Posts Tagged ‘goals’

Body Beautiful

Posted: April 10, 2012 in Uncategorized
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When I first came to London 3 and a half years ago, I weighed in at 17 stone (238lbs). Although I had a lot of muscle (300lb bench, for example) I was very fat. I’ve been dieting for months now and am down to 13 stone 8lbs. I’ve lost a lot of muscle, but I’m also at around 14% body fat. So I’m not a lard ass any more.

Although this is good news, it’s occurred to me that my progress is a bit on the slow side. I’m not losing fat fast enough and I’m losing too much muscle. I’ve come to the conclusion that the main reason for this is that my goal in this endeavor is too vague. It’s simply to get to single digit bf. So here’s a proper goal:

8.4% bf by the 1st of June 2012

The 8.4% makes sense because it’s already on my bf chart. Given my current weight and bf %, this means I will need to lose around 12lbs of fat in the next 50 days. Not easy considering I don’t have loads of excess fat, but still a realistic goal. Strategy to achieve this is as follows:

  1. Only one cheat meal a week for this month, no cheating at all in May
  2. No sugar except when eating fresh fruit
  3. Never miss a workout
  4. Increase number of kettlebell swings (what I do for cardio) by 50% each week
  5. Never miss a protein shake

Oh, and I number closed a stunning Finnish Blonde hair / blue eyed student (at least an HB8) in a bar on Saturday night. She answered when I called and we should be day 2ing on Wednesday. She wouldn’t let me escalate on Saturday so I’m not sure how this one will go. Will keep you posted.

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Stats since 1st April:
2 number closes
1 kiss closes
0 f closes

 

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End of year review

Posted: December 24, 2011 in Uncategorized
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Since there is only one night of sarging left this year (New Years Eve, will be partying in central London) I thought I’d take the time to look back over my previous year in the game.

What went well:

  • Slept with more girls in a calendar year than I have in any other year throughout my life (6 new lays in total).
  • Got my first cold approach lays since starting game
  • Got my first SNLs since starting game
  • Got my first Day2s from daygame (went on 3 of them)
  • Got my first every KClose from daygame
  • Quit smoking in August
  • Have lost a lot of weight
  • I exercise quite regularly
  • My style & grooming has massively improved
  • My confidence when dealing with girls is massively improved
  • My self image and sense of self worth is a lot better

What could have gone better:

  • I would liked to have had double figure lays this year
  • Still not approaching nearly as much as I’d like
  • Yet to get a daygame lay
  • Haven’t really built up a solid inner circle of really good friends
  • My life is lacking a (non sarging) social scene
  • Temporarily relapsed on smoking over festive period (this is ok if it remains temporary)
  • Still need to get in better shape
  • Style and grooming is OK but very generic. Room for massive improvements
  • Money issues often hold me back

So did my 2011 go as well as I’d hoped? No. It did, however, go a bit better than I’d actually expected it to. 2012 will see a shift in my approach. Up until this point my main efforts have very much been focused on what I do when I approach a woman (what do I say, how to act, how to escalate, attitude). Outer game stuff, I guess. Over the coming year I will be much more focused on working on myself in order to become a more attractive man. A well respected poster and professional PUA coach on The LSS said,

  1. Be an attractive man
  2. Move the interaction forward

This makes a lot of sense to me. This year I have worked out how to move the interaction forward to sex when I meet a woman who likes me. In the coming year I need to increase the number of women who will like me. Approaching more is one way of doing this (and I will do that too), but the most effective way is simply to become more attractive. All though there are things you can do in set to appear attractive (good body language, voice tonality, don’t act like a pussy with her), most the work is done in your day to day life. It is about what kind of man you are and how you live your life. Are you the type who goes after what he wants and achieves it, or just wanks it to internet porn because it’s too hard?

This is what I’m planning to work on:

Hobbies

Game is my only real hobby at the moment. At a push you could count working out, and blogging (but then my blog is game related). For some reason fencing really jumps out at me. I’ve googled some clubs in London, and most the clubs seem quite social, which is nice. As a bonus, quite a high percentage of member seem to be young, fit women. En garde, bitches. Beginners courses run periodically, so I will keep my eye open and join a club on a beginners course early next year. If this isn’t right for me I will try rock climbing, but it seems more expensive.

