More effort, less results

Posted: February 11, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: ,

I’m now starting to approach much more regularly in clubs than I have done in the past. I’m starting to average 5 approaches a night, as opposed to 1-3 a night that I was doing last year. I’m sure this will soon climb to around 10 a night, which should I hope be enough to get me double figure lays this year.

So I’m putting in more effort than ever. The thing is, I’m seeing less back in the way of results. All my extra approaching is just leading to me getting blown out more often, not me getting laid.

People like to believe that the more effort they put into something, the more success they will see as a result. Although this is often true, it is not always the case. There are two reasons for this:

  1. More effort applied to doing something incorrectly will just lead to you failing more often
  2. If there’s a large element of chance involved in obtaining your desired outcome (despite what commercial PUAs tell you, pickup will always be a crapshoot, to at least some extent), you can go a long time without seeing positive results despite putting in a good amount of effort and doing things correctly. Ask any pro poker player who’s been playing for a long time and I’m sure they’ll confirm this.

So which one is it for me? Am I doing it wrong or just getting unlucky? I think it’s a combination of both things.

It’s fucking freezing in London recently, and this has had an impact on how many hot girls are in the clubs, and the male / female ration. Central London clubs seek to strictly control gender ratios. We seek to bypass this by turning up early to clubs, as bouncers often don’t let all male groups into the clubs during peak times. The result is you often get a roughly 1:1 girl:boy ratio. Since not enough people come out clubbing in such cold whether, the clubs will never be at capacity. As a result the bouncers have to let all guy groups in if they want to avoid having an almost completely empty club that night. This leads to a girl:boy ratio of about 1:2. It can be hard to find targets under these conditions as many sets already have guys swarming around them. The girls in the club get approached more often, and so the bitch shields go up. Cue the harsh blow outs. This is the ‘luck’ or external factor hampering my results.

When it comes to doing it right, I’ve noticed my non verbals have really been off lately: not smiling, poor body language, weak rapport seeking vocal tonality. I think this is mainly due to the fact I’ve been hitting on hotter girls and being more direct than in the past. These things make me nervous. When I’m nervous I find it almost impossible to control my non verbals. I know exactly how they’re going wrong, but I can’t fix them. If I’m nervous it comes across, no matter how hard I try and stop it. The self is always coming through. The good thing is that I’m aware of this and so can work on it. The bad thing is that this will go away when my confidence increases, but this is hard to do without getting any success.

The second area I’m having difficulty with is the maybe girls. Let me explain what I mean by a maybe girl:

  • No girl: You go direct, she instantly blows you out (83%)
  • Yes girl: You go direct, she’s obviously really interested and very responsive (2%)
  • Maybe girls: Doesn’t blow you out, but isn’t hugely positive towards you (either verbally or non verbally) (15%)

I’ve put approximate percentages (which are about right for me personally, but not anyone else) to show how many girls fall into each category. I’m at a point where I can get the yes girls when logistics or other external factors don’t prevent it, and I fail with the no and maybe girls.

Everyone fails with the no girls, but that’s OK. Quick maths tells me that if I fuck 1/3rd of all the yes and maybe girls then I’m fucking 1 in 20 girls I approach. Game on.

So I need to get the maybe girls (well some of them, some will be no girls who are being nice about it). At the moment I’m not pushing these sets hard enough. I’m doing the following things wrong:

  • Not escalating / not being persistent in my escalation when my first attempt is blocked.
  • Not attempting to isolate them / move them around the venue
  • Not putting effort into the conversation if escalation fails to happen / be accepted quickly

The result is I’m walking away from maybe girls rather than being blown out. This is bad. It leads to me thinking “What if…”. I need to push these sets harder.

I’m going to my favourite club tonight. Let’s see if I can fuck a maybe girl.

  1. M says:

    Don’t kill yourself over-analyzing stuff. You write a good blog and improve alot, but you risk sucking the life out of it. I used to be the same way, and made notes of certain approaches. It takes away from the overall “journey.” Also, if by “blow out,” you mean the girls straight up ignore you, you may be doing something really off with your Body Language. I am not as experienced as you, but I have only been blown out twice.

    Make the Ho say “Hi!”

    • betatopua says:

      I think while one shouldn’t over analyse, some analysis is vital. Not on a set by set basis, but more a case of looking back at your last couple of dozen approaches and seeing if any patterns emerge.

      If you don’t go through the process of analysing and then changing you’re behaviour based upon your conclusions you end up like the people who have opened 1,000 sets without getting laid once. These people do crop up on forums every now and again, so this certainly isn’t impossible to do. In addition to this there are loads of people who open a few hundred sets, don’t get laid, and so quit the community. That won’t be me.

  2. Jim says:

    How is your effort at the gym going recently? A drop of extra attractiveness might be the tonic that you need?

    Good stuff on all the effort you are putting in.

    • betatopua says:

      I think increasing my physical attractiveness will help a lot.

      I’m on a weight loss and basic bodyweight exercise program at the moment. The fats coming off at a noticeable pace, but it will be around 3 months till I’m as lean as I want to be. Then it will be worth my while buying new outfits, which will help too. The only trouble there is, that while I know how to do ‘play it safe’ fashion, I want to dress to be noticed. I’m at a loss how to do that.

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