Archive for April, 2010

April PUA goals update

Posted: April 30, 2010 in Uncategorized

Last month I posted my April PUA goals, and now I’m going to review how things went.

To cut a long story short, April was by far my worst month. I feel like I’ve actually gone backwards in terms of progress. In May, although I didn’t hit my goals, I still feel like I made progress. This month, however, I had trouble even opening sets. My approach anxiety seems to be back to where I first started. I really don’t know why this is. Anyway, here’s what I (under) achieved in April:

  1. 60 Openers – 19 Achieved
  2. 10 Situational openers – 4 achieved
  3. 10 negs – 1 achieved
  4. 10 DHVs – 2 achieved
  5. 5 FTCs – 5 achieved
  6. 5 5 minute sets – 3 achieved
  7. 5 10 minute sets – 1 achieved
  8. £200 spending limit – Done

All in all, a fucking disgrace. Certainly feeling more like a beta than a PUA.

The iceing on the cake is that I almost got arrested for assaulting a police officer at the end of my last sarging session. My wingman did get arrested. I need a new wing. Any takers?

I really want to get deeper into sets and start running routines, but I keep getting crippled by social anxiety. Master PUA Brad P., in his great essay ‘The Forbidden Truth’ lists social courage as a PUA’s most important asset. It is the factor most critical to success in pickup, and it’s the one I’m struggling the most with. Achieving all my goals  this month would have been trivial if it wasn’t for lack of confidence. My own mind is my greatest enemy at the moment.

One thing I did learn this month is how I am attempting to transition from an opener to a ‘normal’ conversation is wrong. I had a set of prepared conversation threads which all basically centred around my opener. This didn’t work because girls seemed to sense that I was trying desperately to keep the conversation going by expanding upon my opening gambit. This sense of desperation put them off, and blew me out of sets. I instead need to come up with something completely unrelated to the opener in order to transition into attraction. Something fun and fluffy which will buy me their attention for another 2 minutes or so.

Also, I need to work on my, “I’m joking” face. My humour has always been really dead pan in it’s delivery. Guys seem to get this, but I just come off as really serious (and hence boring) to girls. I need to smile when making jokes. Girls’ humour seems unsophisticated compared to a man’s.

I’ll set some simpler goals for May and get to it.

I’m not giving up.


Wingman or Cockblock?

Posted: April 10, 2010 in Uncategorized

We all have an image in our minds of what a cockblock looks like. She’s fat, rarely gets laid, and is unfortunately your targets chosen companion for the night. She attempts to frustrate your efforts to bed her friend, simply because denying happiness to others seems to make her feel happier about her sad life.

Then on the other hand, we have wingmen. One of my very first blog posts extolled the virtues of having a trusty wingman. Wingman are there to give you support, and help you get laid. And you do the same for them.

So cockblocks and wingmen are at opposite ends of the spectrum then? In theory, yes.

While it’s true that the most common form of cockblocking is the targets friend dragging her off once she gets bored, the next biggest cockblocks out there are often poorly skilled wingmen. I have seen some examples of this in the past couple of months, both where it’s myself getting cockblocked by a wing, and when it’s my wing getting cockblocked by another wing. Here are some examples:

– I’ve already built attraction with a girl and now want to move into the comfort building phase of the pickup. I’m thinking of ways to isolate her from her friends to allow this. A new wing of mine approaches. I great him, and am about to suggest he find our other friends (code for ‘please fuck off, I have this handled’), and he immediately and aggressively thrusts his hand towards the girl for her to shake it. He introduces himself very aggressively, and is basically staring at her like he’s going to kill her. She freaks looking really worried, and immediately bolts to rejoin her friends. I try to re-initiate, but she blanks me.

