Archive for June, 2014

The Intermediate’s Trap

Posted: June 4, 2014 in Uncategorized

I’ve met many aspiring players over the years and have noticed a pattern in their development which I think of as the intermediate’s trap. The pattern goes like this:

  1. A guys is full on blue pill. He realises he sucks with women, and spends a lot of time being involuntarily celibate.
  2. The guy discovers game.
  3. Since the guy doesn’t get laid regularly, his physical and self esteem needs drive him to go out into the field and learn game. Progress is slow and littered with painful rejections and mini ego deaths. The desire to get laid and to be able to think of himself as the type of guy who’s good with women pushes him through the pain barrier.
  4. He gets some success. Enough to spur him on but not enough to sait his appetite. He pushes on and keeps improving.
  5. Occasional success becomes fairly regular.
  6. Our wannabe is now an intermediate player. He lays one girl every 1 – 2 months, giving him the same amount of sexual success in a year as some guys have in a lifetime. The girls he fucks range from being 1 point lower than him in looks, up to the same level. He rarely, if ever fucks girls more physically attractive than him. Despite racking up decent numbers, he has to put a lot if time and effort in per lay.
  7. His progress now flatlines. He remains at intermediate level permanently. He will never fuck the really hot girls, or fuck huge numbers in one year, or regularly get lays without putting in hours and hours of sarging. He has fallen into the intermediate’s trap.

After failing completely and giving up, this is the second most common outcome for a guy starting out in game. I’d say 85% guys fail, 13% become intermediates, 2% become truly great at it.

How does this happen? Our man went through what looks to be the hardest stage. This is the fiery crucible of regularly cold approaching girls for the first time. He kept going when for months he could barely even get a girl to have a 5 minute conversation with him. He kept going when virtually every number he took flaked. He kept going when he’d get girls out on dates, only to never here from them again after that. If he could keep going through all of this, then how does he manage to get stuck in such a rut later on?

The answer is two fold: a decline in motivation, and diminishing returns on effort.

When our guy first started out motivation was easy to come by. He’s faced with the option of either being successful at learning game, or being able to count the number of girls he’ll sleep with in the remaining 60 years of his life on the fingers of one hand. The choice between sexless loser and guy that gets the girl is an easy one that provides a lot of motivation. He keeps going at learning game because it’s the only option that provides him with any hope of a happy life. People say women won’t bring a man happiness. While this is true, I’d counter that by saying a man who isn’t regularly getting laid will be incapable of being happy. Pussy is high enough up on a man’s hierarchy of needs that it is a prerequisite of happiness.

Once he’s an intermediate, he then needs to be motivated to go from a good, above average sex life to one so amazing that he could write a book about it. While it’s easy to be motivated to go from terrible to good enough, it’s very hard to be motivated to go from good enough to amazing. This is because good enough is, well, good enough. There’s a huge leap in terms of self esteem and happiness to be gained by going from getting laid once every two years with a fatty to getting laid once every 6 weeks with an average girl. There’s a small gain in happiness and ego to be had by going from getting laid once every 6 weeks with an average girl to getting laid every other week with a hot girl. On paper getting laid that regularly with a hot girl seems like a huge motivational factor. In reality, once you’re regularly getting laid it’s much less of an issue. Your needs are being fulfilled so your drive declines. If you were to pay 100 people £100k a year for the rest of their lives (inflation adjusted…) what percentage of those people would carry on working and use that money to go on to become multi millionaires by building a business or wise investing? My guess would be well under 10%. These people have a good enough income for the rest of their days, and this will their drive to do better.

Then there are the diminishing returns on effort associated with going from intermediate to advanced. Notice earlier how I said when getting started the guy went through what “looks like” the hardest part. Those words were carefully chosen to express my belief that the better you get at game the harder it gets to improve. This is the same with most skills. When you start off at game it’s really obvious what you need to work on. Once you’re an intermediate it becomes much harder to work out what differentiates the advanced guys from you. Progress is slow, and often seems impossible.

I’m currently stuck in the intermediate’s trap. I want to get out, but my motivation for doing so is flagging. I have nowhere near the burning desire I had 5 years ago. But part of me really wants it. I see the hot girls and yearn to fuck them. So I’ll forge ahead.

Since I’m still stuck in the intermediate’s trap I may not be the best person to instruct others on how to get out of it, but here is a list of things I’m going to try:

  1. Actively harbour unhappiness at your current level of achievement. Compare the girls you fuck to the hot ones you see around, and notice how much better the hotter girls look. Let this make you unhappy, feel like you’re missing out. See guys who look no better than you with hot girls and get jealous and angry. Many of the emotions that mainstream society teaches us are negative are actually powerful motivators when harnessed correctly.
  2. Set goals which are just about realistic, but will stretch you. Put plans in place detailing how you intend to reach your goals. You may not stick to these 100%, but with out goals all you have dreams, and dreamers never achieve much.
  3. Become obsessed with getting better at game.
  4. Go back to basics. All the stuff you thought you’d mastered: Body language, conversational skills, push pull, text game, eye contact, vocal pace and tonality, fashion, fitness. There will be plenty of things which you no longer actively work on but could massively improve. I thought I spoke in an attractive way, but then I recently heard a recording of myself in set. I compared it to listening to the audio of a date with Tom Torero. Turns out I don’t sound nearly as much like an attractive man as I thought. Plenty to work on.
  5. Bring in professional help. A professional game coach may be able to help you work on your flaws and progress. Good one’s are hard to find, especially if you’re looking to move from intermediate to advanced. Caveat emptor.
  6. Do a physical, mental and lifestyle audit. Take stock of where you are in terms of life, personality, physical form and success. Measure this against where you want to be (not where society expects a man of your age should be). If you do this right all of your insecurities should start to come out of the woodwork at this point. There’s a huge risk here that your ego will create blind spots to cover up your biggest flaws. This process should help you work out what you need to do next.
  7. Write field reports. This isn’t so much for you to get advice from the internets on where you’re going wrong. It’s more about the fact that you think about things in a different way when you write them down as opposed to just in your head. You may spot some patterns you’ve been missing.
  8. Realise that you don’t know shit. Thinking that you’re already good at game will blind you to obvious weaknesses. It will stop you trying things you’ve dismissed as unnecessary.
  9. Keep pushing your comfort zones. Many noobs go on about pushing their comfort zones. Intermediate guys think that this doesn’t apply to them because they’ve been their and done that. In reality their success is just blinding them to the fact that they’re just in a slightly bigger comfort zone than the noob. They’ll only approach certain girls, in certain environment, and only use a certain set of techniques. Get used to being scared again by trying out new things. For me this means daygame, which still terrifies me.
  10. Start aiming higher. If you want to fuck hotter girls, you need to open lots of hotter girls.

Going from intermediate to advanced won’t be a quick thing. You’re not going to be an intermediate one day, then work at it for a while, then suddenly you hit the next level. It’s a gradual thing. You start getting girls slightly more often. Their quality increases. Not from 7s to 10s overnight, but maybe 7s to 7.5s one year, then to 8s and so on. If you stay the course you’ll just wake up one day realising you’re so much better than you were two years ago. And we are talking years rather than months. That’s the timescale for excellence.