Rejection is more harmful than the seduction community makes out

Posted: December 19, 2011 in Uncategorized

Many seduction community zealots will say that being rejected by girls doesn’t matter. If you drop your ego it will be fine. I think this is true if someone is getting regular success. If a guy will get a lay every 20 approaches, then he can easily put up with the 19 rejections it took him to get laid. The problem comes when guys get little or no success.

I don’t claim to be either a psychologist, neurologist or expert in whatever the correct field it. I have read a fair bit about what being successful in a given endeavour entails, and have real world experience at trying hard and repeatedly to achieve competence in certain areas. From this experience it seems obvious to me that the human brain works a bit like this when learning a new skill. You perform a series of actions hoping for a desired outcome. If you achieve the desired outcome, the brain thinks, “You’re doing it right” and rewards you with happy chemicals. If you don’t see success, the brain realises something isn’t right and punishes you by making you feel bad.

So lets take the guy who has done 200 approaches and not got a lay. His brain’s going to tell him what he is doing is pointless, making him want to give up. Many people see doing more approaches as the key to success (to some extent they are correct), but the problem with this is that a newbie’s ego can get crushed in the process.

So what’s to be done to counter a lack of success? If you’ve approached 200+ sets and haven’t got laid, there is something fundamentally wrong with what you’re doing and this needs addressing ASAP. More approaches at this stage will not likely transform into a result, just more rejections, and ultimately quitting game. If this describes you, then I think you should look at the following areas:

Improve your appearance: The community sells guys the idea that you can look like shit and still get laid. Although I’m sure great game can overcome shitty looks, if you look awful you’ll probably get rejected so many times that you give up before you get that good. Don’t be fat and dress / groom yourself at least reasonably well. There are plenty of online resources to help you with this.

Be sexual not just social: Shows like ‘The Pickup Artist’ have led guys to believe that the way to get laid is by socially chatting to women  and then number closing. Although you need to be able to start conversations with women, this own it’s own won’t get you laid. You have to practise escalating with women: showing sexual interest, isolating, getting physical, extracting to a suitable lay location and fucking her. This is why I would recommend that newbies do at least some club based game even if there main focus is day game. You will have many more chances to practise escalating on a girl in a club than on the street.

Better target selection: Again, the commuity makes out that any guy can get stunning girls. I’m sure this is true, in time. When most guys first start out they simply don’t have what it takes to pull a stunner. Attractive women sleep with attractive men, it’s that simple. For the average guy, becoming an attractive man takes time and effort. A guy won’t put in the time and effort if he continually gets no results. If you aren’t getting any results and you’re hitting on only HB8+s then you need to lower your standards. In time as you improve you can get more picky.

I’ve done a fair few approaches since my last lay without a lay. The other night a wing tried to push me into a set with an HB8 who was a bit taller than me in her heels. Being taller than a guy is a big issue for many girls, so this would be an approach with a low % chance of success. I’d be fine with this if I had SNL’d a girl the night before, but since it’s been a while I need some easy wins to positively reinforce that approaching women gets me results. For that reason I declined to make the approach. The rejections are starting to add up, so I’m going for the lower hanging fruit.


Stats since 1st December:
2 number closes
2 kiss closes
0 f closes

  1. socialkenny says:

    Good post.

    You’re totally right about the community making seems easy to just take rejection.J came up via that notion that it’s ok to be rejected 1,000 times.I agree totally!I’m now at the point of feeling next-to no AA,so that concept worked for me.

    But some guys become dejected,agreed and discouraged by rejection.For those types(who are many),they may need a new approach to just getting blown out all day.

    • betatopua says:

      I think it’s true what you say that some people can stand rejection better than others and play the numbers game, while others just get frustrated by it. I’m getting frustrated by it at the moment.

      • socialkenny says:

        Im confused bro.I thought you were doing well as far as progress.

        So you don’t believe you’re getting better with each rejection?Better meaning you’re gradually growing?

  2. evilalpha says:

    “Improve your appearance” should be at the bottom of the list because the ROI is lowest… unless you are really fat.

    Changing your appearance is not something PUA’s emphasize because…

    1. It requires more resources/time to address than those other things you mention and
    2. All that matters is looking average ie normal weight.

    • betatopua says:

      The list wasn’t in any particular order.

      All that matters is looking average ie normal weight.

      I’m going to have to call bullshit on this. If you think a guy who looks like this:
      Captain America

      Doesn’t have a significant advantage in the field over a guy who looks like this:
      Average Guy

      Then you’re in fantasy land.

  3. betatopua says:

    @Socialkenny: I’m doing OK, it’s just been a while since I’ve gotten a good result. Although, I do realise the bar I place on a result being good is much higher than it used to be.

    When I say handling rejection better, I mean some guys get rejected 5 times, and just think, “The next girl might be into me”, whereas in the same situation, I tend to think, “It’s impossible for me to get laid tonight”. Obviously a slight inner game issue here.

    • Socialkenny says:

      Ok that makes sense.

      The thing is with me is that I haven’t been laid in months(besides the lay from my on and off GF).I don’t generally get rejected on approaches & #-closes.My issue is flakes.9 out of 10 girls flake on me.As a seasoned vet in PU,that’s staggering but true.

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