State and social momentum

Posted: February 28, 2013 in Uncategorized

Wikipedia defines state (aka Flow) as follows:

Flow is the mental state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity. In essence, flow is characterized by complete absorption in what one does. Proposed by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi, the positive psychology concept has been widely referenced across a variety of fields.

From a PUA perspective state is when you are completely focused on being social, you are feeling at your most confident and conversation / actions just flow.

Much has been said within the community about state. Many RSD acolytes tout state as the be all and end all of game, as if its almost a prerequisite for pulling. In state you’re a charming Casanova who pulls. Out of state you’re a mumbling AFC. I’m going to talk about my views on state, and how it can be useful, especially if like me, you’re an introvert.

As regular readers of my blog will be aware, for the most part I overcame approach anxiety probably about a year ago now. I still get it occasionally (and all the time when it comes to day game), but no longer to the extent it causes me to be celibate. Still, I can’t help but think I’d get laid more often, and with hotter girls, if I opened more sets. More approaches means more opportunities, after all. Since AA isn’t the problem it once was, what’s stopping me opening?

I’m an extreme introvert. In my default mental state, I just don’t want to talk to anyone I don’t already know and like. Often I’ll be in a bar or club and see a girl I’m attracted too. As soon as I think of opening her, my thought is, that means I’ll have to have a conversation, and I don’t like the thought of that. This is the introverts problem. They will avoid talking to people if at all possible when in their default mental non sociable state.

Sometimes in this situation I force myself to approach the girl. Approaching a girl in this state often leads to a short, lifeless conversation. Not really the stuff of seduction. Imagine my conversational ability being like a machine made up of cogs. In this state the cogs are rusty, and so the machine runs sluggishly.

So this is the problem. Failing to open, or often failing to live up to my potential when I do open due to my introvert state. This is where the PUA concept of state comes in. When I’m in state I will have social momentum. This means the cogs which run my conversation machine will be fully oiled and running at full capacity. This will mean I open sets much more regularly, and when I do I’ll be packing more charisma.

How do I get into state? Simple, I just need to get and maintain social momentum. There are 3 keys to this:

– Open early. Starting to build momentum as early as possible in the night is key.

– Open often. Momentum is something that needs to be maintained. If I spend large periods of time in my own little world between sets, I’ll lose momentum.

– Make sure I act inline with my desires. I’ve written before about how not acting on your desires will make you feel like pussy, and so kill your state.

I’m going to try putting the following into practice next time I go out. I’ll let you know how I get on.

  1. Jim says:

    I read a recent good thread on the lss by a guy called Altitudes about approaching in clubs and venue selection. The thread is called “Approaching in clubs/bars: My basic guide”.

    I’d never really thought about it clearly, but it did explain to me why I always did poorly in TT/PI, but did better in other venues, and best at house parties. I mention this because I am not sure that approaching more is the answer that it is held up to be on many pick up websites.

    I can see that you are a diligent guy and will try everything out properly. But there have to be time/energy limits to how much you can approach. In fact I think one of your best posts on this blog was where you explained the difficulty in actually getting in 8 approaches per night at a decent time.

    Surely you are actually doing pretty close to as well as you can at venues like TT/PI?

    I can see that these venues appeal if you want to march around approaching girls like a pinball. But does this actually lead to more sex? I can also see that if you are not part of a larger social group or a scene then this might be the only form of game open to you (well that and POF).

    As I was reading the lss article and the author described one type of scene – high end west end clubs, I was thinking that my wing used to go to another type of scene with easier access… hostels. I know I’ve suggested it before, but why not go to St Christophers Inn in London Bridge one night? If you exhaust all the sets there then leave and head off to TT/PI.

    • betatopua says:

      Yeah that post by Altitudes was a good one, and parts of it mirror many of my own experiences when serving.

      Talking of the high end club scene, I’m actually starting to get into that scene. Drinks can be pricey and entry tough, but my wings and I have decided these places are the only night venues which have a high enough concentration of the very hottest girls.

  2. MattC says:

    State isn’t necessarily induced purely by opening girls and keeping that momentum going.

    Some things which I’ve noticed are talking to people in the street, saying little “hi”s to people you don’t know whether they’re a guy or girl, old or young. Bumping into people you know is great for this too. Talking to someone on the checkout when they’re ringing your shit through will make you leave the shop feeling a bit more confident. Anything which is a social lubricant which gets you chatting and feeling like you can talk to anyone is pretty much what you’re looking for, right? So talk to anyone. You’ll notice a big difference and people will start looking at you in the street. This only further helps it.

    I find it helps my state doing simple stuff like that before I want to start talking to girls.

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