Archive for June, 2010

I think the title says it all really. Over the past few months I have got reasonably confident at opening indirectly. I still wanted to open more sets though.

In busy areas of London there are so many more viable sets wandering around during the day than there are hanging out in bars during the evening. This lead me to believe that the best way to increase the number of sets I open each month would be to take up day game.

I did a bit of reading and it turns out most PUAs favour the direct approach during the day. This is because most day time targets are moving them, and direct approach is the most likely to stop them dead in their tracks so you can start running game. In addition to this, during the day girls are often on their way somewhere, so they don’t usually have more than a few minutes to stop and chat. You need to be quick and to the point. The direct approach is the best way to achieve this.

I assumed the direct approach in the day would be easier than going indirect at night. Opening a one set is less intimidating than having to game group, surely? Not having to deal with bouncers and drunk people would surely make everything easier?

My assumption was wrong, dear reader.

When I actually got out into the field, my AA was far worse during day game than in the bars at night. I think it’s a combination of things that made this the case:

1. Going direct is more scary than going indirect, because you pretty much have to tell the girl that you’re into her as soon as you open.

2. Day game generally requires that you have to stop a moving target. This is more daunting than just approaching a stationary group.

3. In bars the music tends to be so loud that only the set hears you’re opener. Without the cover of music, and in a busy public area you worry that people will overhear your approach when you do it during the day.

The first few times I went out to sarge during the day I couldn’t bring myself to open. I literally spent around 8 hours in total wondering around some of the busiest streets in the whole of London, and didn’t open once.

Like I said, it can be fucking terrifying.

I vowed that today would be different. I headed to Covent Garden after having made a contract with myself. This contract stated that I would do two warmups and then three proper approaches before I went home. I would not go home until I was done.

I was there for over 3 fucking hours.

I did it though. Next weekend I’m going back. I’m making a contract with myself again. This time it’s to open six sets in two hours. Since I can see myself opening less than six in the allotted time, and then giving up and going home, I have included a clause in the contract. If I fail to open six sets on two hours, I will have to open a total of ten sets before I go home.

Wish me luck.

Last Saturday I opened a set with my standard “Is kissing cheating?” opener. Afterwards, I bantered with the girls about the differences between men and women when it comes to relationships, then stacked to the ring routine, followed by a quick story about my disastrous attempt at dancing the tango in a cheesy nightclub. One girl was obviously into me, so I isolated her and within two minutes she said, “Wow, I find you really attractive. Let’s go home and fuck”.

Sound plausible? No, of course not. A girl will very rarely, if ever be that obvious when showing she is attracted to you. So stop and think about it for a second. If a reaction this good is basically impossible, the bar for what counts as a good reaction (and hence attraction) from a girl is much lower. The bar can be so low, in fact, that many PUAs miss the signs of attraction that girls give out.

This is important, dear reader, because many guys are pessimistic (myself included) and dismiss a good reaction from a girl or a set in general by saying they are just friendly people. They never stop to entertain the idea that a friendly reaction from a set often means you should be closing. This is why it is important to be optimistic when trying to determine whether a girl is attracted to you.

Optimists may occasionally misread friendliness from girls as a sign of attraction. They will try and close in these situations, and probably fail (or get a flaky number). They lose nothing by doing this. On the flip side of this, when a girl actually is attracted to them, they’ll never miss a close. Therefore optimism is basically win win in this situations.

Then there are the pessimists.  People like this (me, I’m sad to say) seem to be waiting for the girl to ask to fuck them before they attempt to close, dismissing any more subtle signals of attraction from a girl as friendliness. This leads to many missed closes. This is fucking disastrous.

So we all need to become optimists.

There are many lists of IOIs which can be found online. An IOI is an indicator of interest. It’s basically a sign that the girl could be attracted to you. Here are my own lists of easily noticeable IOIs.

Subtle IOIs

After getting 2 – 3 of these you should be looking to progress the pickup by either closing, or qualifying then closing.

  1. She leans in continually to talk to you
  2. She holds you’re eye contact a lot
  3. She is still talking to you after 5 – 10 mins and doesn’t seem bored
  4. She laughs at you’re jokes
  5. She engages properly with you (gives you good eye contact / her body is facing yours indicating she is seeking rapport with you)
  6. She actively participates in keeping the conversation alive (talks a fair bit / re initiates conversation / introduces new conversational threads)
  7. She touches you in minor ways (on the arm or shoulder for example)
  8. She gives you a minor compliment (on how you dress for example)

Big fucking IOIs

When you get a single IOI on this list you probably should have moved into qualification or closed already. These are the sort of IOIs women give when they are trying to make it really obvious that they are attracted to you. You will rarely ever get IOIs more obvious than these, and the girl pretty much wants you to reciprocate your interest in her after getting one of these IOIs. She may take it as you blowing her out if you don’t do this.