– A wing and I are on the dancefloor. A short, cute girl with ample breasts walks up to me. She stops, looks at me and smiles. She clearly wants to dance with me. I give her my best seductive eye contact and smile for a few seconds. I move a bit closer to start dancing with her. Then it happens. My wing grabs her, spins her round. He grabs her arms hard and latches on. She’s not enjoying it, but that doesn’t seem to phase him. Within seconds he’s trying to kiss her. She’s craning her head back to avoid the kiss. She manages to break free of his grip and vacates the dance floor fast. I may have hesitated a bit long before dancing with her, but I think it is a bit needy if you latch on to a girl as soon as she walks up to you, even on the dance floor.

– One of my wings (lets call him Irish) has opened a three set in the smoking area outside a club. Myself and another wing come outside. Irish introduces us to the set. My wing joins Irish in the set and I back off a bit. There’s not much room in the group for me, and a wing generally doesn’t need backup in a three set, just a quick chat to give him some social proof. This is because if he isolates the target, since she has two friends no one will be left on their own. I watch from a distance as I smoke. Irish is talking to a short, cute HB8. Within two minutes my other wing interrupts the conversation, and the HB8 starts talking to him. A mintue later, my wing slaps HB8’s ass. Hard. It was quite a low energy chat they were having, so the ass slapping was completely out of place. The HB8 freaks, and the set quickly vanishes. Irish doesn’t look pleased.

– Irish has pulled on the dance floor in a club, and spends an hour groping and kissing an HB7. He leaves a club with the girl and her female housemate. I head off to find a kebab, bit my other wing tags along with Irish, obviously intending to bang the housemate. Once back at the girls house, the housemate goes straight to bed. This leaves Irish, the HB7 and my other wing in the lounge. The girl indicates to Irish that nothing can happen because my other wing would just be left hanging around in her flat while she shagged Irish, so she just asks both of them to leave. If my other wing had even a modicum of intuition, he would have left as soon as the housemate went to bed. Two guys and one girl is no good, unless the girl happens to be really kinky. In my mind this cockblocking was just unacceptable from someone who claims to be an aspiring PUA.

These are the main examples I’ve seen of guys cockblocking their wings over the past couple of months, but their are numerous other minor examples. Whilst observing all of this in the field, I have determined that there are two different things which can turn a wingman into a cockblock.

The first thing is a lack of social intuition. The best example of this is when my wing freaked a girl out just by saying hi to her. Another example is the ass slapping incident, which was so badly miss timed. When a wing cockblocks due to lack of social skills this is completely accidental. By gently letting them know where they went wrong, you can help them improve their social intuition, and consequently their game. This should also lead to them blowing you out less.

The second reason for this wingman cockblocking is slightly more insidious. Which ever way we chose to look at the dating / mating game, it is very much of a case of the men competing against each other for the woman’s attention, and then the women choosing the man they want. Deep down, on an almost subconscious level everyone knows this. Men are biologically programmed to compete with other men for a woman’s affections. This means that the natural state of affairs when you bring a wingman into a set, is for him to compete with you for the girls’ attention. This natural inclination is probably what lead to my wing sticking around in a girl’s house when Irish was trying to fclose her. Although logically he must have known he had no chance with the girl, his subconscious competition mechanism kicked in, and he was driven to hang around just in case, and this lead to him cockblocking Irish.

You really have to force yourself to play the game properly. Competing with your wing for a set’s affections is very AFC. It immediately frames the situation as two guys trying to impress a girl. The girl picks up on this, reads it as low value behaviour, and so at the end of the night both you and your wing are left with nothing but your own right hands as company. If your wing(s) repeatedly try and compete with you in set, you have two choices. Either dump them completely, or have a word with them. If you’re going to talk to them about it, be careful to frame it as something they are doing due to their subconscious drive, stressing that you know that it is in no way their fault. This should make it easier for them to accept the criticism and change their cockblocking ways.

At the end of the day, a bad wingman will cockblock you far more often than any mythical ‘fat friend’. If this is happening you have to deal with it, or it’s going to stop you getting laid.

