My PUA goals for March

Posted: March 18, 2010 in Uncategorized

I’ve now set my monthly goals for March. I’m a bit late blogging about this and I’ve already been out in the field achieving some of these.

My methodology for setting goals is to identify what is currently holding back my progression, and then to create a set of goals which will help me overcome this. When setting last months goals I was very aware that approach anxiety was holding me back. To overcome this, all my goals were based around simply approaching.

I’m now at the stage where the approach isn’t too daunting. My problem now is premature ejeculation. Re read those words. I did say ejeculation not ejaculation. I’m just ending sets way too early. My average time in a set is maybe like one to two minutes, which to be blunt is fucking pathetic.

The way I see it, there are two things holding me back from staying in set longer:

  1. A lack of conversational skills
  2. A lack of confidence

Lack of conversational skills

When I’m talking to someone I know, or even someone I’ve just met who is male and I seem to have a few things in common with, then I can talk and talk and talk. Also, if I approach a woman and she contributes at least 40% of the conversation, again I can comfortably converse quite freely. My problem occurs when I cold approach a girl and have to put more than 60% of the effort into keeping the conversation going.

There are various techniques one can use to keep a conversation going, and I will be studying these in the coming weeks in order to overcome this problem.

Confidence (or rather lack of it) does not stop being a problem after you’ve mastered the approach. When talking to a set, after a minute or two I start think that I must be overstaying my welcome. This as much as running out of things to say is what prompts me to end the set. I really think this problem is all in my head. I very rarely get negative body language from girls when in set, and when I do I pick up on it quickly. This leads me to believe I could easily stay in set longer. In addition to this I really have to get over caring whether I’m annoying the girls in set by talking to them. I know that may sound bad to some of you, but true confidence comes to a certain extent from ignorance and a carless attitude. I need more of a “Make the ho say no” attitude.

As I first learn to spend more time in set, I will just be making small talk. In the PUA community this is known as fluffing. You will all have fluffed at some time in your life. It’s the standard “Where are you from?”, “What do you do for a living” type conversation. This is the only type of conversation AFCs typically engage in with women. Fluffing won’t get me the fclose, but I’m going to have to do this so I can get used to going deeper into sets.

The art of conversation is a skill, and one I intend to read up on. I purchased ‘How to talk to anyone‘ a while back, and I’m going to be reading that this month. In addition I have heard of many little tricks to keep a conversation going, and I’ll soon write a post about these, and which ones work well in the field. For now I just need to get out there an practice these skills.

Lack of confidence

Although my confidence grew significantly last month, it is still lacking. I thought all the anxiety would be gone from my game once I got over approach anxiety, but I was wrong. I have found that once I have opened and spent maybe a couple of minutes chatting, I become anxious that I have over stayed my welcome. Just like when I used to be sure a woman would tell me to fuck off when approaching, I think they’ll tell me to fuck off if I talk to them for more than a few minutes.

As with the approach anxiety, I think the only way to solve this is to practice repeatedly going deeper and deaper into sets. Just like with approach anxiety, exposure is the way to cure this one. Another approach is to just talk until the girl(s) make their excuses and leave. When you do this you know you haven’t let yourself down by ejecting prematurely.

March’s PUA goals

My goals for this month have been created to help me overcome these obstacles. They are as follows:

  1. 40 approaches – Less than last month, because I think the law of diminishing returns will set in if I just aim to open lots of sets. I also want to improve the quality rather than quantity of my sets.
  2. 10 situational openers – Situational openers are openers that apply only in a given situation, and make no sense in another context. They are generally thought up spontaneously, and so help with your conversational skills because you are required to think on your feet to come up with something interesting to say.
  3. 10 negs – Getting a neg just right, so it lowers the targets self esteem a little, while not coming off as an insult requires caureful calibration which can only be obtained in the field. Negging girls also takes balls because it is such a break from the beta mindset of putting women on a pedistall, so this will help to increase my confidence.
  4. 10 DHVs – Displays of Higher Value are how you build attraction. I have to start doing this if I am ever to fclose.
  5. 5 FTCs – False Time Constraints are used when opening a set to relax the girls by making them think you aren’t going to be hanging around to chat for long. See my post on lessons learned last month to see why I think these are effective.
  6. 5 x 5 minute sets – Simply put, I must stay in set for at least 5 minutes.
  7. 5 x 10 minute sets – Same as above, but a minimum of 10 minutes in set.

Much more complicated than last month, but then there’s much more to think about now than just approaching. The most important goals are probably the 5 and 10 minute sets. These will get me used to staying in set longer which is my main road block at the moment. 10 minutes may not sound like long, but I think if you can stay in set for 10 minutes, then you can stay in for any length of time.

I’ll let you know how I got on at the end of the month.

Edit: See how I got on

  1. […] Beta To PUA Mastering game in the city of London « My PUA goals for March […]

  2. […] Goals (not) achieved and lessons learned Earlier this month I posted my PUA goals for March. In short I did not reach all my goals, and I’m very disappointed in myself for not doing […]

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