1. She asks you for details about yourself / your life. E.g. your name, job, where you live etc. In the early stages of conversation, these might be asked as part of social convention which is followed when meeting new people. However, once a woman becomes attracted to you, she will often re-ask these questions, showing a lot more interest this time.

2. She presses her body close to yours, with her breasts rubbing against you as she talks to you. It’s easy to assume this is accidental (i.e. it’s just crowded in the bar, so she ends up pressed against you), but it virtually never is. I’ve opened many girls, and very few do this. It doesn’t happen by accident.

3. She gives you a major compliment. Examples of this are that she tells you you’re attractive, or gives you a huge personality compliment (“You’re so different from other blokes” is a good one).

I will now live by the following maxim: Any behaviour by a girl which could possibly be a sign of attraction should be taken as a sign of attraction, never explained away as something else or dissmissed.

My June PUA Goals

Posted: June 8, 2010 in Uncategorized

Another month and another new set of goals which should help me on my journey to pickup success.

The main thing I really need to force myself to do is to stay in set longer. Month after month I have prematurely ejected from sets, and there’s no way I’m going to close of I can’t hang in set for more than a few minutes.

I also need to push myself to close, otherwise I’m just going to end up chatting to girls without leading towards a close, which is after all my main goal.

So, without futher ado, here are my PUA goals for June:

40 openers
10 situational openers
15 transitions
10 DHVs
10 FTCs
10 5 minute sets
4 10 minute sets
3 qualifications
3 number closes
Master internet dating opener
Master rings DHV
Master palm reading DHV
£200 limit on cash spent

I’ll let you know how it went at the end of the month.

So I am very mindful that this is the 3rd month in a row (out of 4) in which I haven’t achieved my goals. Despite this I did feel like I moved forward a fair bit this month. So, without futher ado, here is my progress for the month of May:

50 openers: 16 achieved
10 situational openers: 10 achieved
10 transitions: 7 achieved
5 DHVs: 6 achieved
10 FTCs: 4 achieved
5 5 minute sets: 5 achieved
2 10 minute sets: 4 achived
Master is kissing cheating opener: done
Create new opener: done (internet dating opener)

In addition to this, I also kiss and number closed once.

Lessons Learned

1. I’m actually building attraction in some cases and not realising it. I’m missing IOIs, and not esculating enough once I’ve been getting them. Once a girl has been giving you IOIs for a while without you reciprocating, she will take this as rejection. This means I have accidentilly ‘rejected’ a few girls.

I really need to watch out for IOIs, because at the moment missing them is getting me blown out. In general, when you first cold approach girls they tend to be at best neutral towards me. Just the fact that they are still talking to you and laughing at your jokes after 5 minutes in itself is a fairly big IOI. I think it’s wrong to always assume girls who react well to you are just friendly. In many cases this positive reaction is caused by their attraction towards you.

2. It’s fairly easy to kiss close a girl in a bar. We don’t live in Victorian times anymore. Kisses don’t seem to mean a great deal to many women these days, so it should be quite easy to kiss close girls in bars. A half decent PUA should be kiss closing most nights he’s out sarging. I need to push harder towards this.

3. I seem to do much better in sets where I’m winging for someone than in the sets I open myself. I often seem to be able to build attraction with the obstacle I’m occupying while my win works the target. I think this is because in these cases, I don’t feel under any pressure to build attraction. Feeling relaxed allows me to build attraction much more easily. Relaxation is certainly the key, but just relaxing is much easier said than done.

4. I’m being way too picky about which sets I open. I have realised I mainly only open 2 sets, and the occasional 3 sets. Also i generally don’t open sets containing 9s and 10s. I need to push myself to open more 3 sets and to open 4 sets, while ignoring how beautiful the girls in the sets are.

5. Banter is a cornerstone of game. I’ve been focusing on trying to get through sets by stacking through routines. This makes it really hard to get a good, flowing conversation going. It’s hard to relax until I’m in a conversation like this, and as I’ve mentioned previously I do much better when I’m relaxed. I really need to build up my bantering / conversational skills. To do this I am going to start going speed dating. I don’t think I’ll get any dates out of this, but speaking to 20 women I don’t know for 4 minutes each over the course of an evening will aid my conversational skills.

6. I need to lead a more interesting life. This will give me more things talk about with women, and will make me more attractive to them. At the moment my only real hobby is game. I do tango classes, and that can be a great thing to talk about, but I need more. I am currently on the lookout for hobbies which are both interesting and will expand my social circle.