Body Shape

I’ve been fat since I was about 20. This peaked 3 years ago when I first moved to London weighing in at 240lbs (5’10”, ~30% BF). I’ve lost a lot since then (would guess I’m 205lbs @ 18%bf). I’m working out regularly and (festive eating aside) eating fairly well. I want to have a single digit body fat percentage by the start of May. Will be tough but far from impossible.

Style

Will continue to play around with hair / facial hair combos until I settle on one, but these are OK. I no longer dress like a complete retard, but I do need to fine tune things.  I need clothes with a better fit, and also a very personalised look which fits in with who I am, and where I go out sarging. Like many guys who enter the community, I just don’t get fashion. Fortunately, fashion for dummies style blog Kinowear has just released a series of articles entitled, ‘Science of Style’. This series breaks down fashion and how to create a personalized stylish look for yourself. The reader is given a series of exercises which I believe will give me the, “I really get this” feeling about dressing stylishly. I can then build a great wardrobe for myself. I don’t want to get too carried away with this until I’m closer to my target body shape.

Reading

I want to read two new books a month. This will help me to become a more well rounded, knowledgeable person. It may also bring new ideas into my life, some of which may become passions. I tried to do something like this this year, but failed. Looking back I know why I failed. Firstly, I tried to push myself to read books I just wasn’t into “because they’re good for me”. The 24 books this year will be whatever the fuck I want them to be. Whether it’s the latest book from some PUA guru or the latest detective thriller, or anything in between. I’m not going to force myself to read sophisticated literature that bores the shit out of me. This just leads me to view reading as something I have to do, not something I want to do. This is why I procrastinate when it comes to reading. I learned that by reading a book on procrastination win. Secondly, I don’t like buying a new book when I’m struggling to finish one. I generally get through books I really like fast, so if this happens it’s a sign I don’t much like the book. In this case I won’t force myself to finish, I’ll just get a second one. Since all my books will be in digital format, it’s not as if I’m killing the rainforest by doing this.

Wealth / Career

I have a 5 step plan:

  1. Up skill and put together a better CV and portfolio of work
  2. Get a new job which is similar to my current one but pays a fair bit more. Will relieve my financial stress and help with the next step
  3. Save up $5k. This will be done via saving some of my salary, and taking little bits of paying work on line in my free time (copy writing, programming). This will be used to bankroll the next step
  4. Become an online affiliate marketing superstar
  5. Quit my day job and make $100k a year working from home

It sounds easier than I think it will actually be, especially step 4. But that’s roughly what I’m going to try and do. I am currently halfway through step 1. Hope to have just started step 4 by the end of next year.

Club Game

Just because no goal list on this blog would be complete without an item saying I need to approach more. On a night where I don’t pull (or come really close to getting a girl home) I want to open 10 sets.

One thing I’ve gained from PUA is the knowledge I can change myself. I’m also a lot more pragmatic about goal setting. I, like most people, used to set some really tough goals. When I inevitably failed, I’d set goals that were just as tough and say to myself, “I’ll just try harder this time”. Now I prefer moderate goals which I can more easily meet, as I know other things in life have a habit of getting in the way. Also, when I fail I know how to analyse where I want wrong, and try smarter, not harder next time (the reading one is a good example of that). Finally, I know that, at some stage, failure is inevitable. It happens to the best of us. But the best of us know to keep going anyway.

An addition to my blog

Posted: July 10, 2010 in Uncategorized
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You may have noticed I have been blogging a lot more recently. This is because I’ve taken to writing posts on the tube when going to and from sarging sessions.

I have now hit upon the idea of adding a footer to each blog post giving you my sarging stats so far that month, at the time of writing the post. The idea came to me reading http://krauserpua.com/ . He says he used to have something similar on his blog. I hope this will increase my accountability in terms of pulling my finger out and making progress faster.

So, for the first time here it is dear reader:

Stats since 1st July:
10 approaches
0 number closes
0 kiss closes
0 f closes

Now let’s see if I can’t get rid of some of those fucking zeros.

