared of approaching because approaching women could have led to us being murdered back in caveman times. Although this is probably true, there are generally a number of reasons that approaching scares guys, and it differs from person to person. Find out what your concerns are by listening to the negative voices in your head next time you try an approach. Some common ones are: fear of rejection, fear of looking stupid in front on on lookers, fear of showing sexual desire.

The reader says he has no fear of rejection. Either this is untrue (think about it carefully…), or he has some other fears regarding approaching. Once you have your list of fears, look for evidence that they are unfounded. For example, fear of looking foolish in front of onlookers. Watch a wing open sets and observe how no one notices, and if they do they don’t do much.

2. Don’t try and get rid of your approach anxiety

This may seem like an odd thing to say, but it’s something that helped me. The problem is that approach anxiety becomes such a big thing for guys, that ‘getting rid’ of it becomes more important to them than game itself. It doesn’t matter if they approach girls often. If they still feel AA when they approach, or if they miss the odd approach here and there because of it then it’s the main issue for them. The truth of the matter is that they are actually scared of fear itself.

Approaching girls scares them, but this fear they feel when they approach scares them more. They are scared of feeling scared, because it makes them feel like a pussy to be scared to talk to women. Wanting to get rid off AA once and for all is borne not out of a desire to be able to approach women and get laid, but rather out of a desire to no longer feel fear. David Deida mentions this in his book The Way of the Superior Man. Seeking to eliminate fear completely is the act of a coward. A real man learns to act in spite of fear. This is important because even if you overcome fear in one area of your life, if you want to progress and grow you will eventually find something that scares you again. It is therefore much better for a man to learn to handle fear, not to get rid of it. In fact, a lack of fear is a sign that your probably not pushing yourself adequately.

How does this relate to approach anxiety? Simple. Make dealing with approach anxiety your aim, rather than getting rid of it. This means as long as you are making a reasonable number of approaches, it doesn’t matter if you feel AA. All that matters is that you are approaching. Once you are getting the approaches in you can ignore AA and start to work on other aspects of your game. I’ve had day 2s, closes, lays from cold approach despite still having some AA. You don’t need to be able to approach any girl in any situation.

Outer Game

1. Beer. The cause of and solution to, all problems.

If you really can’t approach in night game, use alcohol to help you. I know many die hard PUAs will scream and shout that this is a crutch, but the truth of the matter is that if you can’t currently walk without a crutch then you need to use one. Simple. Obviously I don’t recommend getting shit faced, but a couple of drinks can make a world of difference when compared to being stone cold sober. The first time I realized that this was something I should be doing to help me approach was when I met my natural wing. Despite cold approaching girls in clubs for a decade now (with a lot of success), he still gets some AA. A couple of drinks allows him to approach with ease.

The seduction community’s attitude tends to be that the journey is more important than the destination, and therefore learning to approach sober is better than approaching after a couple of drinks and getting laid. I disagree with this, particularly when you are yet to taste your first few success. When starting out, just focus on doing what you need to in order to get laid.

2. Go for single girl sets

When Mystery started telling people that they need to approach groups of girls and win the entire group over, he made approaching a lot more difficult and nerve wracking than it used to be. It’s much easier, both in terms of how much anxiety you experience and in terms of social skills required, to approach a lone girl as opposed to a group of two or more girls. Yes, there are problems with approaching lone girls. The increased possibility of cock blocking. Being difficult to catch girls on their own when in a bar or club. Despite this, I think it’s a worthwhile thing to try if you’re having difficulty approaching groups.

Me sarging

I like to think of it a bit like approaching Discovery Channel style. That is I am like a lion, waiting for a lone gazelle to break away from the herd so I can go in for the kill. If you’ve spent any decent amount of time in bars / clubs observing girls you want to open, you’ll notice that they aren’t alone often. This is where correct positioning within the club comes into play. To have an opportunity to open the most lone girls possible, find a spot somewhere between the girl’s toilet and the busiest bar in the club. You’ll get more lone girls passing this point than any other position in the entire club. Lie in wait, and open them when they pass. Never open them on the way to the toilet, only the way back. The set won’t hook if they really need to take a piss.

