Posts Tagged ‘online dating’

A lot of guys in the community won’t go after certain girls because they feel that they’re simply out of their league; too attractive for them. This is often countered by well meaning but ultimately hollow platitudes such as:

  • “There’s no such thing as out of you’re league”
  •  “She’s probably really insecure anyway”
  • “Yes she’s beautiful, but what else has she got going for her?”
  • “It’s all in your head”

These statements all probably have a certain amount of truth to them, but it doesn’t matter. If a guy think a girl is too attractive for him, this thought is going to taint every aspect of his interaction with this girl, no matter what feel good PUA platitudes have been whispered in his ear.

And this is my problem with HBBrightEyes. She’s a solid 8 objectively and also just my type subjectively. This means I think she’s too good for me, out of my league. This mindset very subtly influences my behavior with her. For example sometimes I won’t say certain jokes for fear of upsetting her, or I won’t be as blunt with her as I should be at times. The most noticeable thing is that I didn’t try and kiss close her till the second date. This is unusual for me.

I’m also more likely to think that HBBrightEyes, and girls like her are ‘good girls’ or ‘not like that’ when it comes to sex. With these hot girls I’m suffering from what 60 Years of Challenge calls, ‘The myth of female purity’. It needs to be my mindset that these hot girls love nothing better than a good doggie style stuffing. If you treat girls like goddesses they will start to think they are. And goddesses don’t get down on their knees and suck of mortals.

I have realized that, other than this “She’s out of my league” view which causes me to head fuck myself and second guess myself when dealing with the hotter girls, there’s nothing else really standing in my way from banging them. If I could have the same thoughts in my head when dealing with a 9 as when dealing with a 6 then I’d have fucked 9s. This mindset, my lower perceived value, is the final deal breaker.

So how to improve this area? How do I start feeling entitled to the hotter girls?

As mentioned before, I don’t think positive affirmations, like repeating too yourself that you are good enough, help. It’s no good saying the words. You must believe them. The only way I know to truly change beliefs is by gaining experiences which contradict your old beliefs. Then you spend some time thinking about these experiences to positively reinforce them in your mind.

I need to gain reference points that prove to me I can get hot women. What reference points would these be? In ascending order of how powerful the reference point would be in terms of changing my beliefs they are:

  • Getting an out of my league girl out on a date
  • Kiss closing and out of my league girl
  • Fucking an out of my league girl

Think about it. If by the end of this year, if I have been on dates with about a dozen really hot girls, kiss closed a handful and fucked a couple of them, next time I’m face to face with a hottie it’s going to be hard for my mind to think she’s too good for me. My brain will search for experiences with girls as hot as her, and the positive reference points of dating / kissing / fucking girls like her will be found. My brain will then assume she’s within my league.

So how am I going to do this?

From now on the only girls I’m messaging on online dating will be girls so physically attractive that my gut reaction when seeing their picture is that they’re out of my league. At the moment I’ve been messaging mainly 7s with the odd 6 and 8, but from now on it’ll just be girls that are HB8+. The score I give them is less important than my gut reaction to them.

I’m aware that my response rate will probably plummet. At the moment I think 1 in 3 girls are responding. At a guess my new response rate will be about 1 in 10, probably 30 messages to get a date. I’m going to message 2 new girls a day so I’m hoping for 2 dates a month. From there it’s just a matter of pushing each date to the limit.

Of course the positive reference points aren’t my only means of attack. I will continue to work on my value; better looks, better body, improving my career and my lifestyle, but these things are beyond the scope of this post.

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Stats since 1st March:
10 number closes
6 kiss closes
0 f closes

 

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Since I’ve got over the worst of my AA and have had some cold approach lays now, the allure of cold approach has dimmed slightly. Now I’m more interested in getting girls the easiest way possible, so I turned back to online dating.

This time around I’ve been pretty successful at getting responses and getting girls out on dates. I’ve send around 30 – 35 opening messages and got about a dozen replies. This is over the course of around 10 days. I’ve had 2 dates so far, one with a HB7 and one last night with an HB8. I have another today with an HB6, a day 2 from cold approach on Monday with an HB7 and maybe another date next week from online with an HB6/7. Due to this success I’ve filtered out a few girls who have been responsive online.

