Archive for February, 2012

When people talk about the qualities that a woman finds attractive in a man, again and again confidence comes out at the top of the list. I disagree. I don’t think confidence is nearly as much of an attractive quality as people believe.

This is a pretty bold statement which flies in the face of what people ‘know’ to be true about attraction, so let me explain.

Firstly, some level of confidence is important in bedding lots of women. Without confidence you won’t be able to approach and escalate (and therefore subsequently fuck) attractive women. In addition to this, a man that lacks confidence with women will often be perceived as creepy by the women they approach. Being nervous around women will turn them off, but this does not mean that being confident around them will turn turn them on. So confidence is just something that is needed to stop a man acting in an unattractive manner that will put women off, but it is not something that in of itself will attract women.

So if confidence is important, aren’t I just nit picking over small details when I differentiate between lacking confidence being unattractive rather than having confidence creating attraction? I don’t think so, because an over reliance on confidence as the be all and end all of attracting women leads many men to reach for the wrong goals and to dismiss other things which will increase their attractiveness to women.

An example of this is the common community response when told that increasing your physical attractiveness is key to bedding more / hotter women. Guys will typically say stuff like, “No, it’s not the looks that do it; that’s a placebo. It’s the confidence that results from looking better. This means increasing physical attractiveness is a crutch”. People read this and decide that taking steps to increase their physical attractiveness is a waste of time, and instead partake on mental masturbation filled inner game ‘journeys’ in order to obtain the magical, cure-all-your-women-problems gift of confidence.

Physical attractiveness is very important in getting women into bed, especially so when it comes to cold approaching in clubs. I’ve seen evidence of this with my own eyes, again and again. I’d rather look like a male model and have moderate confidence, than look average and have amazing confidence. No contest.

Also what I’ve seen again and again is that once you have what it takes to approach with a modicum of confidence, increasing the confidence of your approach to the point where you do heroic, ‘balls of steel’ style approaches makes no difference to your success. This is because the extra level of confidence you show does not cause the girl you approach to feel more attracted to you. An couple of examples:

  1. You and your wing spot a 3 set near the bar in a club you go and stand near them, and talk to each other. After a few minutes you turn to one of the girls and say, “Hey, how’s it going?”. This doesn’t require balls of steel.
  2. You are in the club and you spot a mixed 5 set seated in a booth. There’s a hot girl in the set. You don’t wait for a situation where it’s easier to approach her (e.g. she goes to the toilet), instead you steam straight in and go direct on her, loud and proud in front of all her friends. You win over all her friends with witty conversation, and AMOG any cock blocking beta male friends. This requires balls of steel.

The second approach is much harder in terms of the confidence needed to pull it off, but this display of extra confidence will not help make the girl attracted to you. Despite this, many guys are determined to get the confidence needed to do this type of approach. Being able to do this becomes more important to them than actually getting laid, and they start dismissing easier sets which are much more likely to result in a lay.

I believe that focusing on getting confident is a false goal in PUA, and is one that lead me astray. Focus on getting laid. Make that your sole goal when out sarging (other self improvement is obviously a great thing, but sarging in the club is neither the time nor the place to be thinking about that) to be getting a girl home and fucking her. Nothing else. You aren’t there to learn. You aren’t there to get confidence. You aren’t there to work on your self esteem. You aren’t there to have fun (although sarging is fun IMO). You’re there for the pussy.

This will get you laid the quickest. By following this goal you will most quickly see what works and what doesn’t when it comes to getting laid, and you’ll end up getting laid quicker than if you focus on other goals (like being confident, being Mr. Popular, being smooth, not being ‘that’ creepy guy). What you’ll then learn is that there is no quicker way to confidence with women than experiencing success with women. So you’ll actually gain this confidence faster than if you made confidence itself the goal.

I’ll leave you with a quote from a post by Alek Novy which talks about how people may be mistaken in thinking that confidence is highly attractive to women.

So, what gamers(and their apologists) are truly observing (but not intelligent enough to infer), is not that women are attracted to ‘confidence’ per se(as an independent variable).

But, rather that the men who tend to be successful with women in the first place(for whatever reason), also have a high confidence(justified expectation) of future(continued) success.

Stop putting the cart before the horse…

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Stats since 1st Feb:
1 number closes
3 kiss closes
0 f closes

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When PUAs talk about state or “being in state” what they are referring too is being an a positive emotional state, where you are lost in the moment instead of thinking about what will happen next. Words and actions just flow from you, without consciously thinking about what will happen next. I don’t know the science behind this, but I’m going to take a guess. When you’re in state your actions are primarily controlled by the creative, right side of the brain, without being constantly checked over by the logical, left side of the brain to make sure what you’re doing is good, proper and logical. When a PUA says he is “inside his head too much”, the reverse is true. The left side of the brain logically mulls things over, resulting in him seeming stifled and in-congruent.

