Congruency – Part 1

Posted: August 17, 2012 in Uncategorized

Preface: As many regular readers know, I believe I’m currently falling radically short of my PUA potential. If been a bit down recently as I’ve done some soul searching to work out why this is, as I have noticed some bad things about myself whilst I’ve been looking inwards. These next 3 posts will be about the inner game problems I’ve discovered, and how I intend to fix them. I’ll then do one outer game post, to go over where I think I’m going wrong on a technical level.

Think about a direct approach. Especially a day game direct approach. The wannbe PUA, a man who wouldn’t usually approach a women like this before finding the seduction community, walks straight up to a girl he’s never met on the street without hesitation, and clearly communicates his romantic interest in her.

What kind of image is this type of approach supposed to portray? I’m sure you’re saying confidence. The budding seducer is playing a game of “fake it till you make it” by doing something that only a very confident man would usually do. It’s more than just confidence that is telegraphed here, though. What type of a man sees a woman he really wants to speak to on the street and stops what he’s doing so he can go and meet her in the most direct manner possible? A confident man for sure, but also, a man who knows what he wants and pursues it confidently without hesitation. That will be the girls first impression of him if he pulls the approach of confidently. And this is an attractive first impression. This is why direct approaching can work well.

Then lets look past the first impression to the reality of the situation. If he’s like most of the aspiring PUAs in London (and I’m guessing elsewhere in the world too), many of the following would be true:

  • He wishes he had a better career but rarely takes the risks / opportunities that he should do in order for his career to be anything but mediocre
  • Often wants to live his life differently to the way in which western society dictates a man should live, but doesn’t dare to. That path is too fucking scary.
  • He’s never really fucked up his life in any great way, but never shone at anything either. He’s average.
  • He’ll only approach girls like this when he’s out sarging with a bunch of wings. He’s never dream of doing it on the way to the shop near his house, or on the way home from work. He walks past attractive girls every day and does nothing, unless it happens during a sarging session.
  • He avoids out right competition / conflict, and never dares to reach for things he deems to be above him due to fear of failure.
  • He frequently takes the easier path, giving into sloth instead of following his plan.
  • He has no solid plan in life, no real direction or purpose.
  • He’s willing to cold approach girls, but when it comes to making other changes in his life, he sticks firmly within his comfort zone.

If you’ve been in the community for a while, does this sound familiar? Are you like this?

No wonder guys get so much AA and have such a hard time closing when they are like this. Look at the initial image of the man that the direct approach is supposed to portray, and then look at the real personality of the man doing the direct approach. He’s in-congruent with his approach. the girl will almost definately realise this at some point, and then that will be the end of it. Worse than this, he himself knows this, and while he does, approaching women like this will never feel 100% right to him.

He’s not a man who knows what he wants and goes for it without hesitation at all. If he were he wouldn’t just be going after what he wanted during a few 2 hour sarge sessions a week. This personality trait would permeate every aspect of his life, shaping his destiny. If the PUA wannabe really lived his life in the way that the direct approach suggests he does, how problematic do you think fucking hot women would actually be for him?

I think you can probably already guess what I’m about to advocate next. You have to become the man who know’s what he wants and pursues it without hesitation, and the only way you’re going to be able to do this is to change the whole way you interact with the world, not just the way you interact with girls a few times a week. I know it’s easier said than done. That’s not the point though. The point is that if you’re currently struggling with bedding hot women, and the bullet points above in any way come close to describing you then you’re pretty much an average man. Guess what. Average men don’t consistently fuck above average women.

So how many of those bullet points are relevant to your host and author? All of them to some degree, some of the time. I’m sad to say it, but you have to stare reality in the eyes and come to terms with the truth of the situation if you want to fix it.

So I need an action plan. I’m all about action plans. I like to sit down and work out where I’m going wrong and coming up with an action plan to fix it. I rarely stick to my plans anything like 100%, but I always improve enough by following them to make them very worth while.

The next post in this series will be a list of things I’m doing right and wrong in life and in game. When I say wrong I’m not talking about technical errors, but more about the bad decisions I make that effect the kind of man I am. They will a list of things I do which I feel are in-congruent with the type of man portrayed by a direct approach. The type of man I want to be The type of man hot women want to fuck.


Read part 2 of this post

Read part 3 of this post

  1. Jim Bacon says:

    Very good post. Will be interesting to read the next two.

  2. […] part one of this post I talked about the type of man a wannabe PUA represents himself as when he does a direct approach […]

  3. […] problem with chasing a girl is that, whilst if you do it right you come across as persitant; a man who knows what he wants and persues it. Do it wrong and you come across as needy; a man with no options who desperately needs to get this […]

  4. […] part one of this post I talked about how I believe that most guys who get into PUA live there life in a manner which […]

  5. bhodisatta says:

    You have it dead on here. I’ve had a similar revelation recently as well: most PUAs have it backwards. They aren’t happy with their lives, they fake it with daygame and hope getting the girl will make them happier. Wrong. You should be rock solid about your life, your goals and your presence before you even go out talking to girls, then this just shines through and there’s no faking involved.

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