Does she like me? Why optimisim is so important to a PUA

Posted: June 20, 2010 in Uncategorized

Last Saturday I opened a set with my standard “Is kissing cheating?” opener. Afterwards, I bantered with the girls about the differences between men and women when it comes to relationships, then stacked to the ring routine, followed by a quick story about my disastrous attempt at dancing the tango in a cheesy nightclub. One girl was obviously into me, so I isolated her and within two minutes she said, “Wow, I find you really attractive. Let’s go home and fuck”.

Sound plausible? No, of course not. A girl will very rarely, if ever be that obvious when showing she is attracted to you. So stop and think about it for a second. If a reaction this good is basically impossible, the bar for what counts as a good reaction (and hence attraction) from a girl is much lower. The bar can be so low, in fact, that many PUAs miss the signs of attraction that girls give out.

This is important, dear reader, because many guys are pessimistic (myself included) and dismiss a good reaction from a girl or a set in general by saying they are just friendly people. They never stop to entertain the idea that a friendly reaction from a set often means you should be closing. This is why it is important to be optimistic when trying to determine whether a girl is attracted to you.

Optimists may occasionally misread friendliness from girls as a sign of attraction. They will try and close in these situations, and probably fail (or get a flaky number). They lose nothing by doing this. On the flip side of this, when a girl actually is attracted to them, they’ll never miss a close. Therefore optimism is basically win win in this situations.

Then there are the pessimists.  People like this (me, I’m sad to say) seem to be waiting for the girl to ask to fuck them before they attempt to close, dismissing any more subtle signals of attraction from a girl as friendliness. This leads to many missed closes. This is fucking disastrous.

So we all need to become optimists.

There are many lists of IOIs which can be found online. An IOI is an indicator of interest. It’s basically a sign that the girl could be attracted to you. Here are my own lists of easily noticeable IOIs.

Subtle IOIs

After getting 2 – 3 of these you should be looking to progress the pickup by either closing, or qualifying then closing.

  1. She leans in continually to talk to you
  2. She holds you’re eye contact a lot
  3. She is still talking to you after 5 – 10 mins and doesn’t seem bored
  4. She laughs at you’re jokes
  5. She engages properly with you (gives you good eye contact / her body is facing yours indicating she is seeking rapport with you)
  6. She actively participates in keeping the conversation alive (talks a fair bit / re initiates conversation / introduces new conversational threads)
  7. She touches you in minor ways (on the arm or shoulder for example)
  8. She gives you a minor compliment (on how you dress for example)

Big fucking IOIs

When you get a single IOI on this list you probably should have moved into qualification or closed already. These are the sort of IOIs women give when they are trying to make it really obvious that they are attracted to you. You will rarely ever get IOIs more obvious than these, and the girl pretty much wants you to reciprocate your interest in her after getting one of these IOIs. She may take it as you blowing her out if you don’t do this.

1. She asks you for details about yourself / your life. E.g. your name, job, where you live etc. In the early stages of conversation, these might be asked as part of social convention which is followed when meeting new people. However, once a woman becomes attracted to you, she will often re-ask these questions, showing a lot more interest this time.

2. She presses her body close to yours, with her breasts rubbing against you as she talks to you. It’s easy to assume this is accidental (i.e. it’s just crowded in the bar, so she ends up pressed against you), but it virtually never is. I’ve opened many girls, and very few do this. It doesn’t happen by accident.

3. She gives you a major compliment. Examples of this are that she tells you you’re attractive, or gives you a huge personality compliment (“You’re so different from other blokes” is a good one).

I will now live by the following maxim: Any behaviour by a girl which could possibly be a sign of attraction should be taken as a sign of attraction, never explained away as something else or dissmissed.

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