Working on my Outer Game

Posted: September 15, 2012 in Uncategorized

Many of my recent posts have been inner game related. Although inner game is the foundation on which everything else is built, outer game, or actual physical and verbal behaviours, are still important.

My main issue is that I have fallen into the habit / am stuck in the comfort zone of almost exclusively doing a very particular kind of approach. It nearly always goes down like this:

  • See girl on dance floor
  • Try and get eye contact
  • Regardless of whether I get eye contact or not, hold out my hand to her and try and get her to dance with me. Or maybe say hello and a few other things and try and get her to dance with me.
  • Chat a little whilst we dance, gauge interest, try and kiss close.
  • If she’s up for more than a dance take her somewhere quiet, talk to her more and take it from there.

That’s probably like 80% of my approaches. The other 20% will be:

  • Wandering through club, see girl I like
  • Go and say hello to her, introduce myself
  • If conversation hooks, take her to the dance floor after a few minutes, escalate
  • Take her somewhere quiet, talk to her more and take it from there.

The first approach is always going to be really low percentage. I hate talking and it’s non verbal so I really like it, but too many girls will just instantly blow me out due to the physical nature of my approach, when they may not do if I chatted to them for 5 minutes first. I need to do more verbal approaches. I actually think my verbal approach is slightly off because I just don’t practise it enough. I can’t put my finger on what exactly isn’t quite right about it, but that doesn’t really matter; it will self correct after enough practise.

I will have to admit I still have some AA when it comes to verbal approaches. It’s more the not wanting to have a conversation that stems from my introverted nature than sheet terror of approaching. This became obvious when I started going to singles nights. There’s no dance floor and the music isn’t that loud, so it’s all verbal approaches. I didn’t really open, I just let girls open me. And ended up going on dates with ugly girls, each of the three times I’ve been.

One type of set I don’t like approaching is when there’s a group of girls stood in a circle talking. I don’t like these approaches because all of the girls seem very closed off in their own group, with their backs facing the outside world. I should be approaching more sets like this.

Action plan time. I don’t really want to put an exact numerical figure on how many verbal approaches I should make in one night. I really don’t like the idea of doing that. A night out in a club should be dynamic and fun, and trying to hit an exact numerical target gets in the way of this. Trying to hit numerical targets also distracts from the core goal of any night sarging a club; getting laid, preferably an SNL. My solution to this is to limit the amount of time I spend on the dance floor. When I’m not on the dance floor I’m much more likely to make verbal approaches.

I’ll let myself be on the dance floor until 10pm. It’s a good way to get into good state and do some easy approaches at the beginning of the night. Limiting my time there will also mean I probably open more sets there because I know my time is limited, so it’s all good. I’ll allow myself another go on the dance floor, but only for half an hour. Probably from 11:30 till midnight. This will give me a chance to recharge from all the talking I may find myself doing.

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Comments
  1. Jim Bacon says:

    There is something screwed about this whole process. Although I don’t know how you can fix it in London. I don’t know how to describe it as it is never really discussed expressly on pick up boards. I once saw a guy on the LSS describe ‘repeat viewings’. And you don’t have any of these. This is where you either run into a girl that you’ve already bantered with, or take a girls number, but rather than formally set up a date with her expressly acknowledging that you are sexually interested in each other, just exchanging numbers and she texts you to see which club you are in. Obviously this thing works better in Brighton than London. And to pull it off you have to be regarded as a cool guy by girls.

    I’m not saying that you can’t pull girls from cold approach in clubs, clearly you can do this. But repeat viewings/meta game or whatever you want to call it is another string to your bow. And in this game you need every advantage you can get.

    Unfortunately… the guy that was banging on about repeat viewings was basically saying that London was shit because it is so hard to set them up there.

    So does this rant contain any useful advice? Not really. I guess if you could figure out a way to build or get involved in a community within London that might help. When I say community here I am in a way talking about an extended social circle in the sense that I described above.

    I think a lot of guys rely on houseparties for this kind of thing. When I was in London that was where I got most of my (limited) success from. Are you being invited to a houseparty every weekend or fortnight?

    I’ll PM you the post I refer to above on the forum.

  2. Jim Bacon says:

    Oh I do have one useful suggestion on community. An old wing of mine used this approach. Rather than go to PI or TT go to a hostel (he used to go to St Christophers Inn).

    This place has the advantage that it is full of backbacking tourists who are usually there for a couple of days. It has a bar and dancefloor. Don’t ask me why, but a dancefloor seems important. Otherwise it is just a pub, and people tend to sit down and talk in their own groups in pubs. Crowds and dancefloors are important for some reason…

    Just got there. You don’t actually have to tell the girls you live in London. Just tell them you are visiting London because you are a photographer or something. Perhaps this will help.

    I think PI and TT are popular with guys off the forum because they hold a large number of people, so the chances of them approaching the same girl twice are basically zero, and they could potentially approach dozens of girls in a night (you pointed out why this is actually practical in a previous post) https://betatopua.wordpress.com/2012/01/10/approach-anxiety-again/

    If you go there and things don’t look too good on that particular night you can always taxi it over to TT (although I understand that you have to pay to get in after a certain time).

  3. dumasworld says:

    I prefer day game, but at nightgame I’ve been playing a social game which I got from Krauser and Jimmy Jambone, it works a treat.

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