Archive for November, 2011

A reader emails:

I found your blog via seddit, every one of your posts there are $$. I also read a good portion of your blog, and it’s entertaining and full of useful info. I’ll stop with the ass-kissing, but your writing style is cool as well, engaging I believe it’s called.

Enough beating around the bush,  I can relate to almost all of your blog entries, especially how you describe the way you were feeling. I am wanting to start doing the same thing you did, approaching strangers (girls) but I simply can’t get myself to actually do it. As I sit here, it seems like it will be so simple the next time I want to approach, and I truly don’t feel scared of rejection, but I just can’t get myself to do it. How did you start actually approaching?

Thanks man, I would appreciate any info.

P.s, can’t wait to hear the virgin story.

Approach anxiety is the biggest sticking point in game.

If you could come up with a weekend bootcamp that could cure all the participants 100% of their approach anxiety with lasting effect, you’d soon be making lots of money. There is no such bootcamp, because the truth is there is no set way to ‘cure’ approach anxiety. I’ve been in the game for nearly 2 year now and I have only just recently over come mine to the extent that I can do a decent number of approaches. Don’t let that put you off, many other people have done the same thing within a month or two.

The annoying thing about approach anxiety is that you really can’t properly get started in game until you can approach regularly. This is the reason I’ve been in the game so long and yet only just got results recently. To get good you need to hone your skills over the course of 1,000+ approaches. I estimate I’ve done around 300 – 400 approaches, and that’s spread over more than 20 months. That’s not enough approaches too get good and this is compounded by the fact that they’re spread over a long period of time. I should have done 1,000 – 1,5000 approaches in this time.

You may have gathered from reading the above that there is no way I can just give you a few simple tips which will help you end your approach anxiety. Not wanting to go all faux philosophical on you, but this really is a journey which each man must make alone, and which has no shortcut. Having said that, I do have some pointers which will set you on the right path. These tips involve a two pronged approach to solving the problem. One part inner game, and one part outer game. This is how most game sticking points must be handled.

Inner Game

1. Find out why you’re scared

People say that we are scared of approaching because approaching women could have led to us being murdered back in caveman times. Although this is probably true, there are generally a number of reasons that approaching scares guys, and it differs from person to person. Find out what your concerns are by listening to the negative voices in your head next time you try an approach. Some common ones are: fear of rejection, fear of looking stupid in front on on lookers, fear of showing sexual desire.

The reader says he has no fear of rejection. Either this is untrue (think about it carefully…), or he has some other fears regarding approaching. Once you have your list of fears, look for evidence that they are unfounded. For example, fear of looking foolish in front of onlookers. Watch a wing open sets and observe how no one notices, and if they do they don’t do much.

2. Don’t try and get rid of your approach anxiety

This may seem like an odd thing to say, but it’s something that helped me. The problem is that approach anxiety becomes such a big thing for guys, that ‘getting rid’ of it becomes more important to them than game itself. It doesn’t matter if they approach girls often. If they still feel AA when they approach, or if they miss the odd approach here and there because of it then it’s the main issue for them. The truth of the matter is that they are actually scared of fear itself.

Approaching girls scares them, but this fear they feel when they approach scares them more. They are scared of feeling scared, because it makes them feel like a pussy to be scared to talk to women. Wanting to get rid off AA once and for all is borne not out of a desire to be able to approach women and get laid, but rather out of a desire to no longer feel fear. David Deida mentions this in his book The Way of the Superior Man. Seeking to eliminate fear completely is the act of a coward. A real man learns to act in spite of fear. This is important because even if you overcome fear in one area of your life, if you want to progress and grow you will eventually find something that scares you again. It is therefore much better for a man to learn to handle fear, not to get rid of it. In fact, a lack of fear is a sign that your probably not pushing yourself adequately.

How does this relate to approach anxiety? Simple. Make dealing with approach anxiety your aim, rather than getting rid of it. This means as long as you are making a reasonable number of approaches, it doesn’t matter if you feel AA. All that matters is that you are approaching. Once you are getting the approaches in you can ignore AA and start to work on other aspects of your game. I’ve had day 2s, closes, lays from cold approach despite still having some AA. You don’t need to be able to approach any girl in any situation.

Outer Game

1. Beer. The cause of and solution to, all problems.

If you really can’t approach in night game, use alcohol to help you. I know many die hard PUAs will scream and shout that this is a crutch, but the truth of the matter is that if you can’t currently walk without a crutch then you need to use one. Simple. Obviously I don’t recommend getting shit faced, but a couple of drinks can make a world of difference when compared to being stone cold sober. The first time I realized that this was something I should be doing to help me approach was when I met my natural wing. Despite cold approaching girls in clubs for a decade now (with a lot of success), he still gets some AA. A couple of drinks allows him to approach with ease.

The seduction community’s attitude tends to be that the journey is more important than the destination, and therefore learning to approach sober is better than approaching after a couple of drinks and getting laid. I disagree with this, particularly when you are yet to taste your first few success. When starting out, just focus on doing what you need to in order to get laid.

