Archive for June, 2013

Recently I had decided that I was very under travelled, and so I wanted to change that. I started last year with a trip to Amsterdam, and continued this weekend by visiting Paris.

Let me start by saying that my trip to Paris was a tourist visit, rather than a sarging visit. Having said this I decided to set myself the goal of kiss closing a girl whilst in the French capital. Given that I was only going for 2 nights I thought that f closing was an unreasonable goal. I think many guys have a mistaken belief that when they go on holiday, especially to a foreign country, that getting laid will somehow be easier. I think, apart from a few noticeable exceptions, that the reverse is true. Some of the problems i encountered highlight this. I’ll talk more about this later.

During my first day in Paris I ate some traditional French food: Duck fois grase (cruelty to animals never tasted so good), followed by beef tartare (basically a completely raw minced steak burger with some herbs pickles and spicy sauce mixed in) finishing with creme brule. After that I did some general tourist stuff, then headed to my hotel to get ready for my night out.

The hotel was awful. No TV, shared toilet and the WiFi was broken (I just can’t wait to get my phone bill next month with the roaming 3g charges…). I decided to view this as a learning experience; don’t book hotels last minute if you can help it.

From searching online before arriving, I hadn’t put together an exact list of nightclubs I’d like to visit. They all sounded crap. I wanted a big club, no live music just djs, and lots of girls. Despite not finding any clubs onkine, I had identified an area that’s meant to be a nightlife hotspot. Champs Elysees.

Champs Elysees is a huge street in central Paris, located close to The Seine. It leads up to the Arc de Triomphe, and is filled with shops, restaurants, casinos and cinemas. If you know London, imagine a mix between Oxford Street and Piccadilly circus, but not as crazy busy with foot traffic.

I arrive on the street at about 9pm and walk the whole way up it. I only find one club, called ‘Queen’. I decided against going in, for reasons which should be obvious. It is a girl I want to kiss close.

One thing that struck me whilst walking about was that most girls I eyed up gave me eye contact back. I’m not used to this happening during the day time. At first I thought French girls must just be hot for me. Then I eventually realised that it was just different here than it is in London. In London making eye contact is quite taboo. People tend to just look through you. I’m guessing in Paris its just for more normal to hold eye contact if someone looks at you.

Seeing as I wasn’t doing well at finding a club, I decided to open girls and ask them. After asking a few I finally discover that there are some bars and clubs on a couple of side streets off the main road. I go there and find a place called 76 Club. I Google it. It looks right. I go to walk in and the bouncer stops me. When it becomes apparent I’m on my own and don’t speak French, he gives me a line about it being a private party. This is bs, as he ids a load of French guys behind me with no mention of a private party.

I do some quick googling and find another club on the map. I walk for 15 minutes then realise the map join has dropped in the wrong place. I’ve been walking in the wrong direction, so the clubs about 30 minutes away now. As I’m walking there I consider giving up and going back to the hotel. I start thinking things through and its not looking good.

My train of thought goes like this:

Its already gone 10pm and someone I asked earlier told me the metro closes at 11pm. I could take a taxi back, but I’m too low on funds to comfortably afford a cab half way across Paris (the holiday was meant to be paid for out of a quarterly bonus that I never got). I could walk it, but Google tells me it’d be nearly an hour on foot and its already raining a little. My feet are hurting a little as it is… There’s also a strong possibility that I get to the next club and don’t get there either… My phones battery is now down to 20% and I’ll never find the hotel without Google maps. I can’t even remember the name of the fucking hotel come to think of it… Wait, was that a club I just walked by?

I back peddle 5 metres and find myself outside what looks like a nightclub. The two bouncers stare at me.

“Is this a night club?”
“Yes, you are American?”
“No, Anglais. Is there music and dancing?”
I mime dancing, I’m a way, which in retrospect, makes me look retarded. They laugh.
“Yes”
“How big is it inside”
“300 person capacity. 20 euro if you want to come in”
I do a quick mental calculation. Given I’ll miss the metro and probably won’t be able to walk back to the hotel before my battery dies and I lose my map, going in probably isn’t a sensible option. I head inside anyway. The game has taught me that being sensible doesn’t always get you the best results…

My Flags

Posted: June 13, 2013 in Uncategorized

Updated March 2014.