I’m too fucking lazy

Posted: July 8, 2010 in Uncategorized
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I’ve come to the conclusion that my laziness is holding back my game. While it’s true that I’m out almost every Friday and Saturday night, I am missing many other opportunities to sharpen my skills.

For example I planned to do two after work day game sessions this week, but I flakes on both of them. In addition to this, for months now I have been saying I will get 10 attraction routines canned and ready for use in the field. So far I have 5 written down and 2 canned.

I need to get busy. Tonight I will make sure I have my 10 routines ready to go. I will set myself a PUA theory schedule. At the moment I spend too long just reading PUA blogs / articles which won’t actually help me in the field. I’m going to get more focused on learning stuff that I need to know. I’m also going to schedule 3 after work daygame sessions for next week. I’ll put them in the calendar, because in my mind that strengths my commitment to doing them.

To all aspiring PUAs: don’t be so fucking lazy.

July PUA goals

Posted: July 3, 2010 in Uncategorized
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Due to me failing to achieve my PUA goals last month, this months are very similar.

I’ve got to the point now where I can open and then transition into a full conversation a reasonable percentage of the time. My main sticking point now is building attraction.

This is different to my previous sticking points, as it’s not so much an anxiety issue that’s all in my head, bit rather a matter of not yet having the skills required to build attraction. To make matters worse, this is something that isn’t just dependent on me. The girl has to feel attraction for me. It’s something I can encourage by my actions, but not something which I can force to happen by strength of will alone.

I’m going to use the following techniques to build attraction:

– Humour / flirtation
– A challenging / qualifying frame
– Push / pull
– Kino escalation
– DHV routines

I am already getting used to using the first 3 techniques. Where I am failing is the kino escalation and the DHV routines.

60 Openers
10 Situational Openers
2 Male Set Openers
2 Mixed Set Openers
10 FTCs
20 transitions
15 DHVs
10 Kinos
3 Qualification Attempts
3 Number Close Attempts

The main difference here from last months goals is that the qualifications and number closes are attempts. I can’t really control whether I’m successful in these attempts, but I can control making the actual attempt. This means I makes the most sense to base the goal on attempts, not actual outcomes.

Wish me luck with these goals, I’ll do an update at the end of the month.

So here’s what happened in June vs what I wanted to happen:

40 openers: 21 achieved
10 situational openers: 10 achieved
15 transitions: 10 achieved
10 DHVs: 2 achieved
10 FTCs: 4 achieved
10 5 minute sets: 4 achieved
4 10 minute sets: achieved
3 qualifications: 0 achieved
3 number closes: achieved
Master internet dating opener: not achieved
Master rings DHV: not achieved
Master palm reading DHV: not achieved
£200 limit on cash spent: achieved

To be honest, the cold hard facts make June look a lot worse than it was in reality. The main sticking point in my game up until now has been my ability to transition into a full conversation. Since I had some sets last a very long time this month, I have probably spent more time in set this month than I have in my previous 4 months combined. This has done wonders for my sense of humor, conversational skill and my ability to read women.

The main thing I have been missing this month is DHVing. This means that although I have been hanging in sets for long periods of time I am often failing to build attraction, and therefore haven’t been able to progress to a close.

The times I have built attraction, I have missed the IOIs, and so have not pushed for a close like I should have done.

Next months goals will be very much geared towards building attraction. I will post them soon.

Last month I realised that approach anxiety was my sticking point, and so set myself the goal of opening 50 sets in February. Due to a few cases of poor sarging planning and improper venue selection, I nearly missed my target. It was tough going, and there were many nervous approaches on my part but I made it in the end. An important point to note is that the fact that I set myself a goal was many times the only thing that drove me to get out in the field and sarge. Goal setting is important, do it.

So, did I cure my approach anxiety? Yes and no. I am still slightly apprehensive about approaching women, but this has massively improved. I no longer get full on stomach churn when approaching, and as a result I am much calmer when in set. An important thing to note about approach anxiety is that is is hard wired, and as such never fully disappears. You just learn to cope with it.

All in all my social confidence has gone up hugely in the past month. I’m not going to talk crap to you and tell you I’m a new man already, but my surge of confidence means I’m certainly making big, positive changes to myself. I feel a step closer on my journey to becoming a true PUA, but it’s going to take time.

