I fucked up singles night… again

Posted: August 13, 2012 in Uncategorized

When I arrived at my second ever singles night I simply wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone. As a very introverted person I get this way sometimes. It also didn’t help that I’d only had 3 hours sleep the night before, and my wing wasn’t going to get there for 30 minutes.

Some girls tried to talk to me as I arrived but I basically brushed them off. I went to the bar and ordered a beer, and just stood there alone and silent as I waited for my wing to arrive. At this point I didn’t see the night going well for me. I surveyed the room. Maybe 50 women. I’d say 30 were nos for me, a few that were pretty hot, and the rest were passable. Not a great line up.

Things get better after my wing arrives. We chat for a while and talk to some girls (who neither of us are sexually interested in) who we met at the last singles event. By that point I’m starting my second beer and I’m pretty warmed up. We go on the prowl around the venue. I open a younish Russian girl, HB6. We chat for a while but she doesn’t get my sense of humour (people who don’t speak English extremely well often don’t) and her conversational skills are poor. She excuses herself and goes back to her friends. Good. Do not want.

I keep making eyes at a very exotic looking HB8, one of the few hot girls in the room. She returns the eye contact and smiles, but she’s sat in a booth so it’s too physically hard to get to her to open.

A bit later on my wing is in set with the one girl in the venue he really likes (he’s picky) so I go on the prowl on my own. An HB5 with a slightly cockney accent opens me by saying hello as I walk by. She’s got a nice body on her but the face isn’t great at all. I say hi back and keep on walking. It isn’t actually till I’m a few feet away that I realize she was trying to open me. It was just so quick as I was walking by that it caught me by surprise.

I walk over to some nearby steps to have a think. Is she hot enough for me? Will it look silly if I reapproach (no)? Then she makes the decision for me by coming over to me and talking to me. Turns out she’s a Software Developer like me. I play dumb and pretend I know nothing about software development. Then I tell her I’m actually a programmer. She doesn’t believe me so I pretend I’m pretending to be a software developer by making up fake but plausible sounding programming languages and saying I programme in them. I sit her down on a sofa and kiss  and number close her after chatting for a while.

After around 30 minutes I decide the number’s solid, so I want to leave her and go on the prowl again. I’ve caught the eye of the exotic HB8 a number of times and so I want to open her. My girl goes to get a drink while I go for a smoke. On my way back a very solid HB7 blonde opens me by saying hello as I walk by. Again, I just say hi back not realising that she wanted to chat me up until I was already walking away. I’m not that used to women opening me, so I’m always caught by surprise when they do, so I fuck it up like this. I’m just about to walk back to her when my girl comes back up to me. It turns out her friends have now left so she sticks to me like glue for the rest of the night, holding on to my arm any time I walk around the venue. This means I never open anyone else. I would have felt bad telling her I wanted to meet other people, especially since all of her friends have now left. I never got the chance to have a go at any of the hotter girls in the bar.

My wing flat out berated me for this the next time I saw him. He told be I’m really to good for girls like that and I need to either flat out reject them, or if I do decide to number close them, at least be firm about moving on once I’m sure the number is solid. He’s right. I’m not used to rejecting girls. To be honest I’ll sleep with a girl who isn’t great looking as long as they make it easy for me (ie approaching me or giving me huge approach invitations) and they’re attractive enough to give me a boner. My time in field is limited, so I have to get used to focusing on the hotter girls. It’s time to level up. I shouldn’t go for anything less than a really solid 7, and should be approaching many HB8s and HB9s (9s are very rare, though). In the context of singles nights this means approaching only the top 5-10% of women there.

As I’m stood outside the bar at the end of the night trying to work out how to get home, and HB6/7 blonde approaches me and goes direct on me, telling me she’d seem be inside but at the time wasn’t brave enough to approach me. I can’t believe a girl would  be too nervous to approach me. This really puts AA in perspective to me. Some girls must find it crazy that guys are too shy to approach them, thinking, “I’m not scary, why would a man be scared of approaching me? I don’t get to chat to her for long because her (really drunk and annoying) friends are trying to drag her off into the taxi. I do a really quick number close. I don’t often do this (because I think in a set you should be aiming for a certain vibe, not aiming to get a girls number), but given the situation it’s my only option.

After two singles nights I’ve gathered all the information I need about the ‘structure’ / social dynamics of the events:

  1. Things get going really early and wind down early. This is because the events are on a week night. Things are in full swing by 7pm, and wind down just before 11.
  2. Girls will approach me, but many of them won’t be hot enough for me.
  3. It’s easy to open and you don’t really get blown out harshly because it’s singles night. It’s what people are there for so there’s no social awkwardness with opening a set. it’s all semi warm approach. This means that all the chodes open. Unfortunately, that means that all the hottest girls are in set almost the entire night.

From this I have devised a strategy:

  1. On arriving at the venue do a circuit and talent spot the hottest girls. These will be my only targets.
  2. Very soon after this open a warm up set so I can get socially lubricated.
  3. If girls open me and take me by surprise, just go back to them and say, “Sorry you were trying to talk to me but I was a million miles away. My name’s BetaToPua…”.
  4. If girls who aren’t hot enough open me, chat to them cordially for a few minutes, but then make my excuses and end the conversation. I must get used to rejecting girls. These events only happen twice a month for a few hours at a time. No time to waste.
  5. If one of my targets seems to always be speaking to guys, I have two options. I can open an adjacent set so I can keep an eye on her, then pounce on her when she’s free. Alternatively, I can open her friends and use them to get introduced to her. That then forms one big set of me, her friends, her and they guy who’s opened her. From there I can gauge her interest in me, and if it’s strong enough isolate her to a nearby sofa and leave the guy chatting to her friends. A slightly Mystery Method approach, but I think it’s the best option. It will also help me gain more advanced social skills, as doing something like this regularly is not something most guys can do.
  6. I should remember that at these events girls really do come there to meet guys who are just like me. I’m one of the more desirable men there. I need to realise this and set my standards accordingly (ie only going after the top 5-10% of girls in the bar).
  7. I should be getting 2-3 numbers a night from HB7s/HB8s.

The next event is on the 22nd August in Shoreditch. If any readers want to join me there that would be great, I’m currently looking to expand my wing / friendship circle. Email me on betatopua at googlemail dot com.

  1. Jim Bacon says:

    What happened to the 5 with the cockney accent, did you just wind off fobbing her off at some point?

  2. Ash says:

    I’m really intrigued and I may actually come along to this singles night next week. I’m guessing from what I’ve read that not much game is actually needed. Social proofing would probably create intrigue from a lot of these girls.

    On the guys who are in set with the ‘hot’ girls, you could be really cuntish and just AMOG them. Set them up to fail themselves.

  3. M says:

    I agree with Ash, just take over their set who cares?! But anyway, getting stuck with a mediocre girl can SUCK. This happened to me last week at a karaoke place – got opened after my song and the girls friends kept pushing me for their least attractive girl. I kissed and numbered her, and when she got up to go to the bathroom, I chatted to her hot friends and got their numbers too suggesting “we meet up and talk music”

    • M says:

      Oh and it was all solid, because I went on a date with the hottest friend the next week and made out with her… so don’t worry about waming up or what they think.

  4. […] my introverted nature than sheet terror of approaching. This became obvious when I started going to singles nights. There’s no dance floor and the music isn’t that loud, so it’s all verbal […]

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