Missed out on my first cold approach lay of the year at the 11th hour

Posted: June 27, 2012 in Uncategorized

After HBSwedish gave me a bj at the end of our day 2, when we parted ways the unspoken assumption was that we’d fuck next time we saw each other.

We had the day 3 set up tonight in a bar near my house. Then she texts at midday today saying she’s been seeing someone else a few times, and doesn’t think it’s fair to go on seeing another guy, so she’s going to have to cancel.

I don’t know what’s more annoying. The fact that I’m now left with 0 cold approach lays for the year, the fact I missed out on shagging another girl, or the fact I lost out to another man. Having said this it hasn’t really caused my self esteem to sting like it once would have. I’m just pissed off.

The only thing I think I could have done better with HBSwedish is to move faster on the follow up, both after the initial pickup and when arraigning the day 3.

I must have had at least 16 nights out this year since breaking up with my gf, and not being able to get laid on that many nights out despite having a decent appearance and being confident on my approach and escalation is quit shocking. Clearly something is going wrong, but I don’t have the faintest clue what. It’s hard to explain, but I feel like I should be getting laid, but I’m not.

Also my success rate on day2s (from cold approach not online)  is abysmal. With day2s I think I can come off as a bit emotionally cold (because, well, I am). Having a better lifestyle (better social life, non game related hobbies) would also help.

This is frustrating since I feel I’m 90% there. When the last 10% falls into place I think I’ll be getting laid with frightening regularity. My only problem is I don’t know what I need to change. What that last 10% is baffles me, and I have no idea how to work out what it is.

Given that the Olympics are about to fuck up London’s transport network for a month, it could be a long while before I crack this.

  1. Jim Bacon says:

    Just going on my own experiences, but I think you are 40% of the way there, not 90%.

    Again, this is just going on my own experiences, and could be completely irrelevant to you, but the girl doesn’t just look at your appearance, she looks at your social group and standing within it. She can do this without even meeting them. That last statement sounds stupid, but a lot of people reckon you can pretty much tell how cool a guy is and what kind of social life and fun he experiences within 30 seconds of talking to him. Of course there are exceptions to this rule, but as humans we stereotype because we don’t have time to properly analyse everyone we meet each day.

    I can only imagine that you come across as a reasonably physically attractive loner (guy with a few close friends that he goes out with) bachelor to the girls.

    Unfortunately London is good at putting guys in this situation.

    You need to gain social status in the social groups these girls would be interested in part of being. Guys in this situation give off a fun interesting vibe to girls (and to other guys). You know these guys when you meet them, people think they are ‘a cool guy’.

    If you went to the med and became a bar PR you would be knee deep in clung in a week. Same if you were a contiki tour worker, or a dive instructor in Thailand. It is a bit more difficult to find ready made social circles in London (outside of unis) that you can easily do well in.

    Does any of this actually make sense? It is hard to articulate.

    • betatopua says:

      Although a good social network is a plus, and will be massively important to some girls, I really don’t think it’s the main factor holding me back at the moment. I could be wrong.

      It’s something I want to work on at some point in the not to distant future. As you point out it’s not actually that easy in London, for various reasons.

      In terms of what % there I am, it depends where ‘there’ is. I’d say around 90% for there being fucking half decent girls I meet in clubs regularly (the pickup artist). Way less than 40% if there is being able to almost passively attract women by just having an awesome lifestyle and charisma, and not really having to ‘sarge’ much (a ladies man). Big difference between the two.

      From asking questions on various forums, I think I’ve discovered what the last 10% is, and it’s going to be a tough one to crack. Post coming soon…

  2. krauserpua says:

    “It’s hard to explain, but I feel like I should be getting laid, but I’m not.”

    this is good. it means you are entitled and it’s in your identity that you are a man who should be banging pretty girls

  3. […] had some feedback from posting questions on forums that this is where I’m going wrong and why I’m not able to convert the initial attention I’m getting into lays. I come across as being all about the sex, which makes girls feel like they’re being used for […]

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