Archive for December, 2011

End of year review

Posted: December 24, 2011 in Uncategorized
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Since there is only one night of sarging left this year (New Years Eve, will be partying in central London) I thought I’d take the time to look back over my previous year in the game.

What went well:

  • Slept with more girls in a calendar year than I have in any other year throughout my life (6 new lays in total).
  • Got my first cold approach lays since starting game
  • Got my first SNLs since starting game
  • Got my first Day2s from daygame (went on 3 of them)
  • Got my first every KClose from daygame
  • Quit smoking in August
  • Have lost a lot of weight
  • I exercise quite regularly
  • My style & grooming has massively improved
  • My confidence when dealing with girls is massively improved
  • My self image and sense of self worth is a lot better

What could have gone better:

  • I would liked to have had double figure lays this year
  • Still not approaching nearly as much as I’d like
  • Yet to get a daygame lay
  • Haven’t really built up a solid inner circle of really good friends
  • My life is lacking a (non sarging) social scene
  • Temporarily relapsed on smoking over festive period (this is ok if it remains temporary)
  • Still need to get in better shape
  • Style and grooming is OK but very generic. Room for massive improvements
  • Money issues often hold me back

So did my 2011 go as well as I’d hoped? No. It did, however, go a bit better than I’d actually expected it to. 2012 will see a shift in my approach. Up until this point my main efforts have very much been focused on what I do when I approach a woman (what do I say, how to act, how to escalate, attitude). Outer game stuff, I guess. Over the coming year I will be much more focused on working on myself in order to become a more attractive man. A well respected poster and professional PUA coach on The LSS said,

  1. Be an attractive man
  2. Move the interaction forward

This makes a lot of sense to me. This year I have worked out how to move the interaction forward to sex when I meet a woman who likes me. In the coming year I need to increase the number of women who will like me. Approaching more is one way of doing this (and I will do that too), but the most effective way is simply to become more attractive. All though there are things you can do in set to appear attractive (good body language, voice tonality, don’t act like a pussy with her), most the work is done in your day to day life. It is about what kind of man you are and how you live your life. Are you the type who goes after what he wants and achieves it, or just wanks it to internet porn because it’s too hard?

This is what I’m planning to work on:

Hobbies

Game is my only real hobby at the moment. At a push you could count working out, and blogging (but then my blog is game related). For some reason fencing really jumps out at me. I’ve googled some clubs in London, and most the clubs seem quite social, which is nice. As a bonus, quite a high percentage of member seem to be young, fit women. En garde, bitches. Beginners courses run periodically, so I will keep my eye open and join a club on a beginners course early next year. If this isn’t right for me I will try rock climbing, but it seems more expensive.

Body Shape

I’ve been fat since I was about 20. This peaked 3 years ago when I first moved to London weighing in at 240lbs (5’10”, ~30% BF). I’ve lost a lot since then (would guess I’m 205lbs @ 18%bf). I’m working out regularly and (festive eating aside) eating fairly well. I want to have a single digit body fat percentage by the start of May. Will be tough but far from impossible.

Style

Will continue to play around with hair / facial hair combos until I settle on one, but these are OK. I no longer dress like a complete retard, but I do need to fine tune things.  I need clothes with a better fit, and also a very personalised look which fits in with who I am, and where I go out sarging. Like many guys who enter the community, I just don’t get fashion. Fortunately, fashion for dummies style blog Kinowear has just released a series of articles entitled, ‘Science of Style’. This series breaks down fashion and how to create a personalized stylish look for yourself. The reader is given a series of exercises which I believe will give me the, “I really get this” feeling about dressing stylishly. I can then build a great wardrobe for myself. I don’t want to get too carried away with this until I’m closer to my target body shape.

Reading

I want to read two new books a month. This will help me to become a more well rounded, knowledgeable person. It may also bring new ideas into my life, some of which may become passions. I tried to do something like this this year, but failed. Looking back I know why I failed. Firstly, I tried to push myself to read books I just wasn’t into “because they’re good for me”. The 24 books this year will be whatever the fuck I want them to be. Whether it’s the latest book from some PUA guru or the latest detective thriller, or anything in between. I’m not going to force myself to read sophisticated literature that bores the shit out of me. This just leads me to view reading as something I have to do, not something I want to do. This is why I procrastinate when it comes to reading. I learned that by reading a book on procrastination win. Secondly, I don’t like buying a new book when I’m struggling to finish one. I generally get through books I really like fast, so if this happens it’s a sign I don’t much like the book. In this case I won’t force myself to finish, I’ll just get a second one. Since all my books will be in digital format, it’s not as if I’m killing the rainforest by doing this.

