Wingman or Cockblock?

Posted: April 10, 2010 in Uncategorized

We all have an image in our minds of what a cockblock looks like. She’s fat, rarely gets laid, and is unfortunately your targets chosen companion for the night. She attempts to frustrate your efforts to bed her friend, simply because denying happiness to others seems to make her feel happier about her sad life.

Then on the other hand, we have wingmen. One of my very first blog posts extolled the virtues of having a trusty wingman. Wingman are there to give you support, and help you get laid. And you do the same for them.

So cockblocks and wingmen are at opposite ends of the spectrum then? In theory, yes.

While it’s true that the most common form of cockblocking is the targets friend dragging her off once she gets bored, the next biggest cockblocks out there are often poorly skilled wingmen. I have seen some examples of this in the past couple of months, both where it’s myself getting cockblocked by a wing, and when it’s my wing getting cockblocked by another wing. Here are some examples:

– I’ve already built attraction with a girl and now want to move into the comfort building phase of the pickup. I’m thinking of ways to isolate her from her friends to allow this. A new wing of mine approaches. I great him, and am about to suggest he find our other friends (code for ‘please fuck off, I have this handled’), and he immediately and aggressively thrusts his hand towards the girl for her to shake it. He introduces himself very aggressively, and is basically staring at her like he’s going to kill her. She freaks looking really worried, and immediately bolts to rejoin her friends. I try to re-initiate, but she blanks me.

– A wing and I are on the dancefloor. A short, cute girl with ample breasts walks up to me. She stops, looks at me and smiles. She clearly wants to dance with me. I give her my best seductive eye contact and smile for a few seconds. I move a bit closer to start dancing with her. Then it happens. My wing grabs her, spins her round. He grabs her arms hard and latches on. She’s not enjoying it, but that doesn’t seem to phase him. Within seconds he’s trying to kiss her. She’s craning her head back to avoid the kiss. She manages to break free of his grip and vacates the dance floor fast. I may have hesitated a bit long before dancing with her, but I think it is a bit needy if you latch on to a girl as soon as she walks up to you, even on the dance floor.

– One of my wings (lets call him Irish) has opened a three set in the smoking area outside a club. Myself and another wing come outside. Irish introduces us to the set. My wing joins Irish in the set and I back off a bit. There’s not much room in the group for me, and a wing generally doesn’t need backup in a three set, just a quick chat to give him some social proof. This is because if he isolates the target, since she has two friends no one will be left on their own. I watch from a distance as I smoke. Irish is talking to a short, cute HB8. Within two minutes my other wing interrupts the conversation, and the HB8 starts talking to him. A mintue later, my wing slaps HB8’s ass. Hard. It was quite a low energy chat they were having, so the ass slapping was completely out of place. The HB8 freaks, and the set quickly vanishes. Irish doesn’t look pleased.

– Irish has pulled on the dance floor in a club, and spends an hour groping and kissing an HB7. He leaves a club with the girl and her female housemate. I head off to find a kebab, bit my other wing tags along with Irish, obviously intending to bang the housemate. Once back at the girls house, the housemate goes straight to bed. This leaves Irish, the HB7 and my other wing in the lounge. The girl indicates to Irish that nothing can happen because my other wing would just be left hanging around in her flat while she shagged Irish, so she just asks both of them to leave. If my other wing had even a modicum of intuition, he would have left as soon as the housemate went to bed. Two guys and one girl is no good, unless the girl happens to be really kinky. In my mind this cockblocking was just unacceptable from someone who claims to be an aspiring PUA.

These are the main examples I’ve seen of guys cockblocking their wings over the past couple of months, but their are numerous other minor examples. Whilst observing all of this in the field, I have determined that there are two different things which can turn a wingman into a cockblock.

The first thing is a lack of social intuition. The best example of this is when my wing freaked a girl out just by saying hi to her. Another example is the ass slapping incident, which was so badly miss timed. When a wing cockblocks due to lack of social skills this is completely accidental. By gently letting them know where they went wrong, you can help them improve their social intuition, and consequently their game. This should also lead to them blowing you out less.

The second reason for this wingman cockblocking is slightly more insidious. Which ever way we chose to look at the dating / mating game, it is very much of a case of the men competing against each other for the woman’s attention, and then the women choosing the man they want. Deep down, on an almost subconscious level everyone knows this. Men are biologically programmed to compete with other men for a woman’s affections. This means that the natural state of affairs when you bring a wingman into a set, is for him to compete with you for the girls’ attention. This natural inclination is probably what lead to my wing sticking around in a girl’s house when Irish was trying to fclose her. Although logically he must have known he had no chance with the girl, his subconscious competition mechanism kicked in, and he was driven to hang around just in case, and this lead to him cockblocking Irish.

You really have to force yourself to play the game properly. Competing with your wing for a set’s affections is very AFC. It immediately frames the situation as two guys trying to impress a girl. The girl picks up on this, reads it as low value behaviour, and so at the end of the night both you and your wing are left with nothing but your own right hands as company. If your wing(s) repeatedly try and compete with you in set, you have two choices. Either dump them completely, or have a word with them. If you’re going to talk to them about it, be careful to frame it as something they are doing due to their subconscious drive, stressing that you know that it is in no way their fault. This should make it easier for them to accept the criticism and change their cockblocking ways.

At the end of the day, a bad wingman will cockblock you far more often than any mythical ‘fat friend’. If this is happening you have to deal with it, or it’s going to stop you getting laid.

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