My PUA goals for April

Posted: April 1, 2010 in Uncategorized

Since I failed to complete all of my goals for March, I will basically be repeating the same goals for April. This is like a punishment for not achieving what I wanted last month. Bad beta.

I will, however be changing some of my goals slightly. Since I’m burning through money like a sex addict in a whore house at the moment, I really need to curtail my spending when it comes to game.

To ensure there are no more over priced cocktails which cost more than a two course meal in some restaurants, and no stupidly expensive taxi journeys half way across London to get home (at least I always get driven past Big Ben on the way home from Shoreditch) I will be limiting myself to a gaming budget of £200 per month. That may seem like a lot to some, but living in London and going out twice a week, it really doesn’t amount to much to be honest. I’ll be withdrawing £200 cash on April 1st. That money will only be spent on game, and when it’s gone it’s gone. So if I spend too much too soon, then I will miss my goals again due to lack of field training.

No more Applesynth’s for me then. Sigh.

The other thing I will change about my goals is the number of approaches. I thought that doing a lot of approaches in March wasn’t that important because I thought I’d ‘cured’ my approach anxiety the previous month. This turned out to be really bad thinking, dear reader. Although I’m much more comfortable approaching now, I’m still not as comfortable as I thought I was. I still abort fairly simple approaches at least once or twice a night. I hate that feeling of being the pussy khamakazie pilot who pulls up at the last second before impact. I really want to be able to approach every set I’m intending on approaching. This will leave me without regret at the end of the night.

Making more approaches is also very important in terms of practise. The more times I open, the better my body language will be, the brighter my smile will be and the smoother my voice will be. For people who aren’t naturals, opening a set is a learned skill. Skills are learned by repetitive practice. Practice makes perfect, and as the great book ‘Outliers’ teaches us, lots of practise is required to perfect a skill. Listen to what the book has to say about studies conducted to find out how much impact innate skill vs hard practise has on making someone an expert in any field:

…he and his colleagues couldn’t find any ‘naturals’, musicians who floated effortlessly to the top while practising a fraction of the time their peers did. Nor could they find any ‘grinds’, people who worked harder than everyone else, yet just didn’t have what it takes to break the top ranks…

The emerging picture for such studies is that ten thousand hours of practise is required to achieve the level of mastery associated with being a world-class expert – in anything.

This notion of tenacious practise being critical to success in any field comes up again and again. I once heard an expert martial artist say he got annoyed with martial artists who weren’t very skilled saying, “I wish I could be as good as you, but I just don’t have the natural ability”. He would always answer, “Train five days a week, at least two hours a day for ten years. Then see how much your natural ability holds you back”.

I think the same is true with getting good at pickup. You have to spend loads of time in the field actually talking to women. Mystery spent 4 hours a day 4 days a week for the best part of a decade in the field, and that is’nt including any time he spent thinking about game or practising routines on his own. That amounts to nearly ten thousand hours, by the way.

Now I can never hope to spend 10k hours in the field, which may mean I’m never going to be a mPUA to the standard of Mystery. The important thing to take away from this, though, is that I must maximise my time talking to women in the field. This means making more approaches, because that is what it will take to get deeper into more sets. So, I’ve had a think about how many sets I can reasonably approach. I spend about 8 or so hours a week in the field. April is a 4 week month (in terms of weekends), so that gives me 32 hours in the field in April. Making an approach, on average every 30 minutes would mean 64 approaches. I’ll call it 60 to account for things like tube closures and queuing to get into bars. So that’s my approach target for April: 60 approaches.

So my full list of goals for April is as follows:

  1. 60 approaches
  2. 10 situational openers
  3. 10 negs
  4. 10 DHVs
  5. 5 FTCs
  6. 5 x 5 minute sets
  7. 5 x 10 minute sets

My main wing is out of town for the first couple of weeks of the month, so it’s going to be hard to do this. Wish me luck.