Archive for July, 2011

I remember that it wasn’t all that long ago that I’d be standing around in a bar or on the street wracking my brains for a good opener to use on a girl I’d seen. This is a phase many guys new to pickup go through, and it’s the same for chodes. It is, of course, completely the wrong mindset.

Chodes think chat up lines get you girls. They think if you go in with a good opening line, the girl will be impressed. She’ll love your wit,  like you, and you pull. Firstly, this is erroneous thinking. The opener is just an ice breaker. It’s just basically saying hello. It’s what comes after that which defines whether or not you fuck the girl. Secondly, the need for a good opener shows weak inner game. A guy believes he has to say something witty to start a conversation with a girl, in order to get her to like him. He can’t rely on his presence alone to open a set. The thought of going in with nothing but his personality laid bare scares him, so he seeks a magic bullet in the form of a ‘guaranteed’ chat up line. Of course, if there were any chat up lines guaranteed to pull, they’d get famous, all guys would used them, and no one would ever go home alone again.

If openers don’t open sets, what does?

Presence. That’s what I call it anyway. Many within the seduction community would call it value.

What do I mean by presence? How do you generate a strong presence?

To me presence is just what you sub communicate about yourself. These sub communications come in the form of body language, eye contact, facial expression and voice tonality.

Weak presence / low value

These behaviors will lead to a low percentage of sets hooking.

  • Timid when it comes to invading the personal space of the girl/s he is opening
  • Small, submissive body language like he’s trying to hide away
  • Rapport seeking voice tonality, quietly spoken
  • Big, supplicating, ‘please like me’ smile on his face and weak eye contact

Strong presence / high value

These behaviors will lead to a high percentage of sets hooking, and will get you attraction all on their on reasonably often.

  • Not shy about invading girl’s personal space. Gets stuck in when he opens sets
  • Strong, masculine body language. He won’t hide away from the girls
  • Voice is loud and slow. Voice tonality is somewhere between neutral and breaking rapport
  • Cocky grin on his face, strong eye contact

It’s all about what these things sub communicate about the type of man you are. While I wouldn’t go as far as to say words are completely irrelevant, bad words and a strong presence will do better than good words and a weak presence. I’m still working on my non verbals, tweaking them all the time. I’ll do a post soon on what I consider to be strong non verbals, and how to go about getting them.

Don’t spend ages trying to work out what the best opener is. Just go in with good non verbals, and “Hello” will be good enough.

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Stats since 1st July:
60 approaches
8 number closes
3 kiss closes
1 f closes

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One thing I’ve noticed recently is that many of my sets just fizzle out. I’m talking to a girl, the conversation dies, and she leaves.

In his book, ‘Bang’, RooshV says that a silence of 10 or more seconds within the first 30 minutes will kill a set. I would agree with this, but also add that a 5 second silence can often be enough within the first 10 minutes.

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while you may have noticed a theme. When I identify a recurring problem, I always analyze the causes of the problem, and then look at possible solutions. So here I go.

I see three reasons for the problem:

1. My lack of conversational skills. These have come on a long way recently, but I’m inconsistent. Post on this coming soon.

2. My inner introvert kicks in. This does not mean I get shy. It means I sometimes do not like speaking to people. This is not a lack of confidence, it’s more like I just get bored, even speaking with hot women.

3. Trying to play it too cool. I don’t want to come across as eager or seen to be fighting to keep the conversation alive. However, I think it’s worth risking these things for the sake of keeping the conversation going. If the girl walks off I have no chance. Keeping her there, even if I appear eager as a result may not be the best game, but you don’t need perfect game to get laid.

I need to drop the ego, ignore my inner introvert and just keep the conversation going. Burn every set to the ground.

———————————————
Stats since 1st July:
60 approaches
8 number closes
3 kiss closes
1 f closes

No, dear reader, I didn’t mistype the title. I didn’t mean to type, “I suck at approaching women”. I really did mean, “I suck at getting approached by women”.

Let me explain. As I go out more, get into better shape, dress better and move around venues more confidently, I get more approach invitations and get approached more often by women.

