Posts Tagged ‘lulz’

How to (not) get laid

Posted: September 9, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: ,

There’s a club in Clapham, London. Capacity 3,500. Decor 80’s disco cheese with music to match. The girls are young and hot. It has a reputation as the biggest meat market in London. It’s name is Infernos.

It’s infamous throughout London as the club to go to when you want to get laid. The main reason I don’t go there regularly is it takes me much longer to get there and back than it does when I go to clubs in the West End. Despite this, my natural wing convinces me to spend a Saturday night there, given that last weekend he had picked up two women and had a threesome with them.

So that’s the background. I’m basically in a club which is renowned for being easy to get laid in.

I’ve been there for about 30 minutes, having a drink with the guys at the upstairs dance floor. The night is still fairly young and the place is still pretty dead, so I decide to head to the down stairs dance floor to see if it’s any busier. On my way down the stairs there is a 2 set of HB7s coming up. One of them opens me. She literally goes direct on me. Guaranteed close, right? She how the conversation between my self, HB7 and her friend panned out:

HB7: Mate, I’m not being funny but, basically, I think you’re well fit

Me: Thanks. What’s your name, sweetie?

HB7: HB7

Me: Well HB7, it’s a bit early yet. I’ll probably come and find you later (Yes, I’m aware this was retarded. No, I don’t know why I said this).

HB7: Fuck off, whenever people say that, they never do

Me: You’re fiesty aren’t you

Her: I just say what I think

Friend: Come on, let’s go

HB7: We’re going to get drinks, come with us

Me: Cool, are you buying me a drink?


Friend: Fuck off! You’re not buying him a drink. He can buy you one.

HB7: Yeah you can buy me a drink

Me: I’m broke, you buy me one

Her: Ok

Friend: Fuck off. Come on, we’re going (Drags HB7 off).


So, in summary:

  1. Girl does direct on me in club
  2. I try and give her the brush off
  3. She ploughs
  4. I’m a cheeky bastard
  5. She puts up with it
  6. Friend finally ends it when I’m just being too cocky instead of just going to the bar with her.

It’s like god wants me to get laid but I have other plans (mainly involving internet porn and Vaseline).