I’ve never been particularly interested in collecting flags, but after my latest notch I did a quick count and realised that I’ve now hit double figures. A flag is obtained when you first have sex with a girl from a given nation. I’m counting nationality as the country where the girl was born and initially raised. This means ethnicity or genetic heritage doesn’t play a part, it’s all about borders. Here, in no particular order, is my list of flags to date:

  1. British
  2. American
  3. Australian
  4. Armenian
  5. South African
  6. Austrian
  7. Lithuanian
  8. Slovakian
  9. Ugandan
  10. Swedish
  11. Brazilian
  12. Portuguese
  13. Spanish
  14. Estonian
  15. Hungarian
  16. Iranian

I had  given up on online dating at the beginning of the year due to many of the girls I met turning out to be fatties. A few weeks ago I was bored so decided to give it one more shot. I sent out a couple of dozen messages and had about 4 girls wanting to meet me. Due to monetary constraints this month I decided to only meet one of them. So far, none of this is particularly new or interesting. What is interesting is an opening message I tried sending to about half a dozen girls. It bombed on all of them except for a blonde eastern euro looking HB7 with huge tits that was wearing a bikini in her main profile picture. Up until this point the opener was part experiment, part joke, but in this case this online interaction lead to my 4th lay of the year. Here’s a transcript of our online chat in full. My thoughts at each stage are underneath in italics.

Me: Would smash

Lol, I’m such a schoolboy

Her: Excuse me?

Me: Smash = have sex with. You’re behind the times.

You know what I mean, sweetie. I’m not going to back peddle.

Her: I’m just not English .. Anyway not interested lol

The ‘lol’ means she’s finding it fun. Probably is interested.

Me: I’m not sure I believe you. Where are you from?

Assume attraction, but snip sexual thread. Note from now on I don’t go sexual at all. You can’t be all pull, and I think getting a girl to ‘agree’ to have sex with you is folly. Now the sexual stuff’s been put out there I can move on, and never need to verbalise it again since I’ve been so direct on the opener. This includes on our two dates. No verbal mentions of sex (but plenty of eye fucking). I think this is important here. If this message had been, “I know you’re up for it, lets get it on” the interaction may well have ended here.

Her: Whaaat? Believe it or not believe it not all the sexy girls r after about sex (only) I like have fun in different ways and sex comes after if I enjoy time with someone but not straight away ! So ur proposition wasn’t right thing to me! Thnx!

Me: That wasn’t a proposition, it was a statement.

I ignore the sexual stuff, and instead of going with her frame,”Yes it’s not all about sex blah blah blah”, I grab the frame by correcting her on the semantics of my opener. This is challenging, and I’m not trying to reason her into bed, “We’re both attractive, so we shouldn’t be ashamed at getting it on”. Tried this before, doesn’t seem to work.

Her: Alright I meant exactly the same ! Just thnx for correcting my English lol

Me: Cool. Now that’s cleared up we can go for drinks sometime.

Have to move things forward, and I do so in a fairly blunt way.

Her: For what? For smashing me after ? Hahah

Me: I don’t know what will happen after… What’s your name? [My Name]

I’m not going to back peddle and deny I want to fuck her. At the same I have to let her know that by agreeing to a date I don’t view it as her agreeing to sex. She’d feel too slutty.

Her: [Her Name]

Me: Hi [Her Name], I’m [My Name]. Give me your number so we can go for a drink sometime.

Her: U were way too cheeky looool

Me: Nah. Just direct. Let’s go out, get to know each other.

She’s loving this. Reiterate that the date will be talking not fucking. I keep it terse because she seems to be responding well to that.

Her: U can be direct as u want but I can be stubborn with my principles too ..so if u looking for fuck buddy u waste ur time as im not interested in shallow people , If u interested more than just a body then u can try ..[Her Number]..

I don’t think this is a great opener, but I thought it was an interesting online interaction worth sharing.

Flaking is when a girl you’ve number closed never meets you for a day 2. Flaking, and how to prevent it, is much discussed within the PUA community, and is considered one of the most annoying aspects of the game by many PUAs.

The community gives us a lot of advice on how to combat flaking. The most common methods given to prevent it are as follows:

  1. Build more comfort. This technique assumes that the girl is attracted to you but, but flakes because she is not yet comfortable spending time with you one on one. You counter this by spending more time building comfort.
  2. Get her to invest more. Investment is basically where she puts in a lot of the work into the interaction, opening up to you. This causes her to feel invested in you, so she wants to see you again.
  3. Time bridging. Old school Mystery Method. This is when you make the date (ie agree on a time and place) during the initial pickup, and go into some detail about what the two of you will get up to on the date. This is meant to work for two reasons. Firstly, she commits to an actual time and date rather than just giving you her number. That commitment drives her to show up. Secondly, the future projection of you two on the date makes her more comfortable with going.
  4. Spend more time in set with her. This is very similar to 1) and 2). Longer sets simply make for more solid numbers because they make her more comfortable and she talks to you more.
  5. Better text game. Teasing can be used to build attraction, and you can build some level of comfort.

