Archive for May, 2012

If any of you are active readers of any of the Men’s Rights blogs out there, you will no doubt be aware that false accusations of rape and sexual assault is one of the big issues amongst men’s rights activists. The best example of this is The False Rape Society, a site which documents high profile cases where men have been accused and sometimes convicted of rape, with it at some point being proven that the charges are false.

The biggest issue that this brings to light is that it’s fairly simple for a women to falsely accuse a man of rape. The effects on his life are often disastrous (loss of job, unemployability, loss of friends, even violent attacks) since the press often publishes information on rape / sexual assault arrests, and they are documented for perpetuity thanks to Google. In contrast to this women often have little to lose by making a false accusation, since suspected or even proven false accusations are rarely prosecuted. People may counter this by saying that giving evidence to the police is very traumatic for women who report a rape. I’m in little doubt that this is true when a rape has actually occurred. A woman won’t feel traumatized being questioned about a rape she has fabricated.

There is also an issue that the burden of proof in rape / sexual assault cases is dropping. While there is still a fairly low conviction rate for rape (although it’s much higher than feminist figures suggest), there are many cases when a man is convicted purely on the testimony of his alleged victim. I personally find this irreconcilable with the notion of innocent until proven guilty, and the ‘beyond reasonable doubt’ level of proof which is supposed to be required for a conviction. If I’m on a jury and the alleged victim is saying the accused raped her but offers no other source of evidence, I would find myself unable to convict if the guy said he didn’t do it. How could I possibly believe her word above is beyond reasonable doubt?

A final thing to through into the melting pot is that the definition of rape, or more precisely what constitutes consent, has changed rapidly over the past 20 years. Once a rape had to involve force, now it’s lack of consent that creates a rape. The thing is this slyly shifts the burden of proof onto the accused in rape cases. He is asked both by the police and court how he knew the woman consented, rather than them having to prove beyond reasonable doubt that consent was not present. These days fucking some dippy tart who is a bit drunk is rape, even if she obviously consents at the time. So when a guy goes to a club, gets drunk, picks up a drunk girl and takes her home, he then has to make a decision, while he’s drunk, which could lead to 5 years in prison if he get’s it slightly wrong. If the man is just as drunk as the woman, do you think counter claims that she must therefore have sexually assaulted him because he was too drunk to consent would ever hold any water?

After that introduction, I’ll get to my story. It’s no where near as serious as the stuff mentioned so far in this post, but it’s an indication of just how willing some women are to pull the sexual assault card.

Myself an a wing are in the (fucking loooong) queue for a club on a Saturday night. Since I know recently the club has cracked down on letting men in without women, I advise my wing that we need to get with some girls. We maneuver next to a 3 set in the queue, and are quite blunt. We want them to tell the bouncer we’re with them to get in. They ask if we’ll pay entry for them (£10 each!) and we say no but settle on getting them a round of drinks once we’re inside. They agree.

As soon as we’re inside we lose them. They catch up with us 30 minutes later, and they’re all, “You didn’t get us drinks blah blah blah!”. I’m chatting to one of the girls for a bit, my wing to another.

Me: You’re name’s Emma, right?
Her: No, she’s Emma.
Me: So who the fuck are you then?

She goes apeshit. If you’ve got the right vibe and say that line just right to the right girl, she’ll be fine with it. I said it a bit too seriously, and she took it badly. I did apologize. I’ll never apologize if I think I’m in the right, but given the poor delivery of this line I could see it came across as very rude, so an apology was correct. She’s still not happy so I walk off. My wing comes over to me asking me why they all went cold all of a sudden. I tell him what happened and apologize.

Five minutes later a bouncer comes over to me. He looks very serious. “I want a word with you”. I think the girl must have told him I was rude to her, and thought that it’s pathetic he actually comes to speak to me about it. This is one of London’s most renowned meat markets, not the bar at the Ritz. Turns out that’s not what she told him:

Bouncer: A girl’s accused you of groping her ass. Did you do it?
Me: Which girl?
Bouncer: That’s not what I asked you. Did you do it?
Me: No. Feel free to check the CCTV if you want. I haven’t touched anyone since I’ve been in here.
Bouncer: That’s all I wanted to know.

With that he walked off. I’m guessing if I’d come across as drunk or he read my reaction as blatantly lying he’d have done something more. My wing told me a friend of his once had to go to court over something like this, and so wasn’t happy. He hunted down the girls and confronted them. They legged it to the girls toilets after admitting it, apparently.

