Archive for February, 2013

State and social momentum

Posted: February 28, 2013 in Uncategorized

Wikipedia defines state (aka Flow) as follows:

Flow is the mental state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity. In essence, flow is characterized by complete absorption in what one does. Proposed by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi, the positive psychology concept has been widely referenced across a variety of fields.

From a PUA perspective state is when you are completely focused on being social, you are feeling at your most confident and conversation / actions just flow.

Much has been said within the community about state. Many RSD acolytes tout state as the be all and end all of game, as if its almost a prerequisite for pulling. In state you’re a charming Casanova who pulls. Out of state you’re a mumbling AFC. I’m going to talk about my views on state, and how it can be useful, especially if like me, you’re an introvert.

As regular readers of my blog will be aware, for the most part I overcame approach anxiety probably about a year ago now. I still get it occasionally (and all the time when it comes to day game), but no longer to the extent it causes me to be celibate. Still, I can’t help but think I’d get laid more often, and with hotter girls, if I opened more sets. More approaches means more opportunities, after all. Since AA isn’t the problem it once was, what’s stopping me opening?

I’m an extreme introvert. In my default mental state, I just don’t want to talk to anyone I don’t already know and like. Often I’ll be in a bar or club and see a girl I’m attracted too. As soon as I think of opening her, my thought is, that means I’ll have to have a conversation, and I don’t like the thought of that. This is the introverts problem. They will avoid talking to people if at all possible when in their default mental non sociable state.

Sometimes in this situation I force myself to approach the girl. Approaching a girl in this state often leads to a short, lifeless conversation. Not really the stuff of seduction. Imagine my conversational ability being like a machine made up of cogs. In this state the cogs are rusty, and so the machine runs sluggishly.

So this is the problem. Failing to open, or often failing to live up to my potential when I do open due to my introvert state. This is where the PUA concept of state comes in. When I’m in state I will have social momentum. This means the cogs which run my conversation machine will be fully oiled and running at full capacity. This will mean I open sets much more regularly, and when I do I’ll be packing more charisma.

How do I get into state? Simple, I just need to get and maintain social momentum. There are 3 keys to this:

– Open early. Starting to build momentum as early as possible in the night is key.

– Open often. Momentum is something that needs to be maintained. If I spend large periods of time in my own little world between sets, I’ll lose momentum.

– Make sure I act inline with my desires. I’ve written before about how not acting on your desires will make you feel like pussy, and so kill your state.

I’m going to try putting the following into practice next time I go out. I’ll let you know how I get on.

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Always have your goals in mind

Posted: February 24, 2013 in Uncategorized

Firstly just a little preface to this. I haven’t blogged in a long time. There’s no particular reason for this, other than that I just haven’t been inspired to write anything. I plan to write 1 – 2 new posts a week for the foreseeable future.

They say time moves faster the older you get. I must be starting to get really fucking old then, because the first two months of the year have flown by. It seems like yesterday that I was writing about my goals for 2013. Now I’m looking at this post again and at all my goals and realise I’ve not been keeping my goals in mind. As a result I’ve just continued doing pretty much the same as I was doing last year. This is exactly what happens when it comes to having big goals. They will often require a change in one or many of your habits in order to accomplish. Since the human psyche fights for homoeostasis, breaking habits in order to achieve goals requires a gargantuan effort. Unless your goals are really small and easily attainable (ie almost fucking pointless), then really be prepared to fight hard with yourself to achieve them. Don’t expect to just write them down. Keep them in mind most of the time to the point of almost obsession.

Keeping your goals in mind allows you to constantly check what you are doing in order to see if it will help you achieve your goals. You will have limited resources (time & money & will power) to achieve what you want, so you have to constantly be checking if you’re spending those resources in a way that will help you reach your goals. That’s what I’ve been failing to do this year.

If you read my 2013 goal post again you will see that although I have over a dozen goals, I have decided to make building up my social circle my main focus this year. What have I done to achieve this, my main goal, over the past two months? Let’s see, I’ve:

  1. Met up with someone I used to sarge with 2 years ago. One time.
  2. Went to a friendly poker tournament

Yeah, that’s it. Hardly the gargantuan effort to sort out my social life once and for all, is it? In fact I haven’t gone out much at all. I’ve spent all my time and money doing things I’m already in the habit of doing: Going on dates with girls I’ve met via online dating and going on expensive dates with girls I’m already dating. This has lead me to having had sex with 3 different girls this year (2 previous lays and a new notch), plus getting a blow job off another girl (who I’ll probably lay soon). This isn’t bad, but this is all sexual activity with girls in the HB5 – HB7 range. This is all stuff I can already do. It’s nice that it keeps my balls empty (although maybe that’s a bad thing in a way?), but I’m not moving forward towards my goals.