The truth is though, when I get approach invitations I often ignore them. When I get approached I often freeze, like a deer in the head lights. I just don’t know what to say or do. Being approached by women just seems to take me by surprise.

I think there are two factors a play here. Firstly, I’m not used to this much female attention. I’m not in the habit of taking advantage of these opportunities because it so rarely happened to me in the past. I need to get used to taking the ball and running with it when these things happen. This is just experience. I’ll get this just by continuing to go out.

The second point is something slightly different. It’s an inner game issue. When a girl who is an HB6 or lower gives me an approach invitation or approaches me, I assume she wants to fuck me. When the same thing happens with an HB7+ I assume she’s just messing me about. This tells me that deep down I don’t feel worthy of the more attractive women.

An example. I’m strutting through a busy central London club the other weekend. There’s a group of girls standing / dancing near a booth. I walk through the gap in the middle of them. I make eye contact with a blonde who was at least an HB7. I instantly eyefuck her as I do with any sexy lady that who makes eye contact with me in a club. She smiles, moves towards me and shoves her tits right into my chest. I assume she’s just messing with guys who walk by, so I carry on walking. I look back over my shoulder and some guy who was walking behind me is smiling at her. She waves him on. Maybe she wasn’t just messing with guys. Maybe she liked what she saw as I walked by. In the future I will strive to never have to ask myself the question, “What if…?”.

I once went to a whore house and didn’t get laid. True story.

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Stats since 1st July:
60 approaches
8 number closes
3 kiss closes
1 f closes

I thought I had my day game stop (when I stop a moving target) down, but I’m starting to reconsider this. I always come in from the side of the girl, almost a bit behind her and then tap her on the arm. I then deliver my opener. Many people have told me that this is wrong, and I need to get ahead of her, spin around and then face her, blocking her path. This always seemed a bit over the top to me.

I always argued that my problem lately in day game wasn’t stopping the girls. 80 – 90% of girls will stop and listen to my opener, with most of them sticking around to exchange a few sentences after that. My problem is hooking the sets.

I consider a set to be hooked when the girl is giving me her full attention, has stopped wanting to walk away from me, and the two of us are having a conversation. Most girls fail to hook for me, they make their excuses and walk off soon after I finish my opener. Looking back at my spreadsheet, my hook rate is maybe 10%.

I always thought this was a problem with my verbal skills. I wasn’t saying the right stuff to engage them and hook them. Although I think this is partially true I think they way I go about stopping them may play a bigger part in this than I previously thought. Here’s why.

A prerequisite to hooking a girl in day game is killing her momentum. A girl when walking down the street has both mental and physical momentum. Her physical momentum is the fact that her body is physically moving in a certain direction. I think it is obvious that you need to stop this physical momentum in order to hook the girl. You can’t have a conversation with her when you’re stood still but she never physically stops. Her mental momentum is not as obvious, but it’s still just as important. In her mind, before you stop her she is thinking about where she’s going. While she’s still thinking, “I’m on my way to Tescos” she still has mental momentum, and in her mind she is just about to walk off. You have to engage her fully in conversation to rid her brain of this thought. Until this is done you can’t hook her into a conversation in which she is fully present mentally.

I think really getting in front of a girl, rather than coming in from the side is much more likely to kill her momentum. I’ve been killing physical momentum fairly well, but not so much the mental momentum. This is part of the reason I’m getting a low hook rate. I don’t think there’s anything that will quite kill a girls momentum as quickly as getting right in front of her, and shamelessly blocking her path. It’s also very high value / alpha. It sub-communicates that what you want (to talk to her) is the most important thing, more important than her getting to where she is going.

I’m currently in the process of modifying my day game stop so I get in front of the girl. Cue comedy moments where I fuck my timing up / misjudge distances and she ends up walking straight into me.

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Stats since 1st July:
53 approaches
7 number closes
3 kiss closes
1 f closes

Online dating revisited

Posted: July 21, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags:

I was recently thinking back to last year and early this year, when I had a series of regular girl friends due to online game. Although I’ve done not too bad in terms of getting girls into bed this year, for a number of reasons I haven’t actually had a girl friend in a while.

