I’m my own worst enemy

Posted: May 5, 2011 in Uncategorized

Looking back through last years blog entries I did notice that the overall tone was negative, which isn’t how it should be on pickup blog. I’m making a concerted effort to both think, and therefore blog, more positively. Given this, you may find the title of this post surprising. It sounds negative. This, however, isn’t quite true.

The truth is that I’ve realized some negative things about myself which are holding me back, both in pickup and in life in general. I’m going to frame this positively by using this revelation to make changes for the better in my life.

Ok, onto the revelation.

I’m my own worst enemy. If I lived up to just 80% of my full potential, my success in life and in pickup would be vastly improved. I say I’m my own worst enemy because there are things I do that are bad and things I don’t do that I should do that are 100% under my own control. I don’t need anything from anyone to do better in these areas.

Take approaching for example. In the past 3 months, I have approached, on average, 5 women a week. That’s not nearly enough to make decent progress in pickup. Now, I can’t make a woman want to have sex with me (although I can influence this), so that is not 100% under my control. What is under my control is whether I approach or not. That average could easily have been 40 per week. That would be 480 approaches in those months, compared to the 60 I actually did. That would massively increase my chances of success in pickup.

The thing I have come to realize is that I don’t take ownership of the fact I don’t approach women. I externalize this issue, and blame AA, almost like approach anxiety is some external malevolent force over which I have no control. The reality is I choose not to approach women because it scares me. Nothing external is stopping me.

Here is a list of things I do which are bad:

1. Not approaching enough
2. Smoking
3. Not working out enough
4. Masturbating too much
5. Not controlling my cash flow
6. Spending loads of money on live webcam sex chat
7. Not getting enough sleep

I’ve tried to fix all these things in the past, without success. The truth is they are all habits. Habits are hard to break. When habits are bad this is a big problem, but if you can cultivate good habits then this suddenly becomes a positive thing as it means it’s hard to stop doing the good things you are doing.

All these bad habits are related somehow. Things fit together like this:

Not approaching enough

Removes the possibility of me getting laid regularly. Related to many of the other bad habits in that many of them make this bit seem harder to do.


This relates to not controlling my cash flow. A pack of 20 cigarettes in London coasts £6 (at least), which is getting on for $10 for my US readers. Given that I smoke a pack a day, this means cigarettes are in competition with food as my second biggest outgoing after rent. While eating every day is worthwhile habit, smoking isn’t. So just quitting smoking on it’s own is probably enough to solve my money worries. I also use smoking as an excuse not to approach during daygame, and a reason to eject from sets during nightgame.

Not working out enough

The more I work out the better I’ll look. The better I look the more confident I’ll be. The more confident I am the more likely I am to approach. This is just the first reason why working out more will lead to me approaching more. The second reason is even more important: working out regularly with heavy weights increases the bodies levels of Testosterone, the alpha male hormone.

High levels of testosterone in a man’s body accentuate all of his alpha traits: confidence, aggression, urge to compete and win, urge to dominate, urge to approach and fuck women. A man with low levels of T become girly betas. Therefore, working out irregularly lowers the chances I will approach.

Masturbating too much

This doesn’t sound like a problem, but research shows that it is. As well as dropping testosterone levels, masturbating more than once a week also decreases the amount of satisfaction a person gets from being social. I don’t fully understand the science behind this but it could well be right. I’ve been wanking a lot since a young age, so this might have something to do with me being introverted. For me, sometimes just talking to people feels painful. This obviously leads me to approach less.

If those two points aren’t enough to condemn spanking the monkey to be a strictly once a week event, also think what the psychological effect of having a sex substitute so easily to hand (pun not intended but I like it). If you know you can have ‘substitute’ sex with hot girls (porn) with out any effort, it’s hard to put loads of effort into cold approaching. Why push through the fear for sex when you can just wank?