Speaking to other wings about this, it’s not all that uncommon for a girl to say stuff like this to bouncers if you piss them off in clubs. Most times nothing will come of it, like in this case. In some cases you’ll get kicked out. Some places may well have a policy of detaining and calling the police in such situations. Then things can get really serious.

So no harm done to me in the end, but it’s a stark warning: a claim of sexual assault / rape / harassment is the sure fire, low risk / high reward weapon some women these days will very quickly turn to in order to deal with a man who upsets them somehow. Leaves me wondering just how many men have had careers ruined or hindered when himself and a woman are both in competition for the same promotion at work. How many men have ended up in court because a woman thought they were rude to them in a club. How many men have done hard prison time because they didn’t call a girl the day after sex. Scary stuff. If you’re fucking and interacting with lots of women be in no doubt. You are at risk, it can happen to you.

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I think it’s good to post a field report every now and again, so here’s mine from a west end club last night.

The beginning of the night was a bit of a debacle. Myself and two wings were meant to go to my favorite club in the west end (with a third wing meeting us there later). We go early to avoid the cover charge and to increase our chances of getting in. They’re very strict about letting in male only groups, and even at around 8:40 which is when we went, a male only group can’t exceed 3 guys or you won’t get in. The three of us make it to the front of the small queue, when some guy from the LSS that one of my wings knows joins and starts talking to my wing. “How many of you are there guys?” the bouncer asks. “Three” I reply. He’s just asking us for our IDs when random LSS guy pipes up “Four of us”. Fucking numpty. I knew as soon as he said that he had ensured that none of us were getting in. He just happened to be wandering by and thought he’d try to get in because he had seen someone he knew in the queue, and he fucked out night up because of it. I tried to claim there were 3 of us but this twat said 4 again so the bouncer conferred with the manager and it was a no go to us getting in. Random LSS guy disappears as fast as he came.

The next bar we was showing some big football match that night so even at 8:50 there’s a queue of 30 people outside, almost all of them blokes. That bar’s a cockfest any time there’s a match on so we hurry across Piccadilly Circus to get into another club before 9pm when they start charging.

We get inside and see some old friends / familiar faces that we chat to. We find out that there’s been some LSS event on that day and now there’s about 20 aspiring PUAs in the venue. My wings seem bothered by this, but I don’t really care. I catch up with some guys I haven’t seen for a while, and grab a beer. My wings go off to smoke, and I stay to finish my beer.

I’m leaning on the bar surveying the dance floor when I notice a petite HB8 with dyed short red hair giving me the eye from the dance floor. I smile back and eye fuck her a little. She keeps looking over throughout the next ten minutes. I can tell she’s starting to wonder why I’m not coming over. I’m not rushing my beer, sweetie.

Just as I finish my beer two guys open her and her friends. One guy’s going for a bit of kino on her, and she’s not interested. The guys move away a bit. I slowly make my way onto the dancefloor and towards my girl. She’s small enough to bounce of my dick. The club’s still only half full so I can make use of this with my best slow but confident swagger from the bar to the middle of the dancefloor to get her. I’m half way there when those guys are back again. The guy who’s after her has his hand on her shoulder. I decide I’m going to have to abort the approach.

Not so long ago I remember knowing logically what the ‘alpha’ thing to do would be in situations in clubs, but despite consciously thinking I should do this always reverting back to doing the same lacking in confidence beta stuff. My logical mind would tell me the correct play, but my instinct was towards cowardice, and so that’s what won out. My body would just do the pussy thing despite what my head was saying, like my conscious thoughts were just ineffectual background noise. That’s exactly what happened during this approach. But in reverse this time…

So my head’s telling me to abort the approach. My conscious mind is made up. But I’m still moving forward. My instinct is winning the battle over my conscious mind again, but this time my instincts are different. They are that of a man who goes for what he wants. The guys hand is still on her shoulder and he’s whispering in her ear. I walk up behind her, grab her arm and spin her round to face me.

Hi.
Smiles.
Her eyes light up.
She’s a little confused.
I’m so sure of myself.
Hi.
The other guy fades into the background.

It turns out her and her friends are in London for the weekend, visiting from Krakow (Poland). I haven’t been abroad much but Krakow is one of the few places I’ve been, so we try and chat about it for a bit. The combination of her poor English and the loud music make this hard, so I isolate and take her downstairs where there’s no music.