So far, so good. Now we get to the problem.

The HB8 I met last night was just my type physically. Long brown curly hair, piercing eyes and a tight little body. Things seemed to go well. I wasn’t nervous or second guessing myself, and the conversation flowed freely. There’s plenty of light touching between us. We get to the second venue and things get a little flirty, but like a twat I break the sexual tension instead of pushing forward.

She was hot enough that I got a boner just talking to her, but for some reason, despite not receiving any negative signals from her, I failed to escalate to a kiss close. I’m not sure why. If I had met her in a club I’d find it so easy. I escalate quite fast in clubs these days.

I don’t think it was because she was hot. She came across as a little reserved, so I think I fell into the ‘Myth of female purity’ trap that 60 Years of Challenge talks about. This is where you have a really pretty and innocent looking girl, but you don’t escalate because, “She’s just not that type of girl”. In reality the girl probably enjoys a good stuffing by the right man. Nearly all girls do, and I’m not willing to date the few that aren’t.

In the future I’m going to have to push it with the escalation. I’m just going to look into the hotties pretty eyes and imagine her sucking me off and then go for it. I’ll keep pushing and I won’t put by foot on the breaks until she shows me the red light. This is basically a no fail strategy. The only girls that are going to bail on me for escalating but at the same time listening to her feedback if I’m moving too fast are girls who were never going to go for me anyway. I literally have nothing to lose by going for it. I need to really get this into my head, as this is important.

If I don’t get a second date with her I’ll now always be wondering if it’s because I didn’t have the balls to make a move. I don’t like regrets like this. The other day in the club on the dance floor I saw an HB8 with an amazing ass, and by god she knew how to move it. I wasn’t going to approach, because I didn’t think I stood a chance. Most guys there seemed to bottle it when it came to approaching her. It was the way she moved and oozed sexuality. It was intimidating most guys. But in the end I did approach her. I decided I really couldn’t live with not knowing what might happen. I got a polite rejection. It was still better than not knowing.

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Stats since 1st March:
8 number closes
3 kiss closes
0 f closes

Online dating revisited

Posted: July 21, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags:

I was recently thinking back to last year and early this year, when I had a series of regular girl friends due to online game. Although I’ve done not too bad in terms of getting girls into bed this year, for a number of reasons I haven’t actually had a girl friend in a while.

I’m starting to miss the female company, and, surprisingly, I don’t mean in a sexual sense. Spending time with women who have romantic interest in you is simply very different than hanging around with men or women on a purely platonic basis. There’s a certain caring, feminine energy they radiate when with you that you just can’t get in other situations. I feel all men have a need for this, as well as sex.

Although I can see myself having at the very least a few one night stands between now and the end of the year as a result of cold approaching, I’m less confident in my ability to bag a girlfriend. It’s much easier to pickup a girlfriend online, since that’s what girls on dating sites are looking for. It’s like a salesman hitting up qualified leads rather than approaching fully cold prospects. This has all got me thinking I might have another crack at online game.

The main thing putting me off from doing this is that I think it’s a bit of a cop out. It’s almost like admitting some failure on my part in my quest to get good at cold approach. In addition to this, online game could interfere with my progress at cold approach. Online game is just so much easier that I can see it making me really lazy when it comes cold approaching. It’s just down to my natural inclination to take the path of least resistance.

I’ve decided to compromise. If I don’t have a regular girl by 1st October 2011 I’ll turn to online game. On that date, I’ll buy a digital camera and spend a whole month taking photos for my profile and finding the best using OKCupid’s ‘My Best Face’ feature. This may seem like a long time to sort a few snaps out, but profile photos are vital in online game. I think having shitty photos let me down before, so I’m determined to put the time in to get a selection of really great ones this time. This should lead to me getting a hotter girl friend, so really worth spending the time and effort to get this bit right.

Since I’ll be looking for a (non monogamous)  girl friend and not just a quick lay, I think I’ll be a lot more picky (both in terms of looks and personality) than in the past, so this could turn out quite well for me. I’ll have a qualifying frame.