I know that there are lots of you out there who are currently being held back by approach anxiety, so I thought I’d share with you what I learned this month, as it may hope you to overcome it:

  • As I suspected, the main thing you can do to overcome approach anxiety is to repeatedly open sets until it goes away. No matter how nervous you are to start with eventually you will get used to it. Just like your body, your psyche seems to be driven to achieve homoeostasis, so over time you learn to ignore the anxiety.
  • Having a set of openers that you feel comfortable saying really helps. I found some of the standard Mystery Method openers (“I just need a female opinion on something…”) felt a bit odd, so I went with some openers which seemed a bit more natural. For example, asking what time the bar you are in gets busy, or if there are any good clubs in the area. If you are to approach many women, you must have a prepared opener which you feel comfortable saying. Many people say that what you open with really isn’t that important . This is true for the more advanced PUA, but what people that say this fail to realise is that one of the biggest things stopping a novice PUA from making an approach is that he doesn’t know what to say to the set. Fail to prepare some openers, dear reader, and you are going to fail to successfully open.
  • The reactions you will get from women are much better than you might expect if you’re not used to opening. Once you realise that nothing bad will happen when you open a set this gives you a lot more confidence. The worst that has happened to me over the course of 50 approaches is being asked ever so nicely to leave them alone, and the odd funny look. These ‘bad’ reactions happened on only a small percentage (maybe 15%) of all approaches.
  • Do listen to what the girls in the set have to say. It’s easy to focus so much on your opener, body language and eye contact that you actually completely ignore almost every word the girl says. The girls pick up on the fact that you’re not really listening, and this makes them uncomfortable. Also everything they say is a possible springboard to further conversation. Not listening is wasteful.
  • The Mystery Method recommends the use of false time constraints (FTC) when opening. An FTC is where through either words or body language, you, while opening, make the set believe you are just about to walk off. This stops you looking needy, obscures your objective (picking up the target ) from the set and makes the set feel more comfortable because they aren’t worried your going to be hanging around them for ages and boring them. FTCs seem very powerful to me, and this is despite the fact I never a actually used an FTC. So why do I think FTCs work when I haven’t used then? I occasional accidently used time constraints when opening. This would typicaly be when I was leaving a bar, or moving to a different area of the club and decided to spontaneously open a set on my way. I was never intending to stand around and chat with them. Just a quick opener then I was off. Almost every time I did this I got great reactions from the set. Like lots of big smiles, trying to re engage me in conversation as I walked off, and some times even one of the girls grabbing my arm to get my attention as I walked off. These sets did not feel like I was trying to pick them up. I was just the fun guy that has little chats with everyone. This made them want to talk to me. There was no, “FFS, another random guy trying to hit on us” bitch shield to try and circumvent with these sets. FTCs are an attempt to artificially recreate what I did naturally on these occasions.  Do use FTCs. I’ve noticed that many aPUS don’t bother with them, but I’m sure that your sets will open more easily with them. The opening line itself may not matter, but the first impression you give sure as hell does.

One thing I did find, is that because I was purely focused on opening, not intending to do any follow through, I did prematurely bail on quite a few sets. With almost half the sets I opened the girls would have been quite happy for me to hang around and chat longer. Around a third of sets actually seemed to actively want me to stay and chat to them after I started to leave. Some of these sets tried to re-initiate conversation as I was leaving. I usually gave them the brush off, and ignored any IOIs I was given. This was the one disadvantage of single mindedly focusing on opening. I could have taken many of the sets I opened much further if I hadn’t lost interest in them as soon as I’d added another notch to my opening bed post.

I think the graduated, one step at a time approach I have decided to take might occasionally slow my progress down artificially. Despite this, I think learning game will take a long time anyway, and in the long term I fell that this controlled pace of learning will lead to a greater mastery of the game.

So for now it’s back to the books. I have put some of what I learned in the field into practice, now it’s time to do some reading, study up on the theory and decide where I want to go from here. Once I’ve worked out what the next step is, I will be able to set this months goals such that completing them will help me get there.

In my next post I’ll let you know what March’s goals are.

Edit: March’s goals online