We chat for a bit and I ask her about the hen party badge she’s wearing. I try and read it, but as soon as I do she hides the writing and takes it off. Hmm. We’ve been alone less than 10 minutes when one of her friends finds us and literally drags her off. She puts up a little resistance, but goes eventually. I don’t usually bitch about cock blocking, because the way I see it, is what guys view as cock blocking is often actually the girl not being interested and saved from the guy by a friend. It’s just guys don’t realize this, and moan about how the friend ruined their chances. The truth is, if a girl genuinely likes you it’s very rare for anyone but you to ruin the set. In this case though the girl was into me, so I was a little annoyed.

I saw her a couple of times throughout the night. She still seemed interested, but something was holding her back, so I didn’t pursue it. My take on the situation was that she was the hen (about to be married) and so being with me was her misbehaving. That fits with her reaction to me asking about the badge and her friend dragging her off.

Open a few more sets. They’re luke warm and don’t like me escalating. A milf with a not great face but OK body opens me on the dancefloor. She’s on holiday from Dublin and apparently I’m the best looking guy she’s seen so far in London. Cool. I’m not too into her but like the way she moves her body as she grinds me, and this wins me over. I try to escalate, it’s a no go. Same on isolation. Verdict is she’s attracted but not sexually available, so I move on. “Don’t leave me” she says. I’m such a heart breaker.

I open a girl who looks like a solid 7 as she walks past me. Her friend tries to instantly drag her off. Not this time, bitch. I tell her friend no. We’re talking. I’m doing the 60 Years of Challenge hand caressing within 2 minutes. We try and dance but it’s fucking rammed so I isolate downstairs. She’s from Hungry and not as hot as I initially thought. She’s been living here for a while so her English is OK, but the conversation is a bit dull. She’s not very lively and gentle teasing doesn’t really spark her buying temperature. After a 20 minute chat I take her to dance again. On the dancefloor I escalate and try for the KClose and get denied a few times over the course of the next 30 minutes.

By this point I’m bored of her. She goes to the toilets and I’m hoping she doesn’t come back. As soon as she comes out of the toilets she runs off to find her friends.

This was an interesting set in some ways. It confirms something I’ve had thoughts on but they’ve never fully crystalized. I really believe you can’t stay in set too long in a club. Even if you find a quiet corner to talk in, it’s not like a bar where you can sit and talk for a couple of hours. Trying to do so in a club will kill the interaction. All the spark will just go. I’ve seen this happen multiple times. The soultion is to make a decision at around the 30 minute mark. Either try and extract then and there, or number close and take her back to her friends. If you number close you can still reopen say 30 minutes later, and things will be fresh again, whereas hanging in set will allow things to go stale. You can always go for the SNL when you reopen. Also, you can open other sets and get more prospects for that night during this ‘break’ you’re taking from her.

It’s becoming more and more obvious that I’m good at the opening stages of game. I can approach and attract average to above average women both in clubs and online. I then have a huge sticking point around the middle. I suppose in the ‘comfort’ stage. So I suck at day 2s and basically turning initial interest in to lays. This is in contrast to when I had trouble getting any initial interest but could converts most of the interest I did get into lays.

I’m going to consult the LSS and Seddit about this, because it’s a major problem, and seems to be all that’s standing in my way between getting laid occasionally and getting laid consistently. If I crack this I may actually then be able to call myself a PUA. The trouble is, I really can’t work out what the problem is. It isn’t something simple and obvious like confidence or escalation or body language. When I first started game, it was easy to improve because my problems were so obvious. Others could easily point them out to me (lack of confidence, poor dress sense, overweight, always in my own head). Now people just say I seem like I should do well with women. Yet I don’t.

I think it’s a mix of lifestyle and deep personality traits. Fixing things like this could be a huge task.

Next time I post I’ll focus on what specifically I think my problems are, but it’s just a guess.

 

I’m on Twitter

Posted: May 15, 2012 in Uncategorized

I never really got the point in Twitter, but since starting to work for a PR company I’ve become more aware of just how it can be used successfully.

It’s always annoyed me that writing a full blog post can take so long, and as such many of my game related thoughts never leave my own head and get circulated throughout the manosphere where I can get feedback on them. No more. It takes just seconds to write a tweet, so I’ll be able to keep you all up to date on my thoughts / activities.