Despite what a major PUA company may tell you, I don’t think that being in state is the be all and end all of getting laid. While it isn’t a magic cure all solution for a guy’s problems with women, being in state can help tremendously whilst sarging.  When in state you give off an aura of cool fun, and you aren’t constantly second guessing yourself. You’re body language and vocal tonality reflect this, leading to more positive responses from women you approach. Approach anxiety is also greatly reduced, since anxiety is caused by a fear of future events, and when in state you’re more in the present, and therefore thinking ahead a lot less.

So state is a good thing to be in when out picking up women. How do we go about getting into (and staying in) state? Most PUAs get guys to do stupid things, thinking this will unstiffle them and get them into state. This may work, but you also end up looking like the guys in the video below.

If you don’t want to look like a complete fucking numpty by doing the river dance outside the club, I may have the solution for you. I get into state by acting upon my desires.

In the past I may see a girl I wanted to open in the club. Say it was early in the night, and the situation didn’t seem right to me, I wouldn’t open her. I would decide that for various reasons it probably wouldn’t go anywhere at that stage even if she liked me (situation would make it hard to escalate), and so I wouldn’t bother opening. So I had the desire to open her, and didn’t. I have now learned that if I open in situations like this, even if it does as I predicted fizzle out quite quickly, a feel a lot better. It helps to get me into state.

There are also situations too, where doing the ‘wrong’ thing can help you get into state because you are acting on your desires. For example I see a girl wiggling her ass on the dance floor. I know that going and grinding on her from behind is the wrong move (it’s very low percentage), but these days I do it any way, because that is my desire so I act on it.

With this way of thinking, it doesn’t matter if you don’t see a girl you like for quite a time in the club. There’s no need to open when you haven’t seen a girl who doesn’t evoke in you the honest desire to go and meet her. When you will lose state is when you see a girl you want to open and don’t. This happened to me the other night. I got in quite a good state early, but then bottled approaching a couple of girls in a row, because they were both pouty 9s who I envisioned shooting be down painfully. I realised I was starting to loose state and feel like a loser because of this. So, the next time  I saw a girl who I wanted to open I went in straight away. It was a rejection (there were a lot of ‘lesbians’ at the club that night, apparently…), but it put be back into state.

It’s not just with approaching either. Once you’ve opened, if you get the urge to escalate / number close / do an in venue bounce and don’t, you will again lose state. You didn’t act on your desires.

Opening girls who you aren’t drawn to will help your state slightly, but not as much as opening the ones you really like. This is why this concept is slightly different to the idea of warm up sets.

Why does acting on your desires have this effect? I think it’s a self image thing. Acting on your desires makes you feel strong and in control of your own destiny. Failing to do so makes you feel week, and you get the sensation of not being good enough, of being a failure.

Give it a try. Next time you’re out in the club, listen to your inner masculine voice. The one that’s your DNA speaking out to you in order to fulfil it’s purpose of replication. The one that comes as a result of being the latest in a line of men who have successfully reproduced which stretches back over 100,000 years.

Total beta

Posted: February 12, 2012 in Uncategorized
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Overhead this whilst sarging in a club. It was a man talking to a girl he’d approached. The girl seemed to be into him up to this point…

Come and see me on Valentine’s day. Don’t worry. I’ll pay for everything. I own four companies, it’s fine. Really. Please come and see me. I’ve been alone for the past two Valentine’s days. I thought I was going to marry the girl who I was with before that, but she broke my heart. I get very emotional when I’m alone on Valentine’s day. I even cried the last two Valentine’s days when I was alone. I’m not joking. I can even come and see you on Valentine’s day…

No, I’m not making this up. The girl got increasingly more uncomfortable as he went on. She went from being into him, to looking like she wanted to get out of there, quickly. I has seen this girl earlier in the night and wanted to approach her, but didn’t think the situation was quite right. I’ve decided if this is what the level of male competition is like, I don’t care if the situation isn’t quite right, I’m making my move.

I’m now starting to approach much more regularly in clubs than I have done in the past. I’m starting to average 5 approaches a night, as opposed to 1-3 a night that I was doing last year. I’m sure this will soon climb to around 10 a night, which should I hope be enough to get me double figure lays this year.

So I’m putting in more effort than ever. The thing is, I’m seeing less back in the way of results. All my extra approaching is just leading to me getting blown out more often, not me getting laid.