There are certain things I’m not looking forward to. First the inevitable hours spent in front of the PC messaging girls whose egos are expanded to several orders of magnitutde of where they should be due to receiving 200 messages a week despite being average looking. Secondly there’s turning up on a date only to be faced with a girl who is two dress sizes larger than when she had her profile pictures taken. For those dates it’s one pint then I’m off home. I still can’t bring myself to go full cunt,  just taking one look at her then leaving. I have too much empathy. I can just feel the dropping sensation in the pit of a fatties stomach which would surely result if I were to crush her ego in such a casual manner. Having a conscious can often be tiresome. I blame my mother for this.

I’ll still be looking to work hard on my cold approach during this time, and really hope I don’t get lazy in this area. This all being said, I’d much prefer to bag a girlfriend from cold approach in the next two months. I’ll make sure every girl I fuck gets a good, hard finger fucking to really lube her up before I put my cock in. This will help in maximizing my chances of an encounter being more than a one night stand. Contrary to society’s popularly held beliefs, women will often come running back to guys who can give them multiple orgasms, regardless of personality compatibility.

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Stats since 1st July:
53 approaches
7 number closes
3 kiss closes
1 f closes

The other day I realized my phone had a load of contacts in which I just don’t speak to anymore. Duplicate names are starting to become a problem, so I began pruning the contact list.

As I did that, I came across the married girl that I went on one date with last year (no k close). At the time I pushed too hard for a second date, and that blew me out. I thought she was messing me around, but thinking about it realized that her situation (married and living with him) meant that it was awkward for her to see me. Armed with this new perspective I decided to try and revive the set.

I sent a simple text and got a quick response. She seemed receptive, and asked for a photo of me to remind her. As soon as she got that it was clear that it was on.

Three days later we meet in a central London bar. He tits are looking epic. After an initial how are you chat and some mild banter, I explain what I think went wrong last time. I think it’s critical that I let her know that I understand that her situation is delicate, and that I won’t rock the boat.

I then went on to tell her what she needs in a man. This obviously struck a cord with her as her eyes filled with tears and she said, “I don’t think that’s too much to ask for, is it?”.  Next I got her buying temperature up with a bit of banter and some mild sexualization. Time to escalate.

I’m starting to focus on the hands when physically escalating with a girl. I really think what 60 Years of Challenge says in his ebook is correct. You need to get to the point where the girl is returning your touch – mutually caressing he calls it – to get that “it’s on” moment. Some girls will let you get a bit touchy feely with them, but don’t return the touch. These girls quite possibly aren’t into you, they just can’t be bothered to object to your kino. It’s when they start touching you back that you know it’s on. This show that they have subconsciously accepted you as a sexual partner. Win. The easiest way to get to this point is to touch their hands. Small touches at first. Then longer. Then holding hands. It’s the old Mystery Method thing of if you squeeze her hand and she squeezes back it’s a big IOI.

So I get to the mutual caressing stage. I go for the k close and get it. 20 minutes later she’s got her hands all over my cock. Logistics would be no good to lay her that night though. I tell her, “I  want to fuck you. I’m not going to deny that. But I’m not in a rush”.

When I get home she texts me telling me she wants me inside her, she’s fishing for another date. She sends me a topless picture, and we agree to meet a couple of days later (I shouldn’t have given up the second date so easily, in retrospect).

She texts me on the day of the date, asking if I’m just after sex. I reframe, saying I thought she was interested in me for more than that and liked my personality. This causes her to qualify to me. She then cancels the date, saying she can’t get away from her husband. I do what Roissy suggests, and wait till the time of the date and just reply with “Cool”. This doesn’t go down well. She replies back saying I can’t handle the situation. I tell her I want to see her again, and tell her it’s OK. Looking back my response was a bit beta.

I know the sexual attraction is there. If she was single this would be an easy lay. The situation makes it hard. I’m going to play the long game. I won’t invest too much time / thought / emotional energy in her. The hard bit is going to be communicating to her that I understand she’s in a complicated situation, without coming off as a beta that will just take what he’s given from her.

I will keep you guys updated.

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Stats since 1st May:
12 approaches
1 number closes
1 kiss closes
0 f closes