When Game Doesn’t Seem Like Game

Posted: February 11, 2014 in Uncategorized

When people think of game, they usually think of some sort of learned behavioural skill or thought pattern. For example having good body language and defeating shit tests are behavioural skills. Being present to the moment and having a sense of entitlement are thought patterns. There are, however, many decisions you make during night game, that don’t seem like they are part of the game skill set. Despite this, they can have a massive impact on your success rate. For this reason, the ability to make good decisions can be seen as being part of good night game. I think of it as the strategy side of night game.

As you get better at game, you will find that there are probably multiple girls in the club on a given night who will spend a lot of time with you. Time in the club is a precious resource. Most people can get in at most two 4 hour sessions of club time per week. They may even have to miss a few of these sessions every month due to money / time constraints. This means which girls you spend your time with in the club is important. There’s a huge opportunity cost of spending too much time with the wrong girls.

To help with this, I have categorized girls, and outlined do to deal with each type to maximize your use of time. Note that these are all girls who you’ve opened and hooked, and now seem willing to spend time with you.

Girls who want free drinks. This is actually really rare in London, although I did run into a girl like this the other night. The difficult part is that not every girl that asks you to buy her a drink falls into this category. In fact, most girls that ask me to buy them a drink want to fuck me. I’m not going to go into too much detail about this here because I could write a whole post about it. Basically, if they seem interested in getting to know you as a person (not grinding you, getting to know you) and are showing involuntary signs of attraction to you (eg pupils dilated aka Anime eyes) and they ask you to buy them a drink, they’re probably not tooling you (doesn’t mean you should buy them one though! Just don’t give up on the set). If they seem overly flirty on a superficial level, not interested in learning more about you, and they buy you a drink, then they’re attempting to waste both your time and your money. Move on.

Polite timewasters. This phrase was coined by my natural wing. These are girls who will happily spend a long time talking to you, but who are in no way sexually interested in you. They are actually fairly rare, as a girl often won’t spend much time with you in a club if she isn’t interested. The key to finding these girls out it physical escalation. If she won’t even let you pull her in close or hold her hand after 15 minutes of talking, the girl most likely falls into this category. You really are wasting your precious time here. Move on.

Down to fuck (DTF) girls. The night game jackpot. These girls are very physical very early on and may even escalate on you. You should be looking to extract them quickly for sex. I’d say within 15 – 60 minutes of meeting them. The key sign here is although they’re interested in talking to you, they are even more interested in getting physical with you.

Girls who like you but won’t fuck that night. She’s interested in you. Will let you kiss her after 20 minutes of chatting. Happy to ditch her friends for most of the night to talk to you. When it comes to optimizing the use of your precious time in the club, this is actually the most difficult girl. On the one hand they’re a strong future prospect for sex. On the other hand, it’s not going to be tonight. The thing with these girls is once you’ve spent a certain amount of time talking to them, you’re losing nothing by sending her back to her friends then going off and finding a new girl. This is because once you’ve chatted for about 30 minutes (this is by no means a set figure), got her to invest, and built comfort with some wide rapport and a little deep rapport, then any further time spent with her that night is wasted. Best case scenario would be that spending all night with her vs 30 minutes with her leads to a first date lay vs a second date lay because she spent more time getting to know you in the club*.

What I would suggest with these girls is that once you’ve done enough to secure the date, you move on and try and find a girl for that night. This is where it gets complicated, and is something I struggle with. There’s three reasons it’s hard to walk away at this point:

1. You probably quite like the girl (if I don’t like a girl’s personality 30 minutes in I push for SNL and eject if I don’t get one). It’s hard to leave a girl you like spending time with to go back on the hunt. It’s like being in the warm end of the pool, getting out and immediately jumping into the cold end. You go from kissing and chatting nicely with your girl, back to getting back turns and bitchfaces from other girls you’ll approach. That’s a tough decision to make.

2. You risk her flaking on you as a result of her seeing you hitting on / making out with other girls. Some girls will actually become more attracted to you when they see this. I actually attribute one of my lays last year to jealousy induced by me tonging another girl in front of the one I ended up sleeping with.  Having said that, some girls will react the opposite way and have nothing to do with you if they see you going for it with other girls.

3. She might actually be an inbetweener (see next category), who’s willing to fuck you tonight, but just not so DTF she’ll do it within 60 minutes of meeting you. This is where it gets tough. There’s always the possibility that she’ll come home with you at the end of the night, so by leaving her you could be chucking away a SNL. I’m going to talk about how to deal with this in the inbetweeners category.

