Desensitisation

Posted: July 15, 2011 in Uncategorized

I’m standing in a pub’s smoking area puffing away. My two wings are in a 2 set with a couple of cute Spanish girls. It seems to be going well for them, so I’m content just to chill.

There’s a 3 set to my left. The hottest  one, HBCurlyHair holds my eye contact for a couple of seconds. She then whispers something to her friend which prompts them to both high five each other and laugh. I’m not in a very confident mood that night so I assume they’re making fun of me. I do notice that HBCurlyHair does keep giving me the eye though. My lack of confidence and their laughter make me unwilling to approach. After my wings have finished with the 2 set, one of them opens the 3 set. I reluctantly join.

The girls are all French, as is one of my wings. They seem stand offish at first, but seem to warm to us. I find myself semi isolated with HBCurlyHair. My manner towards her is quite friendly, with a vague air of superiority. This is good as you take them off the pedestal without being an aggressive asshole (many recovering nice guys find themselves playing this role).

It turns out she’s very young, just 18. She starts almost qualifying to me, telling me how she’s very nearly 19, so she’s not that young. We’ve been talking for maybe 10 minutes, and the vibe is, in my opinion, mediocre. While neither of us are bored, there isn’t that electricity in the air which really prompts me to close a set.

I decide to make the conversation a bit more personal, and if that has sparked things up a bit I’ll close in around 10 – 15 minutes time. I like my bar game sets to last around 30 minutes. I think this amount of time gives you the best compromise between getting both a good quality and quantity of number closes in a night. I’ve met people who consistently number close in under 5 minutes. They get consistently flaked on.

It’s then her friend interrupts us. They speak in French, and stand there a while. I back off and speak to my wing. A minute later they walk off. After they’re gone, my French wing tells me the English translation of their chat:

Friend: Do you like that guy?

HBCurlyHair: Yeah, I do.

*They walk off*

I don’t understand what happened here. My only explanation is that she liked me but I was too aloof. She got nervous because I hadn’t showed her any obvious interest. Or maybe girls are just silly. My wings were surprised I didn’t close. Then it struck me. I’ve been going out and opening sets so frequently, that I have become desensitized to a girl’s interest in me and her IOIs.

When most guys chat to a cute girl they’ve just met, with flirting, minor touching and great eye contact, they think all their Christmases have come at once. If my AFC friends had seen me in this set they’d have looked on amazed and have told me how well I did. For me the set just seemed normal. I didn’t pick up on her interest because she just seemed to be acting the same as a lot of girls do around me.

I need to set the bar slightly lower in terms of what I class as a good interaction, and as a result number close more often.

———————————————
Stats since 1st July:
39 approaches
7 number closes
3 kiss close
1 f closes

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Comments
  1. Bhodisatta says:

    French girls are good to go. They seem to fuck without any hangups. I would literally murder a child for the chance to bump into a few hot French chicks on a night out.

    My experience is that what French chicks find most attractive is me. If it wasn’t for the French making me want to puke I’d live in France. French chicks have an inbuilt ability to scan for intelligence. Thus they immediately and instinctively find me magnetically attractive and want to fuck me. They shit test for intelligence mercilessly. Most bowler-hat wearing “PUAs” have zero chance. They laugh in the face of “hot guys” who have great success with English girls. If a French girl likes you you’re fucking her that night. They’re whores in bed, they come a lot and they like it in the ass.

    You’re an idiot. You’ve failed to capitalize on a ridiculously obvious IOI before (you told me the story ages ago). To me that says you’re doing too many sets with girls that aren’t hot enough. I think in terms of bar game you should:
    a) Go out with better wings and socially proof yourself. Like the RSG lot do. See if you can get out for a night with them to see how they act.
    b) Stop smoking and fiddling with your hands and psyching yourself out
    c) Relax and get flowing and arrogant
    d) Wait to pick up IOIs (only happens usually if a) is being done well)
    e) Only approach the ones which make you feel a bit rapey.
    f) Do what you do, you’ve told me some of your banter before and you have a very quick mind.
    g) Push forward. Drive. Push push push.

    • betatopua says:

      Yes, I often fail to capitalize on situations that are almost handed to me. Just doing that and I’d double my lay rate probably.

      I’m not competent enough to be too picky about my approaches yet. I need to open more sets (especially larger sets, I usually only do 1 sets or 2 sets), get more consistent with the bantering / teasing and learn how to move from bantering into a more comfort / rapport based deeper conversation.

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