2. Go for single girl sets

When Mystery started telling people that they need to approach groups of girls and win the entire group over, he made approaching a lot more difficult and nerve wracking than it used to be. It’s much easier, both in terms of how much anxiety you experience and in terms of social skills required, to approach a lone girl as opposed to a group of two or more girls. Yes, there are problems with approaching lone girls. The increased possibility of cock blocking. Being difficult to catch girls on their own when in a bar or club. Despite this, I think it’s a worthwhile thing to try if you’re having difficulty approaching groups.

Lion & gazelles

Me sarging

I like to think of it a bit like approaching Discovery Channel style. That is I am like a lion, waiting for a lone gazelle to break away from the herd so I can go in for the kill. If you’ve spent any decent amount of time in bars / clubs observing girls you want to open, you’ll notice that they aren’t alone often. This is where correct positioning within the club comes into play. To have an opportunity to open the most lone girls possible, find a spot somewhere between the girl’s toilet and the busiest bar in the club. You’ll get more lone girls passing this point than any other position in the entire club. Lie in wait, and open them when they pass. Never open them on the way to the toilet, only the way back. The set won’t hook if they really need to take a piss.

3. Don’t approach, let them approach you

No, I don’t mean wait to be opened. Simply pick a spot in the club bar (preferably a high traffic area, not a quiet corner) and plant there for 30 – 40 minutes. The bar is a good spot for this. Anyone who comes close enough to you so that you could reach out and touch them has entered your territory. Simply open any attractive girls that enter your territory. Although you open the set, because they came into your territory it feels like they came to you. If the set dies it’s for them to walk off, not you, since you were there first. This may seem like a small thing, but the fact that they ‘came to you’ rather than you walking over to them will have a huge effect on how relaxed you are in opening. This also subtly shifts the power balance in the interaction slightly in your favor, which helps. For the first 30 minutes of your night out I would recommend just opening girls like this with, “Hi” or, “Hey, hows it going”. If she gives you conversation back, go with it, otherwise just chill (she came into your area, you don’t have to leave, remember?). If the conversation naturally dies at any point, don’t fight to get it stated again, just chill. This is a really no pressure way to warm up. After you’ve said hello to a few girls who’ve entered your area, you should feel ready to push your sets further.

If you want to reach me, you can mail me at: betatopua at gmail dot com.

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Stats since 1st November:
1 number closes
1 kiss closes
0 f closes

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I fclose a virgin

Posted: November 22, 2011 in Uncategorized

Some of my regular readers may remember HBSexyLilDancer. She is 21 and I met her in a club back in September. I KClosed her and she gave me a hand shandy. The post about her ended with me leaving the ball in her court when trying to set up a day 2.

She text me back within the week without me having to chase, so I knew she was keen. At this point I was fairly certain I was going to get the fclose. We went on the day 2 the following Sunday night. It was drinks in a trendy bar. Since the nature of our relationship had already been defined as sexual during the initial pickup, escalation wasn’t much of an issue. It was just a case of getting her back to my flat.

During our second drink I was thinking about bouncing her back there. I will admit that this did cause me some anxiety. I can keep my AA under control enough to open, I can escalate easily in club situations, but asking a girl back to my flat on the day2/3 still gets me anxious. Potential rejection is one of the major causes of anxiety. This will fade as I accrue positive reference points (nothing bad happens if a girl says no to me asking her back, and sometimes she says yes which is cool) by doing this more often.

We started making out heavily and she grabbed my cock of her own accord. My anxiety immediately disappeared, replaced by severe horniness. “Finish your drink”, I tell her. “Why?”, she asks. I down my drink, “We’re leaving”.

There’s a bit of resistance getting her on to the tube. “We don’t have to have sex. We’re just going back to mine to watch a film”, I tell her. The resistance seems token. Her words have no conviction, she’s just going through the motions.

Back at my flat and we get straight into bed to ‘watch the film’ (studio flat with TV facing the bed may be low rent but it’s logistical gold). I’m sucking her ample tits and fingering her in no time, and she’s really getting into it. I go to put my dick in, see freaks. I don’t just mean says no, she freaks out. Strange I think. I freeze her out.

Repeat again. Same thing.

And again.

After the third attempt she’s sat on my bed staring into space and looking perturbed. From the strong reaction she had to me trying to put my dick in her I’m wondering whether she’s been raped in the past or something like that. I ask if she’s OK, and then she comes out with it. She’s a virgin and doesn’t want to lose her virginity to a guy after one date.

After this I’m not sure whether I want to see her again. Once upon a time I would have thought fclosing a virgin was cool, but now I just see it as added responsibility. There’s a lot of emotional stuff that would accompany the sex for her, and I didn’t think it’d be worth the hassle. I decided to see her one more time to see what would happen, and as per the advice of one of the top guys on the LSS, I based the entire day 3 on comfort, removing all sexuality. We just went for lunch, followed by a walk around the city. Our topics of conversation naturally got more intimate, talking about things like family and relationships. This built a lot of deep comfort. I left her that day with a single kiss.