The Christians were wrong when they told you spanking it would make you go blind. In fact it’s worse than that, it’ll stop you getting laid. Once a week it is for me from now on then…

Not controlling my cash flow

Despite not earning a pauper’s salary (about average for London, so OK for my age),  I’m nearly always broke. I do the same thing every month. A spending spree where I spend money on crap I don’t need for around 10 days after pay day, followed by 20 days of poverty.

This is very strongly related to other items on this list. Both cigarettes and adult webcams are two things I spend a hello of a lot of money on which contribute to me being broke. Removing or at the very least cutting down on these things should virtually solve my cash flow issues.

Being broke delivers a double whammy on my ability to approach. There is the practical problem: I can’t afford to travel and go out. This takes away my opportunity to approach women. There is also the self esteem hit which comes from being broke. It lowers your self esteem and it’s harder to approach confidently when you have low self esteem.

Spending loads of money on live webcam sex chat

This one leads both too excessive masturbation, and to spending too much money.

It tends to be a non issue when I’m having sex at least twice a week (with two different girls). This hasn’t been the case for a while though, and I think cutting out the webcam stuff now is a better strategy than getting 2 girls on the go and letting it take care of itself.

Not getting enough sleep

I get around 5 hours of sleep a night, when I know from experience I need about 6.5 hours to be fully rested. This leads to lethargy, making it harder for me to approach and do my workouts.

I’m going to focus on breaking the easiest habits first. That way I can build up momentum as quickly as possible. The easiest win will be the webcams. I use these infrequently (4/5 times a month), and they can be substituted for free porn quite easily, should I really need to spank it. The sleep thing is also pretty easy. It will involve cutting out all energy drinks, and not drinking coffee after noon. At first this will lead to me crashing in the afternoons (and as a result missing some evening sarging sessions), but it shouldn’t take more than a week to fix it.

Working out is another fairly easy win. I’ll cut down my workouts and focus on one major muscle group per session. One set of each exercise to total muscular failure, then a little high intensity cardio. Since taking up regular daygame cardio isn’t hugely important. I get a lot of really low intensity cardio just from spending hours walking about.

With the webcams cut out, my cash flow will look a little healthier. I can go even further by being frugal when out shopping, and preparing all food ahead of time rather than eating out a lot. I will make Tuesday night (my night off game) and Saturday morning my food prep times. Frugality will be a bit of s struggle, but is manageable. Like I said it’s all about habits. I need to get out of the habit of just popping into Starbucks when out. Checking the discount areas in the supermarket first. Always find out what the cheapest option is in any situation.

The last three habits will be monumentally hard to shake. I’m not going to lie to myself and expect these to sort themselves out overnight.

Cutting out the wanking will be hard because I’m a horny fucker. Cutting out the fags will be hard because I have both a physical and psychological addiction to them. Approaching more will be hard because I’m an introvert who, in all honesty doesn’t really like talking to people, plus it scares the shit out of me.

I’ll have to sort these out slowly. Start by wanking only 5 times a week and cutting the number of fags I smoke in half. Force myself to approach twice every bar and day game session, instead of once. This should lead to over a dozen approaches every week. I could do three times that but it’s a start.

I’ll keep you all regularly updated on how all this goes, and the effect it has on my game.

I’ve just noticed how epically long this post is…

Stats since 1st May:
4 approaches
0 number closes
0 kiss closes
0 f closes

  1. Player87 says:


    I found your Blog very different to the ones that are currently floating the seduction niche. They say unpredicable is attractive. So keep doing your thing.

    Determination and Patience is all that is needed for not just you but anyone to succeed in life.

    I will visit on a regular basis.

  2. […] HBLith, but I realise I have basically no money left till pay day. This is something that’s continually getting in the way of my game. I decide a coffee date would be the cheaper option, so I go for […]

  3. […] HBLith, but I realise I have basically no money left till pay day. This is something that’s continually getting in the way of my game. I decide a coffee date would be the cheaper option, so I go for […]

  4. […] some solid improvements in my interactions with women. I have made some progress on improving my bad habits. I realized that if I just increased the number of women I spoke to in a month, then July 2011 […]

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