I’m starting to miss the female company, and, surprisingly, I don’t mean in a sexual sense. Spending time with women who have romantic interest in you is simply very different than hanging around with men or women on a purely platonic basis. There’s a certain caring, feminine energy they radiate when with you that you just can’t get in other situations. I feel all men have a need for this, as well as sex.

Although I can see myself having at the very least a few one night stands between now and the end of the year as a result of cold approaching, I’m less confident in my ability to bag a girlfriend. It’s much easier to pickup a girlfriend online, since that’s what girls on dating sites are looking for. It’s like a salesman hitting up qualified leads rather than approaching fully cold prospects. This has all got me thinking I might have another crack at online game.

The main thing putting me off from doing this is that I think it’s a bit of a cop out. It’s almost like admitting some failure on my part in my quest to get good at cold approach. In addition to this, online game could interfere with my progress at cold approach. Online game is just so much easier that I can see it making me really lazy when it comes cold approaching. It’s just down to my natural inclination to take the path of least resistance.

I’ve decided to compromise. If I don’t have a regular girl by 1st October 2011 I’ll turn to online game. On that date, I’ll buy a digital camera and spend a whole month taking photos for my profile and finding the best using OKCupid’s ‘My Best Face’ feature. This may seem like a long time to sort a few snaps out, but profile photos are vital in online game. I think having shitty photos let me down before, so I’m determined to put the time in to get a selection of really great ones this time. This should lead to me getting a hotter girl friend, so really worth spending the time and effort to get this bit right.

Since I’ll be looking for a (non monogamous)  girl friend and not just a quick lay, I think I’ll be a lot more picky (both in terms of looks and personality) than in the past, so this could turn out quite well for me. I’ll have a qualifying frame.

There are certain things I’m not looking forward to. First the inevitable hours spent in front of the PC messaging girls whose egos are expanded to several orders of magnitutde of where they should be due to receiving 200 messages a week despite being average looking. Secondly there’s turning up on a date only to be faced with a girl who is two dress sizes larger than when she had her profile pictures taken. For those dates it’s one pint then I’m off home. I still can’t bring myself to go full cunt,  just taking one look at her then leaving. I have too much empathy. I can just feel the dropping sensation in the pit of a fatties stomach which would surely result if I were to crush her ego in such a casual manner. Having a conscious can often be tiresome. I blame my mother for this.

I’ll still be looking to work hard on my cold approach during this time, and really hope I don’t get lazy in this area. This all being said, I’d much prefer to bag a girlfriend from cold approach in the next two months. I’ll make sure every girl I fuck gets a good, hard finger fucking to really lube her up before I put my cock in. This will help in maximizing my chances of an encounter being more than a one night stand. Contrary to society’s popularly held beliefs, women will often come running back to guys who can give them multiple orgasms, regardless of personality compatibility.

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Stats since 1st July:
53 approaches
7 number closes
3 kiss closes
1 f closes

Smoking is both bad for your health, and in recent years really, really expensive in the UK (the government rapes smokers on tabbacco tax). The other night I found another reason to quit.

When out in a bar I had got a few approach invitations from an HB6 throughout the night. Towards the end of the night I finally manage to locate my balls and open her. She responds well at first, thrusting her breasts into my chest. The main problem seems to be that she’s really drunk. This is going to make talking to her hard. A couple of minutes in she scrunches  up her face, and declares, “You’ve been smoking!”. She then walks off.

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Stats since 1st July:
53 approaches
7 number closes
3 kiss closes
1 f closes

Read part 1

My girl must really want cock, because, despite being nice about it, she’s having none of this cock blocking attempt. Her friends leave, and the male orbitor remains. She starts chatting to him. I’ve been hanging back the whole time smoking and watching events out of the corner of my eye as to not look too needy. I decide I’ll give her a few minutes, then I’ll leave her to it if she’s still with the guy. She has a consoling look on her face and gives him a little pat on the shoulder. He looks dejected. I can’t hear what’s being said but I can tell from the non verbals. “Look, you’re a really nice guy. But you’ve been following me around like a puppy all night. It’s really beta so you’re not getting the pussy. I’m going to fuck the guy who teased me like a little girl then shamelessly pushed for the kiss close within minutes of meeting me instead.”. Well, I doubt she quite said that, but you get the idea.