3. Don’t approach, let them approach you

No, I don’t mean wait to be opened. Simply pick a spot in the club bar (preferably a high traffic area, not a quiet corner) and plant there for 30 – 40 minutes. The bar is a good spot for this. Anyone who comes close enough to you so that you could reach out and touch them has entered your territory. Simply open any attractive girls that enter your territory. Although you open the set, because they came into your territory it feels like they came to you. If the set dies it’s for them to walk off, not you, since you were there first. This may seem like a small thing, but the fact that they ‘came to you’ rather than you walking over to them will have a huge effect on how relaxed you are in opening. This also subtly shifts the power balance in the interaction slightly in your favor, which helps. For the first 30 minutes of your night out I would recommend just opening girls like this with, “Hi” or, “Hey, hows it going”. If she gives you conversation back, go with it, otherwise just chill (she came into your area, you don’t have to leave, remember?). If the conversation naturally dies at any point, don’t fight to get it stated again, just chill. This is a really no pressure way to warm up. After you’ve said hello to a few girls who’ve entered your area, you should feel ready to push your sets further.

If you want to reach me, you can mail me at: betatopua at gmail dot com.

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Stats since 1st November:
1 number closes
1 kiss closes
0 f closes

She text me back within the week without me having to chase, so I knew she was keen. At this point I was fairly certain I was going to get the fclose. We went on the day 2 the following Sunday night. It was drinks in a trendy bar. Since the nature of our relationship had already been defined as sexual during the initial pickup, escalation wasn’t much of an issue. It was just a case of getting her back to my flat.

During our second drink I was thinking about bouncing her back there. I will admit that this did cause me some anxiety. I can keep my AA under control enough to open, I can escalate easily in club situations, but asking a girl back to my flat on the day2/3 still gets me anxious. Potential rejection is one of the major causes of anxiety. This will fade as I accrue positive reference points (nothing bad happens if a girl says no to me asking her back, and sometimes she says yes which is cool) by doing this more often.

We started making out heavily and she grabbed my cock of her own accord. My anxiety immediately disappeared, replaced by severe horniness. “Finish your drink”, I tell her. “Why?”, she asks. I down my drink, “We’re leaving”.

There’s a bit of resistance getting her on to the tube. “We don’t have to have sex. We’re just going back to mine to watch a film”, I tell her. The resistance seems token. Her words have no conviction, she’s just going through the motions.

Back at my flat and we get straight into bed to ‘watch the film’ (studio flat with TV facing the bed may be low rent but it’s logistical gold). I’m sucking her ample tits and fingering her in no time, and she’s really getting into it. I go to put my dick in, see freaks. I don’t just mean says no, she freaks out. Strange I think. I freeze her out.

Repeat again. Same thing.

And again.

After the third attempt she’s sat on my bed staring into space and looking perturbed. From the strong reaction she had to me trying to put my dick in her I’m wondering whether she’s been raped in the past or something like that. I ask if she’s OK, and then she comes out with it. She’s a virgin and doesn’t want to lose her virginity to a guy after one date.

After this I’m not sure whether I want to see her again. Once upon a time I would have thought fclosing a virgin was cool, but now I just see it as added responsibility. There’s a lot of emotional stuff that would accompany the sex for her, and I didn’t think it’d be worth the hassle. I decided to see her one more time to see what would happen, and as per the advice of one of the top guys on the LSS, I based the entire day 3 on comfort, removing all sexuality. We just went for lunch, followed by a walk around the city. Our topics of conversation naturally got more intimate, talking about things like family and relationships. This built a lot of deep comfort. I left her that day with a single kiss.

After the day 3 she actually text me for the day 4, so I obliged. At this point I really wasn’t sure what I was going to do. I didn’t want the responsibility of breaking in a girl I knew I would never have a LTR with. We met up for lunch and I teased her a lot. She was wearing a low cut top showing of her per young breasts. Although I did feel a slight moral twinge at the thought of taking her virginity when I wasn’t massively into her, wanting to suck on her tits convinced me to fuck her. Whenever my moral sense and my penis are at odds, my penis will generally win.

She didn’t resist the bounce back to my flat. When she got there she sat on the bed staring into space. I recognized the look on her young face. It was that of a person who was resigning themselves to do something that was emotionally stressful to them. It scared her, but she had decided this is the moment she would lose her virginity. And that was the moment I realized. I was actually doing her a favor. She had come to an age at which it really was time to lose her virginity, and she didn’t need love or a special moment to do it. She just needed a guy with a hard on who wouldn’t treat her like shit after he broke her in. I was that guy. I no longer hesitated or deliberated. This time she did not resist at all, and I took her.

