I get falsely accused of sexual assault

Posted: May 25, 2012 in Uncategorized

If any of you are active readers of any of the Men’s Rights blogs out there, you will no doubt be aware that false accusations of rape and sexual assault is one of the big issues amongst men’s rights activists. The best example of this is The False Rape Society, a site which documents high profile cases where men have been accused and sometimes convicted of rape, with it at some point being proven that the charges are false.

The biggest issue that this brings to light is that it’s fairly simple for a women to falsely accuse a man of rape. The effects on his life are often disastrous (loss of job, unemployability, loss of friends, even violent attacks) since the press often publishes information on rape / sexual assault arrests, and they are documented for perpetuity thanks to Google. In contrast to this women often have little to lose by making a false accusation, since suspected or even proven false accusations are rarely prosecuted. People may counter this by saying that giving evidence to the police is very traumatic for women who report a rape. I’m in little doubt that this is true when a rape has actually occurred. A woman won’t feel traumatized being questioned about a rape she has fabricated.

There is also an issue that the burden of proof in rape / sexual assault cases is dropping. While there is still a fairly low conviction rate for rape (although it’s much higher than feminist figures suggest), there are many cases when a man is convicted purely on the testimony of his alleged victim. I personally find this irreconcilable with the notion of innocent until proven guilty, and the ‘beyond reasonable doubt’ level of proof which is supposed to be required for a conviction. If I’m on a jury and the alleged victim is saying the accused raped her but offers no other source of evidence, I would find myself unable to convict if the guy said he didn’t do it. How could I possibly believe her word above is beyond reasonable doubt?

A final thing to through into the melting pot is that the definition of rape, or more precisely what constitutes consent, has changed rapidly over the past 20 years. Once a rape had to involve force, now it’s lack of consent that creates a rape. The thing is this slyly shifts the burden of proof onto the accused in rape cases. He is asked both by the police and court how he knew the woman consented, rather than them having to prove beyond reasonable doubt that consent was not present. These days fucking some dippy tart who is a bit drunk is rape, even if she obviously consents at the time. So when a guy goes to a club, gets drunk, picks up a drunk girl and takes her home, he then has to make a decision, while he’s drunk, which could lead to 5 years in prison if he get’s it slightly wrong. If the man is just as drunk as the woman, do you think counter claims that she must therefore have sexually assaulted him because he was too drunk to consent would ever hold any water?

After that introduction, I’ll get to my story. It’s no where near as serious as the stuff mentioned so far in this post, but it’s an indication of just how willing some women are to pull the sexual assault card.

Myself an a wing are in the (fucking loooong) queue for a club on a Saturday night. Since I know recently the club has cracked down on letting men in without women, I advise my wing that we need to get with some girls. We maneuver next to a 3 set in the queue, and are quite blunt. We want them to tell the bouncer we’re with them to get in. They ask if we’ll pay entry for them (£10 each!) and we say no but settle on getting them a round of drinks once we’re inside. They agree.

As soon as we’re inside we lose them. They catch up with us 30 minutes later, and they’re all, “You didn’t get us drinks blah blah blah!”. I’m chatting to one of the girls for a bit, my wing to another.

Me: You’re name’s Emma, right?
Her: No, she’s Emma.
Me: So who the fuck are you then?

She goes apeshit. If you’ve got the right vibe and say that line just right to the right girl, she’ll be fine with it. I said it a bit too seriously, and she took it badly. I did apologize. I’ll never apologize if I think I’m in the right, but given the poor delivery of this line I could see it came across as very rude, so an apology was correct. She’s still not happy so I walk off. My wing comes over to me asking me why they all went cold all of a sudden. I tell him what happened and apologize.

Five minutes later a bouncer comes over to me. He looks very serious. “I want a word with you”. I think the girl must have told him I was rude to her, and thought that it’s pathetic he actually comes to speak to me about it. This is one of London’s most renowned meat markets, not the bar at the Ritz. Turns out that’s not what she told him:

Bouncer: A girl’s accused you of groping her ass. Did you do it?
Me: Which girl?
Bouncer: That’s not what I asked you. Did you do it?
Me: No. Feel free to check the CCTV if you want. I haven’t touched anyone since I’ve been in here.
Bouncer: That’s all I wanted to know.

With that he walked off. I’m guessing if I’d come across as drunk or he read my reaction as blatantly lying he’d have done something more. My wing told me a friend of his once had to go to court over something like this, and so wasn’t happy. He hunted down the girls and confronted them. They legged it to the girls toilets after admitting it, apparently.

Speaking to other wings about this, it’s not all that uncommon for a girl to say stuff like this to bouncers if you piss them off in clubs. Most times nothing will come of it, like in this case. In some cases you’ll get kicked out. Some places may well have a policy of detaining and calling the police in such situations. Then things can get really serious.

So no harm done to me in the end, but it’s a stark warning: a claim of sexual assault / rape / harassment is the sure fire, low risk / high reward weapon some women these days will very quickly turn to in order to deal with a man who upsets them somehow. Leaves me wondering just how many men have had careers ruined or hindered when himself and a woman are both in competition for the same promotion at work. How many men have ended up in court because a woman thought they were rude to them in a club. How many men have done hard prison time because they didn’t call a girl the day after sex. Scary stuff. If you’re fucking and interacting with lots of women be in no doubt. You are at risk, it can happen to you.

  1. Jim Bacon says:

    What a horrible story, at the bouncer was reasonable about it. Imagine if he’d thrown you out.

    Also with this girl crying wolf all the time, when some girl does actually get groped the security will probably wind up ignoring her.

    The club I worked in down in Brighton had quite a good policy. They get the accused guy and accusing girl out the front. Then kick both of them out.

    • betatopua says:

      I’m not sure how throwing them both out is a good policy. They are then always throwing one innocent party out. I like the approach that was takn in this case. If they have no proof and I deny it then that’s the end of it.

    • betatopua says:

      I’ve had friends tell me this is not uncommon if you piss of girls in clubs, so I think bouncers probably tend to ignore it.

  2. MikeG says:

    Its a tough situation because from what I’m reading(I’m playing devils advocate) from her point of view a couple guys lie to them about getting them drinks in order to get into the club, ditch them in the club and then when they approach the guys about the deal they made the one guys basically tells her to fuck off.

    For whatever reason she probably didn’t think you were sincere…that’s just a guess since I have no idea how it actually went down or what subtext she was getting from you. Probably a combination of not getting them the drinks and the comment just put her over the edge.

    The problem is her way of getting at you can have some pretty serious implications as you pointed out with the police being called in. Most likely her intentions were just to get you booted(kind of eye for and eye, she got you into the club… She gets you booted) but women don’t realize throwing that card is pretty serious.

    • betatopua says:

      Due to the possible consequences of her actions, her response was disproportionate.

      Imagine if I was on the guest list and told her I’d let her in with me so she could queue jump if she got me a drink. Then inside she doesn’t buy me a drink, and tells me to fuck off. So I slip some coke into her handbag and tell the bouncer I’ve just seen her do a big fat line off the bar. Would be overkill if she ends up in prison for possession.

      • MikeG says:

        I agree, she upped the ante big time on you. Im really surprised she did that after an apology… If you didn’t i could logically see a chick doing that to get back at you but it’s really weird she would still be that mad as to tell the bouncer that shit.

        I guess just use this as a learning experience and try and gauge giving responses like “who the fuck are you” a little better. I’ve gotten caught doing things like that when I wasn’t gauging the situation properly. You just learn from it

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