Your Labour Is Rarely Wasted

Posted: August 27, 2014 in Uncategorized

I’ve found my game on a bit of a down swing of late. I have got no new notches in the past 6 weeks, only a couple of hand jobs. The three previous lays before that weren’t proper ‘game’ lays. They were things like four somes set up by my fuck buddy and from going to a sex club. It must have been around 10 weeks since I last legitimately gamed a girl into my bed.

In addition to this I haven’t been doing much online game or night game. I’ve been focusing almost completely on (failing at) daygame. I decided it was time to get laid again so in the past couple of weeks I’ve been on some Tinder dates and gone out a couple of times in the night. My game truly sucked.

It’s not like I’ve reverted back to my pre game self, but I’m significantly worse at everything than I was last year. My general conversational and social skills are stifled. My teasing is virtually non existent. My body language is less dominant. I move meekly through the club as opposed to being the lion sauntering through the savanna. Girls lead the conversation, and I’m shy to make my intentions known and go after the girl I want, content to just do the social chatting thing to the group. That’s the biggest thing I lack. The r-selected vibe, or the killer instinct as Good Looking Loser puts it. That last one’s a biggie. It’s often all the makes the difference between going home with the girl or going home to wank off to pornhub. The long and short of it is that I’ve let girls I feel I should have fucked slip through my fingers.

This dip made me doubt myself and all of the progress I have made thus far. Is my inner game really so weak that I could have regressed to a chode within a couple of months? I then realized, that although my inner game certainly needs a lot of work, this is an outer game problem. I’m simply out of practise. The knife is blunt.

This got me thinking about everything I had been doing during the times I was doing really well at game. At all the labour and practise that went in to being good. I looked at what I was doing in times leading up to great success that I wasn’t doing now.

For example. This year I’ve massively cut back on my socialising. Last year I was going out a lot to meet new people by going to social networking events. This year I haven’t. I told myself I hadn’t met many long term friends out of it. I was an introvert and so shouldn’t socialise much. I decided my time was wasted at such events, and as such I stopped going. Also recently I have not been approaching much or going on many dates, due to the fact I’ve almost completely cut out the online and night game.

The result of all this is where I am now. It suddenly dawned on my just how important all that time ‘wasted’ at social networking events was. Although I could see no direct positive result from it, the results became conspicuous by their absence when I stopped going. I now lack social skills and charisma that was slowly, but surely being built by attending these events.

I quickly realised that I obviously need to start attending these events again, in order to keep the knife sharp. The revelation went beyond this though. I realised that there have been so many things I have done that have seen like wasted labour to me, but looking back they were all honing my skills and keeping the knife sharp.

Many of the things you’re doing now to improve your game may seem fruitless if you aren’t getting results. Although I don’t object to someone dropping what is useless in the pursuit of something that gets results, I think applied effort in an endeavour is rarely wasted, even when people see little in the way of immediate results. Here are some things that you may do at the moment to improve your game, but at the moment think they amount to wasted time:

Going on day2s that don’t lead to sex or future dates Worst case scenario is that this is a learning experience of how not to do a day2. Your failure can give you clues on how to go wrong. The date is a great time to practise many parts of game: story telling, frame control, teasing, escalation. It’s a bit like a sparing match you didn’t win; you still need to do it for the practise.

Opening sets and getting blown out a lot This is how my daygame was going until quite recently. I could get 5 insta blow outs in a row. It seemed pointless at times, but it taught me how not to open sets during the day and I improved.

Getting flaky numbers Very frustrating, but teaches you an important lesson. Numbers on their own are worthless. You need to learn how to cultivate a girls intent to meet you again. Again a learning experience. It also creates the habit of closing girls you talk to.

Going out socialising when you don’t feel like it This is a big one for introverts like myself. Socialising can leave us drained and feeling like we got nothing out of it. In reality it helps us practise our social skills and state control. If you go out socialising twice per week compared to once per month, over the course of a year the difference in your game will be huge.

Next time doing that extra set or going to that friends party feels useless, remember, your efforts won’t be wasted even if you don’t see an immediate reward.

  1. Pat says:

    Great post. The first step is to know yourself and analyse the problem.

    Have you viewed Ozzie RSD video – Dating tips for shy guys.

    Sounds like you have advanced way beyond a lot of what he says, but some of his points could be very helpful. In particular I found salsa dancing to be incredibly beneficial for my inner and outer game.

    Build the social circle. Of course you can do it.

    You’d probably enjoy Tyler’s video also, “wake up for hardcase newbies”, again obviously you’ve developed way past a lot of the problems he outlines, but good to review every now and then.

  2. Pat says:

    Oh and don’t view it all as labour. That is problematic. So even the title of this post alone suggests that a paradigm shift is needed. Learn to enjoy socialising for its own sake. Bring out the interesting and fun side of other people and let them entertain you.

  3. Jim says:

    Yep socializing is hugely important. I’ve often thought confidence is how you expect other people to react to you in specific situations. If you are only going out once a month, that is only 12 times per year to collect positive experiences.

    Also any girl who is sizing you up as a boyfriend will be trying to suss out what kind of lifestyle you have, and will probably do this by looking at your social confidence and who you are out with. Unfortunately for introvert, most people like going out and socializing. So most girls are trying to get with a cool confident social guy (not all though, some will be looking for financial security provided by a rich older guy etc).

    I’ve never met you, but I do think socializing and social confidence are analogous to going to the gym. You may not be starting out with the advantageous genetics of Arnold, but ever a layperson can achieve good results with time and effort.

    I advised you in the past to spend any sabbatical doing some social job in Europe or Asia rather than perhaps doing a daygame push… and got slated as promoting “approach avoidance fantasies” =(. But it wasn’t really about meeting girls socially and not needing to approach (anyone except celebrities has to approach). It was more about getting the social wealth/confidence which would then be apparent to girls that you do approach, given that a significant majority are looking for this (at least in my experience). Doing a social job would have forced you into being more social, making it perhaps easier. Think trying to teach yourself programming or some subject at home versus the easier structure of learning it through a paper at uni.

    Good luck with whatever you decided to pursue.

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