“Thanks for being nice about it”, she said afterwards.

We saw each other another couple of times after this. When she asked if I wanted a serious relationship with her I was honest. Although we haven’t ‘officially’ stopped seeing each other, we have been out of  contact for a few weeks now. She remains a potential booty call, but I think we’re done.

In the end, patience and comfort were the keys to closing this set.

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Stats since 1st November:
1 number closes
1 kiss closes
0 f closes

Since game allows men to improve their ability at attracting women, focusing on getting laid and having sexual relationships. It is a subset of  self improvement. I would never dispute this. What I would dispute is that game is self improvement.  Let me explain the difference.

Reading what users have written on many seduction websites it seems obvious to me the many people in the seduction community view game as a general purpose self improvement tool, rather than a specific type of self improvement tool which helps them get laid. A prime example of this is posters on Seddit. Often on that site I will post a response along the lines of, “Look, if you’re trying to get laid you’re going about this the wrong way”. The response to this sort of thing often goes like, “My motivations are my own! I don’t just want to get laid!”. My rebuttal to this is obviously to ask them why they are posting on a game website. Their retort is always the same, “Game isn’t about getting laid; it’s about becoming a better man!”.

Game is about getting laid, you fuck wit.

Yes, yes. I know. You need to be the best possible man if you want to maintain relationships with a high value woman. I do agree this is true. Although you can fuck hot girls in clubs if you have the right moves and some basic inner game, being a great, self actualized man is best in the long run, especially when it comes to keeping great quality women in your life. I’m not saying don’t try and walk the hard path towards self actualization. I’m just saying realize that this is separate (but complimentary to) learning game.

What’s so wrong with game and general self improvement being thought of as the same thing? I think it leads to the following problems:

1. Doing so dilutes the wannabe player’s learning. Imagine someone’s goal is to increase their bench press from 2 to 3 wheels. Instead of focusing on regularly training the bench press and assistance exercises, they take delight in increasing the speed at which they can run a mile on the treadmill. When you point out to them that although running a mile quicker is great they need to be focusing on heavy benching to reach their goals, they get indignant and tell you, “Don’t you think a fit, healthy body is important for a big bench?”. Well yes, but hitting the treadmill hard won’t get you that bench press. An example of this is on sites like Seddit is people putting improving advanced social skills which will do little / nothing to get them laid (talking to everyone, controlling groups) over improving basic seduction skills which will get them laid quickly (like physical escalation).
2. It allows guys to not have to admit that their goal is getting laid. In modern feminized society doing something purely to get laid is often thought of as bad. Sex is not a noble enough end goal to work towards, and a man who shamelessly persues sex will often have feminist shaming language thrown at him (pervert, creep, etc). I think an important part of a guys inner game is realizing that its ok for them to shamelessly persue sex, and to court a woman purely with the intent of fucking her. Hiding behind the whole “Game isn’t about getting laid, it’s about being a better man!” facade allows guys to learn game but remain sexually emasculated, which will mean they never reach their full potential as a player.
3. It pedestals getting laid. Self improvement is about working towards self actualization. When game and self improvement become too intertwined guys start to think that they need to be self actualized in order to get laid. This puts a mental block on guys which stops them getting laid, by making them think it’s much harder than it actually is. It blinds them to how simple getting a girl into bed can sometimes be. I’ve been in situations in the past where to get laid pretty much all I had to do was take the girls hand and leave the club with her. At the time I didn’t do this because I assumed I had to do something so very special to get laid as it couldn’t be that simple to reach such a grandiose goal. Often, it really is that simple. It’s just sex, after all.

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Stats since 1st November:
0 number closes
0 kiss close
0 f closes

I have a bumper crop of around 10 posts coming over the next couple of weeks. Just to quickly let you know where I’m at with my game here’s a quick update.

The month of October has been quite successful for me. I fclosed 2 girls in 1 month from cold approach for the first time. I now have 2 fuck buddies. I deflowered a virgin. Posts to follow…

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Stats since 1st October:
1 number closes
1 kiss close
2 f closes