Social adeptness

Posted: July 15, 2010 in Uncategorized

Yesterday evening I went to a social event where I didn’t know many people, and the few people I did know I’m not all that well aquiented with. Although I didn’t try to run game on any of the women there, I was interested in how I handled myself socially. Being able to be Mr. Sociable and draw an hold peoples attention is so vital to being good at game, so this is important to me.

I did notice that I have changed socially since starting game. I used to get very nervous prior to attending social gatherings, unless it was just going to be my closest friends present, but this has gone now. In addition to this I used to be a wallflower, who would just briskly answer questions when addressed. I’m now much more chatty, and I’m not afraid to start my own conversational threads, even occasionally cutting other peoples when they get boring.

Some negative points I noticed about myself:

– I spent a lot of time fiddling with my umbrella. Fidgeting like this makes it appear that I lack confidence.

– My voice often isn’t loud enough. If people don’t always hear what you say when you’re stood in a small group this looks really weak. A loud voice commands attention, and is an attraction trigger in women. I do need to work on this, but I can feel uncomfortable speaking louder than I’m used to. I guess this is an inner game issue.

– My body positioning can be awkward, like my feet seem to move away quite often, like I want to walk off. This makes me appear uncomfortable in my own skin. This usually happens when I get bored, but I still need to get more comfortable around people I do t know.

– I still do care / think about how other perceive me a little, although far less than I used to, and probably a lot less than many other people do. I am on my way to blissful indifference, but its a tough one. I think this just comes with meeting lots of new people. The more people you meet, the less significance you place on any one persons reaction to you.

– I didn’t work the room. I got comfortable with one group of people and stayed there all night. Being able to move from group to group and interact well with lots of different people shows good social adeptness, and is an attractive quality in a man.

– I didn’t have many interesting things to say. This is at the heart of all of my other problems. If you have interesting things to say, you will speak louder and more confidently, and without fidgeting. I did notice that men who had even vaguely interesting thugs to say could command people’s attention much more easily, and got better responses from women in terms of body language and eye contact. Being able to command even a small audience seems to be a very attractive quality in a man. I think being able to present even mundane things in an interesting way is the key skill here. There is a good section in Jugglers book on how to do this, and I plan to study up on this over the weekend.

All in all I’m getting there socially, but I still have a way to go before I’m a social butterfly.

Stats since 1st July:
15 approaches
0 number closes
0 kiss closes
0 f closes

  1. V H says:

    Regarding voice, I had the same problem. There’s a simple way of getting used to speaking louder: Get some inconspicuous foam earplugs. You won’t hear your voice nearly as well, and will naturally compensate. If they’re reasonably flat response you’ll still generally pick up voices nearly as well.

    You’ll still need to make sure you keep speaking louder when you don’t use the earplugs, but at least to me that was easier once I’d gotten used to speaking up.

    I always use earplugs when I go out anyway since I had a scary experience of tinnitus a few years back (and it can often end up being permanent – in my case thankfully it corrected itself after about a _year_)… I’d recommend that to anyone doing loud environments regularly – Tinnitus is not fun.

  2. Hey man,

    Great that you are blogging all this. It’s excellent that you are keeping an authentic record here of your success. What would make it a little better is if you also identified the things that you did well – so that you can build on them too.

    Too often we only look at the bad stuff, but it’s actually easier sometimes to make the ‘bright spots’ – our strengths on a night out like this even better and more powerful if we put some light on them also.

    I think that holds people back when they do that. Because it is far easier to improve something we’re already good at, and use it to stand out.


    • betatopua says:

      I think you make a very good point. Identifying what went right is as important to success as identifying what went wrong. Also it helps you to stay positive, which I think is critical.

  3. dog says:

    Have you read the social interaction book from manhood101 or are those guys on your shit list?

    “The Principles of Social Competence”

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