He walks of and I go over to her. “What was that about?”, I enquire. “He was a really really nice guy, and I think he wanted something to happen between us tonight, but I didn’t like him in that way”. Called it.

I take her back inside and she buys us drinks. We sit and chat more and I escalate a bit, I don’t feel the need to push it to far though. She’s got quite nice legs, and by now I really want to get between them.

The club closes and she wants to go for a wander. Cool. I take her down the road to Trafalgar square and we chat. It’s then I pop the question, using a line shamelessly stolen from Paul Janka, “I know a bar we can go to. It’s kind of small, but really homely. There’s even a picture of my mum on the wall”. She goes for it.

Although she says she’d be happy to take the bus back to mine, I opt for paying for a taxi. I’ve heard of many cases of guys trying to extract a girl using public transport going wrong. As soon as the girl leaves the fun atmosphere of the club he buying tempreature will start to drop. She’ll start to sober up. Her feet will start to hurt in those sexy heels she’s got on. She’ll start to get tired. And cold. All these things can cause a girl to crash emotionally. Add that to the yuck of travelling on a late night central London bus (full of drunk people, some people vomiting down the aisles) which is very public and can kill the bubble of love around you two, and she might, at the last moment decide not to come hone with you. I would advise always taking a taxi. It’s just the two of you speeding through the night together as the sexual tension slowly mounts. You both stare at each other, anticipating the pleasures that await when you be home. That said it cost me fifty fucking pounds both ways.

When I got her home it was straight down to business. Lots of passionate kissing and my hand working it’s way towards her pussy. Her legs remained firmly closed though. Attempt after attempt to go for the fclose is met by a shake of her head. I don’t beta out and ask why, I just keep kissing then try again. Eventually she pushes me onto my back and sucks me off. A very good blow job. That being said, I’m a man who knows what he wants and I want the full close.

We lie on my bed smoking and chatting as my balls reload. I haven’t given up yet, dear reader.

After the cigarettes are finished I wait for the conversation to reach a natural lull. I pull her towards me. I’m more aggressive this time, pining her to the bed and animalistic-ally biting her neck.

I think a lot of chodes who experience LMR either get really angry, or just beg / whine for it. I probably would have done something like this years ago, but I know better now. Those low value reactions are likely to make her pussy slam shut. I’ve always seen LMR as one last shit test. One final line of defence against the possibility of being impregnated by beta male sperm. Given that by this stage the guy is probably too horny to think properly in many cases, this is probably the most machaveli of all shit tests.

I’ve had good success with the standard Mystery Method freeze about, but for some reason it just didn’t feel right. Instead I just dry humped her through her knickers until she lifted her legs above her head, offering herself to me. Unlike the beta who tries to convince the girl to spread her legs via pleading words, the (wannabe) alpha knows getting her as horny as possible is the way to go.

She gives me a “You cheeky bastard” look as I retrieve a condom from underneath my mattress just next to the head of my bed. I wrap up and fuck her brains out for my third lay of the year.

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Stats since 1st July:
53 approaches
7 number closes
3 kiss closes
1 f closes

Some miscellaneous sets

Posted: July 17, 2011 in Uncategorized

I’ve realised I sometimes mention sets here, but then don’t go on to tell you what has happened with them. In addition to this I sometimes make progress with sets I haven’t mentioned here. I thought it would be nice to give a rundown of some of my recent sets here:

HBCorrect

Not mentioned here. Number closed her in a bar at the beginning of the month, and went on a day 2 with her the following week. She’s young and pretty hot, but very subdued. Not much chemistry between us. She’s just gone back to her home country for 2 months. I told her to Facebook me. She hasn’t. I think this set’s dead.