People like to believe that the more effort they put into something, the more success they will see as a result. Although this is often true, it is not always the case. There are two reasons for this:

  1. More effort applied to doing something incorrectly will just lead to you failing more often
  2. If there’s a large element of chance involved in obtaining your desired outcome (despite what commercial PUAs tell you, pickup will always be a crapshoot, to at least some extent), you can go a long time without seeing positive results despite putting in a good amount of effort and doing things correctly. Ask any pro poker player who’s been playing for a long time and I’m sure they’ll confirm this.

So which one is it for me? Am I doing it wrong or just getting unlucky? I think it’s a combination of both things.

It’s fucking freezing in London recently, and this has had an impact on how many hot girls are in the clubs, and the male / female ration. Central London clubs seek to strictly control gender ratios. We seek to bypass this by turning up early to clubs, as bouncers often don’t let all male groups into the clubs during peak times. The result is you often get a roughly 1:1 girl:boy ratio. Since not enough people come out clubbing in such cold whether, the clubs will never be at capacity. As a result the bouncers have to let all guy groups in if they want to avoid having an almost completely empty club that night. This leads to a girl:boy ratio of about 1:2. It can be hard to find targets under these conditions as many sets already have guys swarming around them. The girls in the club get approached more often, and so the bitch shields go up. Cue the harsh blow outs. This is the ‘luck’ or external factor hampering my results.

When it comes to doing it right, I’ve noticed my non verbals have really been off lately: not smiling, poor body language, weak rapport seeking vocal tonality. I think this is mainly due to the fact I’ve been hitting on hotter girls and being more direct than in the past. These things make me nervous. When I’m nervous I find it almost impossible to control my non verbals. I know exactly how they’re going wrong, but I can’t fix them. If I’m nervous it comes across, no matter how hard I try and stop it. The self is always coming through. The good thing is that I’m aware of this and so can work on it. The bad thing is that this will go away when my confidence increases, but this is hard to do without getting any success.

The second area I’m having difficulty with is the maybe girls. Let me explain what I mean by a maybe girl:

  • No girl: You go direct, she instantly blows you out (83%)
  • Yes girl: You go direct, she’s obviously really interested and very responsive (2%)
  • Maybe girls: Doesn’t blow you out, but isn’t hugely positive towards you (either verbally or non verbally) (15%)

I’ve put approximate percentages (which are about right for me personally, but not anyone else) to show how many girls fall into each category. I’m at a point where I can get the yes girls when logistics or other external factors don’t prevent it, and I fail with the no and maybe girls.

Everyone fails with the no girls, but that’s OK. Quick maths tells me that if I fuck 1/3rd of all the yes and maybe girls then I’m fucking 1 in 20 girls I approach. Game on.

So I need to get the maybe girls (well some of them, some will be no girls who are being nice about it). At the moment I’m not pushing these sets hard enough. I’m doing the following things wrong:

  • Not escalating / not being persistent in my escalation when my first attempt is blocked.
  • Not attempting to isolate them / move them around the venue
  • Not putting effort into the conversation if escalation fails to happen / be accepted quickly

The result is I’m walking away from maybe girls rather than being blown out. This is bad. It leads to me thinking “What if…”. I need to push these sets harder.

I’m going to my favourite club tonight. Let’s see if I can fuck a maybe girl.

Breaking hearts

Posted: February 9, 2012 in Uncategorized

I broke a girl’s heart yesterday.

This is not something I like to do, but has happened at least a couple of times since I started out in the game just over two years ago.

I find that as soon as I end a relationship with a girl I’ve been seeing a while, I feel an immediate sense of loss. Even though it wasn’t working out from my perspective, there must have been things I liked about her if I was seeing her for a while. It is these positive things I know I’ll miss when a relationship ends. It’s often the small things you miss. With this girl it was the way she, instead of holding my hand,  held onto my upper arm when ever we left my flat to go anywhere.

Looking forward, the biggest hurdle I would have to face when entering a long term monogamous relationship is my social life. Or lack there of. My current social life is 100% based around either sarging with wings (who I’ve known long enough to consider friends) and spending time hanging out with girls I’m seeing. I need a social life outside of the game. I know of various ways I can achieve this, and I now have the confidence to do this. The only problem is, that now I have gained confidence to the extent that this doesn’t hold me back socially, I have discovered I’m very introverted. I used to think social problems I had were purely lack of confidence. I now realise that it was also partly down to the fact I’m not really a big fan of being social. As my shyness left me, that introversion as remained. This will be the subject of it’s own post sometime in the near future.

For now I’m 100% single. It may be freezing cold in London (it’s snowing as I write this) so not many girls are out in the clubs, but I’m guessing I’m going to be feeling a new hunger for fresh pussy soon. I’m looking forward to see how this effects my sarging.

Can’t be bothered to find the little stats list I usually paste in, but so far this month I’ve KClosed one girl, with no number closes or lays.