If you don’t open, then you can never close

Posted: January 26, 2010 in Uncategorized

I went on my first night out sarging on Friday, and it was fucking terrifying.

Game sounds great when you read all the books. Then when faced with real life, honest to god, flesh and blood women the approach anxiety hits. So you see a woman you like. You know if you are ever to be the master PUA you aspire to be that you must approach her. If you don’t open,  then you can never close. But the fear sets in. Your stomach burns. Your mouth goes dry. Every step towards your target feels laboured, like you are slowly wading through treacle. Why does this happen?

Approach anxiety is something nearly all aspiring PUAs face. Getting through it is almost a rite of passage, a price you pay for entry to the game. There are two main reasons for AA:

  • Social anxiety: You fear that your target will reject you, and this will humiliate you in a social setting hence crushing your ego. A big part of this is also simply not knowing what to say in order to initiate a conversation with a complete stranger.
  • Built in survival instinct: Once upon a time, back when we lived in caves, trying to initiate mating with a female who already belonged to another man could lead to a fight to the death. For this reason men have developed a healthy fear of approaching women in order to preserve our lives. The more attractive the woman, the more likely she is to have a mate. This explains why AA is stronger when approaching a HB10 than when approaching a fatty.

These points partly explain why alpha males get more women. They are very confident and so experience less social anxiety than betas. They also have more faith in their ability to fight / talk off the woman’s existing mate. As a side note, my experiences seem to indicate that alphas simply don’t think ahead as much as betas, and this is one of their main sources of confidence. If you never think ahead you can never see the potential negative outcomes in a situation. Ingorence begets confidence dear reader.

So have I overcome my aproach anxiety? No way, not yet. I only made three approaches in three hours. Until I can overcome approach anxiety I am doomed to fail at pick up. What to do?

I have decided the only way to proceed is to focus on the approach, and ignore everything else. Building attraction, building comfort, removing to a seduction location are all worthless if I can’t approach.

So I will focus on opening alone until I lose my approach anxiety. This may mean that my encounters with women are short lived, as I have no follow up material. I’ll maybe chat to a woman for a minute before I make my excuses and leave. Even for a premature ejaculator like myself a minute isn’t nearly enough to get anywhere with a woman, but I feel it must be this way in order to cure my AA as quickly as possible. I’m a big believer that great things can be achieved by breaking big goals down into tiny micro goals and just taking things one step at a time. This will be my approach towards game.

The overall strategy will be: incoulate myself from approach anxiety by repeatedly approaching women.

To ensure progress I will set targets for the number of approaches I must make per session / week / month. I will build up to the point where I have done hundereds of approaches by around mid April. This is quite significant, as I have only approached around 10 women in my whole life up to this point. So in the next 3 months I will approach around twenty times more women than I have in the 10 years of my adult life.

Key points I have learned:

  • Approach anxiety is a very powerful, molevelant force. It must be overcome at all cost or you will make no progress.
  • Most women actually seem fairly receptive to being approached by a man in a bar.
  • Confidence comes from not thinking things through too much in the heat of the moment.
  • You must set clear, written performance targets in order to progress.
  1. Mark Roberts says:

    Nice blog, keep up the good work and thank you for sharing. 🙂

  2. […] do something fun. You know what’s a fun thing to do when your in a bar? Practising game. True opening sets can be daunting. Once you’re in set though you will be having a good time. I guarantee this. Talking to […]

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