While I think all of these these points can help to some degree, they are at best minor optimizations.  There is one overriding factor that determines how likely a girl is to flake. In a nutshell, flaking comes down to one thing:

Girls flake on you because you are not attractive enough for them

I know many people will disagree with this. They’ll say, “There was this one girl. I KNOW I had attraction and she still flaked”. My answer to this objection comes in two parts. Firstly, yes girls will sometimes flake for reasons other than attraction. Poor logistics, life circumstances, really retarded text game and lack of comfort can all cause flakes. I do, however, believe that these cause a small minority of flakes. This is why I say the five points listed above are only optimizations. If you were to get these points down perfectly your flake rate would drop, but probably by at most 10%.

The second part of my rebuttal deals with the nature of attraction itself. Whenever someone in the PUA community says they “had attraction”, I know they don’t really understand the nature of attraction. People who talk about attraction like this understand it like it’s a switch. It’s either on or off. In reality attraction is more like a volume knob. It can be turned off (setting 0, no noise) where there’s no attraction, but once there is attraction it can vary in it’s intensity (setting 10 would be really high volume). Attraction is essentially an emotion, and all emotions vary in intensity. Take anger. If some one bumps into you carelessly in a bar you’d be angry. If someone rapes and murders your sister, you’d also be angry. Obviously the intensity of the anger would massively vary in the two different scenarios.

To really drive this point home, think about your attraction to different women, and how it varies from women to women rather than just being a yes / or no binary thing. I know for me it goes something like this:

  • <HB4: No attraction
  • HB5: Wouldn’t take her on a date, but would take her home from the club and fuck her same night if I met her towards the end of the night, and I hadn’t been laid in a while and she made it easy. Wouldn’t even ask for her number after fucking her. This is exactly what happened a couple of weeks back.
  • HB6: Would almost certainly take her on a date, but not if I was too busy. Would go on one, maybe two dates with her, and if I still hadn’t fucked her that’d be it. I’m getting to the point where I might not even go on dates with girls of this level anymore. Since first date lays are rare (they’re usually on week nights which make it hard, and I think girls just aren’t that likely to fuck on a first date unless they’re really DTF or really into you in a big way), it’s getting pointless for me. Wouldn’t consider a relationship for a girl of this standard.
  • HB7: Would go on multiple dates (been on up to five) with a girl this attractive. Would want to see her again after fucking her unless I really hated her personality.
  • HB8: Multiple dates, willing to put in a lit of effort. Definite relationship, possibly exclusive, unless her personality is intolerable.
  • HB9: Never number closed a girl this hot.

The point is this. A woman can be somewhat attracted to you (for example she kisses you in a club after a couple of drinks), but the intensity of that attraction isn’t enough for her to go on a date with you when you text her a couple of days later. The lack of attraction causes the flake.

The reason I think this to be true is that for me, the level of attractiveness of the girl is the number one factor that determines how likely she is to flake. All the other variables: length of set, investment, whether I time bridged, how far I escalated don’t seem to have much, if any impact on whether a girl will flake or not. It breaks down a lot like this:

  • HB5 and below: I don’t number close these girls.
  • HB6: Rarely flake. Maybe a 10% flake rate. Sometimes they even text me first.
  • HB7: It’s 50/50 as to whether I’ll get her out on a date.
  • HB8: Usually flakes. I’d guess an 80%+ flake rate,
  • HB9: Never number closed.

This fits in nicely with the idea of the differences between a man and womens sexual market value (SMV) being the main deciding factor in how attracted one person is to another person. Since girls are hypergamous they have a strong preference for a man at least one point higher than them on the SMV scale. This is the minimum most girls believe they deserve, but I think they’ll occasionally ‘settle’ for a guy on their level. Given I think a 7 is a fair judgement of my SMV, the patterns of flakes make a lot of sense. The 8s are above me so basically always flake. The 7s, on my level are hoping for better so often flake. The 6s have their sights firmly set on a guy like me so never flake.

So how to avoid flakes? Raise your SMV or hit on uglier women. Your SMV is the total package you present to a girl as man. It is a sum of your value plus your game. If you want to stop the hotter girls flaking you need to:

  1. Work on your game. Open lots of sets, and the next day (not the same night) analyse what you could have done better. Get advice on people who are better than you if you can, or read the better PUA blogs out there.
  2. Work on your value. Gym. Fashion. Grooming. Career. Lifestyle.

If you were looking for a quick fix, plug and play technique like the ones I mentioned at the beginning of the post to cut down flaking, I don’t think they exist. It’s going to take real work on your part.