She’s out of my league

Posted: March 30, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: ,

A lot of guys in the community won’t go after certain girls because they feel that they’re simply out of their league; too attractive for them. This is often countered by well meaning but ultimately hollow platitudes such as:

  • “There’s no such thing as out of you’re league”
  •  “She’s probably really insecure anyway”
  • “Yes she’s beautiful, but what else has she got going for her?”
  • “It’s all in your head”

These statements all probably have a certain amount of truth to them, but it doesn’t matter. If a guy think a girl is too attractive for him, this thought is going to taint every aspect of his interaction with this girl, no matter what feel good PUA platitudes have been whispered in his ear.

And this is my problem with HBBrightEyes. She’s a solid 8 objectively and also just my type subjectively. This means I think she’s too good for me, out of my league. This mindset very subtly influences my behavior with her. For example sometimes I won’t say certain jokes for fear of upsetting her, or I won’t be as blunt with her as I should be at times. The most noticeable thing is that I didn’t try and kiss close her till the second date. This is unusual for me.

I’m also more likely to think that HBBrightEyes, and girls like her are ‘good girls’ or ‘not like that’ when it comes to sex. With these hot girls I’m suffering from what 60 Years of Challenge calls, ‘The myth of female purity’. It needs to be my mindset that these hot girls love nothing better than a good doggie style stuffing. If you treat girls like goddesses they will start to think they are. And goddesses don’t get down on their knees and suck of mortals.

I have realized that, other than this “She’s out of my league” view which causes me to head fuck myself and second guess myself when dealing with the hotter girls, there’s nothing else really standing in my way from banging them. If I could have the same thoughts in my head when dealing with a 9 as when dealing with a 6 then I’d have fucked 9s. This mindset, my lower perceived value, is the final deal breaker.

So how to improve this area? How do I start feeling entitled to the hotter girls?

As mentioned before, I don’t think positive affirmations, like repeating too yourself that you are good enough, help. It’s no good saying the words. You must believe them. The only way I know to truly change beliefs is by gaining experiences which contradict your old beliefs. Then you spend some time thinking about these experiences to positively reinforce them in your mind.

I need to gain reference points that prove to me I can get hot women. What reference points would these be? In ascending order of how powerful the reference point would be in terms of changing my beliefs they are:

  • Getting an out of my league girl out on a date
  • Kiss closing and out of my league girl
  • Fucking an out of my league girl

Think about it. If by the end of this year, if I have been on dates with about a dozen really hot girls, kiss closed a handful and fucked a couple of them, next time I’m face to face with a hottie it’s going to be hard for my mind to think she’s too good for me. My brain will search for experiences with girls as hot as her, and the positive reference points of dating / kissing / fucking girls like her will be found. My brain will then assume she’s within my league.

So how am I going to do this?

From now on the only girls I’m messaging on online dating will be girls so physically attractive that my gut reaction when seeing their picture is that they’re out of my league. At the moment I’ve been messaging mainly 7s with the odd 6 and 8, but from now on it’ll just be girls that are HB8+. The score I give them is less important than my gut reaction to them.

I’m aware that my response rate will probably plummet. At the moment I think 1 in 3 girls are responding. At a guess my new response rate will be about 1 in 10, probably 30 messages to get a date. I’m going to message 2 new girls a day so I’m hoping for 2 dates a month. From there it’s just a matter of pushing each date to the limit.

Of course the positive reference points aren’t my only means of attack. I will continue to work on my value; better looks, better body, improving my career and my lifestyle, but these things are beyond the scope of this post.

———————————————

Stats since 1st March:
10 number closes
6 kiss closes
0 f closes

 

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Comments
  1. Jim says:

    Nice plan, but I think it is not just about getting that one reference experience which opens the floodgates.

    Confidence (or whatever you want to call it) withers too. I was a lot more confident with girls back at uni when life was plain sailing for me. I’ve had some very nice looking girls in the distant past, however by a few years ago in Brighton my mates used to joke that I was scared of girls (in a friendly way).

    But as you are already working on everything else, you will probably have all bases covered.

    The other thing I wanted to say was – if you are not consistently laying 6s week in week out, would you not want to keep contacting them as well? Or are time and energy becoming limiting factors in your clunge hunt?

    • betatopua says:

      Yeah, there is more to it than positive reference points, and I touched on that in the post. It doesn’t help much if there’s nothing attractive about you. It’s just that I feel that the “She’s out of my league” feeling is my biggest sticking point at the moment with very attractive girls. Once I’ve sorted that out I’ll address what ever comes next. It’s a process of continuous improvement.

      As for continuing to message 6s/7s it does depend on the results I get from the hotter girls. If I can meet a new stunner every week or so then I won’t bother with the mediocre girls. If I can only meet say one every month or so (this may be more realistic) then I’ll start messaging 6s/7s a little.

      It’s just that I sent less than 40 messages in March, and went on 4 first dates (should be 5 as of Tuesday). With all that going on I had to drop some girls that I could have got together with, and this makes me feel like I’ve missed out. I’m just trying to pace myself, but in fact it may not be good for abundance to do that.

      I have about 30 hot girls on my favourites list and I’m messaging 2 a day. Done 6 so far without a reply… Might just message all 30 of them mid next week over the space of a few days. Doing this will give me an idea of what kind of response rate I’ll get and how I’ll need to pace myself.

      I’ll still open mediocre girls in clubs, and I’m shagging a 6 at the moment. Her sex drive is way higher than mine, so while I’m seeing her getting laid won’t be a problem.

  2. MikeG says:

    “So how to improve this area? How do I start feeling entitled to the hotter girls?

    As mentioned before, I don’t think positive affirmations, like repeating too yourself that you are good enough, help. It’s no good saying the words. You must believe them. The only way I know to truly change beliefs is by gaining experiences which contradict your old beliefs. Then you spend some time thinking about these experiences to positively reinforce them in your mind.”

    Yeah I like the basic idea behind this post. The fact is you got to get real life postive affirmations in order to get past this sticking point. A big sticking point for myself in just general life has been public speaking. Majority of the population hates it but never really deals with it. My goal this year is to get a lot better at it. I’m currently taking classes where I have to give 5-10 speeches but I’m going to extend this into taking improve comedy as well this year.

    While i like the idea of going after really good looking girls to break your sticking point, I’m not really sure though how well this will work for the online scene(as you already know your ratio will plummet)

    Defintley keep us updated you your results, I’m curious to see how different your success will be

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