Paris Field Report – Part 1

Posted: June 24, 2013 in Uncategorized

Recently I had decided that I was very under travelled, and so I wanted to change that. I started last year with a trip to Amsterdam, and continued this weekend by visiting Paris.

Let me start by saying that my trip to Paris was a tourist visit, rather than a sarging visit. Having said this I decided to set myself the goal of kiss closing a girl whilst in the French capital. Given that I was only going for 2 nights I thought that f closing was an unreasonable goal. I think many guys have a mistaken belief that when they go on holiday, especially to a foreign country, that getting laid will somehow be easier. I think, apart from a few noticeable exceptions, that the reverse is true. Some of the problems i encountered highlight this. I’ll talk more about this later.

During my first day in Paris I ate some traditional French food: Duck fois grase (cruelty to animals never tasted so good), followed by beef tartare (basically a completely raw minced steak burger with some herbs pickles and spicy sauce mixed in) finishing with creme brule. After that I did some general tourist stuff, then headed to my hotel to get ready for my night out.

The hotel was awful. No TV, shared toilet and the WiFi was broken (I just can’t wait to get my phone bill next month with the roaming 3g charges…). I decided to view this as a learning experience; don’t book hotels last minute if you can help it.

From searching online before arriving, I hadn’t put together an exact list of nightclubs I’d like to visit. They all sounded crap. I wanted a big club, no live music just djs, and lots of girls. Despite not finding any clubs onkine, I had identified an area that’s meant to be a nightlife hotspot. Champs Elysees.

Champs Elysees is a huge street in central Paris, located close to The Seine. It leads up to the Arc de Triomphe, and is filled with shops, restaurants, casinos and cinemas. If you know London, imagine a mix between Oxford Street and Piccadilly circus, but not as crazy busy with foot traffic.

I arrive on the street at about 9pm and walk the whole way up it. I only find one club, called ‘Queen’. I decided against going in, for reasons which should be obvious. It is a girl I want to kiss close.

One thing that struck me whilst walking about was that most girls I eyed up gave me eye contact back. I’m not used to this happening during the day time. At first I thought French girls must just be hot for me. Then I eventually realised that it was just different here than it is in London. In London making eye contact is quite taboo. People tend to just look through you. I’m guessing in Paris its just for more normal to hold eye contact if someone looks at you.

Seeing as I wasn’t doing well at finding a club, I decided to open girls and ask them. After asking a few I finally discover that there are some bars and clubs on a couple of side streets off the main road. I go there and find a place called 76 Club. I Google it. It looks right. I go to walk in and the bouncer stops me. When it becomes apparent I’m on my own and don’t speak French, he gives me a line about it being a private party. This is bs, as he ids a load of French guys behind me with no mention of a private party.

I do some quick googling and find another club on the map. I walk for 15 minutes then realise the map join has dropped in the wrong place. I’ve been walking in the wrong direction, so the clubs about 30 minutes away now. As I’m walking there I consider giving up and going back to the hotel. I start thinking things through and its not looking good.

My train of thought goes like this:

Its already gone 10pm and someone I asked earlier told me the metro closes at 11pm. I could take a taxi back, but I’m too low on funds to comfortably afford a cab half way across Paris (the holiday was meant to be paid for out of a quarterly bonus that I never got). I could walk it, but Google tells me it’d be nearly an hour on foot and its already raining a little. My feet are hurting a little as it is… There’s also a strong possibility that I get to the next club and don’t get there either… My phones battery is now down to 20% and I’ll never find the hotel without Google maps. I can’t even remember the name of the fucking hotel come to think of it… Wait, was that a club I just walked by?

I back peddle 5 metres and find myself outside what looks like a nightclub. The two bouncers stare at me.

“Is this a night club?”
“Yes, you are American?”
“No, Anglais. Is there music and dancing?”
I mime dancing, I’m a way, which in retrospect, makes me look retarded. They laugh.
“How big is it inside”
“300 person capacity. 20 euro if you want to come in”
I do a quick mental calculation. Given I’ll miss the metro and probably won’t be able to walk back to the hotel before my battery dies and I lose my map, going in probably isn’t a sensible option. I head inside anyway. The game has taught me that being sensible doesn’t always get you the best results…

  1. Jim says:

    You left this on a bit of a cliffhanger. I hope you get laid in part 2. Also good stuff for heading overseas by yourself.

    Also hostels are generally scummier to stay in, but you can usually meet a few people who are looking to go out in them. I don’t know what works for you, but for me going out alone would be tiring, but with a few other people would be fun.

    You might want to go and sample one of Krauser’s eastern europe sarging grounds for your next trip.

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