Wealth / Career

I have a 5 step plan:

  1. Up skill and put together a better CV and portfolio of work
  2. Get a new job which is similar to my current one but pays a fair bit more. Will relieve my financial stress and help with the next step
  3. Save up $5k. This will be done via saving some of my salary, and taking little bits of paying work on line in my free time (copy writing, programming). This will be used to bankroll the next step
  4. Become an online affiliate marketing superstar
  5. Quit my day job and make $100k a year working from home

It sounds easier than I think it will actually be, especially step 4. But that’s roughly what I’m going to try and do. I am currently halfway through step 1. Hope to have just started step 4 by the end of next year.

Club Game

Just because no goal list on this blog would be complete without an item saying I need to approach more. On a night where I don’t pull (or come really close to getting a girl home) I want to open 10 sets.

One thing I’ve gained from PUA is the knowledge I can change myself. I’m also a lot more pragmatic about goal setting. I, like most people, used to set some really tough goals. When I inevitably failed, I’d set goals that were just as tough and say to myself, “I’ll just try harder this time”. Now I prefer moderate goals which I can more easily meet, as I know other things in life have a habit of getting in the way. Also, when I fail I know how to analyse where I want wrong, and try smarter, not harder next time (the reading one is a good example of that). Finally, I know that, at some stage, failure is inevitable. It happens to the best of us. But the best of us know to keep going anyway.

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Many seduction community zealots will say that being rejected by girls doesn’t matter. If you drop your ego it will be fine. I think this is true if someone is getting regular success. If a guy will get a lay every 20 approaches, then he can easily put up with the 19 rejections it took him to get laid. The problem comes when guys get little or no success.

I don’t claim to be either a psychologist, neurologist or expert in whatever the correct field it. I have read a fair bit about what being successful in a given endeavour entails, and have real world experience at trying hard and repeatedly to achieve competence in certain areas. From this experience it seems obvious to me that the human brain works a bit like this when learning a new skill. You perform a series of actions hoping for a desired outcome. If you achieve the desired outcome, the brain thinks, “You’re doing it right” and rewards you with happy chemicals. If you don’t see success, the brain realises something isn’t right and punishes you by making you feel bad.

So lets take the guy who has done 200 approaches and not got a lay. His brain’s going to tell him what he is doing is pointless, making him want to give up. Many people see doing more approaches as the key to success (to some extent they are correct), but the problem with this is that a newbie’s ego can get crushed in the process.

So what’s to be done to counter a lack of success? If you’ve approached 200+ sets and haven’t got laid, there is something fundamentally wrong with what you’re doing and this needs addressing ASAP. More approaches at this stage will not likely transform into a result, just more rejections, and ultimately quitting game. If this describes you, then I think you should look at the following areas:

Improve your appearance: The community sells guys the idea that you can look like shit and still get laid. Although I’m sure great game can overcome shitty looks, if you look awful you’ll probably get rejected so many times that you give up before you get that good. Don’t be fat and dress / groom yourself at least reasonably well. There are plenty of online resources to help you with this.

Be sexual not just social: Shows like ‘The Pickup Artist’ have led guys to believe that the way to get laid is by socially chatting to women  and then number closing. Although you need to be able to start conversations with women, this own it’s own won’t get you laid. You have to practise escalating with women: showing sexual interest, isolating, getting physical, extracting to a suitable lay location and fucking her. This is why I would recommend that newbies do at least some club based game even if there main focus is day game. You will have many more chances to practise escalating on a girl in a club than on the street.

Better target selection: Again, the commuity makes out that any guy can get stunning girls. I’m sure this is true, in time. When most guys first start out they simply don’t have what it takes to pull a stunner. Attractive women sleep with attractive men, it’s that simple. For the average guy, becoming an attractive man takes time and effort. A guy won’t put in the time and effort if he continually gets no results. If you aren’t getting any results and you’re hitting on only HB8+s then you need to lower your standards. In time as you improve you can get more picky.

I’ve done a fair few approaches since my last lay without a lay. The other night a wing tried to push me into a set with an HB8 who was a bit taller than me in her heels. Being taller than a guy is a big issue for many girls, so this would be an approach with a low % chance of success. I’d be fine with this if I had SNL’d a girl the night before, but since it’s been a while I need some easy wins to positively reinforce that approaching women gets me results. For that reason I declined to make the approach. The rejections are starting to add up, so I’m going for the lower hanging fruit.