After the day 3 she actually text me for the day 4, so I obliged. At this point I really wasn’t sure what I was going to do. I didn’t want the responsibility of breaking in a girl I knew I would never have a LTR with. We met up for lunch and I teased her a lot. She was wearing a low cut top showing of her per young breasts. Although I did feel a slight moral twinge at the thought of taking her virginity when I wasn’t massively into her, wanting to suck on her tits convinced me to fuck her. Whenever my moral sense and my penis are at odds, my penis will generally win.

She didn’t resist the bounce back to my flat. When she got there she sat on the bed staring into space. I recognized the look on her young face. It was that of a person who was resigning themselves to do something that was emotionally stressful to them. It scared her, but she had decided this is the moment she would lose her virginity. And that was the moment I realized. I was actually doing her a favor. She had come to an age at which it really was time to lose her virginity, and she didn’t need love or a special moment to do it. She just needed a guy with a hard on who wouldn’t treat her like shit after he broke her in. I was that guy. I no longer hesitated or deliberated. This time she did not resist at all, and I took her.

“Thanks for being nice about it”, she said afterwards.

We saw each other another couple of times after this. When she asked if I wanted a serious relationship with her I was honest. Although we haven’t ‘officially’ stopped seeing each other, we have been out of  contact for a few weeks now. She remains a potential booty call, but I think we’re done.

In the end, patience and comfort were the keys to closing this set.

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Stats since 1st November:
1 number closes
1 kiss closes
0 f closes

The self improvement industry has been around since the 60s. It started out in the form of books, tapes and newsletters, and in modern times has moved online in a big way. There are many blogs out there (www.stevepavlina.com for example) which will help an individual to improve his life in numerous areas: health & fitness, wealth generation, personal productivity, emotional stability etc.

Since game allows men to improve their ability at attracting women, focusing on getting laid and having sexual relationships. It is a subset of  self improvement. I would never dispute this. What I would dispute is that game is self improvement.  Let me explain the difference.

Reading what users have written on many seduction websites it seems obvious to me the many people in the seduction community view game as a general purpose self improvement tool, rather than a specific type of self improvement tool which helps them get laid. A prime example of this is posters on Seddit. Often on that site I will post a response along the lines of, “Look, if you’re trying to get laid you’re going about this the wrong way”. The response to this sort of thing often goes like, “My motivations are my own! I don’t just want to get laid!”. My rebuttal to this is obviously to ask them why they are posting on a game website. Their retort is always the same, “Game isn’t about getting laid; it’s about becoming a better man!”.

Game is about getting laid, you fuck wit.

Yes, yes. I know. You need to be the best possible man if you want to maintain relationships with a high value woman. I do agree this is true. Although you can fuck hot girls in clubs if you have the right moves and some basic inner game, being a great, self actualized man is best in the long run, especially when it comes to keeping great quality women in your life. I’m not saying don’t try and walk the hard path towards self actualization. I’m just saying realize that this is separate (but complimentary to) learning game.

What’s so wrong with game and general self improvement being thought of as the same thing? I think it leads to the following problems:

  1. Doing so dilutes the wannabe player’s learning. Imagine someone’s goal is to increase their bench press from 2 to 3 wheels. Instead of focusing on regularly training the bench press and assistance exercises, they take delight in increasing the speed at which they can run a mile on the treadmill. When you point out to them that although running a mile quicker is great they need to be focusing on heavy benching to reach their goals, they get indignant and tell you, “Don’t you think a fit, healthy body is important for a big bench?”. Well yes, but hitting the treadmill hard won’t get you that bench press. An example of this is on sites like Seddit is people putting improving advanced social skills which will do little / nothing to get them laid (talking to everyone, controlling groups) over improving basic seduction skills which will get them laid quickly (like physical escalation).
  2. It allows guys to not have to admit that their goal is getting laid. In modern feminized society doing something purely to get laid is often thought of as bad. Sex is not a noble enough end goal to work towards, and a man who shamelessly persues sex will often have feminist shaming language thrown at him (pervert, creep, etc). I think an important part of a guys inner game is realizing that its ok for them to shamelessly persue sex, and to court a woman purely with the intent of fucking her. Hiding behind the whole “Game isn’t about getting laid, it’s about being a better man!” facade allows guys to learn game but remain sexually emasculated, which will mean they never reach their full potential as a player.
  3. It pedestals getting laid. Self improvement is about working towards self actualization. When game and self improvement become too intertwined guys start to think that they need to be self actualized in order to get laid. This puts a mental block on guys which stops them getting laid, by making them think it’s much harder than it actually is. It blinds them to how simple getting a girl into bed can sometimes be. I’ve been in situations in the past where to get laid pretty much all I had to do was take the girls hand and leave the club with her. At the time I didn’t do this because I assumed I had to do something so very special to get laid as it couldn’t be that simple to reach such a grandiose goal. Often, it really is that simple. It’s just sex, after all.

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Stats since 1st November:
0 number closes
0 kiss close
0 f closes