Follow me: @betatopua

Inner game crisis

Posted: May 8, 2012 in Uncategorized

A mere few weeks ago I was riding high. Thanks to a mixture of online and club game I had a total of around 6 girls in my ‘orbit’ who were potentials for sex / relationships, and this isn’t including the one girl I’m currently dating. Of those 6 I’ve only managed to close 1, and it’s a no go with the rest of them. I thought I had got to the point where I wasn’t far away from ‘getting this area of my life sorted’ as many budding PUAs say they want to do, but now I feel so very far away from it.

As I think I touched on in my back to basics post, I’ve had many girls show a lot of initial interest in me early on. PUAs often say there are yes, no and maybe girls. An example of a yes girl I met was one who took my number in a club after I opened her (well, we swapped numbers at her request) and she initiated the texting first the next day. Still never got the day 3. Another was from an online girl. First date went really well. Texting after that indicated great interest. Around half way through the third date I felt her interest fade, and so wasn’t surprised that she didn’t want a third date. Yes girls are meant to be easy to get; just don’t fuck up and take the interaction forward. And yet I seem to be losing these yes girls despite being very competent at taking the interaction forward. This is worrying.

I’ve certainly got much better at outer game. Although I’ve slipped in some areas, I’m certainly not a million miles away from being competent enough in this area. This has lead to me having more initial interest and opportunities from a higher quality (both in terms of looks and personality) than I have ever done in my life, but I think I’m probably worse at sealing the deal than I have ever been in my life. I feel this is an inner game issue.

I’ve always been quite emotionally attached. I rarely, if ever, form strong bonds with anyone, and am quite emotionally aloof. I’m low energy and don’t wear my heart on my sleeve, and this makes me quite hard to read. I think in the early days of my PUA career, this was offset by the outcome dependance I had on a date. Wondering whether or not a girl liked me, and whether I was doing it right or not and whether a girl liked me or not. In PUA terms this is bad, but I did mean I was more emotionally present during a date. My nerves actually added an emotional spark to it all. As I’ve dated more and more first dates have become nothing to me. It’s just another date, I go on them all the time. The outcome dependance has disappeared a long with my nerves.

My trouble now on dates is I get an odd feeling. There’s no excitement, and it often feels on a date like I’m not even there. I often find myself on a date, talking to a girl but it’s all on auto pilot. It’s a feeling that’s really hard to put into words. It’s not so much that my mind wonders to other things, but at the same time I’m not there. I think the best way to describe it is like when you have the TV on. There’s a show on and you’re sort of watching it but not really bothered. It’s not your main focus. You’re maybe doing something else whilst it’s on so it hasn’t got your whole attention. On a logical level you know what’s going on. You’re fully aware of the plot and maybe can even guess where it’s going, but there’s no emotional investment from you. If one of the main characters dies you just don’t care. It’s not far off just being background noise. That’s just how my dates feel.

I went on a date last night, and the girl told me fairly early on she didn’t feel a connection or anything, which is fine. We were then able to talk honestly and she also mentioned she sensed this detachment in me. She pointed out that through the first 40 minutes of the date I didn’t even make eye contact with her. I realized she was right. She was sat sideways on to me and I just kept looking straight ahead. An outward manifestation of my inward detachment. The self is always coming through. Now, some people are going to tell me at this point that I shouldn’t care what girls think about me. To a large extent I agree. One girl who isn’t into you could list the reasons she doesn’t like you, and the things she mentions are identical to a girl who does like you giving you a list of things she likes about you. For example some girls fall hard for guys who are fairly detached. They chase them hard emotionally. The reason I did listen to this one girl is that some of the points she made were things that were on my mind to the point I was already planning a blog post on them before I met her. Mainly the whole emotional attachment issue. Of course some of what she said was silly (she didn’t like the fact I ask her what she looks for in a man, and that I talked about what I like in a girl. I often do this and think it’s fine).

All in all this is an issue I’ve had when interacting with other people throughout my entire life. I remember when I was 10 one of my school teachers writing in my end of term report that I was emotionally detached. She didn’t use those words but that was the general thrust of it. It sticks out in my mind because my mum went ballistic that she said that, to the point of complaining to the head teacher about it (my mum loves to complain). That’s just an indication of how far back it goes, and it’s certainly an issue that pre-dates adulthood and sexual interest in girls. It feels like part of my nature.

