Get a life

Posted: August 25, 2012 in Uncategorized

This week I went on a date with a girl I met in a club. Nothing new there, then. The difference here was that I really liked the girl (in terms of personality, not just looks). If I’m honest, she’s one of only two girls I’ve been on dates with this year who I’ve liked to this extent. That’s two girls out of about 20. The first girl didn’t want a second date, and since it looks like my first post date text to this latest girl may well be being ignored (too late to tell for sure, but I’ve done this enough times now to spot patterns).

It got me thinking about the date, and going in dates in general. As regular readers know, this is a weak point of mine. Until regularly I’ve been escalating too hard, and coming off as a player / pussy hound, but I didn’t do that this time. What struck me, is that when we were both talking about our lives, it started to become apparent that I’ve done very little. I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, but this date really brought it home to me. I know for a fact she picked up on it.

The fact I’ve really not done much in my life is one of my two remaining insecurities (the other being that I’m not as good at my job as I’d like, but that’s not as relevant to game as lifestyle is).

To give you an idea what I mean, here is a brief history of my life:

0-15 years
Grew up

15-18 years
Had a decent group of friends from school, went clubbing with them semi regularly. Actually lost my virginity from a cold approach lay at 17. Some good trips abroad with school. Some fun UK based holidays with friends.
18-21 years
University. While many guys come out of their shell and become comfortable with themselves during their uni years, for me being left on my own to try and make friends in an environment far less structured than school left me floundering. It was here that the seeds of insecurities first planted at school grew into full blown oak trees.

In UK universities many people make close friends with the people they share accommodation with. I put with 3 foreign students and two other English people. The foreign students all went off to parties arraigned specifically for foreign students. I did try a little to get to know them (apart from one of them who could barely speak English), but they were all a lot older and didn’t seem to share my lets get pissed and do stupid shit attitude. Of the two English people, there was a girl and a boy. The girl was a bit of a cunt. The bloke was OK, and I went out with him a little in the early days, but just didn’t really click with him.

That left me to try and go out and make friends. I won’t lie, I really struggled with this. I was introverted and also lacking in confidence, and my social skills when it came to meeting new people were poor. Eventually I managed to make a fairly small group of friends, but we mainly kept ourselves to ourselves so I didn’t meet that many new people.

There were numerous clubs and socities to join at uni, but I really shot myself in the foot by only joining the cult tv society (I gave both karate and American Football a go, but only for a brief time). This would have been a great oppourtunity to both broaden my horizons and meet people.

I through myself into weight training, convincing myself that getting big and strong was the key to getting respect from men and sex from girls. I focused on weight training and blocked most other stuff out. Although I got big and strong, I also got very fat from eating too many calories. This fat stayed with me until I lost it all very recently.

Too many times I got AMOG’d by guys who probably wouldn’t even try to pull that stuff on me these days. I failed to act on the signals of women I met out of shyness, and assuming they’d never be interested. As these social failures piled up I responded by withdrawing more and more socially. I become more and more resentful towards everyone else. This is where I started on my path towards becoming an omega male.

21-23 years
The slide to full omega. After university I went back home to live with my parents. I got my first job as a programmer. Many of my school friends left the area, going off to do other things. The insecurities in my personality which had grown at university were now in full bloom, leaving me an easy target to be picked on by co workers (some of the staff at this company were by far the most unprofessional I have ever worked with in this regard). I din’t socialise at all. I never went on holidays. I did nothing but go to work and surf the internet when I got home. My social skills withered and died. I fucked one outrageously fat girl who asked me out during Ju Jitsu class, and that’s all in these years.

23-27 years
I knew something had to change, but I didn’t know what. I moved to another city for a fresh start. It didn’t help much. In y my first year there I went out once or twice with one of my flatmates. They didn’t really have many / any friends either (they were foreigners, only in the country for a short time). After a year they left and I moved into a flat on my own. For a few years I had no friends and 0 social life. I never set foot in a bar or a club. Never went on holiday. All I did was work, go home, get a takeaway, surf the net (mainly to fap to porn), watch movies and occasionally fuck prostitutes (the girls at the brothel near my house were fit). Never pulled a girl. Hell, I barely spoke to a girl. I wasted my money on takeaway food and whores.

I got fatter because of the takeaways, and I had an awful dress sense and cheap haircut. The mixture of poor social skills, no social life and dreadful physical appearance combined meant that my sexual market value was probably around 3/10 at best. The only way it could have been much worse was if I’d been unemployed too. I was a full omega, and had sunk almost as far as a man can in terms of sexual desirability.

Finally I had a falling out with my boss at work. My employment no longer felt secure. I used this as a call to action, and I again moved cities, looking for a fresh start. This time I chose London.