The Inbetweener. I call this type of girl the inbetweener because she’s inbetween DTF and ‘Interested but won’t fuck you tonight’. This girl shows interest in getting you know you. She allows some escalation but isn’t massively sexual with you. Any early (within 60 minutes of meeting her) attempts to get her to come home with you are instantly rejected. Despite all this, unlike the previous type of girl, if you stick in there, get to know her, have fun with her, escalate a bit, this girl may well come home with you. The “Not tonight girl” has already made her mind up early on, and certainly will never SNL. In contrast this girl will wait and see how she feels later in the night. All is to play for here.

I haven’t found a way to distinguish this type of girl from the previous type early on yet. The only way I know she isn’t a “Not tonight girl” is when she comes home with me, usually right near the time the club closes. By then if she doesn’t come home with you you’ve wasted prime sarging time when you could have just taken her number. I’m sure there will be a way to tell with a very high degree of accuracy what type of girl you’re dealing with early on. Girls always subtly sub communicate so much about themselves in a seemingly minor ways. Once a player has enough reference experiences to separate the signal from the noise and link certain outcomes to certain early behaviour patterns, I think he can predict the future of the set with scarey precision.

I’m not good enough yet to predict that well, so I have to treat not tonight girls and inbetweeners the same. The way I deal with this is by using what I refer to as Breaks. After about 30 minutes, when I have her hooked, invested and comfortable with me, I take a break from her. I take her number and tell her, “I want to spend some time with my friends now. I hope to come and see you later tonight, but just in case I don’t give me your number”. I then take her back to her friends, and go and sarge in a different part of the club. 30 minutes later, I’ll come back and see her again, for 15 minutes, then leave for another 30 minute solo sarge ‘Break’. Every now and again I’ll see if I can get her to leave with me. Rinse and repeat till you leave with another girl you met on a Break, or the night ends and you leave with this girl. If this doesn’t happen then Plan B is to take her on a day 2. This way you make optimal use of your time in the club. I’m only just starting to do this, as due to my introvert I find it hard to go from 30 minutes of deep conversation back to cold approaching. As I force myself into the cold end of the pool, I think I’ll see a nicely increased success rate from this tactic.

People these days hate on Mystery’s 7 hour rule because they’ve met DTF (category 3) girls and closed them within less than an hour. They use this to ‘prove’ the rule is invalid. In fact it holds for at least 80%+ of girls.

  1. Good analysis, but not very helpful to me since I am not into night game. In the day you just screen girls by touching them like GLL says, and if the SDL is not forthcoming take a number and walk a few yards and hit on another girl. Daygame4evar lol.

  2. Jim says:

    Speculation here, but there is a massive problem with your approach. You never see the girls again unless you get them out on a date.

    This is a problem with living in a megacity like London. Brighton and resort towns I lived in don’t have this problem. You can assume that you will run into girls again. Or you can forgo the formal agreement on a date and just text when you are out (there is only one real drinking district, so you are within walking distance).

    Effectively the town/sub-group of the uni or whatever acts as an extended social circle, without the need to maintain it.

    I don’t know how you can replicate that in London.

    • betatopua says:

      I don’t see how this is a problem.

      • Jim says:

        I could be wrong, and I have never met you, but right now you have only 3 outcomes to going out. SNL with a girl, take her number for a planned later date, or rejection.

        When I was working in a resort, girls you chatted too when out drinking, you knew you would run into them again. This just made everything so much more relaxed. You didn’t have to put them on the spot and basically get them to say yay or nay to liking you then and there. You’re perhaps missing out on the girls who want to get more of a sense of you (which I reckon is just running into you a few times and seeing where you stand socially or something). Yes it is fucking annoying that a percentage of girls are like this, but they are the ones giving it up, so they get to set the pace, and as the going out where you will never meet anyone again ever doesn’t cater to this, you are losing this pipeline. Does that make any sense?

        Of course I am not offering any solution to the problem, so I am cautious in even writing that. It was just such a different experience when you knew that you would run into the girls again (or could easily engineer it). It was like the girls where already in your tribe versus convincing a girl to switch tribes (horrible metaphor I know, i just can’t think up a better one).

      • I understand what you mean now. I suppose it could be helpful, but honestly it wouldn’t make a big difference to me. This is because my problem in clubs isn’t getting girls to see me again, it’s getting girls to hook in the first place. Once they’ve hooked my flake rate is fairly low.
  • Hey man, really cool blog! I found your post about your goals quite a good/inspirational read in particular. Might have a bit of a poke through your archives in the future. Keep it up!

  • Leave a Reply

    Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

    WordPress.com Logo

    You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

    Twitter picture

    You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

    Facebook photo

    You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

    Google+ photo

    You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

    Connecting to %s