Field report 1 of 12: The Bulgarian

Posted: December 18, 2013 in Uncategorized

In order to continuously improve I have decided to post field reports for my next dozen ‘interactions’, with an interaction being either a date or a sarging session. I will write up each of the next dozen, whether they go well or go badly. I’m hoping to spot patterns to help me determine both what I’m doing right, and what I’m doing wrong. I’ll also be posting to a number of forums to get feedback. This is something I haven’t done regularly in a long time, so I’m hoping it will help take me to the next level.

About a week ago I met a cute Bulgarian at a club. I’m not going to go into much detail about the initial interaction, as this field report is about the resulting date. I opened her when she was with a group of her friends. Isolated her within 2 minutes by taking her to a secluded outdoor seating area to smoke. Chatted to her for 15 minutes. Went for the kiss, got told I was moving too fast. She wanted to go back to her friends, so we swapped numbers.

After that I didn’t think she was very interested due to the way she ended our chat fairly abruptly. Turns out I was wrong, because midday the next day she texts me first. This is rare for a girl. She seems to want to chat a lot via text, and comments that I don’t text back much. We agree to meet at a bar close to where both of us live, on the following saturday.

Saturday comes around and I’m just not feeling that energised about the date. I feel like I’ve had a fairly good year this year on multiple levels, and now I’m just hibernating until I start my new job in January. An old FB texts me before I leave asking if I want to come round to bang. I tell her I can’t tonight, I’m going out. Even if I wasn’t my sex drive seems fairly low at the moment anyway.

I turn up 10 minutes late and the first thing I notice is that she’s not as hot as I remember. I thought she was a high 7 if not an 8 but now she’s looking like she’s barely scraping a 7. We walk to the bar I’ve chosen, and conversation is strained. I’m in a very introverted mood and my conversational machinery hasn’t warmed up yet.

In the bar I find us seats. It’s a long wall seat on one side of a little table, and a chair the other side. I motion for her to seat on the wall seat and then get us drinks from the bar. The space next to her is taken up by her coat and handbag, so I sit opposite her. I think I can just spend 30 minutes getting to know her face to face, then bounce to another venue where I can get closer, sexualise, touch and escalate, with the ultimate goal being taking her home tonight since we’re so close to my place. The combination of location and the fact she’s agreed to meet on a Saturday night lead me to think a first date lay should be possible.

She soon asks if I’d prefer to sit next to her, “Unless you’re scared?”. I smile and move next to her. The distance is now fine to go for the kiss.

There’s a couple sat next to us, their table close to ours. It seems that a group of the man’s friends are also in the bar. One of them comes and blows out the candle on their table as a joke. This will become relevant later…

We talk about Bulgaria. I tease her about how she lives in the mountains and has to feed her fathers goats every day. We talk about our jobs, families, and hopes for the future. Although I wouldn’t describe her as being closed, she doesn’t seem to give me a lot to work with in terms of conversation. It just feels like a mix of her not having much in the way of life experiences / opinions on things and a lack of natural personal chemistry between us. There’s a muted vibe and I certainly don’t give it 100%. For example, when talking about travel there are long, engaging stories I could, but I don’t. We just aren’t connecting on a deep level, and I’m not really laying on the seductive vibe either.

Now back to the table next to us. One of the guys fuckwit friends decides to start throwing ice at him. He throws a few cubes over the course of 10 minutes. Although it’s not aimed at me and the girl and never hits us, it’s just disconcerting that it’s coming close. The Bulgarian asks if the guy’s aiming at me and I explain the situation. Here’s where I feel I pussied out. I think I should have gone over to the group and told the guy I didn’t want him throwing ice in our direction. Thing is in situations like this I always play “what ifs” in my head. Like what if he refuses to stop? What if he’s abusive? What are my chances of beating him in a fight if it goes that way? What about him and his mates? This is obviously way over thinking things, and it seems like man on man confrontation is something I need to work on.

I kiss close the girl and we have another drink. As we both finish our second drinks I know I should pull the trigger and take her to one more bar for one more drink, escalate more then try and take her home. But I just sit there. For some reason I don’t have the urge. She says, “Time to leave?”. I say yes, walk her to the tube, and we part ways. Although she’s responding to my texts, she’s a lot more distant than she was. I don’t think this one is going to happen.

Now for the analysis.

What I did right:

  • Good logistical setup
  • Escalated to the kiss

What I did badly:

  • Didn’t put enough effort into making interesting conversation
  • Shied away from man vs man confrontation when it would have been appropriate
  • Didn’t take enough control of the date in terms of venue bounces
  • Didn’t pull the trigger

The main learning point here is in regards to pulling the trigger. There came a point in this set where I realised there wasn’t enough personal chemistry between us for this to be about anything other than sex. I wouldn’t even want to see her again for a second date. When I realise that on a date I need to stop running the whole bf style K-Selected game and run the faster, more aggressive and sexual R-Selected game. I have come to realise that I can come across very differently on dates as compared to when I first meet a girl. In short when I meet a girl in a club I’m more drunk and more sexual to how I am on a date. Alcohol and gaming differently on dates is something I’m going to cover in future posts.

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