When I first entered PUA a realized I needed to make big changes. To tear down parts of myself and rebuild them differently. I did that to some extent, and recently had been content that I had finished doing that. It was great because I could then be happy with my personality, and didn’t need to second guess myself anymore. It’s now started to dawn on me that I need to do that again, going even deeper into the depths of my psyche this time. Imagine it like a martial art. I started of a white belt but have been awarded increasingly higher grades of belts over the past 30 months, but now I realize that my technique is so flawed that I again have to don the white belt of the beginner.

My main trouble is that I can’t see the path ahead of me which I need to take to progress. Once I knew what I needed to do, it was just hard to do it. But now it’s just like I’m looking out and all I can see is a thick jungle ahead of me, with no obvious path to take. I fear I may just end up blindly wandering around looking for and opening so I can find my way. This isn’t just some sticking point. This is about who I am, and that makes it tough.

I’m very lost at the moment, and so unsure what my next step should be. I’m going to ask advice on some forums, but I’m really not sure I’ll get a good answer.

Back to basics

Posted: May 5, 2012 in Uncategorized

Lately, I haven’t been doing as well as I could have when it comes to seduction.

I’ve been getting more initial interest from women than ever before in my life, but I am frequently unable to capitalize on it. Not getting the girls who are interested in you right off the bat does not make a good PUA.

I’ve had a thought about this, and have come to the conclusion there are two things wrong.

Firstly I’ve been ignoring the fundamentals of seduction. Because I’ve been getting a lot of initial interest from women, I’ve become a bit too arrogant in my approach to game.

I haven’t really been at all engaging or interesting to women. I at times come on too strong when I should be letting them chase, and at other times just show complete disinterest when I should be showing interest. It’s very much a case of what RooshV talks about in one of his posts. You reach the point where you just think your so awesome that you decide actually putting in effort to game girls is beneath you, so you don’t bother. Thing is, without gaming them girls don’t really ever get to see your awesomeness. It merely exists unseen within your own head.

The solution to this is simple. Put some strong gaming guidelines in place based on the fundamentals of game:

Proper date plans

  • Maximum of three drinks plus a venue bounce.
  • Use all of my old routines (What I look for in a woman, most embarrassing moment, if you could do anything with your life what would you do, if we were married future projection).
  • Try and figure out what type of person she is, take a genuine interest in this.
  • Go for the kiss 2/3rds of the way through. Just 1 – 2 kisses unless I really thinks she’s DTF that night.

Good online messaging

  • Go for the number on 3rd message, no messing around
  • Keep compliments to a minimum
  • No long over blown messages

Really limited use of humor

Better non verbals

  • Get out of the habit of crossing my ankles when I sit down
  • Slow down my voice, make it louder
  • More dominate vibe. Tell her what we’re going to do, dot ask permission

The second point is just a general sense of apathy I feel towards dating at the moment, and to a lesser extent towards life in general. For some reason I feel directionless, and that’s not the sort of man a woman wants.

When it comes to dating it’s simply that the excitement has gone from it. In the past two years I’ve been on so many dates, missed more girls than I can count, and fucked almost double the amount of women that I had in the entire rest of my life before then.

It’s just starting to become stale, and I think I’ve hit a plateau. In a way it feels like things are going well. I seem to do much better in the clubs than I have ever before. Despite this, I’m yet to f close a girl from cold approach this year. It’s all been online.

This is partly because I had a girl friend until 10 weeks ago and so wasn’t putting in much effort before then, partly because my standards have gone up and partly because I haven’t been out much recently. I think this apathy is also part of the problem.

I remember once writing a post about how I should non needy. I’ve now, thanks to this apathetic feeling, gone way past non needy and moved into complete I don’t give a fuck territory. I think it’s too much for many women. It’s good for initially attracting them, but beyond that most women want you to care about them. This is partly what the comfort phase of a seduction is about.

That’s what I’ve just realized I need to work on (blogging’s great; putting it all down in words leads to epiphanies like this). Building comfort. I’m going to hit the forums and get some advice on this area. Just have to make sure I stop myself swinging too far the other way into nice guy territory…

Oh and I fclosed another girl from online dating just at the end of last month (so my count was two for April, but didn’t make it onto the stats). I won’t be seeing her again.

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Stats since 1st May:
1 kiss closes
0 f closes