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Stats since 1st December:
2 number closes
2 kiss closes
0 f closes

Finding My Sticking Points

Posted: December 9, 2011 in Uncategorized

When mastering any skill set, progress is not linear. People have studied the journey we take towards any type of mastery, and it is a cycle of peaks, dips and plateaus with a general upwards trend. At the moment I find myself in a bit of a dip, and I can see a plateau ahead of me.

I recently experienced a peak in my progress. This was in September / October where I fclosed 3 girls from club game in those months, and kclosed a few more. I’ve gone through a bit of a dip recently. This always happens after a big boost in success. After a big success you often get complacent, as forget how much effort you actually had to put in to get the success in the first place. This laziness leads to lack of results. I realized this is where I was a couple of weeks ago. I wasn’t approaching targets I had a good chance of closing because I was both lazy and too egotistical (I’ve fucked better than her, so I’m not opening her…). Now I’ve identified this I have started to fix it by approaching more and lowering my standards in women back down to what they used to be (HB5+, compared to a few weeks ago when I was ignoring any girl who was less attractive than an HB8).

Now that I’ve realized I need to work harder in the clubs and drop my ego, I think I will find myself on a plateau. Within this plateau I will get a kclose once every few weeks, and get laid once every couple of months. I think an fclose once every 10 nights out is about where I’m at now. I may get the odd phone number too, but seeing as I don’t generally go for number closes any more, this doesn’t mean much.

During my time on the plateau I will mainly just be getting the practice in. You get dramatically better at any skill once the actions that make up that skill are all performed by your subconscious mind, as opposed to the conscious. People refer to this as unconscious competence. It’s like the subconscious has a much faster CPU than the conscious mind. I think this is because the subconscious doesn’t get distracted. It lives in the now, acting swiftly to events in real time as opposed to the subconscious which is hung up by future projecting in order to attempt to predict the consequences of our actions. The practice will slowly but surely teach my subconscious to run game to the same level that my conscious mind currently does. Once this learning process is complete I will be a lot smoother and more polished. As a result, I’ll come across as more confident. This will cause my success to increase.

Once my mind is able to game like I do now without having to think about it, that will leave my brain with enough spare bandwidth to try out new things when sarging, and change my current behavior. These changes will no doubt be attempts to get round any sticking points I have. My main sticking point has been only making 1 or 2 approaches a night. Recently I’ve been having more and more nights where I’ve been doing half a dozen or more approaches a night. Soon I’ll probably be doing 10 a night (on nights when I don’t pull). I think this sticking point has pretty much been overcome, time to find the next one. The only way to do this is going to be to put a good number of approaches in, examine why I failed to lay each girl, and look for patterns that occur.

I’m going to sit down and do the analysis at the end of January. By then I’ll have done enough sets to work out where I’m going wrong.

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Stats since 1st December:
2 number closes
2 kiss closes
0 f closes

I’ve lost the hunger

Posted: December 3, 2011 in Uncategorized

I’ve been seeing a girl for the past couple of months (will do a lay report on this when I get round to it, met her through night game cold approach), and as such haven’t been going without sex for more than a few days at a time. This seems like a good thing. Generally it is. It makes me happy. On the downside, it takes away my hunger.

So what is the hunger?

I first became aware of this concept when I realized I was getting all my lays and most of my kiss closes and day 2s right at the start of the month, then my successes would tail off towards the end of the month. Partly this is because I tend to run out of money towards the end of the month, but that on it’s own doesn’t explain it. I then realized that success was my biggest killer when it came to my motivation, especially if success was an fclose. Once I fclosed in a month I really got lazy for the rest of the month. Either not opening sets, or not pushing them as far as I could when I did open. Just as I was figuring this out I came across an article by Roosh about your level of desire to fuck a new girl being a big factor in determining your success when sarging.

At the moment I’m seeing and attractive girl on a regular basis. This has almost completely killed my hunger. I don’t need to sarge in order to get laid. Regular sex should be seen as a good thing, and you could well ask if I’m getting laid, why bother sarging? The thing is I do have a desire to fuck new girls, it just isn’t quite strong enough to allow me to use it to push myself in the field. There’s also the fact that I am now stagnating, and not building a solid set of skills which will allow  me to get laid at will throughout my life.

Success is a double edged sword.

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Stats since 1st December:
0 number closes
0 kiss closes
0 f closes