HBFrauline

Mentioned previously. I saw her a few times, and even got her into my bed, but things weren’t progressing fast enough physically for my liking. I got the impression she wanted me as a boyfriend, and to achieve that she was trying to get me to invest in her. She’s just about my minimum standard for an fclose, but isn’t girlfriend material either in terms of looks or personality.

I decided to LJBF her during a Facebook chat. Seeing as she has lots of hot friends this seemed like a sound stratagey.

I get a text from her last Saturday night (same night I went for the SNL with another girl) asking what club I’m in. She turns up with a friend 40 minutes later.

When I first see her, she just says, “Oh, hi” and then walks off. I think she’s trying to make me chase her, but I don’t care. There are plenty more girls in the club for me to hunt.

A bit later she comes over to me and my wing, and blatantly hits on him. At this point I decide I’m done with her. My wing asks if I mind if he fucks her. I tell him it’s fine if he really wants to, but when he finds out I’ve been on dates with her, he says he won’t peruse her.

The last time I see her is when I pull the girl I SNL’d right in front of her. I didn’t do this as a jealousy thing, the fact that she was there was coincidental.

HBFlyGirl

A day game pickup. Good texts and a phone chat ensued. She seemed very keen to meet, but worked odd hours. She suddenly went dead on me, but I got a long text a couple of days later telling me she’d lost her phone. I push her for a time and date when she’s free for a meet. Radio silence for a couple of days now. Will give it one last try before I declare the set as dead. If this doesn’t happen it’ll have been due to shitty logistics leading to it being so long between the pickup and the meet.

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Stats since 1st July:
53 approaches
7 number closes
3 kiss closes
1 f closes

Desensitisation

Posted: July 15, 2011 in Uncategorized

I’m standing in a pub’s smoking area puffing away. My two wings are in a 2 set with a couple of cute Spanish girls. It seems to be going well for them, so I’m content just to chill.

There’s a 3 set to my left. The hottest  one, HBCurlyHair holds my eye contact for a couple of seconds. She then whispers something to her friend which prompts them to both high five each other and laugh. I’m not in a very confident mood that night so I assume they’re making fun of me. I do notice that HBCurlyHair does keep giving me the eye though. My lack of confidence and their laughter make me unwilling to approach. After my wings have finished with the 2 set, one of them opens the 3 set. I reluctantly join.

The girls are all French, as is one of my wings. They seem stand offish at first, but seem to warm to us. I find myself semi isolated with HBCurlyHair. My manner towards her is quite friendly, with a vague air of superiority. This is good as you take them off the pedestal without being an aggressive asshole (many recovering nice guys find themselves playing this role).

It turns out she’s very young, just 18. She starts almost qualifying to me, telling me how she’s very nearly 19, so she’s not that young. We’ve been talking for maybe 10 minutes, and the vibe is, in my opinion, mediocre. While neither of us are bored, there isn’t that electricity in the air which really prompts me to close a set.

I decide to make the conversation a bit more personal, and if that has sparked things up a bit I’ll close in around 10 – 15 minutes time. I like my bar game sets to last around 30 minutes. I think this amount of time gives you the best compromise between getting both a good quality and quantity of number closes in a night. I’ve met people who consistently number close in under 5 minutes. They get consistently flaked on.

It’s then her friend interrupts us. They speak in French, and stand there a while. I back off and speak to my wing. A minute later they walk off. After they’re gone, my French wing tells me the English translation of their chat:

Friend: Do you like that guy?

HBCurlyHair: Yeah, I do.

*They walk off*

I don’t understand what happened here. My only explanation is that she liked me but I was too aloof. She got nervous because I hadn’t showed her any obvious interest. Or maybe girls are just silly. My wings were surprised I didn’t close. Then it struck me. I’ve been going out and opening sets so frequently, that I have become desensitized to a girl’s interest in me and her IOIs.

When most guys chat to a cute girl they’ve just met, with flirting, minor touching and great eye contact, they think all their Christmases have come at once. If my AFC friends had seen me in this set they’d have looked on amazed and have told me how well I did. For me the set just seemed normal. I didn’t pick up on her interest because she just seemed to be acting the same as a lot of girls do around me.