Focusing on building a social circle at the expense of fucking girls is a hard decision. My balls do not approve. One way that I’m going to make it easier is by going after hotter women. Going on dates is where game starts to get expensive. If I’m only hitting up the HB7.5+ girls I won’t be getting dates every week. This will save me time and money for building my social circle. This way I get a better  social circle and more experience chasing the hotter girls that I should be getting. Win win. I’m also cutting out the online dating. I had a load of dates from there recently, and what a waste of time. Most of the were so much fatter and uglier than they looked on their profiles that it was beyond a joke. Since many dates come from there, this will decrease the amount of dating I do which is good. Yet more time for being goal focused.

I think one reason many people fail to obtain their goals is that their goals are too big for a single step. In the past breaking things down into clearly objectively measurable sub goals seems to have worked well. So that’s what I’ll do with social circle.

My approach to social circle was two pronged:

  1. Meet new guys in the seduction community
  2. Go to various metup groups to make friends outside of the community

I’m just going to focus on #1 for now since it will be easier to make new friends this way. I’ve found some great groups other than the poker one I’ve been too, so I’m really looking forward to going to them later in the year. For now I’ll keep that on the back burner, just attending the poker meetup occasionally.  I hope to get a new job before the end of the first half of this year. This will give me more money to attend more social events from meetup. So here are my social goals over the next 3 months:

  1. Between clubs and singles nights, go out sarging at least 6 times a month.
  2. Meet people from the community at least 4 times a month. This can be 4 new people or one person 4 times, or any combination like that. I’m not going to force a friendship that doesn’t come naturally, but setting a numerical goal like this will help me to focus on doing the sort of things I actually need to do to expand my social circle.
  3. Reread ‘How to talk to anyone‘ in March and make a list of my 6 favourite techniques from the book, and use them regularly in social situations. It’s not that I’m not socially competent, it’s just I won’t socialize without a reason. My habit is towards introversion. Using these techniques gives me a reason to interact with others socially, thus changing my habits.

These probably don’t seem like much, but you need to bear in mind I have limited cash, go some big stuff to do at work coming up soon, and will also be serving on a jury in a criminal trial in the not too distant future. These things will all limit how much I can do on the social circle front.

Most of all I really need to just keep my social goals in mind. I know when I’m really locked in on a goal, because I immerse myself in it. I’m often thinking about it, and thinking about / reading up on related topics. At the moment I’m very mentally focused on work and career, and although I want to get a new job this year, my big career push will have to wait till next year (or even the year after if I don’t hurry up on my social goals). I need to be thinking social, social, social.

As for my other goals, here is a complete list with updates showing how I’m getting on.

  1. Become competent at IOS (iPhone/Pad) programming. I’ve actually decided to learn Android instead, for a couple of reasons. Not started on this yet.
  2. Get a new job with slightly more responsibility. Have been keeping my eye on the job market and so aware of skills that are wanted. Am about 20% through creating a technical project which will serve as a portfolio piece for job applications. Aiming to complete in mid April, then will spend the next half of that month doing interview preparation. 
  3. Expand my seduction community social circle by at least a couple of (decent) people. That’s what this post was about!
  4. Go to meet ups regularly. That’s what this post was about!
  5. Make 2/3 new friends outside of the community.That’s what this post was about!
  6. Travel abroad at least twice. Got the cash set aside for Paris, but between work an jury service timing is awkward. Just have to make sure I don’t spend the cash on something else. I have Moscow earmarked for the second half of the year.
  7. Do two interesting things a month. It can be a trip abroad or just going to a restaurant which is a little different. Don’t know if it’s been exactly two things each month, but I’ve been doing some stuff that’s a little different. I have a list of places I want to visit / things I want to do now.
  8. Stop smoking. Done! Although I occasionally beg cigarettes of people I haven’t bought a pack in over a month.
  9. Stop spending loads of cash on sexual services. Getting better…
  10. Continue reading a book a month. I am still reading regularly, but need to be doing at least 50% more reading.
  11. Sleep with a dozen women (although I’m more concerned with quality these days). Not too far off track.
  12. Start regularly approaching girls in the day time. Haven’t started doing this yet, and won’t till March. I’ve made a concious decision that London’s too cold for this at the moment. Fuck off it’s not an excuse!
  13. Get my first day game lay. (As the weather gets warmer next year I’m really going to push for this one. I can do it through sheer volume of approaches if I have to. I don’t think it’s possible for me to do 100 day game approaches and not get laid). As per above. I think it’ll be through the summer May – August where I really hit this hard with mass approaches in an attempt to crack this.
  14. Keep my flat tidy. Whoops.
  15. Get a 6 pac (I’m so close but need to stop dieting now). I had a 6 pac for like 2 weeks but now I’ve started bulking again and it’s gone. Will diet again in a couple of months, going to stay fairly lean (< 13% bf) until then.