You’ve either got it or you haven’t

Posted: October 7, 2012 in Uncategorized

People in the community often talk about what level a guy’s game is at, or how good he is with women. Although there is some variance in how good guys are with women I do think that on the whole this is more or less a flawed concept. When it comes to being a player / ladies man / PUA (I’m using these terms interchangeably here, for the sake of argument), it’s a binary thing. You’ve either got it or you haven’t.

When I talk about this I’m talking about guys in the community who do get laid. I’m not thinking about the guys who are Omegas who have just come into the community for the first time and are hopeless at getting laid. Amongst guys who do get laid I repeatedly notice a huge divide. This is a divide between the average guy and the true player.

The average guys (I count myself in this group) do get laid quite a lot per year compared to the average bloke on the street. My lay count this year so far is 8 girls, and it’s roughly the same for two of my other regular wings who I’d consider to be in the average camp. When you compare this to the average male outside of the community it seems very impressive. Given that the average lifetimelay count for a man in the western world is around 8, doing this in 9 months seems pretty fucking player. This, however, is not the case. We haven’t got it. The relatively high lay counts we have so far this year are a result of two things:

  • Knowing the ins and outs of the human courtship ritual, how to effectively navigate it and the pit falls to avoid
  • Sheer effort put into getting laid. Results through quantity. I’ve probably had 25 nights out this year, cold approaching around 100 women. In addition to this I’ve also sent around 150 opening messages online.

Then in the other camp there are the guys who have got it. They always have a couple of fuck buddies on the go who are at least average looking. They get multiple make outs a night with average – hot women, or take numbers off that many women, depending on their style. That’s just an average night out for them. They lay a new girl around once every 3 / 4 times they go out, and the girls are never ugly. Sometimes their absolute lay count may be the same as the average guys, but only due to disparity in effort. An average guy who goes out 120 times a year may sleep with 10 girls. I true player may also sleep with 10 girls in a year but only go out 30 / 40 times to achieve that, and the girls will be hotter too.

Of course there is some difference in the results that people who are true players get. I don’t think these differences  comes down to differing levels of skill, but rather differing circumstances or levels of effort. For example the player who hits on 1,000 girls a year will lay more than one who hits on 200. The player that lives in a flat that’s within 10 minutes walk from all the good bars and clubs in the city will lay more than the player who lives 60 minutes out of town. The player who works in the fashion industry and so gets invited to social events where the place is full of models will fuck hotter girls than the player who sarges regular night clubs. None of this is down to  one player being more attractive to women than another, it’s just down to circumstances and effort. Beyond that I think there’s very little difference between guys who have got it.

So there’s a huge divide against the true players in the community and the average try hards. So what causes the difference?

Both camps tend to hit on a high volume of women, and both know how to effectively navigate the courtship ritual so they don’t miss out on fucking girls who were initially interested. In other words both groups are effective at moving women through the meet -> lay progression. The difference is the true players are significantly higher value than the average guys. They’ve got that special something that means that they’re in the top 5% of men.

Professional PUAs will have you believe you can fake higher value through good body language and DHV stories. Although there may be some guys out there who do just fake it in this way, it’s a lot harder than it sounds. I’m tempted to say impossible, but I don’t think that’s true. I think there is the odd guy out there who objectively has very little going for him but he can fake it like he has. I think that’s a rarity. It’s far more common that a guy actually has something about him that pushes him into that top 5% of men.

I think some things that can contribute to a guys value are as follows:

  • High self esteem
  • Extreme good looks (When I say extreme, I mean like getting on for male model. Just being decent looking isn’t that valuable to a man).
  • Social dominance
  • Interesting lifestyle (This can mean a number of things. Spending most of your time travelling the world lone wolf and having adventures and being at the heart of a huge and exclusive social group are both exceptional lifestyles, but at the same time both very different).
  • High status job
  • Wealth
  • High achiever
  • Knows what he wants in life
  • Ability to impose his will upon the world

This probably isn’t an exhaustive list. The point is that if you want to be in the player group just approaching women and getting used to taking them through the courtship ritual isn’t enough. That will get you laid if you stick at it, but fucking decent women will always feel like pushing a boulder up a hill. Although some lays will feel easy, you will have to have had around 10 hard nights out where you got nothing before you got that easy lay. If you want to move up to the next stage you must work on your value. You must elevate yourself somehow to that top 5% of men. If that sounds difficult, it’s because it is. Regularly fucking girls who are in the average – hot range is what almost every man wants to do but few achieve. Any time lots of people want something but few have it it’s going to be a very hard thing to get. Guys coming into the community need to realise this. As well as just approaching women they really do need to compare themselves to some of the best men out there. I know people say you shouldn’t compare yourself to others blah blah blah. I say that’s modern mediocrity inspiring bullshit spoon fed to weak minded people by other weak minded people. The best men out there are your competition when trying to fuck hot girls. If you don’t stack up well when compared to the competition you haven’t got a chance.

  1. Jim Bacon says:

    So what’s the plan? Just keep working on your body? Double down on your efforts at work?

  2. betatopua says:

    I will of course keep working on my body. I’m getting ripped over the course of the next few weeks. One week into the diet and the abs are getting better. After that it will be along hard road to make my upper body musculature wide enough that I get close to the golden waist to shoulder ratio.

    I’ve put in more effort at work recently and will continue to do so. I may do this slightly tactically (ie get there just before my boss and leave just after him a couple of nights a week. As well as getting a bit more work done this creates an impression that is very favourable compared to the amount of effort this requires). I’ve also started a blog which will help when I add the url on my CV, though I don’t post on it as much as I should at the moment. I’m also slowly up skilling, need to speed this up though.

    I’m reading more often now too. As well as being enjoyable, this does help make me seem like a more interesting and well rounded person when talking to girls on dates.

    I’m also making some effort to visit more places I haven’t before. Just small things like a Tiki bar this weekend, a curry at a curry house that had an interesting twist last week, a science exhibition today. It all adds up and stops me coming across as one dimensional (the guy who just goes to clubs to pull women) as I think I have in the past. I’m also going to travel abroad for the first time in years before the end of the year. I’m actually going to post on the LSS soon about travelling on a shoestring budget. Sure people there will have some tips for that. It would be nice to visit at least a few different countries per year.

    I’m still making an effort to meet new guys off the LSS and expand my social circle this way. The trouble is cool guys on there are few and far between, and the guys that are cool have limited free time to go out sarging. They generally have other stuff to do on the weekends which gets in the way. It also takes time to get to know people. All in all it will probably take 6 months to double my circle of friends.

    At some point I’m going to start going to some meetups on and expand my social circle beyond the community. The problem will again be finding cool people and managing to get enough face time with them. Building and maintaining friendships in a city like London is hard work.

    I also plan on possibly starting a couple of other blogs.

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