I need to set the bar slightly lower in terms of what I class as a good interaction, and as a result number close more often.

———————————————
Stats since 1st July:
39 approaches
7 number closes
3 kiss close
1 f closes

I’d been having a good night in the club. I’d made 7 approaches (many of which had been my most confident yet), got a couple of (weak) number closes and got a dance floor kclose.

It had just turned 2am, and with the club was closing in an hour, so I decided it was time to call it a night. Making my way down the main staircase I got strong eye contact and a smile from an HB6 dancing with her friends. I started to walking towards the exit, thinking about how often I’d got suggestive eye contact from a girl just when I was leaving a venue. C’est la vie, I thought to myself.

Fuck that. Not tonight. If you want different results, you have to do things differently. This time it’s going to be different.

I stop and lean against a booth. I start to think I’ll feel stupid if I turn and walk back to her a whole minute after we locked eyes. I can’t really bottle this approach over something so trivial, can I? It’s then that she tells some guy who’s with her group that she’s going to the loo. I’m stood between her and the toilet so the game is on.

I grab her as she passes me:

Me: Hello. You look like fun. I’m betatopua

Her: I’m HBPoshGirl

She opens well, pushing her bountiful bossoms against my chest. It’s on. Attraction material time. I tease her for being posh, ask her why she’s out tonight. Hen do. She tells me the guy she was with has been following her around all night. I tell her she should come with me an I’ll look after her. She tells me to meet her by the bar near the toilets in 5 minutes. I agree. She walks off.

There’s an interesting point here relating to frame control / shit tests and gaming higher value women. Since this girl was an HB6 I didn’t worry about falling into her frame or failing a shit test by going over to the bar to wait for her. Since I felt I was higher value than her I just went along with it. If she was an HB9, things would be different. I would assume that this was a shit test, and that waiting for her would kill her attraction for me.

I have had a theory for a while that the biggest problem guys face when trying to pull the hottest women is mindfucking themselves. A good example of this would be assuming that waiting for her by the bar like she asked me to was a shit test, and so not going. In reality the girl has just isolated herself for you. This is one (often troublesome) part of the pickup, so I should be thankful she did it for me rather than viewing it as a shit test. I will have to remind myself of this when I’m gaming 8+s. Don’t see shit tests where they don’t exist.

I meet her by the bar and build some comfort. Turns out she’s a proper rich girl from a monied family. This provides almost limitless teasing material for the rest of the night. I get the drinks in an tell her to show me her dance moves. She knows how to move her body. Nice.

She tells me it’s her birthday, so I eyefuck her and tell her she needs a birthday kiss. “Maybe I’ve already had one”, she says, smiling. “No, I mean a good birthday kiss”, I retort, gesturing towards myself. We kiss.

We go and sit down in a quieter area of the club and a run rapport / comfort. This is a sticking point in my game at the moment, but in this case it was easy; we share a vaguely similar upbringing. I probe for logistics, and find out that her and her friends are only in town for the weekend, and are staying at a nearby hotel. It’s tonight, or never.

I notice she has cigarettes, so we go outside to smoke. Her friends come out, followed by her random male orbitor that she had picked up earlier on the dancefloor. Her friends are leaving, but she says she wants to stay and have a good time because it’s her birthday. Nice.

And then it happens. One of her friends doesn’t like the fact that she’s staying. She really doesn’t fucking like it. So much so that she bursts out crying. Not little tears either. Her whole body’s heaving like she’s in some sort of emotional pain. Cunt.

Why do girls do this? I mean seriously ladies. Come on now. My only guess is that women are very much herd creatures, and when one if them is about to get removed from the herd it effects them emotionally. Alchol then heightens these emotions, and then the water works start.

With her friend still in floods of tears, and the random male orbiter still hovering expectantly just a few feet away from her, I watch on out of the corner of my eye as the prospect of my first SNL since starting game seems to have been snatched cruelly from me.

To be continued…

PS Would love to know what you guys would do now in this situation.

———————————————
Stats since 1st July:
36 approaches
7 number closes
3 kiss close
1 f closes