27 years
In my first year in London, my life was pretty much unchanged. I had a girl friend for a while, who I met online (social networking site, not online dating). She was fat and ugly. That was my only lay during this year, but it was my first non paid lay in about 5 years. Still an Omega really. This blog should have been called OmegaToPUA, if I’m honest.

28 years
This is when everything changed. I’d read a book called The Game by a man named Neil Strauss a few years previously. Didn’t think much of it at the time. Then, it was this year that I started seeing more and more references to it online. I realised there were actually people practising this game stuff, and many of them were in London. This point brings me up to when this blog started. So if you want to know what happened next, have a read.

I’ve made big changes since then. I go out regularly. I have some friends. I’m slowly but surely progressing from omega to sigma male. In the past 2 years (It took me 6 months is game to get laid for the first time) I have laid 16 women, compared to the 2 I laid in my 8 odd years as an Omega (my total lifetime count is 23). I dress fairly well (most days!), have a decent hair cut, go out a lot to bars and clubs, date a lot and my body now looks like this:

Still I’m not quite there. I have a ten year void of inactivity in which I didn’t really live my life to make up for. Serious action is required, but still this is going to take time. I’m 30 now so time is a pressing issue. There aren’t many years left before I become to old to be a real player. The next 18 months will really shape who I am, and whether or not I succeed in game. For me the stakes are high. I won’t be able to develop a strong sense of personality or an interesting life until I get out there and do more stuff. I’m limited by both time and money, but there are still many possibilities. I see the future as an oppourtunity, and I can only really fail due to laziness, poor discipline and inaction. I can regularly get girls out on dates now, but as soon as they dig deeper they only find this void that exists in my past. This is the one last thing that stands in my way. When I have this sorted I really think laying attractive girls regularly won’t be a problem for me. Making up for a life’s worth of inactivity is a big task though.

As you may have noticed, most of my recent posts have been on the same theme. Finding my weaknesses. Everything (this, the 3 congruency posts two of which are written, the dates post, the outer game post which is yet to come and one I’ll do soon on wealth / career) I’m writing now is essentially an analysis of my failures. When all these posts are written then they’ll be one final post in the ‘series’. This will be what I intend to do to fix it all. It will be called The Plan. All this will be posted this month, with the plan being posted on the last day of the month. The plan then starts to go into effect from the 1st of September.

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Comments
  1. gunsofapollo says:

    Good luck with The Plan. You might want to re-read your timeline – it reveals a lot about your mindset….assuming people won’t be friends, not trying new things, if people make fun of you at works it’s usually because you let them. Hell, there is plenty of stuff I wish I did differently, but I am always up to try new things and when I talk to a girl I know how to present whatever it is I have done in the most attractive light. Sounds like you need a hobby outside Game and Lifting (two of my favsss!!!)
    -M

    • betatopua says:

      The plan reveals my old mindset, it’s changed since then. I know what I did wrong and why. If I could go back in time to my first day at uni and mentor my younger self in his first term there, things would have gone a lot differently. People haven’t made fun of me at work for many years now, I no longer assume people don’t want to be friends. I accept the fact some people will like me others won’t, that’s fine (though I’m still picky about who I will have as a friend).

      A lot has changed in the past 2.5 years, but as I’ve said a long way to go. I just wanted to give people an idea of where I’ve come from, as I don’t think I’ve ever actually done that here.

  2. MikeG says:

    This is something that I suspect plagues a huge percentage of the “community”. Reason being is that the “Get a life” aspect does indeed go hand in hand with being beta. Usually for a guy to get to the point where he starts studying the whole dating science aspect, his social life has got to start sucking.

    The reason I read this blog is because a lot of your life mimics my own to a certain degree. Certain things differ like I always had a good close circle of friends but as the magic 30 birthday happened(friends get married and start dropping off) and moving to a new town, I found myself with a empty life as yourself. Its a fucking bitter pill to swallow but you need to step outside for a moment and look at yourself hard and evaluate things.

    I was on a day 2 with a girl last night and yet again I found myself having to lie about my social life to her. I have friends but not in my town and its a university dominated town so Im about 10 years olds than the majority the students who dominate the local bar scene. Even the friends I have, they are drying up because the bitch of life is people move on with families and we are all not 21 still going on fun trips or nights out on the town. Im 31 and the few single friends I have left are the last people on earth to take out to the club for meeting girls(Love them to death as friends but its the truth)

    Theres a very scary void of being in your 30’s because you know you can;t be doing this shit when your 40. Doesn’t mean you can’t live a fun life at 40 banging girls George Clooney style, but doing it by clubbing with 20 year olds isn’t the way.

  3. superme24 says:

    bravo boy… i am reading your blog with interest..

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